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Sexy Dating Stories from LGMers

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If you make me snort aloud and I’ve got that TGIF feeling, you may end up on the front page. Fair warning.

Thanks to The Temporary Name and wjts for the timely and much-needed larfs.

wjts says:

“I like biking and swimming. How about you?”

“No. I don’t like the outdoors.”

“Foreign movies?”

“I don’t like reading subtitles.”

“Cooking?”

“Why bother when you can get take-out?”

“Tonight was fun, but I’m not sure it’d really work out between us?”

“Just because I don’t meet every stupid criterion on some dumb little list you have in your head? HOPE YOU ENJOY DYING ALONE.”

The Temporary Name says:

It’s completely unfair to ask why I’m wearing an orange outfit and shackles.

 

wjts says:

I’m ever so sorry that I’ve failed to live up to Your Highness’ exacting standards for grooming and personal hygiene. Why can’t you lighten up a little and accept that it’s the 21st century now and lots of people show up for dates covered in blood?

 

The Temporary Name says:

I’m not allowed bring mom along on a date? Okay, Ms. Tolerant Liberal, tolerate my goodbye!

 

wjts says:

I’m not seeing the problem – you said you liked long walks in the woods. Now grab that shovel, because Mr. Hobo here isn’t going to bury himself.

The Temporary Name says:

Listen, in the culture that you pretended to love so much not two minutes ago, loud burps are perfectly acceptable.

wjts says:

So you’re willing to stuff your face with quinoa and tacos and all that weird South African food, but it’d be “gross” to eat the dog I ran over.

The Temporary Name says:

You had some fuzz on your blouse, I had some snot crusted in my nose. We both got rid of it right?

wjts says:

The very first question you asked me when we sat down 15 minutes ago was, “What are your hobbies?” I said, “Sexually propositioning waitresses.” So stop acting like this is some big surprise.

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