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Well, I’m Convinced!

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If you can’t emulate Bill Belichick’s ability to construct an offense, you can emulate his terrible taste in presidents:

As confirmation hearings for Judge Neil Gorsuch got underway Monday in Washington, D.C., noted legal scholar John Elway sent a letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee on his Broncos letterhead endorsing Gorsuch for the nation’s highest court.

This leads is to the tweet from an NFL reporter with the greatest chance of being quoted on this blog in its history:

Is Siemian the well-done steak of QBs and Paxton Lynch the vodka-flavored ketchup, or vice versa? The Denver offense was certainly more of a dead horse than a battleship.

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  • Denverite

    Low blow man, low blow.

    (That’s also not fair to the politically-odious Elway, who reportedly isn’t a Siemian fan but when the coaches tell him that Lynch is a moron who plays Angry Birds in the huddle, there’s nothing he can do about it.)

    • efgoldman

      Lynch is a moron who plays Angry Birds in the huddle, there’s nothing he can do about it.

      He maybe should have not drafted him. I know he’s an RWNJ, and “vetting” is a concept harder than string theory for them, but damn….

      • Denverite

        Yeah, Lynch is quickly becoming the “unless you score below an 18” caveat to the whole “the Wonderlick doesn’t matter” general rule.

  • Stag Party Palin

    Aaah shit. Let him chew on Condi if he really wants him some Rethuglican action. Effing WATB.

  • Now there’s another face just begging to be punched.

  • rm

    Vodka-flavored ketchup sounds a lot more palatable than ketchup-flavored vodka.

  • ASV

    The next governor of Colorado.

  • Captain Oblivious

    I understand pro team owners tending to be RWNJs, but how do you play or coach for years in a majority-black sport, where mostly black men sacrificed their bodies and often their brains to protect your ass and your career, and wind up being at best insensitive to the consequences of given people like Trump and Gorsuch such power?

    • Captain Oblivious

      *giving*

      Where’s the edit button?

    • McAllen

      Historically, black people providing labor to white people did not cause those white people to have much empathy for black people.

    • What, it’s not enough that you take your 0-line out to a Morton’s steak house once a season for a well-done steak?

    • rewenzo

      Well the Confederacy managed it without too much difficulty.

      • efgoldman

        Well the Confederacy managed it without too much difficulty.

        As it turned out, their O-line wasn’t so hot, either.

        • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

          Yeah, good in the opening quarter but faded after that.

    • nemdam

      I am genuinely baffled by this. Like, how can Tom Brady be such a big Trump supporter when the majority of his teammates for his entire football career have been black? Does he ever not get to know them personally? My first real gateway to understanding African-American culture was through sports, and I didn’t play in the pros or college where most of my teammates were black.

      Like you say, I get how management and even coaches can have this attitude. But I don’t get how players can.

      • Lot_49

        Been watching “The People vs OJ Simpson,” which is pretty good. In one moment, when Johnnie Cochran wants to “play the race card” to defend OJ, OJ himself objects. “I’m not black,” he says. “I’m OJ!” Maybe other black players have similar attitudes, the same way some people from poor backgrounds lack sympathy for poor people.

      • Denverite

        I went to a very integrated big football high school in the South. You’d be surprised at how good white kids are at being super racist while still having very good African-American friends on the sports teams. It’s mind blowing in retrospect (from both points of view).

        • John Revolta

          I know a lot of Blues (music) fans who are racist as fuck. The mindset seems to be, these dumb savages were given this musical gift, but didn’t really know what to do with it until Eric Clapton and Stevie Ray Vaughn came along to show them how to do it right.

      • keta

        $$$. Don’t forget most professional athletes in the big sports are very wealthy. And what party most looks out for the moneyed set?

    • Mike G

      They’re rich, and want to pay less taxes.
      Most players aren’t any deeper thinkers than that, even before the concussions.

    • malraux

      Money is a good answer. Also, likely religion, in that God chose them to embody excellence and didn’t let them down.

  • Jackson87

    Wait, I thought that Politics and football should never be mixed-isn’t that called the Kaepernick rule?

    • bizarroMike

      That only applies to liberals.

  • sleepyirv

    Is there some sort of home state NFL GM blue slip policy I don’t know about?

  • JR in WV

    I have always disliked John Elway, who seemed like an arrogant and condescending ass for his entire career life. I have never wanted to participate in any group he was affiliated with. (Thank DAWG he wasn’t hired to coach the ‘Eers!)

    I am glad to learn he isn’t a Democrat, which would have caused me to form a new liberal-pacifist-anarchist party. Well, not really, but it would have been sad, SAD I tell you.

    And Troy Aikman, who’s idea was it for him to cover Cowboys football? No, no no, that isn’t how journalism works!!! To appear with a remark in a pre-game show, or to tell everyone how great the team was after a big loss, sure. But to cover the game and tell everyone how that play should have worked? Nope.

    Nothing Elway likes is a good thing. I

    hope he doesn’t drink bourbon!

    • JR in WV

      What about that darn edit
      button

      anyways???

      • efgoldman

        What about that darn edit button

        Sorry, not available for salt of the earth in WVa or Easter KY.

        • OliversArmy

          Does everyone have huge stone heads in Easter KY? ;)

          • efgoldman

            Does everyone have huge stone heads in Easter KY?

            Only on Typos Island.

    • And Troy Aikman, who’s idea was it for him to cover Cowboys football?

      Had to be the same person who thinks Mark Jackson belongs in the booth for Warriors’ games.

    • Colin Day

      Wow, may as well let McCarver cover St. Louis Cardinals games.

  • Expecting another championship yr. for the Mile-High City’s Geldings!

    • efgoldman

      Expecting another championship yr. for the Mile-High City’s Geldings!

      You forgot the sarcasm font.

  • Lord Jesus Perm

    This a good place to talk about how Kap’s getting the Craig Hodges treatment?

    • witlesschum

      Yeah, he’s got more of a highlight tape than a lot of QBs getting checks, that’s more sure. Not sure he’s actually a good NFL QB outside of the specific context of those Niners teams, but the idea that nobody in the whole league wants to find out seems deeply suspicious.

      • Lord Jesus Perm

        Kap can do three things well: throw deep, throw from playaction, and scramble.

        I struggling to figure out anything guys like Hoyer/Barkley/Glennon/etc. do well, though. I imagine he knew that his protesting would effectively end his career though.

        • Lord Jesus Perm

          “Though” in consecutive sentences, man.

      • Ithaqua

        Yeah, and if you throw out his first two games playing with starters last year, his QBR was above median despite playing on one of the very worst teams in the league, and there is his running and scrambling too. He seems a long, long way back from his injuries. He really does deserve a real serious shot, and there are a lot of teams he could help.

  • Gwen

    I would say something smart or clever here, but (1) it’s a known fact that I never say anything smart or clever; and (2) this time last year I was CONVINCED that Houston signing Brock Osweiler was PURE GENIUS.

  • Mark Centz

    Is Siemian the well-done steak of QBs and Paxton Lynch the vodka-flavored ketchup, or vice versa? The Denver offense was certainly more of a dead horse than a battleship.

    The birthplace of “aware of all internet traditions”! That should return to the masthead.

  • Hey, I just endorsed John Goodenough for the Nobel Prize in Chwmistry, in spite of my knowing no more about chemistry than the average Trump voter. But I can tell a revolutionary innovation – the lithium-ion battery – when I see one.

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