Corporate SM


Hello, Hugo Award nominated author Dr. Chuck Tingle? Have I got a story idea for you!


My source of pay checks and health insurance makes the occasional feint towards the wonderful world of social media. But the powers-that-be would rather we spend our time doing things that generate money, and since they’re not convinced that increasing our presence on SM will generate more cash, our current SM policy is very informal.

Or it could be they’re worried we’d get bored and do something weird.

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  • Warren Terra

    So, I went to see if they’d deleted the tweet yet (they probably have, or it was a while ago), and it looks like about half their tweets aim for the whimsical, most falling short and being creepy. Some examples, obviously cherrypicked but representing at least 10% of the tweets over the period in question:

    1 hour ago: it’s the first day of summer!! when was the last time you filled an inflatable pool with milkshakes?

    Jun 14: are you ready for the summer of syrup

    Jun 9: if you really tried you could drink mashed potatoes through a straw

    May 26: if you’re cleaning out your locker today it would be a nice gesture to leave a pancake in there for the dude that gets it next year

    May 20: put your hands in the spaghetti, it’s friday baby

    • sharculese

      Denny’s approach to social media has always been to take the weirdest shit they think the internet is currently into and just run with it. See also: The Denny’s Tumblr –

      • tsam

        Which, as we all know, is the best approach. To me, a sense of humor is welcoming. A clever sense of humor leaves me awestruck. I wish I had one.

        • You can have mine, I’m not using it.

          • tsam

            I wouldn’t know what to do with it, man!

            “Here’s a space shuttle. You can borrow it if you want.”

            • It turns out that restaurants are no longer welcoming to Sensory Assistance Animals when they discover that the missing sense with which the ferret helps me is “humour”.

              • Warren Terra

                Shoulda gotten a Service Hyena.

              • tsam

                Well that’s a civil rights issue as far as I’m concerned. Is there a lawyer in the house?

    • JustRuss

      I kind of like the pancake one. And yes, I did happen to clean out my locker about 20 minutes ago.

      • Origami Isopod

        It’s always important to leave a little something for Jennie.

        • los

          or who(m)ever of your offspring that inherits the rustbucket 15 years from now. (“dad! did you and mom leave about twenty used condoms in the dashboard cubby? ewww. There was a dead beetle in there too.”)

    • Merkwürdigliebe

      Jun 9 sounds like a threat from some Godfather derivative.

    • It was deleted the same day it was posted.

    • vic rattlehead

      Weird as all hell, but ultimately inoffensive

  • keta

    I think it’s twemendous Twitterland is full of twuly twerrific twits and twaughts.

  • leftwingfox

    Arby’s seems to have made being the butt of everyone’s jokes the cornerstone of their brand. I mean, I love me some @nihilist_arbys, but I still hunted them down for lunch last time I was in Edmonton.

    • los

      Adjunct Micronesian Philosophy professor underbid an experienced 12 year old SERP in Mumbai.

      “OK yes, you are drawing good traffic. Here’s a card for a free pack of fries once per month.”
      – The Management

  • “Edgy”. The key word here is “edgy”. (Often the same as stupid, weird & silly.)

    I must admit “swish swish swish” adds something to it ‘though.

  • Hogan

    Social media or sado-masochism? Who can tell?

    • N__B


  • “Social Media” was not my first assumption when I saw “SM” up there.

  • Arla
  • tsam


    • Bill Murray

      Whang Dang

  • the ordinary fool

    The official Totino’s Pizza Rolls tumblr has taken a similarly weird approach.

    • wca

      I see “Totino’s Pizza Rolls” and the only thing I can think of is Mr. Plinkett’s movie reviews.

  • NewishLawyer

    I still don’t get the idea of being a social media follower or liker of a corporation and willfully getting exposed to their PR and ads but I see it all the time.

    X likes Levi’s on facebook or something like that.

    • tomscud

      Sometimes these companies give away coupons/discounts/whatever if you “like” them. Most people are too lazy to immediately “unlike”.

  • efgoldman

    “Dinosaur erotica…”
    Jurassic Park fanfic?
    The mind, it boggles.

    Brontosaurus lumbered toward his beloved, the earth shaking as he walked.
    “Hey, baby” he said, “are we up for making eggs….”

    And where’s N__B The Bear when we really need him?

    • sharculese

      Tingle is basically a satirist. He’s taking the culture of self-publishing and having fun with it’s excesses, while also parodying the most extreme conservative views on homosexuality.

      The Rabid Puppies, the more extreme of the two conservative groups trying to game the Hugos, included him on their slate this year in hopes of deligetimizing the event, and he’s taken it as an excuse to troll them.

      • The Temporary Name

        Also, and most importantly, he’s writing insane porn for people who like insane porn.

      • Gregor Sansa

        But using voting theory, “my friend” is going to stop the Rabid Puppies from taking over. Of course, I think you should give “him” some money so he can go there (on the train!) and do that.

        • wjts

          Any award that’s been given to such deathless works of prose as Starship Troopers and Ender’s Game is not worth saving.

      • Even better, if he actually wins, Zoe Quinn will be accepting the award on his behalf.

        • Jordan

          Ya, that is awesome in so many ways.

    • Here’s what started the dinosaur erotica craze.

    • N__B

      where’s N__B The Bear when we really need him?

      Drinking a pint-glass rum and coke.

      • efgoldman

        Drinking a pint-glass rum and coke.

        Goodnight, Bear. Sleep well. Make sure someone else has your keys.

        • N__B

          I’m reasonably certain that no driving is involved in going from the living room to the bedroom.

  • TribalistMeathead

    Oh, so this isn’t a fake Twitter feed a la Epcot Centre. Damn.

  • Caepan

    Even if I were to somehow admit that I might have had this particular type of dream where treats would be swooshed into my mouth – no slam dunks, please – I can guaran-damn-tee you that it’s impossible that any “good treats” would have come from Denny’s.

    And seriously… basketball “boys”? Are Denny’s social media people leftovers from when they bought out Sambo’s Restaurants?

    • tsam

      I think that was a swipe at homoerotic humor. I wouldn’t say it’s anything close to how utterly offensive Sambo’s was.

  • Jordan

    this always makes me a little wary about joining in on the chuck tingle hilariousness.

    I mean, it very, very hilarious. But …

    • tsam

      Pounded in the Butt of my own Butt1!1??? OMFG that’s fucking hilarious.

      • Jordan

        hehe. There is lots more recursive pounding in the butt if you go down that rabbit hole :)

        • tsam

          I think that’s about far enough. I’m not really thinking I want to discover a new kink I was blissfully unaware I had.

          • Jordan
            • tsam

              Wow. That goes past funny to slightly disturbing.

              • Jordan

                Yeah, the guy is kind of a joke and funny etc, but if you actually read through the reddit ama I originally linked, I think its quite possible that he is fairly mentally ill and this is his outlet.

                And its great that he has this outlet! It definitely seems to work for him and his readers. Thats all cool.

                But I think there is a distinct possiblity that this isn’t just trolling – which I think a lot of people think is what is going on – and so that makes it a little trickier.

                • sharculese

                  I view it in the same vein as Wesley Willis – yes, dude almost certainly has issues, but dude is also trying to make jokes, and I’m fine with people enjoying it so long as they don’t make the joke at his expense.

                • wjts

                  I’m less than wholly convinced that Tingle and his son are two different people.

                • Jordan

                  Right, I think that is the exactly right way to put it.

                • los

                  possible that he is fairly mentally ill and this is his outlet.
                  American Exceptionalism is the land of opportunity…
                  Next, a reality tv show, then GOP Presidential nominee for 2020.

                • Jordan

                  I’m not convinced either. I have no idea. But the son name of Jon AMA thing is weirdly different than anything else the Tingleverse thing does, and doesn’t obviously play into anything else “Chuck Tingle” is doing. (to be clear, I only follow him on twitter, so its possible the books have more concrete indication one way or another).

                  So, again, I’m not sure. I think if I’d bet right now I’d bet on the Jon version, but of course it could be anything.

                • I’m less than wholly convinced that Tingle and his son are two different people.

                  What happens in Nicea stays in Nicea.

            • DrS
              • DrS

                Trump could have learned something

          • Jordan
  • LeeEsq

    People, and the Supreme Court held that corporations are people, we have these professionals called lawyers and English majors for living. Many of them dearly would love work. Why don’t you let them run your social media stuff and avoid embarrassment.

    • sharculese

      Like I said above, Denny’s has been doing this for years. I think it’s fun for them, and the interns who do it probably have a blast.

  • I can honestly say that I have never had that dream. Not once. Not ever.

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