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The Racists & The Shoe-Shine Boy

[ 223 ] March 16, 2013 |

I’m still waiting for reputable conservatives to repudiate Scott Terry’s statements, but I understand if they’re reluctant because I couldn’t prove that the Scott Terry whose reading list I linked to is the same Scott Terry from CPAC. Now I can:

Many of you are visiting this blog due to the recent CPAC controversy, where my friend Matt Heimbach and I, made national news by showing up and asking (in civil, articulate tones, mind you) a few simple questions.

What was our main concern?

There is a lot of rhetoric in the conservative movement about reaching out the mestizo demographic, or reaching out to the homosexuals and blacks.

Our question: why not reach out to whites?

In case you had any doubt about whether his concerns were racialist or racist in origin, here’s how he answers that question:

This is exactly what the GOP needs to do, as a matter of fact.  Steve Sailer and the guys at VDARE have done an excellent job in pointing this out.  Please educate yourself about the Sailer Strategy.

It’s not that he hates black people, he’s merely upset that

The GOP wants us all to blend together into a mocha-colored, capitalist utopia!

And he’s working on more reading lists! Here he is trying to define the “Kinist” canon. What’s so bad about that? So long as you also believe that God ordained the social order and advocate that man’s first duty is to “love one’s own kind,” absolutely nothing! And Terry takes “lov[ing] one’s own kind” very seriously. Just look at his alarm clock:

A beautiful white girl was slaughtered while taking a ride in the top of a double-decker school bus; the cry was heard:  “Wake up!”

Another beautiful white girl, the more beautiful because she was in the late stages of a pregnancy, was attacked by a gang of twelve savage animals.  A white lawyer stands in passionate defense of one of the animals.  The sane yell “Wake up!”

If I were a professor of rhetoric, I might have something to say about Terry’s choice of unnecessary adjectives here, if only because he seems as obsessed with the deaths of “beautiful white girl[s]” as a latter-day Nancy Grace. But that’s not to say Terry doesn’t have culture. He goes to the theater to see

a half-descent [sic?] portrayal of a group of Godless pagans, prancing around in their celebration of the downfall of Western Civilization.

Is that a pun or one of those Aryan-equivalent-of-Freud’s slips? Doesn’t matter. This man, with his belief in the separation of races and the divinely ordained social order (which he just so happens to sit atop), is clearly an outlier in the modern conservative movement. No real or respectable conservative holds these beliefs, or at the very least, no real or respectable conservative would air them this unabashedly.

A real or respectable conservative like National Review‘s Jillian Kay Melchior would write a paean to “[t]he simple shoe shine” in which, through great effort, she managed to avoid using the word “boy.” She would write nothing of the divinely inspired social order, but instead  let the accompanying photograph say a little something about it:

And unbeknownst to Mechior, this shoe-shine man, Dino Wright, knows exactly which game he’s playing when he “creat[ed] this entrepreneurial activity”:

CPAC and events like it boost business for Wright. He says he thinks it’s because he “provides a very important service to this very image-conscious group.”

You’d have to be as dense as Melchior to believe the “service” he’s paying to “this very image-conscious group” has anything to do with shining shoes.

You can tell Scott Terry’s a liberal plant

[ 147 ] March 15, 2013 |

Because he claims to have studied literature:

Or maybe not. Maybe he’s this “Southern gentleman and blogger,” also named Scott Terry and also from North Carolina, who is “working toward a degree in Philosophy and English, likes long walks on short beaches, fishing and breaking liberal talking-points into tiny pieces (then spreading nasty rumors about those pieces!).” Because they seem to have quite a bit in common. Both, for example, are very concerned about “standing up for our [sic] heritage as Christian white men.” Even if that’s a different Scott Terry, I will say this about the self-professed “Southern gentleman”: it’s about damn dime someone created “a conceptual ladder” that prevents Christians from “betraying [their] God and Father” on “[a]ll of [their] positions, from abortion to alien abduction.”

Get your Rashomon on

[ 15 ] March 15, 2013 |

Aaron thinks this confrontation between a law professor and student protestors warrants an exercise in ideological self-reflection, but I don’t know. It seems to me more like an undergraduate film project designed to lure a wretched — though utterly harmless — beast from its natural environs so that the entire world might point and laugh at it.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see the final cut of Concern Troll: The Movie.

Because the alternative is he’s just an asshole who doesn’t know what “antagonist” means.

At least the new Pope wasn’t a Nazi?

[ 252 ] March 13, 2013 |

When I collaborate with murderous regimes, I also choose aliases that’re wildly ironic, like “Prince I Love You Forever, You Are Awesome And Will Be In Heaven.” Because Pope Francis is totally into irony:

By this thesis, in short, the coming of Saint Francis was like the birth of a child in a dark house, lifting its doom; a child that grows up unconscious of the tragedy and triumphs over it by his innocence. In him it is necessarily not only innocence but ignorance. It is the essence of the story that he should pluck at the green grass without knowing it grows over a murdered man or climb the apple-tree without knowing it was the gibbet of a suicide.

Except the new Pope knows where the bodies were buried, because he was complicit in their kidnapping and torturing and disposal. But I like that he’s trying to pull the wool over his flock’s eyes, because I’m into literature and that’s a pun.

UPDATE: I’m sure this means I’m racist against bald white Catholic converts to Judiasm, but NO TOUCHING!

UPDATE (DB): One of the last emails that my father sent me, it turned out, was when Benedict was elected: “We Catholics have ourselves a Nazi Pope. Sieg Heil!”  I’m confident that he would welcome Francis with similar reserve.



Why do I teach comics?

[ 76 ] March 13, 2013 |

I don’t know, why don’t you just ask me? Because apparently

I fool [students] into acquiring a decent approximation of expertise by providing them with source material that they believe they can become expert in. They’ll happily read eight chapters from Understanding Comics and memorize the 70 odd bits of critical vocabulary contained therein, whereas if I asked them to do something similar with Ciceronian rhetoric their anxiety would preclude the possibility of them ever feeling like they could master the material.

Or so I say!

I take it most of you are already familiar with my work on the medium, but for those who aren’t, I’ll throw some links below the fold.

Read more…

Everything you always wanted to know about conservatives but were afraid would be confirmed if you ever asked

[ 42 ] March 12, 2013 |

No shorter required:

In an interview with Jason Mattera which was conducted last month but is just now hitting the news, Democratic Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky admitted that the Democrats’ effort to ban “assault weapons” is “just the beginning.” In addition, Schakowsky says that she wants to ban all handguns, and thinks this can constitutionally be done, despite the Second Amendment.

In a closely related development, a New York judge has thrown out Mayor Bloomberg’s decree against selling “sugary drinks” in New York City in containers larger than 16 ounces.

The things the Democrat Party closely develops in relation to these days! What with the walking up on hilltops, the unfurling of plastic ribbons ’bout ninety feet long and yellow and the asking of children — our children! — to slip-slide down to their death panels. This cannot be! Or cannot stand! Or both!

Time to raise the level of the discourse…

[ 37 ] March 8, 2013 |

… by sharing photographs I took at the nerdiest urinal I’ve ever patronized, which only just happens to be down the hall from where I regularly teach. The first coincidence:

And the second:

I like to think this one’s meant for me, because if someone’s scribbling “BADWOLF” on the walls that means I must be the …

Do you want me to strangle this kitten? Because I will…

[ 126 ] March 6, 2013 |

… and it’ll be on you.

Late at night in the Inland Empire runs a commercial for a car dealership (or some related industry) in which a man in the throes of a late-mid-life crisis cradles a puppy while informing viewers that, if they don’t purchase whatever it is he’s selling, he won’t be able to donate to the local animal shelters.* The threat is as unambiguous as it is unsettling. I would doubt that any conservative who isn’t continuing to stalk and harass me would stoop to such lows, but then Robert Stacy McCain reminds me that my bog-standard expectations are insufficiently boggy:

Have you ever hit Da Tech Guy’s tip jar? I have and you should. Have you ever contributed to the Protein Wisdom monthly fund drive? I have and you should. And how about hitting Jimmie Bise’s tip jar? Are you some kind of Commie bolshevik pinko sympathizer, or are you gonna do something to help these guys in the fight?

I’m not going to help fund amateur shadow-boxers, because I have no interest in watching grown men punching dark bits on the wall they mistake for Obama. Or at least, I wasn’t going to until McCain informed me of the alternative:

If powerful Malaysian interests had been willing to pay $400,000 to obtain the services of a natural-born smartass, how quickly would I have cashed that check? Immediately.

Would I drop Jeff Goldstein a few bucks to buy a gun to match his ammunition if it meant I wouldn’t have so many friends and relatives reading the pay-for-play nonsense of tyrannical regimes? Given that they seem to be as helpless as hostage puppies before talk radio’s nonsense, I can’t say I’m not tempted. If we have to pay conservatives to be truthful, however remotely, maybe that’s just the price of democracy these days. Who’s to say we shouldn’t just pay it?

*I can’t find a video of this on Youtube, but if any of you can, I’d be forever obliged. I’d love to use it in my class.

democrat, adj.

[ 54 ] March 4, 2013 |

Pronunciation: /ˈdɛməʊkræt/

1. An adj. that isn’t one used by conservative members of the Republic Party to sound deliberately and defiantly ignorant because that’s something to be proud of. Not at all related to these adj. rare examples:

1817 S. T. Coleridge Biographia Literaria I. x. 186 He…talked of purpose in a democrat way in order to draw me out.

1890 Spectator 15 Nov. 676 Whether a little farmer…is going to rule the Democrat Party in America.

2. An adj. that isn’t one used by conservative members of the Republic Party to make SEK want to spit nails into the brick wall against which he’s bashing his head forever.

3. An adj. that isn’t one that all the “cool kids” are using because slang is awesome and language changes and only old squares are interested in “conserving” the culture of their forebears because that wouldn’t be unintentionally ironic and what would members of the modern Republic Party be if not unwittingly ironic?

Maddow is a fraud

[ 109 ] March 2, 2013 |

I never watch her myself, but I always assumed everyone I knew did, so I’m disappointed to learn that her “popularity” is entirely due to her manipulation of the Twitter machine. As Dan Riehl notes, “Hmm.”

Because exactly.

It’s much more likely that Maddow’s at home painstakingly creating fake hot-lady Twitter accounts to boost her mentions than it is that fake hot-ladies are glomming on to her tweets in order to take advantage of her popularity.

I understand why conservatives want to chuckle at this non-story, but I’m not sure why they want to convince themselves that Maddow’s unpopular among the very liberals to whom they attribute her beliefs. I’m all for unfounded mockery, but conservatives need to have a little pride and be consistent. Just read those comments.* They seem to think we’ll hate “Raymond Mildew” because “he” is a lesbian, but that doesn’t even make any sense! If she’s a man she can’t be a lesbian. This isn’t that difficult.**


**Unless you’re a conservative.

The Miami Heat is funny.*

[ 64 ] March 1, 2013 |

ESPN told me so. CNN told me so. NPR told me so. So it must be true.

And it is, damn it. All I can say is that I’m much happier to have the greatest player in the world actually look like he’s enjoying his life. I couldn’t stand another decade of being forced to appreciate Jordan’s sulking, sullen demeanor. I mean, the man switched to baseball just to be pitied. Give me King James, shirtless and giddy, any day.

*Before you say anything, just start humming “The Heat [Are] On” to yourself.

Mrs. Malkin, giving in can be wrong.

[ 123 ] February 27, 2013 |

The other night I dreamt I was nine years old, on stage, singing “There’s No Easy Way Out” for assembled parents on the last day of summer camp. It was a horrifying dream made all the worse by the fact that it was a memory. My camp counselors forced me to belt out songs from the Rocky IV soundtrack because, I assume, they are terrible human specimens.

Just the worst.

But as humiliating as it is to admit to having been some failed lifeguard’s dancing monkey, I take comfort in knowing that I didn’t choose to sing that song or the Diet Coke jingle that preceded it: a seventeen-year-old man-child made me do it because of something he mistook for “reasons.”

All of which is only to say that Michelle Malkin’s parents need to sue whatever camp they sent her to for this:

I mean, her counselors even made her title it a “parody video,” like they knew how few mad props and scrip dividends her version of “Raise of the Roof” would’ve netted at the next PTA meeting sans the signposting. Or with it even. But when I watch that video — which I only did once, for the purpose of research — all I see is this:


Except obviously on the inside, which is almost enough to make you feel sorry for her.


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