Home / General / BATTLE STATIONS BATTLE STATIONS NEVER MIND RETREAT RETREAT

BATTLE STATIONS BATTLE STATIONS NEVER MIND RETREAT RETREAT

Comments
/
/
/
416 Views
"Portrait of a Chickenshit as an OLDMAN" by Megan Nowell Photography (2016)
“Portrait of a Chickenshit as an OLDMAN CAT” by Megan Nowell Photography (2016)

OLDMAN VIRGIL: DO YOU HEAR THAT

SEK: Hear what?

OLDMAN VIRGIL: THE SKITTERING

SEK: I do not.

OLDMAN VIRGIL: IT IS COMING FROM THE PORCH

SEK: I’ll investigate. You’re safe, nerds, it’s just a tiny —

OLDMAN MUND: HOLY FUCK IT’S A MOUSE RUN AWAY RUN AWAY

SEK: You did not just say that.

OLDMAN MUND: BATTLE STATIONS BATTLE STATIONS NEVER MIND RETREAT RETREAT

SEK: Are you serious?

OLDMAN MUND: ALL CATS COMMENCE SIDEWAYS HOPPING

OLDMAN VIRGIL: I WOULD BUT I’M TIRED GOOD NIGHT

SEK: What is wrong with you two?

OLDMAN MUND: TO THE HALLWAY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

SEK: Do you even know what you are?

OLDMAN VIRGIL: NOT ASLEEP YET SHUT UP YOU TWO

OLDMAN MUND: THIS IS IT

SEK: It really isn’t.

OLDMAN MUND: TELL THE OTHER MOMMA I LOVE HER WAIT WHERE DID THE MOUSE GO

SEK: I closed the door.

OLDMAN MUND: SO WHERE IS IT

SEK: Still outside, where it’s always been.

OLDMAN MUND: WELL I SHOWED IT

SEK: Your true colors, you little chickenshit.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+Share
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • Linkedin
  • Pinterest
  • David Hunt

    ALL CATS COMMENCE SIDEWAYS HOPPING

    This has just become my new all-purpose statement of alarm.

  • Mike in DC

    I had a cat for around 9 years before I had to give it away. The family who took possession of it had a mouse problem. The first week my cat lived there, a mouse ran out into the living room and was met by the cat in mid room. The cat and mouse looked at each other for a few seconds, then the mouse ran back to its hidey hole. They had no further mouse problems. Strong arm diplomacy at work.

    • Thom

      Soft power.

      • tsam

        Soft power
        Warm power
        Little ball of fur…

  • My tomcat once got chased out of the yard by a squirrel he’d been stalking.

    There are some pretty badass squirrels in the Lowell Highlands.

    • Peterr

      Northwestern in the 1980s was know for the same. See here and here, for instance.

  • rea

    A mouse murdered my old lady cat.

    At the time, we had a large fan opening from our home office to the attic crawl space. It was far off the floor, but there were tall bookshelves in the room. It was (temporarily) uncovered by a screen at the time of the events in question.

    Working in the office, I heard a snarl, and looked up. Old Lady Cat had been a great mouser back in the day, but she had reached the point where she had not long to live. However, when a mouse showed itself up by the fan, she pulled herself together, and leaped up the bookshelves to the top, and then hurled herself at the mouse–this was far more activity than we had seen from her for a year or so.

    There was a thump, and then the cat dashed madly from the room–hit in the head by the fan. The mouse had lured her into his trap.

    We found her dead about an hour later.

    • PohranicniStraze

      I’m pretty sure that counts as dying in battle and she’s now enjoying alternating mouse banquets and cat battles in Cathalla.

    • John Revolta

      They fight
      And fight!
      And fight and fight and fight!

  • smott999

    I have 2 brother cats, rescue kittens. Now 2 yrs old…
    In Pittsburgh we are having crazy warm weather….this AM they brought in the first garter snake of spring!

    No mere robins for these two!

  • gmoot

    Our SPCA cats spend a goodly amount of time pretending to hunt the mice that may or may not live in the space under the dishwasher. They are so focused on the Potential Mice that they failed to notice the Very Real Mouse that trotted up from the basement (through the cat door, natch), swaggered across the kitchen floor, and nearly stepped on their tails.

    On my twitter feed the other day: someone named their cats Prayer and Thoughts, because they are both useless. That, +100

  • Theophrastus Bombastus von Hoehenheim den Sidste

    Ten years ago, Acephalous was a promising young scholar. Something terrible must have happened to his, deep in the bowels of the Raw Story corporate headquarters.

    • David Hunt

      He simply stopped caring about making us uncomfortable with his words and what he says.

    • SEK

      You act if anyone would have ever heard of me or my scholarship if I didn’t spend my free time turning my life into tiny plays.

  • njorl

    My parent’s cat used to bring mice into the house – crippled and bloody – but living mice. She liked to put them in shoes. I don’t know if they were meant as gifts, or if the shoes were just a place to store them for later when she got bored. She always seemed upset when people freaked out about the mice in their shoes.

    • rea

      One of our other cats–not the one I discussed above–used to do that with moles (of the star nose variety). Like little furry Cthulhus . . .

    • Lee Rudolph

      I don’t know if they were meant as gifts, or if the shoes were just a place to store them for later when she got bored.

      The Family Ex-Linguist’s two cats used to use her bathtub as a holding pen for live mice; one would stand guard on the rim while the other harvested them from the outdoors. (I don’t know if they would switch off, or whether their roles were fixed.) I think their personal best was four in the tub.

      Somehow she stopped them doing that. Or maybe they just got too old for it.

  • Matt

    A mouse? Quick, run and hide in the banging place. :)

    • Ahuitzotl

      ha! yes, one of our cats when I was growing up, loved to run and hide behind the vacuum cleaner

It is main inner container footer text