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Greater Idaho


Look, if there’s one thing that unites Oregonians, it’s that they really just want to be part of Idaho. Wonkette is of course hilarious about this:

An Oregon dude who thinks it would make a lot of sense to peel off three-quarters of the state and hand it to Idaho actually held a meeting Monday with members of the Idaho House and Senate. Just about the best that can be said for the outcome was that the Idaho legislators seemed “intrigued but skeptical,” as the Oregonian put it. It being Idaho, there’s almost nothing too crazy our legislators won’t entertain, from the existence of a vast conspiracy to fill rural Idaho with murderous jihadis to the perfectly sane proposition that “religious freedom” means parents should be allowed to let their kids die without any interference by Big Government.

The “Greater Idaho” proposal comes from a guy named Mike McCarter, who thinks there’s no reason most of the land mass of Oregon should be subject to rule by the vast majority of the population, which tends to live in the northwest part of the state — Portland, Salem, Eugene, and environs. So why not move 22 counties from eastern and southern Oregon to Idaho, for great justice? Then later, maybe add in a few counties from southeast Washington and northern California, but with a NO HIPPIES ALLOWED sign.

And Idaho should also welcome all the new territory and residents, because that would “prevent Boise from drowning out the state’s vote in the future.” Nothing is worse than actually letting the majority of citizens have political power, after all. Even better, the merger would “push Oregon drug laws farther from the county in Idaho where you live” and protect Idahoans from all the hardcore drug addicts that will surely flock to what’s left of Oregon.

It would “change the Boise-Oregon drive time from 51 minutes to over 5 hours,” which would surely be a great thing, and best of all, Idaho could enjoy a sense of moral victory, because the Gem State “would have the sense of purpose and the satisfaction of freeing 1.2 million people from immoral blue-state law.”

And surely, the site argues, those freaks in Portlandia would be glad to be rid of the parts of the state that actually use more tax revenue than they contribute (Idaho wouldn’t mind, though, because Idaho has low taxes already, you see). They’d never have to worry about rural legislators skipping out on votes and bringing government to a halt. Democrats have been trying to change Senate rules to keep it from happening again; this year, Oregon’s Senate Republican leader is facing a recall because he didn’t lead a walkout to gum up the works.

Right-wing westerners sure love their state secessionist movements. And you have to love how Greater Idaho would protect against big scary Boise, specter of liberalism. Unfortunately, you almost have to take this shit seriously in the wake of the Bundy occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge and the increased radicalism throughout the rural West.

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