Memorial Day for Shitheads
By 
My daughter was born last April 26, a day that happens to be observed in Forida and Georgia as Confederate Memorial Day. As best we can tell, that particular date was first urged by a Mrs. Charles Williams of Columbus, Georgia, who in 1868 appealed to the readers of the Columbus Times to pay tribute to the men who died on behalf of the Lost Cause. “We beg the assistance of the press and the ladies throughout the South,” Williams wrote, “to aid us in the effort to set apart a certain day to be observed from the Potomac to the Rio Grande, and to be handed down through time as a religious custom of the South, to wreathe the graves of our martyred dead with flowers, and we propose the 26th day of April as the day.” With the exception of Arkansas, every other former Confederate state observes a Confederate Memorial Day at some point during the first half of the year.
Today, unhinged yahoos scattered across the state of Texas — including the current Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson — enjoy a “partial staffing holiday” that has been observed since 1931, when January 19 was set aside to mark Robert E. Lee’s birthday. In 1973, Robert E. Lee Day was combined with Jefferson Davis Day (January 3) and renamed “Confederate Heroes Day.”
Strangely, Treason-in-Defense-of-Slavery Yankee has not yet bowed his head in solemn contemplation today, but these folks are, predictably, sending praises aloft to Jesus and Odin.