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Great Moments in Gun Humpery

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Via, well, you know…

I’m stealing Roy’s money quote. Here David French describes non-gun-molesters as the “dependent class.” As in, we don’t approach every day as if we’re playing “Tombstone” in a loop in our heads, just waiting to say “I’m your Huckleberry” to some “bad guy.”

The protected class has a different view. The protected class is a dependent class — not economically dependent of course, but dependent on the state in perhaps a more fundamental way (for their very lives) – and like members of other dependent classes, they are terrified of flaws in the state’s protective apparatus. Walled off from gun culture, they read the occasional, aberrant story of (legal) gun-owner stupidity or recklessness and cower in fear of a nonexistent threat.

It’s a pretty mind-numbingly stupid neat Jedi mind trick. Because, obviously, the exact opposite is true. In fact it is the gun-kinksters who are the dependent class, depending on law enforcement and emergency services to clean up after their accidental testes-shootings and their homicides.  If David French would quit frenching his gun for five seconds, he’d understand the whole premise of his argument is made up of nothing but derp vomit. Actually, it’s not even as substantial as derp vomit.

And there’s the use of the phrase “nonexistent threat” to describe actual threats and, you know, murders. It reminds me of when people use the word “literally” wrong. Like “David French made such sweet, frenzied love to his gun that it literally slipped inside his body and poked a giant hole in his brain.” Now obviously that didn’t literally happen because David French doesn’t have a brain. But David French’s argument is surely literally the dumbest thing on the internet right now.

 

UPDATE with a fantastic post by witless chum:

It’s been said before, gun nuttery is like LARPing with a body count. But that’s really unfair to LARPers, who generally don’t believe they’re actually elves or whatever while they’re sitting in their cubical or stopping at the convenience store.

The gun nuts who talk like David French are scary both because of the gun part and the part where they profess to believe in this fantastical ideology where they’re the sheriff of Dodge City and the last line of defense between society and the hordes of “criminals.” The fact that while the country has been getting safer, their gunhumping is getting more energetic is an extra-worrisome detail, because it firmly shows that when reality contradicts their fantasy, they’ll pick the fantasy every time. And maybe shoot at reality if it plays its music too loud or something.

 

 

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