You Can Never Repeat the Master’s Success

With the possible exception of Elsie Stefanik, no politician has done more to become the Next Donald Trump as Kristi Noem. She put all her eggs in the Trumpian basket. I mean, this is a woman who literally had massive plastic surgery to remake her face and body to appeal to Donald Trump’s personal preferences in a woman. That is some sad shit right there.

So it’s not surprising that she thought bragging about killing her dog would work for her–never back down, show how tough you are, right? And it’s equally not surprising that she spent the following days doubling down, talking about how Biden should shoot his bitey dog, etc. That’s what Donald Trump would do,

But you can never be the Master. Being a Trump is not something you can replicate. It has to be so inherently inside of you that it is subconscious. Even Trump has the instincts not to brag about killing dogs, in no small part because he is a personal coward who would never shoot anything himself and in part because a man like that would never own a dog to begin with if he could help it. But even assuming he had done this, he would at least understand that people like dogs more than they like other people. And if he did state it, he would instantly change his tune when it became clear he said something his base doesn’t like.

Noem is too clever by half to get this. Or maybe too dumb by half. Yeah, the latter seems more accurate. She did all of this just to secure Trump’s VP nod. And now it has completely and deservedly blown up in her face. Even right-wing media is attacking her now and we all know that the one thing Trump hates is a loser. Kristi Noem is now a loser.

Something has happened since then, though. Conservative media has begun to turn on Noem, actually grilling her over her book and even ridiculing her.

Why? It’s pretty evident, and it’s the same reason conservative media and the GOP often turn on their own after putting up with plenty: She’s become a perceived liability for the brand.

By Tuesday morning, Newsmax was giving Noem a very different treatment. A host told Noem he didn’t think she was in the mix for Trump’s running mate anymore. (“Really? And why is that?” Noem responded.) He suggested Noem’s brazen effort to not actually deny meeting Kim would continue to haunt her.

Fox Business host Stuart Varney an hour later peppered Noem with five questions about whether Noem had broached the dog story with Trump. “Enough, Stuart,” an exasperated Noem responded. “This interview is ridiculous — what you are doing right now. So you need to stop.”

Noem suggested they talk about other issues, but Varney said they were out of time. “Oh, well of course we are,” Noem responded sarcastically.

By Tuesday night, with plenty of people asking why Noem was still talking, she finally canceled a Fox News interview (citing bad weather).

Clearly irked by the late cancellation, hosts Greg Gutfeld and Dana Perino proceeded to roast Noem by having Perino do the interview as the governor. They pointed to how Noem, despite insisting she had just learned of problems with her book, had previously recorded it as an audio book.

“I said some words that were written about me, and they were in a certain order of — they call them sentences,” deadpanned Perino-as-Noem. “And so I read those aloud. I don’t know if that means I’ve read the book.”

Perino-as-Noem added: “A little known fact: Another one of my dogs, his name was Ghost Writer. And I killed him this morning.”

Well, at least Noem will always have her Trumpian silicone face to look at in the mirror when she wonders where her soul went and what happened to her political career.