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Erik Visits an American Grave, Part 54

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This is the future grave of Nicolas Cage.

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You are saying, what, Nicolas Cage is still alive. Indeed, or so it seems. But he isn’t messing around. Let me just link here.

Cage has a history with the city of New Orleans, having purchased both the infamously haunted LaLaurie Mansion and the historic Our Lady of Perpetual Help Chapel. Both properties were foreclosed on in 2009 after a tax debacle. Subsequently, Cage purchased his unnamed tomb in the city’s beloved St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, home to the grave of another of New Orleans’ supernatural heavies, Marie Laveau.

The empty grave is a stark, nine-foot-tall stone pyramid that stands in obvious contrast to the blockier, above-ground burial sites that have been crumbling away in the cemetery for over two centuries. There is no name on the pyramid yet, but it is emblazoned with the Latin maxim, “Omni Ab Uno,” which translates to “Everything From One.”

The actor himself has chosen to remain silent about his reasoning for the flamboyant tomb. Some speculate it’s an homage to the “National Treasure” movie franchise, though given that many cemeteries host pyramid grave markers, it may have simply been a stylistic choice. Others think the pyramid is evidence of the strange actor’s ties to the probably-fictitious secret Illuminati society. Because of antique portraits bearing an uncanny resemblance to Cage that have surfaced online, the more paranormally-minded suggest that the pyramid is where Cage will regenerate his immortal self. The rumor around town is that Cage has considered himself cursed since owning LaLaurie’s mansion (his box office record does reflect this) and he feels being next to Marie Laveau will un-curse him.

Whatever his reasons, the Cage pyramid has already become an iconic part of the cemetery, much to the chagrin of many locals who are furious that he was able to obtain a plot in the cramped graveyard. Many have even accused the tomb of damaging or removing other centuries-old burials to make room. Yet despite public outcry, the pyramid stands.

In other words, CAGE!!!!

Nicolas Cage may or may not someday be buried in St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, New Orleans, Louisiana.

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