LoomCoin in Crisis?
By 
Some of you have wondered why we have not included a more extensive discussion of LoomCoin in this year’s pledge drive. The answer, my friends, is that LoomCoin is in crisis. While LoomCoin remains the only crypto-currency for which losing value is a logical impossibility, the value of LoomCoin has nevertheless come into question. As you know, LoomCoin is backed by the bottomless pit of Loomis’s orneriness. Has someone found the bottom of this bottomless pit? Of this I cannot say, although recent gestures of appeasement towards the catsup lobby have been extensively reviewed on Reddit, 4chan, 8chan, and other reputable venues for crypto-currency discussion.
In any case, LoomCoin stands today at a precipice. Without a massive infusion of fiat capital, we cannot guarantee that LoomCoin will continue its spectacular increase in value. Existing stocks of LoomCoin, we must concede, are in some jeopardy. If you have stake out a substantial position on LoomCoin, we implore you to back that position with fiat capital in order to ensure that LoomCoin fulfills its destiny and never decreases in value. This pyramid scheme socio-political project needs your help in order to continue to succeed.
In Irascibilis Veritas!