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Divine wrath for thee, nearer my God for me

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Tony Perkins, last seen making the RNC’s dog whistle orchestra work hard for the money, has taken a hit from that eternally angry, perfect (except for the poor aim and eternal anger), sky daddy he worships.

In 2015 he caused controversy when he agreed with a statement that natural disasters are sent by God as punishment for abortion and gay marriage.

Mr Perkins has revealed that he was forced to escape his property in a canoe with his family.

He shared photos on Facebook and discussed his experience in a podcast.

“This is a flood of near-biblical proportions,” he said in an interview with the Family Research Council.

Was it more evidence that God goes all Hulk Smash when people do things that Perkins doesn’t like? Has he finally been the Real Victim of the homoabortionist agenda? Of course not. When God tries to flush Perkins like an oily turd, it is a sign that it’s time to fleece the following some more Jesus loves him.

The man who has linked these kinds of catastrophies to an almighty being is himself at a loss for answers, he said.

“We’re gonna look for what God’s gonna do in this,” Perkins told FRC‘s Washington Watch radio show. “I’m asking those questions and I’m going to see.”

[…]

But all was not doom and gloom. The far-right Christian told listeners of the program about the silver lining of the flood, calling it an opportunity for Christians to celebrate the fact God considers them “worthy of suffering for His sake.” Louisiana should, in his words, “use this as an incredible, encouraging spiritual exercise to take you to the next level in your walk with an almighty and gracious God who does all things well.”

Offer not valid if you are queer, have had or otherwise support abortion rights, or fail to donate money to the Tony Perkins Disaster Relief Fund, one assumes.

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