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David French Out. Who Is David French?

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I know there have been a couple of entries here dealing with David French’s non-candidacy. But for those of you holding out hope he was going to be the Great White Dope of the Republican party, I have sour news for you: NRO’s sister Rod Dreher is not running.

I include this tweet because I figure there was roughly as much of a chance of my becoming president as there was for David French. What’s more, I would have made a great president. My running mate was a chubby cat named “Sprinkles,” who wears cool sunglasses and fights crime. And the first thing in our platform was making sure every last American had access to free cinnamon rolls. FOR LIFE. Unfortunately we ran out of the $28 in our campaign fund pretty quickly by spending it on Chipotle and catnip. Sorry to those of you believed in a bspencer/Sprinkles candidacy. Maybe in 2020.

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