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The Laziest Cashier in All the World

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SEK walks to the checkout line and asks the cashier if she can grab him a bottle of SKYY, because in Louisiana the alcohol is kept in a different, special, somewhat faraway place and must be requested.

CASHIER: The blue one?

SEK: Yes, much appreciated.

CASHIER walks to different, special, somewhat faraway place and returns with a clear bottle of Absolut.

CASHIER: This one?

SEK: No, the blue one.

CASHIER: (looks somewhat faraway) But does this one work for you?

SEK: Not really, it’s $15 more expensive.

CASHIER: (emphatically looks somewhat faraway) So you don’t want it?

SEK: I wanted the —

CASHIER: HEY HONEY, LOOK WHAT I FOUND HERE!

SEK: What?

CASHIER: IT’S A COUPON!

SEK: A coupon?

CASHIER: FOR $15 OFF THE VODKA YOU DON’T WANT!

SEK: I’ll … I’ll take it?

CASHIER: You’re welcome, handsome. Have yourself a good one.

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  • Joseph Nobles

    Absolut Lagniappe.

  • Barry Freed

    This is LGM, SEK. You wanted the gin. Get with the program.

    • rea

      Someday, someone will manufacture ketchup-flavored vodka

      • Halloween Jack

        …to dip your fries in?

        • Barry Freed

          Kickstarter!

        • Kingfish

          To mix with your UV French Fries, of course.

    • kindness

      Don’t make Peggy Noonan cry by drinking all the gin. Take the Absolut with the $15 off ‘coupon’.

    • Return to Zork

      Want some rye?
      Course ya do.

  • The cashier was Erik in disguise.

    • Malaclypse

      Erik would have brought gin, and told SEK to learn to drink like a grownup.

      • I’d be like Jack Black in High Fidelity except with alcohol.

        Actually, I’d be like that in a music store too.

        • TribalistMeathead

          You’d be like that in a music store with alcohol?

        • Malaclypse

          I’d assume you would be like that in, say, a hardware store, or a supermarket.

          • Probably the latter, not the former. Out of my element. But I do expect the workers at those stores to look at me with contempt. Welcome it really.

          • Lee Rudolph

            Or at Loomis’s Choice Stables.

            “I said, you can have your pick of the horses. Don’t complain to me if they’re all dead!”

            • rea

              Like Hobson’s choice, only not as many good options

          • Warren Terra

            It’s a tough choice: do you go for the chain hardware store where you’ll be certain of comfortable anonymity and staff disinterest, but they might not have the best tool or part and can’t answer any questions (correctly) – or do you go to the real hardware story, the one in the musty building that mostly keeps builders’ hours and is poorly lit and terribly organized, where the staff view you with undisguised contempt – but know everything about hardware, and can probably find exactly what you need?

      • Pat

        The cashier thought SEK was cute, and spotted him $15 so he could drink a nicer bottle of vodka.

        SEK responds by ridiculing the cashier online.

        So sad.

  • N__B

    Absolut Blue Skyy.

  • joe from Lowell

    The Laziest Greatest Cashier in the World.

    FTFY!

    • Jordan

      exactly!

  • TribalistMeathead

    I once walked into a Duane Reade, asked for a 6-week supply of Prilosec, and proceed to say “no, Prilosec, no, PRILOSEC!” at the cashier as she proceeded to point at every product on the shelf and look at me with a blank look on her face.

    After that I think I just shopped for it online till I moved away from NYC.

  • Anonymous

    Not even close, SEK – I’ve had more than one cashier in the same circumstances simply refuse to go get a bottle in the first place. Now thats lazy. (also in Louisiana, perhaps not coincidentally. In at least one case I’m fairly sure the cashier was too stoned/drunk to be able to walk there)

  • Warren Terra

    I think the SEK-story connoisseurs would join me in wanting to know whether during this encounter you were wearing a hat.

    • SEK

      I was, indeed. Apparently, some people think I look dashing in it.

      • Some people

        I look dashing in it
        You may have misunderstood. Our actual words were “Keep an eye on the dude in the hat, I think he’s going to do a runner.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Wait, wait…Absolut is that much more expensive than Skyy?

    • Njorl

      That’s what I was thinking. It must have been an 8-liter bottle.

    • CD

      There’s a 50-gallon barrel of the stuff in the back of the store and a bunch of empty bottles.

  • herr doktor bimler

    Go for the same cashier when you’re buying ketchup, you might get a discount.

    • Hogan

      And be sure to ask for the blue one.

      • mds

        Ooh, heirloom tomatoes.

  • CJ

    ahhhhh Louisiana. never change.

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