Hail to the Plutocracy
By 
This post is about a mystery wrapped inside of an enigma, which LGM has been deputized to crowdsource.
The mystery is: Who is Jolin Ellison?
Yesterday, the #1 recruit in the 2025 college football recruiting class “flipped” from LSU to Michigan. The Michigan Name and Image Licensing (NIL) collective, the mechanism by which rich boosters can now legally funnel money to recruits, reportedly agreed to pay the recruit $10.5 million to change his scholastic plans. It issued this statement:
Larry Ellison, the Oracle Guy, has a current net worth of $233 billion, so him buying Bryce Underwood for $10 million is like me buying three large pepperoni pizzas. This is not a hyperbolic metaphor: I’ve done the math. And as I’ve mentioned before, one key to the maintenance of the plutocracy is that people can’t do math. $10 million is less than 1/20,000th of Larry’s current stack.
But why would Larry buy Michigan, or perhaps his secret wife/crypto-girlfriend such a nice early Christmas present anyway? He’s not a Michigan grad: he went to Illinois for awhile, and has no previously known connection to the school.
Which brings us to Jolin Ellison.
Jolin, Jolin . . . Your beauty is beyond compare etc. but who are you???
A possible hint:
That’s Larry and A Mystery Woman at Larry’s little tennis tournament at Indian Wells in 2022.
Whoever “Jolin Ellison” might be, someone has gone to great lengths to make it difficult to find her via the Internet.
Maybe you can help.