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Needs MOAR Newt!

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Please, please, please let this be true:

In addition to New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R), Donald Trump’s campaign is vetting former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, The Washington Post reports. Five sources requesting anonymity told The Post that both men have been asked by the attorney managing Trump’s vetting process to answer a questionnaire and hand over everything from tax records to personal files to books and articles they’ve written.

These would both be superb choices from a “this trainwreck needs more cars” perspective, the most salient one when evaluating Donald Trump’s VP candidates. Newt, a pioneer in “who needs a campaign to campaign” politics, would be a perfect fit. But I’m all for a particularly high publicity Chris Christie Ritual Humiliation Tour too, not least because it might cause Trump to invest even more resources in New York and New Jersey.

Then there’s the (possibly non-existent) next tier:

The sources said at least half a dozen other people — including Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) and Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) — are also being looked at as viable options, but it’s unclear how far along they are in the vetting process.

Sessions would, if anything, be a better choice than Newt. He can host the Republican Party’s very first Calhoun-Thurmond dinner.

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  • MilitantlyAardvark

    What happened to Louie Gohmert? Was Donny Smallfingers afraid that he might outcrazy the boss?

    • Halloween Jack

      His hair wasn’t improbable enough for this ticket.

  • howard

    Newt’s been my pick for a while, since I strongly suspect trump believes newt would add gravitas.

    • dr. fancypants

      Newt is the classic “dumb person’s idea of what a smart person looks like”, so it should be no surprise Trump is looking in that direction.

      • Pseudonym

        The poor person’s idea of what a rich person looks like, with the dumb person’s idea of what a smart person looks like: it’s unbeatable!

    • Nobdy

      They can bond over the shared experience of publicly cheating on their wives. Chris Christie is boring. He failed to trade his first wife in for a younger model even once. SAD!

      FAMILY VALUES!!!!

      • mongolia

        oh come on, you just know Donald and Newt as POTUS/VP candidates is really just an excuse to film those two while they’re in a competition to see who gets to wife #4 first.

        • Ramon A. Clef

          Dirty Rotten Candidates

        • galanx

          Hey, Newt Gingrich was only married once. The Catholic Church says so.

    • Emily68

      Newt’s my pick too, because I think he’d go into it with the idea that he’d be in charge, not Trump. He’d tell Trump what to do and the Donald would do it. And I’d really like to see how that works out.

      Christie knows his place, but Newt, not so much.

      • N__B

        Gingrich is my pick because I want to make “eye of newt” jokes.

        • I dunno, I prefer to expend my Gingrich quota on “#NoNewt axis” jokes.

  • Warren Terra

    I’m still reading the Trump campaign as a reality TV show, and so I think the veep nominee will be at least fairly physically attractive – so, not Christie or Gingrich. More likely a Ken doll or a Barbie doll, both in appearance and in intellect.

    • Nobdy

      Is Caribou Barbie too old? Trump certainly likes his women youthful. If he selects Melania at least he would get a bunch if posters that say Trump on them twice. He would like that.

      • rea

        Maybe Bristol Palin? Or is she too old?

        • John not McCain

          Too fertile. How would they spin it if she got pregnant by yet another guy she’s not married to?

          • Snarki, child of Loki

            “Trump/Quiverfull 2016!”

          • Halloween Jack

            Business as usual?

        • Warren Terra

          Almost a decade too young, in fact.

          • rea

            Any woman old enough for the Constitution will be about 10 years too old for Trump.

            • Warren Terra

              According to Wikipedia, he married his current wife when she was 35 (and he was about 60).

            • Manny Kant

              Melania was actually 28 when she and Trump met, so, um, you’re being unfair to Trump?

              • Warren Terra

                Mind you, still outside the legally binding “half their age plus seven” statute, though she’d just caught up when they married (maybe this explains the long courtship?)

      • busker type

        I would agree that Melania would be a leading candidate, but I don’t think she’s eligible (born in one of those other countries.)

        Ivanka on the other hand…

        But I think he’ll pick Gingrich because he reminds him of himself.

        • los

          But I think he’ll pick Gingrich because he reminds him of himself
          Would Trump love a poorly educated VP with a Prestidigitatious[1] university degree?

          __________
          1. Trump “University”

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        Bristol.

      • los

        posters that say Trump on them twice
        polygamy ftw!

    • NonyNony

      I’m still reading the Trump campaign as a reality TV show, and so I think the veep nominee will be at least fairly physically attractive

      I’m reading it that way too, which is why I don’t think physical attractiveness is going to be the decider. Since Trump is going to pick a white dude to be his running mate (for reasons that are not reality TV oriented so much as the fact that Trump is a racist, misogynistic dirtbag), physical attractiveness won’t be as important as you’d think. Trump is all about the male gaze, and so he’s going to discount the need for his running mate to have star quality looks.

      Nope – Trump will be looking for a sidekick. So I think it’s very possible that he’ll pick Christie because the “funny fat guy” is a character that is always a winner on TV and Christie has already shown he’s willing to humiliate himself for Trump.

      I think Gingrich is a longer shot – only if Trump becomes convinced that a “professor type” is more important to his “ratings” than a sidekick. And even then, Christie will probably get the promise of a cabinet position so he can continue to play the fool for Trump.

      • Malaclypse

        I’m convinced he’s picking Scotty Brown, because Senator Professor Warren will goad him into making stupid choices.

        • N__B

          Brown as veep is part of Trump’s “turn Massachusetts republican” strategy.

      • los

        Christie has already shown he’s willing to humiliate himself for Trump.
        Is Christie’s mouth too “independent”? I haven’t read of any impatient Christie comments, but maybe Christie is simply as patient as necessary.

        What happens if/when Trump eventually rejects Christie?
        Hell hath a special place of no fury like …

        • galanx

          He’ll keep his mouth shut, hoping to get the A-G job so he can close the bridge to stop that dump truck load of subpoenas rolling down the Jersey Turnpike.

  • MilitantlyAardvark

    Given the latest round in the Chris Christie Is A Lying Corrupt Thug Revelations, you’d think even Trump could see that putting Yabba the Gut on the ticket was a baaaaad idea.

    • Warren Terra

      There’s a lot of talk of “elect Trump and impeach him on day one”, so having a fatally flawed Veep might be a plus.

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        The GOP controls the House. All it takes is a majority vote, and they could impeach Trump TODAY.

        (yeah, yeah, ‘what grounds?’; do you really think, after the past couple of decades, they care about stuff like that?)

        Now, since Trump isn’t IN office, he can’t be REMOVED from office as a result of conviction by the Senate, but there’s also the “banned from any office of honor, profit, or trust” penalty available.

        #NEVERTRUMP, are you listening?1??

        • He is promising to commit numerous impeachable offenses if elected. Can he be prospectively impeached and have it go into effect on Jan. 20, 2017 at 12:01 p.m.?

        • los

          #NEVERTRUMP, are you listening?
          I hadn’t thought of that – a teastablishment coup without a contested convention.
          Though they need to keep Spiro Agnew – Chris Christie – Scott WalkerTinky Winky from being indicted too soon.

          Somebody needs to tweet this conspiracy concept to the t’rumpsphere…
          Paranoia – definitely my favorite sin

        • there’s also the “banned from any office of honor, profit, or trust” penalty

          So he’s in no danger?

    • Orphos

      Jesus. The one thing I’m seriously not looking forward to if he picks Christie are all the progressives making fat jokes.

      This guy is a mafia-esque slug, can’t you come up with something better?

      • Ken

        I agree with the sentiment, but Trump already occupies the mafia-esque slug space and we need to put Christie somewhere.

        • NonyNony

          Trump’s the mafia-esque slug and Christie is the toady.

          I’d be amazed at how quickly Christie has transitioned from “tough guy who wants everyone to lick his boots” to “guy anxious to bring Trump his McDonald’s and grovel”, except that I’ve seen it happen often enough that it’s not shocking anymore.

          • Sly

            Christie is the 1950s Atlantic City Casino pit boss, and Trump is the overextended high roller he’s sucking up to for a big tip at the end of the night that he’ll never actually get.

            • los

              for a big tip at the end of the night that he’ll never actually get
              Charles Koch owns the teastablishment joint. “The house never loses.”

      • so-in-so

        And Jaba the Hut was literally a mafia-esque slug… so it works. maybe Yabba the Putz would have been less offensive?

      • MyNameIsZweig

        The one thing I’m seriously not looking forward to if he picks Christie are all the progressives making fat jokes.

        Yeah, this. You see this shit a lot in, say, the TPM comments section. Or at least, that was true the last time I read them.

  • Brett

    Newt Gingrich would be absolutely appropriate, given that Newt loves a good “politics in search of money” hustle as much as Trump does.

    • AMK

      Newt also brings Sheldon Adelson’s checkbook to the table, and the Trump campaign could very much use some cash.

      Of course Adelson is a political ignoramus in addition to being a traitor, but at least his $100+ million for the GOP in 2012 was in the service of a ticket that stood some reasonable chance of success. Spending that much or more on Trump-Gingrich is such a sucker’s bet that you have to wonder if his family or another potential beneficiary of that largesse (one of the various Likudniker Bunds he throws money at) would try to intervene.

      • Has Adelson, or anyone close to him, confirmed the reported promise of $100m? He wouldn’t talk to the levelheaded FT about it. I think the number came from the Trump camp.

      • DAS

        I don’t think Adelson is so much an ignoramus as focused on specific goals: keeping Likud in power in Israel and getting American Jews to vote Republican. If that means, for example, trying to tank a deal which Israeli security experts said was the best possible deal for Israel, well Israel’s security is collateral damage in Adelson’s quest to convince American Jews that “the Democrats are bad for Israel”. Heck, an insecure Israel is an Israel more likely to let Likud maintain power.

        Adelson may very well donate money to Trump even if he feels Trump is gonna lose: if Donald “ignore the anti-Semites who support me; my daughter is Jewish and I hate Muslims” Trump can bring Jews to the GOP, then Adelson will support Trump.

      • Gator90

        Sheldon Adelson is many things, most of them bad in my view, but what treason has he committed?

        • los

          If under whatever law, then McTurtle and bale[1] will repeal that law.

          ___________
          1. by weight
          ??

    • mongolia

      Newt should help Donald get in with the direct mail grifters of the Republican Party – they’ll be able to raise 10,000,000 $+ for the RNC, and maybe 30% of that will go into attacking Dems!

  • Regulust

    I don’t see Chris Christie taking Trump’s sidekick gig as VP, he is still the governor of New Jersey until 2018 (in the formal sense). I imagine what Christie is really groveling for is a cabinet position for after that.

    But Newt is perfect. He’s got that “Washington experience” Trump wanted & he’s shown to be almost as subservient as Christie. The perfect mark.

    • Ahenobarbus

      This assumes a Trump presidency would last until 2018.

    • randy khan

      Au contraire. Christie would leap at the chance to get out of Trenton. There’s really nothing left for him as Governor, leaving might help the Lieutenant Governor (who would, of course, take over for him) in the 2017 election, and he’d only be skipping out on a year of his term anyway.

  • Hells Littlest Angel

    My money’s on Christie. He knows how to toady. He’d be the perfect Costello to Trump’s Abbott.

    Gingrich? Biggest negative there is that notorious cheapskate Trump would be forced to hire a food taster.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      “notorious cheapskate Trump would be forced to hire a food taster.”

      DUDE! You figured it out!

      CHRISTIE would be the perfect food taster, and it wouldn’t cost so much, either!

    • lunaticllama

      He also wants to get out of NJ, where everyone hates him. Every Republican I know regrets voting for him. Mostly, because he has really messed with people’s commutes in Northern NJ (a big deal) and doesn’t seem to care about the state anymore.

    • NonyNony

      I’m highly offended to the comparison of Chris Christie to Lou Costello. And of Bud Abbot to Donald Trump.

      Christie is more like the Salacious Crumb to Trump’s Jabba the Hutt act.

    • los

      My money’s on Christie. He knows how to toady. He’d be the perfect Costello to Trump’s Abbott.
      Newt would be the perfect Moe for Trump’s Shemp?

      https://www.predictit.org/market/1529/who-will-win-the-2016-republican-vice-presidential-nomination
      some crazy ‘nominees’
      Mia Love. Jim Webb. Sarah Palin. Joni Ernst. Ben Carson. Giulani. Neel Kashkari (only if trump will be preemie impeached). Carl Icahn. Mark Cuban. David Petraeus.

      Donald Trump
      his own VP?.. Not prohibited by the Constitution? :-)

      http://predictwise.com/politics/2016-president-republican-vice-president-nomination

  • AMK

    Corker seems too invested in the whole “moderate GOP statesman” act he puts on for the serious types in the Beltway. He can be the chin-stroking Chairman of the Foreign Affairs Committee he plays on the Sunday Shows, or he can be the guy who spends the next five months following Donald Trump around the country yelling about Muslim bans and calling Bill Clinton a rapist. He can’t be both.

  • Fighting Words

    I’ve lost count of how many times Newt has failed, but I’m sure the next time will be the charm.

    You know, adding Newt to the ticket is a great idea. A great idea like putting an NHL franchise in Las Vegas instead of Quebec City. I mean, why put an NHL franchise in a city where people actually watch hockey?

    • NonyNony

      As a liberal, the thought of Newt Gingrich as Trump’s running mate makes me both scared and angry.

      Please conservatives, don’t make Gingrich the VP candidate. It would be sooooo upsetting to this old liberal.

  • Nobdy

    A few months ago I liked to joke that Trump would select himself or at least one of his sons so he could have a fabulous magnificent all Trump ticket. The demand is YOOGE!

    Either of those would be better than Gingrich or Christie.

    From a personal perspective of enjoyment I would like to see Newt Gingrich debate Elizabeth Warren.

    Would she swallow him whole like a snake consuming a mouse or play with her food like a cat batting a mouse around?

    Based on her love of teaching via the Socratic method I think the latter, but Gingrich is so slimy and disgusting she might want to get it over with in one gulp.

    • Pseudonym

      I think Warren would be more like a mongoose or ratel devouring a snake… but don’t bring up the Socratic method (or Gingrich/Christie fat-shaming) or you might incur the wrath of Campos.

  • Shalimar

    If you want Sessions to host the dinner, you need to work General Beauregard in there somewhere, too.

    • efgoldman

      If you want Sessions to host the dinner, you need to work General Beauregard in there somewhere, too.

      I think Sessions will be too busy,

  • waspuppet

    What does a Donald Trump VP vetting process look like? I mean, what would they have to find for Paul Manafort (or whoever) to say “Sorry, man, but this thing we discovered about your personal/business/political life is just too potentially damaging; we can’t risk Donald Trump’s sterling reputation on that”?

    • Peterr

      No, you’ve got it backwards.

      Manafort et al. will be looking through the VP wannabe’s house, financial holdings, artwork, and other stuff and asking, “So, what can you bring (wink wink) to Mr. Trump’s, uh, campaign? I see from your list of assets that you have a very nice [insert very nice object/property here]. You know, Mr. Trump has always liked things like that. (hint hint) . . .”

      If you don’t take the hint and offer the “gift”, no VP for you.

      • catclub

        Wouldn’ Manafort want to find someone who will desperately need his image buffing services?

        Except all these US politicians do not have enough money compared with Putin and others like Putin.

    • Hogan

      both men have been asked by the attorney managing Trump’s vetting process to answer a questionnaire and hand over everything from tax records to personal files to books and articles they’ve written.

      And the one whose submission weighs the least gets the job.

  • MilitantlyAardvark

    http://www.theguardian.com/politics/live/2016/jul/01/brexit-live-michael-gove-to-set-out-his-vision-for-britain-as-conservatives-reel-from-boris-johnsons-exit

    Michael Gove MP ✔ @Gove2016
    The country voted for no more politics as usual. No more business as usual. I am the candidate for change. #Gove2016

    I never thought I’d ever be in this position. I did not want it, indeed I did almost everything not be a candidate for the leadership of this party

    I was so very reluctant because I know my limitations. Whatever charisma is I don’t have it, whatever glamour may be I don’t think anyone could ever associate me with it.

    But – at every step in my political life – I’ve asked myself one question. What is the right thing to do.

    I will end free movement, introduce an Australian-style points-based system for immigration, and bring numbers down. With my leadership, it will be delivered.

    The promise to use the money we currently send to Brussels and invest it instead on the priorities of the British people – principally in the NHS – and to cut VAT on domestic fuel. With my leadership, it will be delivered. I stand by the promises that we made.

    Government has got to invest more money in our NHS. The people who work in it are heroic. They do an amazing job. But we need to face the fact that we need more money in order to deliver Jeremy Hunt’s absolutely correct drive to guarantee even better standards of care.

    I will put my heart and soul into making sure that the care your son or daughter or mum or dad receives is the same I would want for my own family.

    Which is why I will take all the steps necessary to give the NHS at least another £100m per week by 2020.

    Gove pledges to give NHS another £100m per week by 2020

    This is a high-stakes pledge, but one Gove repeatedly made during the Vote Leave campaign, taken from the £350m-a-week figure sent to Brussels. It is worth repeating that the figure is highly disputed, and has been disavowed even by Nigel Farage.

    • MilitantlyAardvark

      Alan White ‏@aljwhite 2h2 hours ago

      summary of Gove speech: it is with a heavy heart i must announce i have to be your prime minister

      • efgoldman

        I guess the new intartoobz tradition is every post has to eventually be about Brexit.

        • DW

          Your refusal to even consider how this impacts Bernie is a sign of how much of a corporate sellout stooge Clintonista you are.

          • efgoldman

            is a sign of how much of a corporate sellout stooge Clintonista you are.

            Hell, I’m all four Stooges and damned proud of it.

          • los

            efgoldman every post has to eventually be about

            DW how this impacts Bernie

            Yeah1! Bernie would turn Britten into the gret communism of Venezerea!111

            “Sumday youll have brayins as me and Donnold Trump am.”
            Ernest T. Blogger

        • NonyNony

          For months every post eventually was about Trump so I think there’s something poetic in every Trump post eventually becoming about Brexit.

        • Snarki, child of Loki

          “Brexit” is gonna be the name of the next kid in the Palin clan.

        • so-in-so

          Seriously, the feel of the Trump campaign and Brexit campaigns certainly is similar from this remove (reading about Brexit in the U.S. press).

  • Woodrowfan

    isn’t he also considering Mike Pence? Oh lord, the two don;t have a single active brain cell between them.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      Well, after Trump fails spectacularly, in 2020 Pence might have a go at a run for the Presidency. Christie will be out in NJ by then, so:

      Pence/Christie 2020: In for a penny, in for a pound.

      • efgoldman

        in 2020 Pence might have a go at a run for the Presidency.

        Isn’t Pence the guy who took charisma lessons from Mitch Daniels?

  • FlipYrWhig

    Trump/Christie 2016: Ten Million Pounds of Sludge from New York and New Jersey!

    • Malaclypse

      +1 Where Is My Mind

      • MilitantlyAardvark

        Trump/Christie 2016

        Theme song: Fat-Bottomed Churls

      • FlipYrWhig

        +1 Wave of Mutilation

    • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

      This country’s goin’ to heaven (hell?)

  • DrDick

    And the clown car train wreck just keeps on rolling. The GOP is finally getting the candidates it deserves.

  • Malaclypse

    not least because it might cause Trump to invest even more resources in New York and New Jersey.

    I read somewhere that Trump believes he can compete in Massachusetts, based on the large percentage of the primary vote he got (and I’m sure he’s not at all being goaded by Senator Professor Warren). Speaking as a liberal, the idea of Trump competing in Massachusetts fills me with hopeless rage.

    • N__B

      During the 2012 election campaign, I was regularly visiting Pittsfield. KB Toys, one of Bain’s strip-and-dump conquests, had been headquartered in Pittsfield. There were some amusing rallies on the town green.

      • There were some amusing rallies on the town green.

        Miniature giant puppets?

        • N__B

          Giant miniature puppets.

    • Warren Terra

      Please don’t reveal to Trump that he has discovered the Democrats’ Achilles Heel, the Bay State! If he figures out that weakness, he’s sure to discover the amazing electoral opportunities awaiting him on the west coast, too!

      • wjts

        To paraphrase a man whose strategic acumen is only slightly inferior to Trump’s, if the Republicans hit the bullseye of Massachusetts, the rest of the New England dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

        • Hogan

          In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

          • wjts

            If I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?

      • los

        Trump will win San Francisco, Berkeley, and West Hollywood by a landslide
        /s

    • NonyNony

      As a liberal, I’m terrified that Trump will spend time campaigning in California, Massachusetts and New York. Why should he waste time on states like Ohio and Florida when he could be flipping the home states of Ronald Reagan, Scott Brown and Donald Trump into the R camp where they obviously belong?

      This is a strategy that fills me with fear and rage.

  • brugroffil

    Newt “Dutch African Colonialism was just swell!” Gingrich

    • Warren Terra

      Newt “Dutch African Colonialism was just swell!” Gingrich

      Y’know, traditionally the Belgians get misidentified as being French

      • Thom

        To be fair, I’m sure Newt also thinks that the Dutch East India Company’s rule in the Cape Colony was fine as well.

    • Funkhauser

      “Newt can lay out EMP disaster scenarios that will make your hair stand on end!”

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        Shocking!!!

        • los

          but only briefly

    • Sly

      The moon colonies will be tremendously classy. So classy you’ll think they stepped right off a page out of the Sharper Image catalog.

      • los

        and … “we”ll livecast 2018 Miss Universe from the Moon. Trump TV will be out of this world. Hillary will have only planet Earth.”

    • catclub

      The only risk I saw in images between Hillary and the possible GOP candidate was her age. Between Trump and white haired Gingrich, they have erased any worries on that aspect.

      I love that she has promised her hair will NOT turn grey while she is President.

  • Thom

    Apparently I stopped listening to anything new from the Stones by the time this came out–pretty good. (Also, I was traveling backpacker mode in Africa at the time. I did hear Graceland in Cape Town, and saw the tour in Harare. Also heard Rodriguez records in Cape Town, just to confirm that mythology.)

    • petesh

      Check out A Bigger Bang. Actually, they made a lot of good tracks in the 90s and 00s, but the lead singer lets them down a bit, and most of the albums are too long. Also they put out so much live product (to be fair, the original Stripped is good) and made so much money touring that missing the recorded highlights is entirely understandable.

      • Thom

        I did hear A Bigger Bang, and thought it was pretty good, but was not inspired to buy it. I did by the reissue of Exile, which (buying it) was kind of pointless, but it was nice to hear the extra tracks.

        • petesh

          The reissue of Some Girls is really good, that is, the second disc is worth buying.

  • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

    Apparently some poll showed Trump at 1% among African-Americans, why not add Sessions and shoot for a nice round number?

    • Hogan

      With a MOE of 3%, that would mean it’s possible that up to 2% of African-Americans would rather die than vote for Trump.

      Seems awfully low to me.

  • njorl

    The efforts to find someone who makes Trump appear likeable by comparison continue.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      So, Cruz for VP?

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