Sheeple, yesterday I asked a paleobiologist if Megalodons were still alive today, and she didn’t drive to my house and deny their existence to my face, which I think conclusively proves that there is an international cabal of elite scientists who probably like pizza and who want to deny the re-discovery of Megalodon.
Think about it. “Megan” rhymes with Reagan, a favorite cultural touchstone of many conservatives. “Meg” is right there in “Megan.” Trump just hosted a fast food feast at the White House–man, there were a lot of hamburgers. Enough to feed a…that’s right… a big crowd. And what do all big crowds long for more than anything else? That’s right–proof that Megalodon still exists. It.All.Fits.
I bet you’re skeptical. I bet you’re thinking “But, VS, why would scientists try to hide such an exciting discovery?” And I’d probably say “You absolute turd, it’s because they want their meat–their delicious Meg meat. Steaks as thick as your thigh and tall as your tall uncle.” It’s quite simple: all scientists are Democrats (yes, even the ones from countries where the Democratic Party doesn’t exist) and all Democrats are iron deficient. (Please watch this hour-long video where I explain this from my unkempt bed.) These Dem-Scis need Meg meat. It’s the only way to cure their Super-Anemia– a virulent strain of anemia which only affects pedophiles. (Please watch this hour-long video where I explain the origins of Super-Anemia–the pedophile blood disorder–from my toilet seat.)
It’s only a matter of time before Mueller and Trump bust this shit wide open. Watch for mass arrests of marine biologists and possibly some very intelligent octopi–well-known pizza aficionados, if you know what I mean. ;) #MAnon #MegsAreReal #TsunamiISComing #MegsRising #We’reNotCrazy