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Chubby Amy Schumer

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Folks, I’m linking to this nonsense not because I think calling Amy Schumer chubby is dangerous and loony, but because a male critic felt it was appropriate to comment on Amy Schumer’s figure at all. 

 

“In a piece titled Apatow’s Funny-Chubby Community Has New Member, Hollywood Elsewhere writer Jeffrey Wells said: ‘With Trainwreck, director Judd Apatow is once again introducing a chubby, whipsmart, not conventionally attractive, neurotically bothered female comic to a mass audience – first Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then Lena Dunham in HBO’s Girls and now Amy Schumer.

She’s obviously sharp and clever and funny as far as the woe-is-me, self-deprecating thing goes, but there’s no way she’d be an object of heated romantic interest in the real world.'”

Oh really?

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  • The link at the bottom of the post goes to a “Page Not Found” on LG&M.

    Edit: And I See you’ve already fixed it.

    • Fixed. :)

      • sparks

        Aww, I was going to congratulate you on a Lemieux-level linkfail but you fixed it too fast to be like Scott.

  • KmCO

    Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back the fuck up.

    chubby, whipsmart, not conventionally attractive, neurotically bothered female comic to a mass audience – first Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, then Lena Dunham in HBO’s Girls and now Amy Schumer.

    Shut the front door. This dood clearly does not remember his Bridesmaids worth a pretty penny. Melissa McCarthy was whip smart, yes, “not conventionally attractive”–maybe to people who lack imagination outside of what Hollywood has force-fed them, sure. Comic? Absolutely. “Neurotically-bothered”? First of all, it’s not 1942. Secondly, Megan’s character was many things, but “neurotic” was not one of them (unless you consider a woman with a happy sexuality to be neurotic). Kristin Wiig’s character was neurotic to the core. Perhaps that’s what dood meant to write, but that would dismantle his “conventional attractiveness” thesis.

    • He packs a lot of wrong into a small space.

      • That’s what she said. HEYOOO!

        • Halloween Jack

          And she only said “a lot” to avoid hurting his feelings. ba-dump-bump

        • There is nothing – NOTHING – more anerotic than Ed McMahon.

          • Are you saying I SHOULDN’T continue my N_B/Ed McMahon slashfic? :(

      • What I’m baffled by is the implication that people that aren’t “Hollywood beautiful” would never be an “object of heated interest in the real world”. Because the real world’s standards are higher than Hollywood’s? Has Jeffrey Wells never fallen madly in love with someone who didn’t look like a red-carpet star?

        • I’m like…:O Red carpet stars don’t even look like red carpet stars when they’re not the on the…red carpet. Lots of people fall madly in love with not-so-perfect-looking people. Red carpet.

          • Red carpet stars don’t even look like red carpet stars when they’re not the on the…red carpet

            The Oscars are in the past. It’s March! The month when Hollywood can finally go back to work because women are allowed to eat again.

            • KmCO

              Nope. Swimsuit season’s coming up.

              • I could well be wrong, but I was under the impression that appearances in swimsuits are less mandatory than appearances on the red carpet.

                • Four Krustys

                  I’m starting to think the $30K I dropped on a degree in bikini inspection was a bad move. They said it was a career of the future!

        • Lee Rudolph

          I’ve been given to understand (but have no personal knowledge that’s relevant) that in the real world the drapes are red more often than the carpet.

          • Damned Roombas destroy everything.

          • I told the Frau Doktorin that it was a mistake to pull up the carpet and polish the floorboards, but no-one listens to me.

  • KmCO

    And what’s hilarious is that, based on that photo, Schemer would be a leading bombshell, certainly defining “conventional attractiveness,” in the Hollywood scenefrom the ’30s-’50s. She’s got a really cute Joan Blondell look about her.

    • Jackov

      Amy Schumer has to be someone else (Linda Blair is usually the look-alike suggestion) as Kristen Schaal has trademarked ‘the cut Joan Blondell look.’

    • DrDick

      Have to say she is definitely cute, thought that is not a very flattering picture and you do not get a good sense of her body. I googled her to find a better picture and have to say that I would definitely date her, if she was about 30 years older.

      • Pat

        Not a very flattering picture? It’s a natural pose and it hasn’t been Photoshopped. She looks like a normal human female. Last time I checked, most human males are really into those.

        You have to wonder what the heck is wrong with people.

        • DrDick

          The fabric in the front of her top is all bunched up in a way that makes her look heavier than she is and distorts her body shape. As I said, she looks like a normal, attractive woman.

      • uandme

        Did you really “have to say”?
        Dr Dick is burnishing his feminist cred again.
        So glad to know that you date age appropriately and feel comfortable judging a women’s suitability for dating based on their appearance (clothes or weight)… Oh wait, you mean to imply that you’re above all that… but not really, huh?

        • DrDick

          I have seldom seen so much over interpretation and misrepresentation as my innocuous comment produced here.

          • uandme

            Oh, really? So what’s the difference between your value judgement and the “entertainment” writer’s assessment of the “product”? They both seem to be on the same continuum even if on opposing ends. You’re both treating her like a specimen to be catalogued, no?

            • DrDick

              No, I am not. Projection is a hell of a drug.

              • uandme

                Yes, you are. Denial is potent.

                • DrDick

                  No, I was simply critiquing the author’s assertions in the same way as many others here did. I had no idea who she was and have no actual interest. I have no idea why you decided that my comment out of the many similar ones warranted all this attention.

        • keta

          Jessusfuckingchristonastick.

          It’s the sneers to innocuous comments like DrDick’s that really take a lot of the wind out of the sails of empathy for what’s a genuine issue.

          Lighten the fuck up, and please tell me that no woman ever, ever would make the exact same comment about a man.

          I mean, ferfuckssake.

  • jim, some guy in iowa

    jesus, this wells guy is dim

    • LosGatosCA

      Truly a jackass.

      Also a true jackass.

      And a jackass, it’s true.

      • sanity clause

        Fuck body shaming. Fuck Hollywood’s ridiculous, one-dimensional standards for women’s looks. And fuck this Wells guy for buying into and propagating those standards.

  • From that picture you can clearly tell that her arms would not fit in a cardboard tube. D, D+ at best, only fit for betas, harrumph. :smugly leans back, brushes cheeto dust off gut onto pants:

    • Schumer, ya REKT.

    • apogean

      Why do we always find these stupid smug misogynist fucking assholes calling women fat and then… turn right around and call them fat?

      • apogean

        Can we not just be like “man, look at this fucking asshole, I bet he drinks vodka martinis and likes Michael Bay.”

        • Dennis Orphen

          I wouldn’t mind Ms. Schumer joining me in having one these Monopolowa and La Croix Curate Pomme Bayas that is in front of me right now while I put some Andy Bey on the hi-fi.

      • I wasn’t referring to any gut other than my own — in reality it was Cheez-It dust rather than Cheetos, but Cheetos are funnier. I haven’t the slightest idea whether Jeffrey Wells is fat or not. In my experience, misogyny is a favorite pastime of men of all sizes.

        • Marek

          Harrumph for Cheez-Its, the most superior of all cheese crackers. Made with real cheese!

  • wjts

    I wasn’t incorrect in saying that social attractiveness standards have changed over the past decade or so, largely due to the creations of one Judd Apatow and those who’ve climbed aboard his ferry boat.

    No, that’s still wildly incorrect. Also, a slightly schlubby-looking guy manipulating attractiveness standards from his ferry boat headquarters sounds like the the dullest Bond villain ever.

    • DW

      “Do you expect me to talk?”

      “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to consume a slightly, but only slightly, more realistic standard of attractiveness.”

      • wjts

        “You’re a madman, Goldstubble!”

        • tsam

          Goldfinger: Proctologist to the rich and famous!

      • UncleEbeneezer

        (Villain holds up Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue with a gorgeous plus-size model on the cover)

        Bond: NOOOOooooooooooo………

    • It’s somehow even less correct than what he originally said. Someone needs to tell this guy the first law of holes.

      • LosGatosCA

        When you’re an asshole just quit.

    • ferry boat headquarters

      Please tell me that James O’Keefe was not involved.

      • James O’Keefe

        On my “would not fuck” list.

        • tsam

          Too fat for ya?

  • busker type

    Not to nitpick, but I don’t think it would really be any better if a female critic made these comments.

    • Ann Outhouse

      Did someone say it would be?

    • rea

      If you could find one thin enough to make them

  • Karen24

    One does have to wonder exactly where he lives if Amy Schumer is too ugly to date.

  • JR in WV

    Ms Schumer is beautiful, intelligent looking, and by no means chubby in any way, shape or form. Not.

    Anyone who says so is perverted, trying to force more women into eating disorders, or something off key like that. Apatow is picking women to star in his shows that are going to be attractive to the largest number of viewers.

    The commentor has something wrong with his perception of women and their looks. Bad wrong.

    • JL

      The other thing, though, is who on earth cares if she IS chubby? It’s not a valid thing to criticize people for, and it’s not a valid thing for the reporter to be commenting on in this story.

      • Origami Isopod

        Seriously.

  • Ann Outhouse

    Size 6 isn’t chubby — it’s FAT. Meryl Streep said so in The Devil Wears Prada.

  • Good god. Is there another gender I can join? Mine keeps embarrassing the fuck out of me.

    • DrDick

      You might check with the Bugis or the Navajo, who both have five. Then there are the Chukchi, who have seven (the world record holders).

    • Dennis Orphen

      Sounds like you have already “rooted” yourself to human being. Carry on and keep up the good work.

    • Redwood Rhiadra

      Looking at your avatar, I can’t tell what gender you’re embarrassed by…

      (For those not familiar with Order of the Stick, the author quickly discovered that people had strong opinions of what the pictured character’s gender was – but those opinions did not agree. He’s been very careful not to reveal zir gender since.)

      • I think it’s telling that Vaar. shares a room with Haley, but that could just be her mistake.

        • Pat

          I thought Vaar had a mate.

          • Yes, but the mate is studiously ambiguous as well – that was quite a tour de force by Burlew (the kids call each one “parent”).

            I think Vaar is too stereotypically male-obsessive-assholish to be female, but that could just be my prejudices talking ….

    • There appear to be no legal procedures for opting out of one’s membership of the species. You’d think that the Grays would have some sort of Germany-style Right-of-Return citizenship deal, but NO.

    • Halloween Jack

      *knock on ThusBloggedAnderson’s front door*

      *TBA cautiously opens it*

      “Sir, madam, or other, have you heard the good news about genderqueer?”

      “Well, I–ow! Where did all that glitter come from? It’s in my eyes!”

  • gogiggs

    Has this reviewer somehow missed the fact that Apatow has also played a large part in the careers of Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, none of whom are conventional leading men?
    It’s almost as if he values being funny over being attractive in his comedies. What a concept!

    I mention this last because the proper answer to “Amy Schumer isn’t attractive” is, ‘so what? she’s funny’ and not, ‘yes she is attractive’. Nonetheless, I think Amy Schumer is very cute and her talent and brains, which one assumes will persist long after her looks, make her extremely attractive.

  • Earlier this winter I was really enjoying Agent Carter (which, among other things, really throws into sharp relief what a tedious mess Agents of SHIELD is). But one really depressing aspect of the show was looking at Hayley Atwell – who is gorgeous and has charisma and talent coming out of her pores – and realizing again and again that Hollywood defines her as fat, and that because of that she’s never going to have the career she so richly deserves.

    And she’s hardly alone. Romola Garai has stated that she’s more or less given up on a Hollywood career because she refuses to become a skeleton. Alison Tollman should have had offers from every corner of Hollywood after Fargo, but I haven’t heard anything about her signing on for new roles. And who knows what’ll become of Gina Rodriguez when Jane the Virgin ends. All of these women are stunning, but since they’re not stick-thin, their careers are in the doldrums – while chubby and average-looking guys become stars. So if there’s one director in Hollywood who is willing to turn that double standard around, I’m with him even if it is Apatow.

    • JohnT

      Hayley Atwell? Really? Fat? Christ, I didn’t know it had got that bad (although I guess I got an inkling during the ‘discussion’ a couple of years ago as to whether Jennifer Lawrence was/is fat (Answers: a) Who cares when cameras love her so much and she has so much talent? or b) No).
      I’m staying clear of the entertainment section; at this rate it’ll be: ‘there’s no way Hayley Atwell (or Christina Hendricks, or whoever) would ever be the objects of heated romantic attention’…

  • Caravelle

    Amy Schumer isn’t conventionally attractive o_O
    I’m sorry, I’ll just crawl back under my ugly troll bridge then.

  • slightly_peeved

    As you say, bspencer, this is a dumb thing to say about any woman. That being said, if you know anything about Amy Schumer’s dating history, you know how utterly ridiculous it is for anyone to say this about Amy Schumer, of all people.

    This is Nicholas Nemeth, a.k.a. professional wrestler Dolph Ziggler. He’s a two-time WWE Heavyweight Champion and is generally considered one of the most skilled performers in wrestling. His gimmick, to quote his t-shirt, is that he “steals the show – and your girlfriend”.

    He used to go out with Amy Schumer; she broke it off because the sex was too athletic. Apparently Dolph was quite heartbroken.

    So yeah; the woman this numnut doesn’t think would be the ‘object of heated romantic attention’ broke the heart of someone who’s considered especially attractive amongst professional wrestlers. Amongst a group of guys who do gymnastics with their shirts off for a living, he’s the looker.

  • cleek

    Amy Schumer’s problem is that i can’t look at her without seeing Ralphie.

    http://ok-cleek.com/blogs/?p=20239

    but i’d never call her ‘chubby’, or unattractive (in any sense).

  • Crusty

    I find Amy Schumer conventionally attractive.

    Put another way, I would totally do her.

    • Joe_JP

      duly noted

    • Origami Isopod

      Thank you for that totally necessary Note from Your Boner.

  • Halloween Jack
  • cleek

    seems like Schumer has already addresses this:

    http://www.cc.com/video-clips/xicrbj/inside-amy-schumer-focus-group

    • Crusty

      Good find.

    • Hob

      A while ago, The AV Club updated its commenting guidelines to say that you shouldn’t post comments that are strictly about how much you would or wouldn’t want to fuck the person who’s being discussed in a review. It was not exactly a surprise, but still disappointing, how many people reacted to this as if they’d been called rapist Nazis or forbidden to use the word “she” or something. The policy still exists but doesn’t seem to be very well enforced; there’s still a fairly large subset of commenters who are straight out of that focus group.

      • Halloween Jack

        There are some good commenters at AVC (Rappin’ Jake Sisko and Flirty Cardassian Waitress in their DS9 review series, some others in the game threads), but quite a few of them used up what creativity they had with their user name.

        • Hob

          Oh, there’s a ton of good ones. It’s just that the awful ones are super defensive about how everyone should just be there to have FUN, which to them means acting like a drunk 13-year-old. And I think the moderators are a little conflicted as to how much they really want to moderate, because editorial decisions are clearly driven by pageviews and even the commenters who have nothing to say but “huh huh boobs” are providing pageviews.

  • JB2

    I think Amy prefers criticism to compliments:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlvDV3mpZw&safe=active

  • D.N. Nation

    Somewhat relevant:

    – Amy Schumer has banged both Anthony Jeselnik and Dolph Ziggler. Haters can hate on her look but those are two *extremely* conventionally attractive hombres.

    – My favorite line of Schumer’s addressing this type of trolling is when she admitted to having a body “that can take a punch.”

  • tsam

    It occurs to me that no writer can seriously believe that he isn’t going to get majorly flamed for saying dumb shit like this.

    I think they’re inviting it. Maybe we need to escalate the response to flaming dog shit on the porches.

  • CJColucci

    Who is actually responsible for the scrawny woman thing? I remember Elizabeth Hurley once tried on Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” dress and called Monroe a “cow.” Who asked for that? I didn’t, and most men I know didn’t. We lusted after Marilyn, and Jane Russell, and Maureen O’Hara. Sophia Loren, Racquel Welch. We had plenty of room in our fantasies for the slimmer, more elegant types like Lauren Bacall, but we liked women with some meat on the bones, who would be considered fat today. So why is this happening? Whose interests does it serve?

    • tsam

      Lots of theories.

      In the 70s, being a tiny waif (Twiggy) was a thing. Kate Moss followed shortly behind.

      The most plausible explanation I heard was that the fashion industry liked their models to make the clothes look like they were hanging on a coat hanger at the department store. Of course those were the women that showed up in fashion magazines that teenage girls read, and teenage boys used to spank it…became a cultural norm despite the fact that a small minority of women are actually the size of those models.

      But today we all lust after Sofia Vergara, Kate Upton and Christina Hendricks, so it appears that normally built women are coming back.

      Hell that twitter pic of Amy in her underwear with the microphone got a little lust out of me. She’s a very attractive woman, with a sense of humor that makes her even more attractive.

      • Origami Isopod

        “Normally built women” run a gamut of shapes.

        • tsam

          That was the point I was trying to get across. I feel, based solely on anecdotal evidence (my limited TV watching) that more shapes and sizes of women are landing good roles these days. That could be all bullshit too–I don’t know.

      • Four Krustys

        “the fashion industry liked their models to make the clothes look like they were hanging on a coat hanger at the department store”

        I think the influence of gay men on women’s fashion is not to be understated. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when lad mags were featuring coat hanger type women. The average pinup girl/pornstar has a significantly higher BMI than the average fashion model, and always has.

        • tsam

          I’ve never thought of that as being influence from gay men. I thought they would be less judgmental about body sizes than frat-boy type straight men.

    • Halloween Jack

      It’s all about what’s considered the purview of rich people vs. poor people. A white woman being tan used to be considered a sign that she must have been working out in the fields all day, and therefore a farm worker; women were encouraged to be pale as milk. Now that lots more women work inside, it’s a sign of luxury to be able to lie outside in the sun (or inside in a tanning bed) for hours a day. Similarly, larger women were prized when food was more scarce; in a culture drowning in cheap, empty calories, it’s all about being able to afford food that tastes good but doesn’t pack on weight (and being able to exercise for as long and in exactly the way you need to).

  • Lee Rudolph

    called Monroe a “cow.”

    “She’s a nice girl, Arthur, but she pisses like a horse!”

  • MedicineMan

    bspencer: Off-topic but I wonder if you’d like to take a quick read of /r/Anarchism’s take on the Gators. Apparently the Gators recently decided to vote brigade an anarchist subreddit and the recap/commentary from the members there is just *cathartic*.

    http://np.reddit.com/r/Anarchism/comments/2yf44w/what_is_your_opinion_on_gamergate/

  • keta

    I usually feel pretty good about myself. I know what I look like. You’d bang me, but you wouldn’t blog about it. You won’t be Twittering “You won’t believe who I’m inside.” It’s fine.

    For me, sexiness defined. Bog love her and her dirty, dirty mouth.

  • kayden

    bspencer didn’t even quote the worst segments of the article:

    “Schumer’s wide facial features reminded me of a blonde Lou Costello around the time of Buck Privates”
    “You know who would be better in a film like this? An actress who’s nicely attractive”

    Wow. Just wow.
    Why mention her looks at all? Just review the film.

  • LiveFreeOrShop

    Agreed with all here, Amy Schumer is beautiful. And “…the woe-is-me, self-deprecating thing goes…” WTF? Self-deprecating? More like “I like sex and I have no problem with me OR sex.”

    Clearly Wells has never seen her stand-up. Or is just a complete asshole. Or both.

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