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Let them eat fake

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Republicans aren’t just evil, they’re tacky.

Amid the glitz of President Trump’s inaugural festivities, one item stood out in particular late Friday night: a spectacular nine-tier cake that the new president and Vice President Pence cut into with a sword.

To pastry chef Duff Goldman, the cake seemed a little too familiar — because it looked almost exactly like one he had made years earlier for Barack Obama’s second inauguration as president.

Just after midnight, the Food Network personality posted a side-by-side comparison of two cakes on his Twitter account.

And for a few hours yesterday the banner for Trump’s Twitter account showed a crowd shot from Obama’s 2009 inauguration. It’s probably just a matter of time before President Petite Mains starts smearing himself with Bobbi Brown 7.5 and insisting everyone call him Barack.

…Tiffany MacIsaac, owner of Washington’s Buttercream Bakeshop, stepped forward to say she had been the one to create the much-talked-about cake.

She said that the order came in while she was out of town, and that the client had brought in a photo of the cake from Obama’s inauguration asking her to re-create it.

“They came to us a couple of weeks ago, which is pretty last minute, and said ‘We have a photo that we would like to replicate,’ ” MacIsaac told The Washington Post by phone. Her bakery tried to encourage the client to use the photo as “inspiration,” as they do with many others, she said.

“They said, ‘Nope, they want this exact cake. It’s perfect.’ And we said, great,” MacIsaac said.

Of course. One thing Republicans aren’t is creative. That’s why their ideal society is pre-emancipation plus modern utilities and medicine for the deserving. Taking things from other people, that’s what they’re good at.

And now, the punchline.

MacIsaac said the attention caught her by surprise partly because, per the order, the Trump cake was intended to be more of a prop: All but a three-inch slice at the bottom was inedible.

“It’s just a Stryofoam cake. It’s not for eating,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting it to be seen on TV.”

Thank goodness things aren’t too metaphoric or anything.

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  • Judas Peckerwood

    The mind boggles.

  • “It’s just a Stryofoam cake. It’s not for eating,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting it to be seen on TV.”

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha

    • Let them eat styrofoam.

    • SV

      Is this a US thing? Because a Styrofoam cake is not a cake in my opinion. It is a “cake”. It is a fake cake. It is a prop cake. But it is not actually a cake.
      Although apparently this one has a real cake on the bottom. And multiple prop ones on top.
      Fucken weirdos… who, exactly, got that one bottom layer?

    • Jenna

      The cake is a lie

      And now I have the end credits for Portal 2 running through my head. Ah well. There are far worse ear worms. :)

      • jnfr

        We what we must because we can.

  • Hey Shakezula! I was at the Boston March with my daughter and basically everyone else in the world t I know was there but we couldn’t meet up or find anyone because there was zero cell service. I spent a lot of time checking online to see if I could see pictures from the other rallies or get any news but no luck! They are saying now that we had 175,000–my spouse thought it was at least 150,000. We never got to march at all because there was just not enough room to move. But it was exhiliterating. I thought of you trying to live blog and I was so hoping to hook up with you online somehow and kind of share the experience. Here is hoping we can forge a real backlash against Trump and the GOP. I’d love to see a city by city report out of action items and requests for help from the march organizers and local people–some of these numbers seem small by world standards but a few thousand really committed people in some of these towns are a huge number of activists by any standard. We really do need our own “Not a ladylike tea party” local activist base to spring up and drive the republicans from office, one by one by one.

    • Who is running against Charlie Baker?!?

      • West

        The names I’ve seen mentioned so far are Maura Healey (Atty Gen), Seth Moulton (in House of Reps from north shore), and Setti Warren (mayor of Newton).

        None are official, I think, but I’m not sure about that.

        • West

          Just rummaged around online a bit, in an article about Setti Warren, Politico asserted

          Other names being floated as potential challengers include former state senator Dan Wolf, Somerville Mayor Joe Curtatone, Salem Mayor Kim Driscoll, U.S. Rep. Joe Kennedy III, U.S. Rep. Seth Moulton, and U.S. Rep. Katherine Clark.

          Interesting that Healey’s name isn’t there, I’ve heard a lot about her. And seeing this, I guess I had heard about Clark, too. I think she’s been good in Congress. Curtatone has been a good mayor, I’m glad to see his name floated.

          • efgoldman

            Somerville Mayor Joe Curtatone, Salem Mayor Kim Driscoll

            Historically, mayors/former mayors don’t do well statewide.

            U.S. Rep. Seth Moulton, and U.S. Rep. Katherine Clark.

            Moulton and Clark are both first-termers. I think the state would be better served if they stayed in DC. They are both up-and-comers, meet all the checkboxes.

            • If maura healey isn’t running I’ll eat my pink pussy hat. She gives a great speech and she is out there at every possible rally. Her best line at today’s rally “Mr Trump–Massachusetts will see you in court!”

              • West

                That’s the impression I’ve been getting too. Also, I get about six emails a day from her and her sister/campaign manager. She is fiery, I like that.

                Don’t eat that hat, it’ll need additional rally use.

            • West

              I tend to agree on Moulton and Clark, I think I’d prefer them in Congress – they’re not my Reps, but both seem good.

              My sense is that Healey probably has the best name recognition state-wide; curious to know if you agree. I’d also be curious if MA is ready to elect a gay governor; I am, but the majority? The social liberalism isn’t as deep as rumored here.

              • Davis X. Machina

                They elected the black guy — twice. So I wouldn’t rule it out.

              • Someone else can correct me but my personal feeling is that if Maura Healey is a lesbian that isn’t necessary a bar to making it into the governor’s office. MA conservative voters are misogynists–but there’s a kind of misogynist who thinks a lesbian is a woman who wants to be a man and so at least she has her head screwed on straight.

                We have historically had a hard time getting a woman into that office–and had a hard time getting a Dem in ever since people began ticket splitting out of resentment. But if the race becomes a revenge vote for Democrats–revenge for Hillary and for Trump, then I think the Democrat sweeps in regardless of who they are. I would crawl over broken glass to humiliate a republican at this point. I mean–I always would but I think this is true of everyone else in the state at this point. Baker is tap dancing as fast as he can to pretend that he isn’t a standard republican (he is) and not a totally hateful person (he is). He’s already cut off some weekend backpack food program for the kids in schools who have no access to food at home and depend on school lunches for most of their nutrition.

                Whenever Baker comes up for re-election–and I don’t think its for four years–my knife will be out for him and I don’t think I’ll be alone.

                • West

                  Baker’s up in 2018. I agree fully on your take; he has got to go.

                  Your take on MA style misogyny is hilarious and has the ring of truth.

                  I want Baker out of that office to badly I sometimes hyperventilate, he has really got to go.

                • Another way of looking at Healey is she’s white and irish and can probably go into a pub and drink a boilermaker.

                • is she’s white and irish

                  Is this question settled?

                • West

                  Trying to reply to Erik’s post “is this question settled?”

                  Sorry to be obtuse, but what’s the question? If it’s about her ancestry, yup, I think it’s settled.

                  If it was “well, she’s white and Irish so she’s all set politically, right?”, then my answer would be not necessarily. We’re talking about the governor’s office, not mayor of Boston. Since the turn of the century, we’ve had Cellucci (obviously Italian descent), Swift (partially Irish descent but wasn’t elected to governor’s office), Romney (loudly Mormon), Patrick (African American), and now Baker (about as WASPy as a man can be). Other examples at the state-wide electoral level: Scott Brown (WASP) and Elizabeth Warren (comes across as mid-Western plain vanilla white, and I will not stop to the other ancestry stuff on here).

                  My point: being of white Irish ancestry is not even remotely some sort of smooth pass at the state level in MA. Sure as hell is not a disqualified, either. And to Aimai’s point, she very much does come across as someone who could go in a pub, throw down a boilermaker, and not look like it was her first. For whatever that’s worth (too much, I fear).

                  Lastly, if Erik was trying to dismiss all this sarcastically, along the lines of “just run the best candidate and not worry this sorts of rings”, fine, I agree, I won’t just vote for Healey, I’ve mentally got her down as someone I might go door to door for her (or I might go back to my home state of PA and make myself useful there, haven’t decided my best use of time in 2018 – no hurry).

                • Trying

                  too hard

                  to reply to Erik’s post “is this question settled?”

                  Erik was, I am sure, simply alluding to the fact, often noted hereabouts, that “Irish” was not “white” once upon a time—even (especially!) in places like Boston and New York City.

    • West

      I was there, too, great time. Me, the missus and our older daughter (younger daughter couldn’t get off work, alas) were up near the Soldier’s and Sailor’s Monument and once all the speechifying was done, it took us 90 minutes to get down to the corner of Charles / Beacon, where the march route officially started. That’s normally about a 45 second walk. Still a blast anyhow, especially once the sun came out.

      • prognostication

        Me three!

        I missed all of the speechifying. Getting a train in from the suburbs proved challenging. I parked on a random side street in the suburbs, walked to the T, found that every train was coming into the station full to the brim and impossible to board, so I took a train all the way back out to the end of the line, caught an empty train into the city there. I was one of several dozen who did that at my stop alone. The upside of arriving late was that it gave me a chance to join the march near the front, as there was no way to get anywhere near Boston Common anyway at that point. Good crowd, good energy.

        • We couldn’t get on the red line at harvard square so we came back up and grabbed a cab and sailed in to government center. Were standing from 11-3 and part of that time we were heading, creeping really, towards the march.

        • West

          You were in my neighborhood, I bet, along the D line, right? If not, that’s what folks were doing there. I have never seen the D that packed on a weekend except for Sox victory parades. We ended up driving in and parking at Tufts Med. I commute regularly by train so assuaged my guilt by reminding myself of that.

          Good that you got close, you could probably hear. We couldn’t really, except Senators Warren and Markey, and some of Healey; the rest weren’t yelling into the mike well enough to carry up on the hill where we were. Still a blast, though. The inventiveness of sign-making was impressive.

  • J—

    A Potemkin cake on the Potomac.

  • DrDick

    This is the absolute quintessence of the Trump administration.

    • Karen24

      Isn’t it, though? By itself it’s not a particularly big deal, and if it were the only thing I would think everyone should lay off. In this case, though, the man’s entire history is of things best described by the Spanish word “chingales” — cut rate ripoffs that are both dishonest and also unnecessary. Buy a real cake, dammit, and buy your own.

      • Scott P.

        Spanglish, rather than Spanish, it appears.

        • Karen24

          Profanity, actually, it’s a form of “chingar.”

          • Specificially, it appears to be an imperative-with-appended-object in the best Spanish style (literally “fuck’em”) turned into a noun (compare the curtailed imperative phrase turned into proper noun “Salsipuedes”, “jump if you can/dare”). Where does the stress accent fall, on the “i” or on the “a”? (I could make a case for either one that’s consistent with my hypothesis, but I’d like to know in case I sometime want to actually say the word…)

      • ColBatGuano

        Buy a real cake, dammit, and buy your own.

        How fucking hard could this be anyway?

        • DrDick

          The hardest ever, more hard than anyone has ever seen!

      • Shell4747

        I thought it was chingalera – useless fucking thing

        Although apparently chingadera is the same? Regional differences?

  • veleda_k

    I like that MacIsaac donated the proceeds to the Human Rights Campaign.

    • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

      I hope they got paid in some way that can’t be cancelled. One of Trump’s few skills is ripping people off.

  • pillsy

    Once you look past the corrupt, potentially world-threatening, horror of the Trump Administration, you are forced to confront the inexplicably bizarre little details of the Trump Administration.

    • Karen24

      That’s it. He’s both tacky and terrible.

      • His tiny hands and his vanity about them, are really among the best of the horrible tiny metaphors that describe his awfulness. He’s like the T rex of slobbering baby politicians. Teeny, tiny, useless forelimbs and a teeny, tiny, vicious, brain.

        • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

          and a teeny, tiny, vicious, brain

          Most of which is in his ass, just like T Rex.

  • georgekaplan

    “Of course. One thing Republicans aren’t is creative.”

    Yeah, that’s a bit of a problem when the only sort of success you value is how much money you can make without working for it, and the only schooling you think kids should get in grade school is memorizing some patriotic myths and a limited selection of Bible quotes: it gets a bit difficult to find any American who can actually create things. Also difficult when your official position is that ONLY Americans can actually create things.

  • wjts
    • Judas Peckerwood

      Excellent gesture, though I can think of about a hundred worthier recipients off the top of my head.

      • randy khan

        So long as it wasn’t Focus on the Family, I’m okay with it.

      • PhoenixRising

        Do tell what the more appropriate recipients for the profits from a plagiarized cake would be.

        Please explain why the national organization that advocates against ‘religious freedom’ bills that literally claim cake-baking is a form of speech protected by the First Amendment–when it’s for a same-sex couple’s wedding–is not your first choice for that.

        The irony of DC GOP party planners stealing a cake design has other levels, but I’m just not sure INTA takes donations (the other, not-gay irony having to do with IP protections that US businesses insist on but won’t pay taxes adequate to enforce, leading to an industry in litigation that need not exist).

        • wjts

          I think it’s more about the organization, which has taken some deserved flak for things like its endorsement of Mark Kirk over Tammy Duckworth, than its goals.

        • Judas Peckerwood

          Let’s just say that I used to work for HRC and have seen the organization from the inside, and leave it at that.

          • PhoenixRising

            You didn’t mention which brand of sausage maker you endorse, presumably because like myself you’ve observed from the inside that all of them are taking questionable pieces of entrails and packaging them into a delicious treat that is mainly marketing.

  • randy khan

    So, the Russian hotel room, the Lincoln Bible for the swearing in, the cake. The pattern is unmistakable.

    And, like the cake being fake, he never actually touched the Bible – it stayed in its protective case because of the weather. You can see from the photos that his family Bible (or whatever they ginned up to be his family Bible) is on top of the case.

    • Captain Oblivious

      whatever they ginned up to be his family Bible

      Probably a Gideon one from Trump Hotel.

    • synykyl

      I hear he can’t touch a Bible without bursting onto flames.

      • Warren Terra

        You’re being completely unfair. Trump has a great deal of respect for the Bible, and learned a lot from it. The Bible is a best-selling book that wasn’t actually written by its titular author, and is a marketing tool for a global branding enterprise that promises the downtrodden that their support and generosity will be rewarded in a future life (that cannot be audited) – and that enterprise doesn’t pay any taxes!

        What’s there for Trump not to love? Sure, that Jesus fellow mouths off some of the most appalling socialist tripe – but Trump is perfectly happy to promise that everyone will have wonderful, the best possible health insurance. Sometimes you have to sound Bolshie for the rabble, doesn’t mean anything.

    • Platypus Prime

      Wait, he actually didn’t touch the almighty ceremonial book of almightiness? (I’m staying away from the media this weekend for the sake of sanity.)

      Given how much flak Obama got for the minor hiccup at the 2012 inauguration (John Roberts misspoke, I believe), the same logic should be applied here. Because, clearly, one can’t become president unless all the parts of the magical ritual are in their right place…

      (Come on, we all know Fox News would have had a nervous meltdown if Obama – or Hillary – hadn’t touched magic book.)

      • Warren Terra

        The oath bobble was in 2009, I think.

        And: Trump used the Lincoln Bible in his inauguration, presumably to metaphorically piss all over Obama having used it in his two inaugurations. Or maybe because he assumed it was standard to use the Lincoln Bible, it having been used in the last two inaugurations, and didn’t understand that Obama had selected it for particular symbolic reasons.

        • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

          presumably to metaphorically piss all over Obama having used it in his two inaugurations

          It’s a two-fer. Trump got to piss all over Lincoln, too.

    • Moondog von Superman

      So, the Russian hotel room, the Lincoln Bible for the swearing in, the cake

      Melania’s (Michelle’s) speech
      Using Obama 2009 photo for Twitter backdrop

  • science_goy

    Bush had his flight suit, Trump has his “cake.” Plus ça change…

    • efgoldman

      Bush had his flight suit, Trump has his “cake.” Plus ça change…

      W, at least, was really flown to the carrier.

      • Captain Oblivious

        And was a trained F-102 pilot.

        • Although under-experienced…

          • VCarlson

            As I recall, while W had no combat experience, he had plenty of flight time thanks to his habit of taking “his” plane out for joyrides (at the expense of Texas taxpayers, of course – and TX has no income tax, so it’s regressive – bonus!).

            • Heavens. I did not know that. Can one do that sort of thing?

  • Fats Durston

    It’s as though they can’t imagine any form of human interaction other than theft.

    • Captain Oblivious

      It’s as though they can’t imagine any form of human interaction other than theft.

      FTFY

    • Warren Terra

      They’ve heard other forms of human interaction exist, but they don’t really see the point.

    • veleda_k

      Aw, I don’t think that’s true. They also know “suck up” and “oppress.”

  • Captain Oblivious

    I was going to write a poem, but I couldn’t think of a word that rhymes with “plagiarize”.

    • strategize
      emphasize
      damn his eyes

      There’s a danny kaye song, or maybe I mean Tom Lehrer, in there somewhere.

    • keta

      You could still take a swipe at it, or wouldn’t that be appropriate?

    • dn

      Wages rise? Rage is wise? Major lies? Shade your eyes? Reaganize (okay, I just made that word up but it has to have some sort of use, damn it)?

      ETA, with a h/t to Fats Durston below: cake is lies?

    • Stag Party Palin

      paralyze
      typifies
      thighs
      unwise
      polarize
      surprise
      lies (!!)
      demise
      nowise
      temporize
      vaporize
      denies
      tyrannize
      etc

      I know you were kidding, but it’s time to get to work and write that limmerick.

      • wjts

        ‘Twas an ersatz inagural of tricks and lies
        With sights that would stun even jaded eyes
        But the thing most absurd
        In that punchbowl of turds
        Was a styrofoam cake that was plagiarized.

        • Captain Oblivious

          Awesome.

        • Warren Terra

          Can’t be a real Limerick – doesn’t mention Nantucket even once.

          • N__B

            There once was a man from Nantucket
            Who got his foot stuck in a bucket
            The story ends here
            The message is clear:
            It’s not filthy verse, so fuck it.

          • NBarnes

            There once was a man from Kent
            Who’s thing was so long that it bent
            To save himself trouble
            He tied it up double
            And instead of coming he went

        • DrDick

          I bow down before your majesty!

    • J—

      a word that rhymes with “plagiarize”

      Ben Domenech

    • keta

      A bunch of us was whoopin’ it up in Washington, DC,
      Must’a been two million or more, as plain as the eye could see.
      But then the lyin’ media, scumsuckers that they are,
      Reported a lowly number, and that was a step too far.

      So I sent my main man Spicer, true soldier that he is,
      To round up a quick presser to remind them of their biz.
      It seemed to make no difference, the reports still ran to lies,
      And then they claimed my party cake had been plagiarized!

      Now some men take a lot of shit, but me, I’ll take just none.
      Mock me in the smallest way and boy you’d better run.
      I’ll tell you straight my words aren’t fake, my pastries always real,
      It’s all wrote down in my best book, “I’m Art; A Real Big Deal.”

      These are the simple facts of the case, and I guess I ought to know.
      Because now I am your president, Lady Liberty’s best beau.
      I’m more wise than the lawyer guys, my intellect’s the best,
      So put away your puny facts, let’s give reality a rest.

      • Tehanu

        Applause!!

    • Tom Lehrer :

      Plagiarize!
      Let no one else’s work evade your eyes!
      Remember why the good Lord made your eyes
      So don’t shade your eyes,
      But plagiarize
      Plagriarize!
      Plagiarize!

  • Fats Durston

    The cake is a lie.

    • veleda_k

      I can’t believe it took this long for this meme to show up. I also can’t believe it didn’t occur to me.

    • keta

      The only part of that cake that says “Trump” is that it’s comprised of nine circles.

    • Jenna

      I am sorry I didn’t scroll down before I posted above. You got to it first.

      But now we can all sing the credits for Portal 2.
      :D

  • jamesjhare

    This most recent post from “Petula Dvorak” really makes it clear that we’re probably not dealing with a real human being. A real human wouldn’t have the chutzpah to make the Women’s March about MEN but Petulant UnusedKeyboardLayout is here to tell us that the Women’s March is really about the men attending: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/at-the-womens-march-its-the-men-who-mattered-most-heres-why/2017/01/21/37488e92-e019-11e6-918c-99ede3c8cafa_story.html?hpid=hp_rhp-bignews4_dvorak-740pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

  • Captain Oblivious

    Also worth noting is Mrs P’s decision wear a spaghetti-strap gown that shows her very obvious tan line.

    I’m not normally one for criticizing how people dress, but JFC — this is the presidential inauguration, not Friday night at the Indianapolis Pops concert.

    • jamesjhare

      Now now — the incoming administration would never do something so uncouth as to install a hot tub at the White House.

      • Captain Oblivious

        In all seriousness — sort of — if a middle-aged woman doesn’t have the gym-toned body of, say, Michelle Obama, she shouldn’t be wearing spaghetti-strap off-the-shoulder ball gowns in the first place. But if she must, there’s this shit called “makeup” that you can use to hide the tan lines.

        • SV

          Yes, she should cover her shame. If the hypothetical middle-aged woman is far skinnier than the conventional standard, does the same rule apply? Are freckles and scars and birthmarks and skin pigmentation conditions also things that shouldn’t be seen in public*?

          *On women

    • ProgressiveLiberal

      OK, you are all doing it wrong. Stop.

  • Morbo

    This is some Fatal Attraction ish right here.

  • PhoenixRising

    That’s rich, coming from the party that advocates for a definition of ‘speech’ that includes…wait for it…cakes for weddings.

  • VonnegutFeeling

    “President Petite Mains”

    Delicious.

    Reminds me of Mel Brooks’s governor character from Blazing Saddles, William J. Lepetomane, which led me here:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

  • starbuckle

    A Styrofoam cake for a presidential inauguration??? What next? Are you going to try to tell me that the President will serve a plastic turkey on Thaksgiving???

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