Kristi Noem, International Woman of Mystery
By 
Who amongst us has not left 3 grand in cash and a passport lying around on a family shopping trip in the city in which you reside?
Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem‘s purse was stolen Sunday night at a Washington, D.C. restaurant. At the time, the bag contained a number of sensitive personal items including Noem’s driver’s license, passport, DHS access badge, checks and roughly $3,000 in cash, according to three sources briefed, including two law enforcement officials.
The Secret Service is reviewing security camera footage at the restaurant and has identified a White male suspect who was allegedly wearing a medical mask during the theft. The individual was not immediately spotted by her Secret Service detail, with the bag being discovered lost by Noem herself.
Noem was dining at The Capital Burger, a popular and busy locale near DC’s downtown. Her purse was placed against her foot underneath her seat, according to two sources familiar.
Noem’s cell phone was not in the purse, but credit cards, makeup and medication were among the items stolen.
Given Noem’s past, I really would not like to be the responsible Secret Service agents right now. Anyway, there’s a very simple explanation:
A lot of people don't know this, but not a single restaurant or shop in Washington DC accepts credit or debit cards. All transactions are done in cash — unless, say, you want to trade a $50,000 Rolex for a delicious plate of fettuccine. www.nytimes.com/2025/04/21/u…
[image or embed]— Bill Grueskin (@bgrueskin.bsky.social) April 21, 2025 at 1:19 PM
This sequel to Burn After Reading has been less entertaining than I expected.