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The Jefferson Davis Memorial Toilet Seat

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Well this is one way to really stick it to neo-Confederates.

A Confederate monument valued at $500,000 was stolen in March from a Selma cemetery, officials confirmed today.

This morning, a group that claims to have taken the monument, the Jefferson Davis Memorial Chair, sent emails to AL.com saying they will give the chair to the United Daughters of the Confederacy if that organization agrees to hang a banner outside its Richmond, Va. headquarters.

In those emails, a group calling itself White Lies Matter say they stole the chair from the Old Live Oak Cemetery and are demanding that the UDC hang a large banner at 1 p.m. on Friday — the anniversary of the Confederacy’s surrender in the Civil War — and leave it there for 24 hours.

The banner bears a quote from Assata Shakur, a Black Liberation Army activist wanted by the FBI for the 1973 murder of a New Jersey state trooper: “The rulers of this country have always considered their property more important than our lives.”

White Lies Matter said it had already delivered the banner to the UDC.

“Failure to do so will result in the monument, an ornate stone chair, immediately being turned into a toilet,” the email states. “If they do display the banner, not only will we return the chair intact, but we will clean it to boot.”

I guess I’m supposed to say that these people shouldn’t be stealing Confederate monument chairs for ransom and threatening to shit on them, but you know, I’m not going to say that. I’m going to say that this is actually pretty fantastic, especially trying to force the UDC to hang a banner.

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