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I Can’t Afford Your Whimsy, Madam


If you’ve ever purchased anything from a catalog, you know that once you do, you end up on a list wherein you pretty much start getting every catalog ever. Actually, that’s not true. How it works is you usually get catalogs that are tailored to your interests, so how I ended up with the Discount Dildos and Cock Rings Emporium Wish Book is a mystery. Actually, that would probably be less of a mystery than how I ended up getting a catalog that carries $9,000 jewelry armoires.  Yup, I’ll just Add to Bag. The crippling debt will look so good with my sage walls.

Hell, it should probably toss my salad.

Now I’m consumed with the idea that someone out there is spending $9,000 on whimsical jewelry armoires. It’s crazy. Alls I know is that if I’m spending that much for whimsy it better, like, make adorable fairies fly out of my butt or something.

“Beth, did you just fart?”

“No, no. Those are my butt fairies–they came with the armoire!”



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