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And for Greenland sailed away brave boys

Photo by Trisha Downing on Unsplash

Where did the idea to buy Greenland from Denmark come from? From the Very Serious Mind of Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.)

Sen. Tom Cotton says he raised the idea of buying Greenland with the White House well before the issue became public last week, a proposal that ultimately caused a diplomatic spat between President Donald Trump and the Danish Prime Minister.


“In the last few years, China has repeatedly tried to gain a strategic foothold in Greenland, by offering to buy a former US military base there and through a financing scheme for airport construction. Purchasing it would keep it out of the hands of both the Chinese and the Russians.

And now, the real reason he wanted to buy the entire country.

It is rich in national resources with untold economic potential … ” he told CNN.

Just show up with a big straw and drain that sucker dry.

Cotton claims he discussed the idea with Denmark’s ambassador to the U.S. last year. I assume that in true Alpha Groundhog fashion he took the fact that Ambassador Wisborg didn’t throw him out of the nearest window as some sort of approval. He probably thought she was flirting with him a bit.

Hey stop laughing, he’s Very Serious!

“There’s a reason why — so you’re joking — but I can reveal to you that several months ago I met with the Danish ambassador, and I proposed they sell Greenland to us,” he responded, according to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette. “It’s obviously the right decision for the United States, and anyone who can’t see that is blinded by Trump derangement.”

It is a decision that is so right that Cotton couldn’t be bothered to find out whether Denmark has the ability to sell Greenland at all and if so, would it be interested in selling it to the U.S. Instead he took his idea to the dumbest man to ever shit in a White House toilet.

He in turn probably thought it would be a swell way to show off what a great dealmaker he is and acquire a bunch of big strong viking men because in his brain anyplace that is Northern + European must = White, while spending someone else’s money. Plus, it’s green. Must be ripe for a golf course or six! The prospect of the sale even allowed him to “joke” about trading Puerto Rico for Greenland, because a day without being a racist puddle of sludge is like a day without watching Fox and playing golf.

As a result, the Prime Minister of Denmark contracted Trump derangement and now Denmark is pissed at the U.S. Chalk up another win to Sen. Cotton who, according to the CNN article “is widely regarded as a foreign policy hawk,” although as usual it doesn’t say by whom. Probably the same chucklefucks who think Paul Ryan is a wunderkind.

At any rate, I’m sure the great orange choad won’t hold it against him. ;-)

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