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BREAKING: Richard III Found Dead

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England’s long national nightmare may be over:

A skeleton found underneath a car park in Leicester is expected to be confirmed as that of Richard III.

The remarkable discovery of the remains, entailing a curved spine back and wounded skull, was made last September.

Since then scientists have been conducting a range of tests to establish whether the remains do indeed belong to the Plantagenet King.

Researchers from Leicester University will hold a press conference on Monday morning where they will present the findings of their investigation.

Let me be the first to set aside my family’s historical Plantagenet sympathies and call for an end to the destructive, six century civil war that has laid England waste. Yorkist dead-enders, lay down your arms!

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