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WHAT? YOU THINK I CAN’T BE FRIENDLY?

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SEK’S NEIGHBOR: (standing beneath a tree, yelling into SEK’s window) HEY, ARE THESE YOUR STICKS?

SEK: (under his breath) Don’t say “they’re probably the tree’s,” don’t say “they’re probably the tree’s,” don’t say “they’re probably the tree’s.”

SEK: (out his window) THEY’RE PROBABLY THE TREE’S!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: SO THEY’RE NOT YOURS? I CAN THROW THEM AWAY?

SEK: YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH THEM!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: SO I CAN THROW THEM AWAY?

SEK: SURE!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: BECAUSE I’M GOING TO THROW THEM AWAY!

SEK: GO AHEAD!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: IN THE TRASH!

SEK: GOOD JOB!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: THANKS!

SEK: YOU’RE WELCOME!

SEK’S NEIGHBOR: GOOD TALK!

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  • YOU CAN’T THROW THOSE STICKS AWAY! MY GRANDFATHER WAS BURIED WITH THOSE STICKS!

  • Is this the neighbor who thinks you’re in a hat gang? Or a completely different mad neighbor?

    • SEK
      • efgoldman

        Oh, man, I missed that one when it happened.
        Does Doctor Jew have an Oy Vey Tardis?

      • “Yes, neighbor! Please take away my Satan Sticks! THEY WILL POSSESS YOU WITH THE POWER OF THE SATAN!”

        • Barry Freed
          • SEK

            I do live in Louisiana. (And the other weird thing about that show is that it’s inhabiting my past — they go to places in 1994 and 1995 that I would’ve been in 1994 or 1995. It’s creepy.)

            • Barry Freed

              Do you know the way to Carcosa?

              I can’t wait for tonight’s season finale. And a breakdown of the visual rhetoric from you would be great.

              • SEK

                I’ll do what I can. I’ve been meaning to write on it for a while, now.

                • Barry Freed

                  Sniping assholes notwithstanding, please make sure to post links to your piece when you finally do.

                • Rhino

                  I second this. True Detective cinematography blows my mind, and I wouldn’t mind learning why.

      • liberalrob

        So let me get this straight…on one side you have a neighbor who thinks you’re a gang-banger because you wear a hat backwards, and on the other side you have a neighbor who hates your mustache?

        Is there a HOA? Because I’d love to be a fly on the wall in those meetings…

        • KmCO

          But they’re so polite when they ask to borrow your sticks!

          • Lee Rudolph

            God bless them all.

      • Well where has he gone and put Jesus now?

  • Manju

    But what did he do with all the heads?

  • Opie Elvis

    A lack of a tidy lawn is surely a sign that The Satan has infested your yard. And everyone knows that random sticks laying about are signs witches leave each other.
    More important though, were the sticks pointed?

  • Alan Tomlinson

    It’s not cool to mock the mentally defective.

    Cheers,

    Alan Tomlinson

    • Warren Terra

      I propose that we treat this comment with great seriousness.

      • Alan Tomlinson

        I wouldn’t.

        Cheers,

        Alan Tomlinson

  • Aimai

    Didn’t you once have a problem with your verge? Or am I misremembering? Someone coming out and insisting on mowing the verge in front of your house? Is it something to do with nature, is what I’m saying?

    • SEK

      I don’t remember having a problem with my lawn previously…which frightens me, that these sort of things have happened to me so often now I’m actually able to forget them.

      • CD

        You’ve become such a potent signifier of overdetermined misadventure that all kinds of stories are starting to accrete around you. 50 years hence we’ll be debating whether you really existed.

        • SEK

          I like the idea of being a conundrum for space-suited future anthropologists to solve far more than is probably healthy.

          • Aimai

            I’m already half convinced that he doesn’t.

            • SEK

              I do a damned fine impression, impression, impression of an algorithm. But my existence has been verified by Brockington. There are even pictures of us on Facebook, in New Orleans, the night that — sorry, can’t tell that story here. He’s saving it for his memoirs.

        • DrS

          Christ, SEK

  • efgoldman

    Also too, what is this wacko doing clearing *your* yard?
    If he wants something to do, he can bring Jesus’ rake to our place and tackle the 12″ thick leaf litter that just emerged from under the snow.

    • Sly

      Also too, what is this wacko doing clearing *your* yard?

      So his other neighbor has room to park his car.

    • SEK

      Also too, what is this wacko doing clearing *your* yard?

      The tree’s not quite in my yard, or really in his. I think he was just making sure I didn’t have plans for those stick. (About which, see above.)

      • Pat

        I mean, maybe he thought you’ve seen the light and are thinking of organizing a book burning or something. Dude was trying to be polite.

    • joe from Lowell

      the 12″ thick leaf litter that just emerged from under the snow

      Tell me about it.

      It seems like I have about a 12 minute window between when the last leaves fall in my yard and when they get frozen to the ground and buried under snow.

      You know what I love about New England? We have all four seasons. In October.

  • Your neighbor is Telepathic Ed?

    (h/t Substance Bubba, recently deceased and probably zombified).

    • What?

    • Barry Freed

      Deceased deceased or just temporarily retired from blogging?

      • oops. What with the recent spate of less-than-lively folks, I should have been more explicit. Substance Righteous and other permutations of that nym continues to draw air. He closed his bloggle home because a local nut was stalking him. No further sightings have been made, but I figure it’s because he is partaking of the legal weed in heroic amounts.

        • Jesus Christ, you scared me.

          • Barry Freed

            Yeah, same here. Glad to hear he’s okay and just taking a breather.

            • Dr. Acula

              Thirded.

        • Jesus, H. DONT DO THAT

        • “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never trust a zombie when death is on the line’!”

  • JustRuss

    When I first read this, I thought the last line “Good Talk!”, was SEK being snarky. For some reason I find the fact that his neighbor actually said it highly amusing.

    • STH

      I wonder if he thinks he’s making progress with converting the Satanist next door since they had such a nice chat.

      GOOD CHAT (FOR THE SPAWN OF SATAN).

      • SEK

        It does worry me that the man lives in a world in which that bevy of miscommunication qualifies as one of the better conversations he had that day.

  • Don’t you get in trouble where you live for throwing compostable yard waste in the trash instead of bundling it properly?

    • efgoldman

      SEK lives in Louisiana. Composting is one of those liberal plots that’s probably against the law. The can have my landfill when….

      • Most of Louisiana is muck, AKA compost. Leaving the crap there is just as sustainable.

        • cpinva

          “Most of Louisiana is muck, AKA compost.”

          that’s future oil, son!

  • Let’s be honest here, SEK: You had big plans for those sticks. YOU KNOW YOU DID.

    • SEK

      YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING!

      • cpinva

        sure, tell that to the two heads now just sitting on the floor.

  • SEK: (out his window) THEY’RE PROBABLY THE TREE’S!

    I would have started singing the Rush song.

    • SEK is today’s Tom Sawyer.

      • Pat

        He will be when he has a fence to paint.

  • (standing beneath a tree, yelling into SEK’s window)

    Of course, when I stand on my upper porch and scream about sticks into the trees below, i have to talk to many uniformed people.

  • A Tree In SEK’s Yard

    My sticks!

    • Kingfish

      SEK speaks for the trees!

  • Not quite sure why we should take SEK seriously anymore. If he’s not going to be honest about his pro-stick agenda, what else is he hiding? Probably a hat.

  • It’s the one who hates hipster mustaches and wants me to find Jesus.

    Oh, shit.

    Is Jesus lost AGAIN?!?

    • Pat

      He got a connecting flight through Atlanta, and I’m telling you, the Second Coming is gonna be delayed while they find his luggage.

      • Ahuitzotl

        True Air Superiority is not having to change in Atlanta

    • joe from Lowell

      The Shroud of Turin is stapled to a utility pole in front of Scott’s house, with the words “Have you seen me?” below it.

    • Warren Terra

      No, he knows where he is (isn’t he omnipresent anyway?), it’s a contest along the lines of Lobby Lud:”You are Jesus Christ and I claim my Eternal Salvation”.

  • joe from Lowell

    At least he didn’t bring the sticks to your office for a little stickball.

    • Aimai

      Hawt.

  • evodevo

    Hey !! We burn wood, and I am VERY possessive about my STICKS !!
    Don’t you touch MY sticks … I am armed !!!
    Just some Kentucky humor here …

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