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What part of “bspencer is terrible” do you not understand?

[ 236 ] December 27, 2013 |

The following is a guest post by my pet troll, who goes by many names, but for the purpose of this entry will go by “Desperately Sad Fuckface.” He’s taken a break from shitting his pants to write, so I hope you’ll reward his good behavior by reading this…

LGM readers, I’m frustrated. I’ve tried telling you how much bspencer sucks. I’ve listed her many unforgivable sins:

  • She links to entries by other bloggers (an act heretofore unheard of in the blogging world)
  • She posts pictures of her kid
  • She sometimes writes in all caps
  • She sometimes writes silly entries that are not like the silly entries by her co-authors
  • She sometimes blogs about her interests (INTERESTS I DON’T SHARE)

yet some of you still refuse to acknowledge that she is worst thing since Hitler. So I grow restless. I’m no longer content to troll bhitler; I now turn my ire on you, her readers, her enablers.

If you display anything less than an active, visceral hatred of bhitler you run the risk of getting on my bhit list. So I urge you…please, think before you post. Think “Why am I joking with a woman who is pretty much Hitler’s much younger, more attractive twin sister?”  Think “Is this wise? Do I want to risk Desperately Sad Fuckface’s wrath?” If your answer is “yes,” let me just say…you’ve been warned.

bspencer here. So, anyway, I was not aware that any of you were sucking up to me. But I have to be honest: the idea intrigues and pleases me, and I’d like to encourage your suckupitude.

How can you suck up to me? Well, there’s always complimenting my kid, but, ya know what? I’m not gonna do your work for you. Be creative. Think outside the box. The box is smelly and it’s filled with troll shit.

Let’s get this sucking up thing started!

 

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  • thebewilderness

    I have a suspicion that bspencer’s greatest crime is that she is a she on the interwebs. That has been considered a high crimee and misdemeanor since forever.

    • Nobdy

      FemiNAZI! Am i right? Am I right?

      I’m not right? That’s just what a feminazi would say!

    • Yes, her greatest crime is that she’s an opinionated “she” who’s a Liberal, on the intertubes, whom the intertubes HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Oy!

        “…intertubes HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        was supposed to read, “… who the interRUBES, HATE!!!”

    • Warren Terra

      It could be forgiven, if only she would restrict herself to writing about my preferred topics in my preferred manner.

      • efgoldman

        … if only she would restrict herself to writing about my preferred topics in my preferred manner.

        Right, because I spend my day when I should be out finding gainful employment reading blogs I don’t like, watching TV shows and movies I hate, listening to assaultive music I abhor, and reading books by authors I detest. Why can’t everyone and everything do things I like and want? Why? Whyyy? Whhyyyynnnnnnnne????

    • Ronan

      probably not though, i love bspencer, but i mean EL got arrested (!! more or less ?? ) for what he wrote here, so Im not fully buying that narrative
      tis the way of the world

      • efgoldman

        EL got arrested

        Nah, he only got harassed and threatened with unemployment and being blackballed.

        • Ronan

          twas like that film papillion all over again

          • Rigby Reardon

            That was a good one.

            • Ronan

              the joke or film?

              • efgoldman

                Yes.

        • Barry Freed

          Wha happen? I think I was taking a break from the blog and blogs in general when that went down.

          • William Berry

            EL beheaded a guy with the blade of a pike, then put the head on the pointy end of the pike.

          • Warren Terra

            Erik was graphic in his use of rhetorical imagery in response to the sheer vileness of the NRA head honcho after Newtown. This caused a lot of Wingers to get the vapours, as they had heretofore never encountered this alleged concept of “metaphor”, nor of “allusion”.

            • Barry Freed

              D’oh. EL = Erik Loomis. Yeah, I was here for that. For some reason I was thinking of a commenter named E L.

      • N__B

        I haven’t trusted EL since the whole “impregnating a virgin” thing went sour.

        • Warren Terra

          El? Oh, him!

          • Barry Freed

            1

          • mds

            The heavens roll aside so that the celestial chorus may sing the song of creation as you are presented with an internet.

  • Malaclypse

    You forgot to mention that you have cooties.

    • Bill Murray

      My understanding of the current medical research is that there are now shots for that. So her cooties could be in remission or have cleared up completely

      • DrDick

        But these are girly cooties and those don’t just wash off!

      • Joseph Slater

        There are no “shots” for cooties. There is only cootie insurance.

        • I don’t want to pay for your slutty cootie-contracting lifestyle.

  • wjts

    I don’t like the way you don’t blog about the fact that they don’t make the kind of socks I like any more.

    • I’m actually genuinely sorry about that.

      • trollhattan

        Pretty sure the world’s clothes dryers got together and finally eatted dem all–nom-nom.

        Anyhoo, the standard “Don’t let the door hit you…” &/or “Go start your own FVCKing blog” both come to mind WRT the guest Whinga (whinging ninja).

        Carry on.

      • Bill Murray

        but you don’t owe the commenter any socks either

    • rea

      socks to be you . . .

      • efgoldman

        -1

    • JoyfulA

      You and my husband would love a blog post like that.

  • LittlePig

    Unfortunately, there’s always one of those Something Is Wrong On The Internet folks hanging about.

    • Warren Terra

      Speaking of being wrong on the internet, proper credit matters.

      • LittlePig

        Please forgive me. I did not mean to be bspenserish about it.

        • ExpatChad

          i cannot find the adjective “bspenserish” on (in?) google. so, doesn’t exist in this dimension, unsurprisingly.

          • thebewilderness

            It thrives in all other dimensions and this one will be next! It is coming!!!

  • LittlePig

    And I enjoy seeing young Dudeskull, myself.

    • Suck up.

      • Warren Terra

        It pains me that I must point out your error: “Suck up.” should have been hyphenated.

        • I know. But I’m feeling really lazy right now.

          • ChrisTS

            Ah ha! A lazy Hitler twin.

            • Barry Freed

              At least Poland can rest easy.

              • Lee Rudolph

                But not the Suckupinland!

                • Lee Rudolph

                  …which, I should note (having been reminded of it by efg) is a bit of Trollische Heimatland in constant danger of being overpowered by the Reality Czechs. SAVE ME.

                • Hogan

                  Go ahead and jump out of that window. Your a goddamn Czech.

                • Warren Terra

                  Hogan just wants to see the Czech bounce.

                • Barry Freed

                  There’s no way I’m Russian in here.

                • LittlePig

                  Hogan just wants to see the Czech bounce.

                  [RIMSHOT]

                • rea

                  Go ahead and jump out of that window. Your a goddamn Czech.

                  Prague is known for its defenestrations . . .

                • Hogan

                  Prague is known for its defenestrations . . .

                  Finally someone who understands me.

            • Springtime for bhitler in Derpmany,
              Winter for Trolland …

  • Barry Freed

    The only way bspencers artwork could be any better is if it had laser beams coming out of the eyes. I guess I’ll just have to go elsewhere for my laser-eyeball-beam fix.

    • This is a fair critique. I’ve always thought my art was missing something, and now I know what it was: laser beams.

      • Barry Freed

        A fair critique? O noes! I’ve fucked up the suck up.

      • burritoboy

        Though there also could be sharks, which would be cool as well. Laser beams + sharks = bspencer’s work in the Louvre.

  • Malaclypse

    I heard bspencer wrote the last season of BSG.

    • N__B

      You monster.

      • Barry Freed

        Yeah, that’s downright hate speech, that is.

      • grouchomarxist

        That’s “History’s Greatest Monster!” to you, bub.

    • anthrofred

      Worse, she was responsible for Dexter.

      • wjts

        GET THE TORCHES AND THE FRANKENSTEIN RAKES.

        • allium

          Frankenstein was the groundskeeper; the rake’s name was Mr. Tongy.

          • Igor Sansa

            I snivel and cringe before the awesomeness of this comment.

            • ExpatChad

              you’re joined…

          • Walt

            This retrospectively made all of the “Frankenstein was the doctor” conversations I’ve had to sit through worthwhile.

            • Egmont Scurley

              Frankenstein was not a doctor. He dropped out of school before getting his degree (really).

              He was not a baron, either–just landed gentry, with no title.

              The above was typed with a smug expression on my face, and the thought “That’ll show him!” in my mind.

    • timb

      I can’t imagine saying that about someone you like.

      Speaking of Ron Moore, has anyone given him the punishment he deserved?

    • Hogan

      I heard she cancelled Firefly. And then went out for ice cream.

      • wjts

        I heard she’s the majority shareholder in both Hellman’s AND Heinz.

        • Barry Freed

          I hear George Lucas gets all his ideas from her.

          • efgoldman

            I hear George Lucas gets all his ideas from her

            Now that’s as low as it gets.

            • Warren Terra

              I dunno: it might be even lower to say she’s in charge of passing judgment on all of George Lucas’s ideas. Maybe he had some good ones!

              • Another Holocene Human

                It’s been clear for years that no-one passes judgment on George Lucas’ ideas until long after editing.

    • Col Bat Guano

      I thought she wrote the finale of Lost.

  • Nobdy

    I for one found the post about Kenny Rogers being a good photographer totally unforgivable and very Hitlerian.

    AFTER WHAT HE DID TO KRAMER?!?!

    • rea

      Not to mention what he did to the Yankees in ’06.

  • NotOnScript

    I’d like to say something nice about bspencer — for example, I could compliment bspencer about the banner at the top of the page that is actually cool and also functional and after awhile I don’t notice it not out of disrespect but because it works so well — but I’m not sure if I should say something nice about bspencer or her work.

    Let’s face it: I’m a GUY on the INTERNET. I wouldn’t want to upset some other GUY on the internet. (And here I am assuming that “Desperately Sad Fuckface” is some white guy. I know! In this postracial society we’re not supposed to make such assumptions!)

    So I don’t know what to do.

    • You and me both, bub.

    • White? I remember before the genetic composition of trolls got completely degraded and compromised that they were green.

      • Warren Terra

        No, it’s ogres that are green. Trolls are grey, which in a Manichean world means they might as well be white.

    • Ronan

      i think you might be overthinking this, a little

      COMPLIMRNT THE MOTHERFUCKING BANNER

      • rbl

        Serious question, did she actually make the banner, or is this an inside joke that I missed? Either way it is a nice banner.

        • Ronan

          i think bspenc made it, afaik

        • Jordan

          She did, in fact, make the banner (before she was a front pager).

          • Barry Freed

            Post here

          • Gregor Sansa

            And before she was bspencer. I mean, who cares what her birth certificate says, her True Name at the time was Dr. Vacuum NoiseSlayer.

            (Which reminds me of the creepiest short story I ever read, “The Noise Eater” by Zenna Henderson. Goosebumps, even now, when I’m all grown up and on a beach.)

            • Jordan

              I almost made that joke, but rbl seemed confused enough already.

              Also, I always forget where Dr. Kenneth Noisewater comes from. So on the occasions when I rewatch Anchorman, it is always a surprise.

              • efgoldman

                Why the sad face?

                • Jordan

                  It just started showing up one day. I think it has something to do with my gmail account, and I guess I must have signed up for a gravatar at some point when I was a little drunk and don’t really remember long ago.

                  Anyways … I’m grumpy :).

                • N__B

                  It’s funny now, but wait until it gets stuck that way.

                • Barry Freed

                  If you want to get rid of it just use a different email address. I lost the password to my gravatar account and fucked up the reset so I’m stuck with this old thing from like 2003 or something but I usually remember to use a different email address and it goes away.

                  I find your frowny rather charming myself.

            • LittlePig

              Geez, that reminded me of the Sin Eater episode in Night Gallery. The kid’s dad was the Sin Eater, and he was dying, so the kid…

              • Hogan

                I LOVE that episode.

            • Walt

              She’s obviously a committee pretending to be a single person. Christ you people are so gullible.

    • coconino

      and post-gender?

  • Jewish Steel
  • njorl

    I’m so excited! Just 4 more days and bspencer will pick which commenter gets promoted to Pioneer status for next year!

    • efgoldman

      …bspencer will pick which commenter gets promoted to Pioneer status for next year!

      Doesn’t that require a $100K minimum donation?

      • This is payable to me by the way.

        • Warren Terra

          Less my cut. Tom Friedman says I can save the American economy if I take a cut on all transactions.

          • efgoldman

            Less my cut.

            Will you take it in quatloos?

            • Warren Terra

              I’m holding out for Dogecoin.

              • Barry Freed

                bhitcoin?

            • Hogan

              The official hard currency of LGM is gold-pressed latinum.

              • Jordan

                No, no, it is all about bartering self-sealing stem bolts.

                • Barry Freed

                  I’ll accept Dollarpounds.

                • Jordan

                  There are SO MANY British tv shows I have never seen a single episode of.

                • Barry Freed

                  That’s a good one if you like Scifi. And I loves me some DS9 too.

                • Jordan

                  I do, of course. But I’ve found as I get older my tv tastes mirror my music tastes: stuff that I liked when I was younger.

                  This isn’t a good stance, I suppose.

                • Another Holocene Human

                  hm, like bitcoin,some sucker will be left holding the stembolts

          • trollhattan

            Have an IFC tshirt that says “Uncut” so evidently I’m outta the running here. With that said I once drove T. Friedman’s cab. Or did I open his cabernet? Hmmm.

        • efgoldman

          This is payable to me by the way

          Or what? You’ll put my head on a pike?

  • rm

    I think it’s time to revoke that law we passed that said Mr. D. S. Fuckface is required to read this blog every day on pain of death. He has suffered enough.

  • Jesus died for somebody’s sins, but not bspencer’s.

    • Torquemada

      Patti Smith FTW

      • Hogan

        WTF? I cancelled that reply and everything. DAMN YOU BSPENCER. DAMN YOU TO HELL.

  • Manju

    bspencer here. So, anyway, I was not aware that any of you were sucking up to me.

    Judging from the avatar, WHICH I JUST NOW NOTICED, the commentator in question is not assuming a position conducive to sucking up.

  • Halloween Jack

    I thought you were cool before anyone else, and will do so after the other hipsters have dropped off like engorged ticks.

    • But…I have SOLD OUT.

      • anthrofred

        We’re all just jealous because we haven’t figured out how to monetize ourselves like God/Thomas Friedman intended.

        • Warren Terra

          Sez you. I’ve been getting good commissions reselling all of your comments to people who don’t have any comments of their own, just like The Moustache said I should.

          • efgoldman

            + $1

      • Barry Freed

        This is why you are and will always be history’s greatest monster

      • Halloween Jack

        No one yells “sell-out” harder than the person who tried to and had no takers.

    • Embarrassed to say I laugh EVERY TIME I watch that clip. EVERY. TIME.

  • cpinva

    I believe true “sucking up” requires an exchange of items of value (preferably cash, or uncut diamonds), from the person sucking up, to the person being sucked up to.

    • The diamonds can be cut. I won’t be a dick about it.

      • anthrofred

        A cut or uncut dick?

      • Igor Sansa

        Well, your money still awaits you, for a mere 7776 hexadecimal digits of RGBness. (I think I should get some kind of suckup prize for this, by the way. Oh, and may I just say, this post would be even better if it had some Dorbskull and/or glamface digital art.)

        • Geez, that’s right. I have an avatar to make. It is in the queue!

          • Gregor Sansa

            To spur you further to action… well, no, actually just to show off… here’s an image I created minutes ago. I, too, have been party to the creation of cuteness!

            • Barry Freed

              Dude, no fair. I thought you were freezing your ass off in MA.

      • Warren Terra

        Compromise: half cut.

  • I apologize for posting on the wrong thread.

    • N__B

      You monster. Again.

  • anthrofred

    I have a tendency to post random off-topic crap about popular culture and bad puns, so I welcome our Vacuum Slaying Overlord for creating threads where I don’t have to feel bad for doing so. I like Endless War On Healthcare threads, too, but why shouldn’t commenters also have places that aren’t always serious? There’s a solid community of regulars, and sometimes it’s nice just to have somewhere to hang out suck up.

    Not that dinosaur colors aren’t serious business.

    • Nobdy

      The dinosaur color thread is just moar proof that it’s LIBERALS who are obsessed with skin color, not conservatives, who see everyone as individuals, whether they are white or something inferior to white.

      • Gregor Sansa

        I think that liberals and conservatives can agree that purple is a very inferior color, especially for dinosaurs.

      • *snort*

        • efgoldman

          I hope you have forbidden B*rney from the Toddler Noisewater canon.

          • I don’t forbid anything that will hold his attention. He is a perpetual motion machine and I am in charge of him–with rare exceptions–literally 24 hours a day.

            • mds

              literally 24 hours a day.

              That’s what the cheap brandy is for, hon.

          • Warren Terra

            If the trolls really wanted to mess with Vacuumslayer, they’ send Barney DVDs to her kid. See how adorable she thinks he is then.

            • LittlePig

              Tee hee. I heard from an old friend a few days ago for the first time in over 15 years, that being when I gifted her son with Hampsterdance for Christmas.

      • anthrofred

        I know some people – and I mean white people – who I secretly suspect would be very happy as dinosaurs.

  • Oh, bspencer, I know how hard it is to avoid being seduced into picking up that dirt-cheap 100 lb bag of Purina Troll chow when you’re chasing your toddler through Costco, but the admonition: “Don’t feed the trolls!” is a bit of time-honored wisdom, and possibly even an internet tradition [I’m a bit vague on these things] that shouldn’t be given such short shrift.

    And here you devoted an entire post to troll nourishment.

    When, really he should be force fed his own bile.

    Alas, though, I don’t think the required technology is fully developed.

    Meanwhile, let me offer a small and humble increment of suckitude.

    [slurp]

    Cheers!
    JzB

    • efgoldman

      …the admonition: “Don’t feed the trolls!” is a bit of time-honored wisdom, and possibly even an internet tradition….

      Well, yeah, but that’s usually because the JenBobs and Reality Checks of the world are only encouraged to issue snappy (or snippy?) replies.
      This particular troll (if it isn’t a spoof or parody troll) seems more the hit and run type.

  • FLRealist

    BSpencer – I’m not sucking up to you, but the pictures of the kid must continue. He reminds me of mine when they were little.

    Carry on!

  • DrDick

    What is this? Do all of the regular posters get their own personal troll? I wish they could just all agree on who is the absolute worstest in the whole world. I am so confused about who I am supposed to hate.

    • N__B

      Dr Noisewater is a pink bunny. SHE’S NOT A WHITE BUNNY. DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?

    • Warren Terra

      Honestly, it seems like Dr. Noisewater gets a lot of trolls of her very own – in which class I’d include Agent Of Shrill, even if he did comment to a Campos post – while everyone else mostly shares the duty troll from the Troll Pool. Which is naturally full of syrup.

      • efgoldman

        the duty troll from the Troll Pool.

        + E2

  • Since my prior efforts at sucking up have evidently failed (if a sucking up occurs in the forest did it really happen or did you get splintery lips for no good reason?)

    bspenser, there comes a time in a academic’s live when the booze, pills, and massive donut and Chuckles binges are not enough to fend off the despair that wells up like a radioactive tsunami threatening to sweep you into a poisoned chasm of career and relationship ending misery. When I found myself lying in a pool of alcholic, gummy vomit in the shade of the Blackpool tower I seriously considered filling my pockets with rock and walking out into the Irish sea until I could walk no more but would be free of the pressures of well compensated light desk work with extremely flexible hours forever and at last.

    As I staggered toward the beach, I found that my phone still had charge and a pretty decent Internet connection. I surfed to LGM to leave a farewell comment; perhaps on a Campous post about the implosion of law school applications by people misclassified as obese by new BMI interpretive guidelines. Or perhaps on a fiberously wholesome day in depressing labor history post by Loomis.

    Instead, the screen grew brighter as I saw, shining before me like a lighthouse beacon cutting through the fog of misery, a post by you, bspenser. As I read this post I felt a new warmth spread through me (and not down my leg as before) and I thought: Yes! Yes there is reason to live, to love, to grade exams in a rigorously arbitrary way! I can walk proud again, head held high, through a universe no less indifferent than I had known, but yet touched with grace. For you had taken the heart of unadulterated whimsy and given it an earthly form hale enough to reach me in my dogmatic stupor.

    For this, the gift of a light heart, I can never give enough thanks.

    Your most humble and obedient servant,

    Bijan “Greasy Suck Up” Parsia.

    • efgoldman

      Hope you have a loading dock. It’s going to take five or six trucks to deliver all the intartoobz for the rest of the year.

    • gregor sansa

      I give it an arbitrary L+, for LOL. In terms of Majority Approval Voting, an A. Or as we (always) sa at Harvard, an A+.

    • Bow before the master, people.

    • mds

      … did you get splintery lips for no good reason?

      Well, Pinocchio certainly doesn’t think so.

  • You have your own pet troll? Cool.

    • jim, some guy in iowa

      the main drawback is finding an affordable bridge for it to sleep under, I understand

      • Lee Rudolph

        In its majestic equality, the law forbids rich and poor trolls alike to sleep under bridges they can’t afford.

    • MAJeff

      Is it a cave troll or a bridge troll? I’m guessing that would really impact the kind of crate you buy for them and how you set it up.

  • DN

    bHiltler is responsible for many crimes against the internets. These include posting pics of kids that aren’t mine, linking to other people I have already read, and appearing to be the kind of person that enjoys ketchup and vodka. In fact, bHitler probably does shots of vodka and ketchup together and calls it a bloody vodka martini. There just isn’t enough hate for such an individual. If it wasn’t for affirmative action I wouldn’t have to get eye cooties when I read LGM.

    DN

  • Ms. bspencer. It’s time for your annual performance review. Some customers have expressed dissatisfaction with your efforts in this past year. Please write a three-page blogpost detailing your errors, and your benchmarks for the coming year to measure improvement in this critical area. Overall, Blogco is pleased with your work; however if this situation continues we will have no recourse but to substantially reduce your pay.

    Thank you, sincerely,

    The Boss

  • BubbaDave

    bspenser is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

    • Now THAT is some major suck!

      • BubbaDave

        Except that I failed to spell “spencer” properly (I blame Robert Parker). The only thing kinder, braver, warmer and more wonderful than bspencer would be a working edit button….

  • Simon

    It is true that the other bloggers make a lot of garbage posts, but they’re redeemed by the fact that they make interesting posts in addition to those ones. I don’t care about baseball or whatever but the international relations, labour history, and legal analysis stuff makes up for it.

    Your speciality, though, seems to be entry-level internet feminism and reading the comment sections of irrelevant right-wing blogs. That is to say, while the other contributors have their share of “silly posts”, you make nothing but “silly posts”.

    Frankly, it’s kind of embarrassing that, for all your apparent concern about the topic, one of the male bloggers (Lemieux) routinely writes more thoughtful and interesting posts about women’s rights than you ever have.

    If you want your thing here to be “feminism” (in the way that Loomis’s thing is labour, &c.) you could do a lot worse than just posting nothing but Andrea Dworkin and Silvia Federici quotes—it would certainly be an improvement over trawling through random blogs looking for something anti-feminist you can quote and make fun of.

    • Lee Rudolph

      A veritable Double-Reverse-Whammy of suckupitude. Congratulations, Simon! Long will you be rightfully remembered as He Who Says.

    • Warren Terra

      My holiday season gift to you is the freedom not to read bloggers who you don’t like. As a special bonus, you are relieved of your obligation to post whiny little rants about those bloggers’ inadequacies.

      • Simon

        If the proprietors provided an “everyone but bspencer” rss feed, I would subscribe to it in a heartbeat.

        Barring that, my gift to her is relief of her obligation to make tedious & uninteresting posts on otherwise mostly-interesting blogs.

        • Jordan

          “If the proprietors provided an “everyone but bspencer” rss feed, I would subscribe to it in a heartbeat.”

          Here you go. Have fun!

          Well, I suppose not technically a rss feed. But ya gotta learn to live with it.

    • jim, some guy in iowa

      I dunno – even ‘entry level’ feminism is a couple, three steps above where a lot of people seem to be…

      • Simon

        If the target audience of this blog were high schoolers, I might not care so much.

        • Anonymous

          how do you know what the target audience of LG&M *is*?

          • Simon Bar Sinister just knows these things. It is not for one such as you to question one such as he!

            Him?

            Whatever. Don’t ask questions!

            • So we’re saying this IS a blog for teenagers now? I don’t get it.

              • jim, some guy in iowa

                no, more that Simon, being just a commenter (and an awfully new one at that) doesn’t really know who the front pagers have in mind as a ‘target audience’

                & actually, I always thought the whole point of the internet was to give people the opportunity to be as smart-assed and clever as they wished they’d been in high school…

                • Hogan

                  Hey, I was AT LEAST this clever in high school. Whether that’s a good thing is left as an exercise for the reader.

          • Jordan

            *not Simon*, I’d say.

            • N__B

              I believe, sir, you meant “not Simon says”.

              • Jordan

                well poop, how did I leave that out?

        • Why is it called “concern trolling” when he is so obviously unconcerned?

      • mds

        even ‘entry level’ feminism is a couple, three steps above where a lot of people seem to be…

        Considering Simon’s apparent presumption that bspencer should do more in-depth posts about feminism, because that’s a feminist woman blogger’s proper role, I think “couple, three” is underestimating quite a bit.

        • Is there anything inherently wrong with entry-level feminism? Since I consider myself somewhat new to feminism, posting at an entry level seems appropriate to me.

          • In general, of course not.

            For the sophisticated reader such as Simon, bien sur, there is a problem! Your entry level feminism is like grape juice to their sophisticated palate which craves a properly aged feminism with hints of oak and elderberry.

          • CarolM

            Simon says, leave feminist blogging to the men who know how to do it right.

    • wjts

      It’s OK, buddy: they don’t make the kind of socks I like any more either.

      • N__B

        Those monsters.

    • IM

      Good morning, Worm your honor.
      The crown will plainly show
      The prisoner who now stands before you
      Was caught red-handed showing feelings
      Showing feelings of an almost human nature;
      This will not do.

      • I thought the food posts were her serious thing.

    • This makes me sad, and probably not for the reason you’re imagining.

    • delurking

      Ooo, a mansplaining troll. Been awhile since I met one of these.

      And by “awhile” I mean eleven minutes.

      • delurking

        :( This posted in the wrong place.

      • “Her posts are so tedious…but I read them all then take the time to comment on them.”

        Priceless.

        • Wait…you need to READ A POST before commenting on it?

          I think everybody’s doing it wrong.

    • mds

      I for one would like to thank Simon for demonstrating how it’s done. With all the amateur shock-jock buzzing nuisances, we forget what trolling was originally supposed to mean. This is trailing a well-baited line behind a boat with a quiet motor. The answer remains “No, bite me,” but still.

    • Walt

      Dude, the rest of us have made it clear that we like bspencer’s posts. Why are you trying to ruin the blog for us? Are you a selfish dickhead?

      • Warren Terra

        Why must you impugn his generosity?

        • Walt

          I’m just asking questions.

    • MAJeff

      derp!

    • Hogan

      Seriously, this is a good use of your time? What’s your day job? Robbing graves?

      • Lee Rudolph

        Stealing flowers from cemeteries. Also American flags!

        Grave-robbing gets you … dirty.

  • Joseph Slater

    First two letters in her blogging name are “bs.” THINK ABOUT IT, people!

    • *snort*

      *applause*

      • Aaron Baker

        But the statement is ambiguous. Is bspencer fuckinmagic? or is bspencer fuckin’ (well) Magic? You seem to be sucking up, when you may in fact be taking defamation to a new level. Very clever, Substance McGravitas, or whoever you are.

    • mds

      Okay, that image is getting saved, printed out in full color, and hung like a horse.

  • No sir. I don’t like it.

  • mds

    Yes! You must festoon your already excellent posts with even more photographic images of your adorable man-child! Not least because I can smugly note to myself that mine was cuter.

    [“Oh, he was on his way to a perfect suck-up, but totally bungled the dismount. He’s out of the competition for sure.”]

  • Medicine Man

    I heard bspencer wrote something on the internet… while being female.

  • Jeffrey Beaumont

    On the other hand posts like this just encourage this sort of trolling. I mean isn’t this the epitome of feeding the trolls?

    • Hogan

      Your concern is noted.

  • Don Wallace Jr.

    “If you display anything less than an active, visceral hatred of bhitler you run the risk of getting on my bhit list.”

    Please add me too the “bhit” list :)

    “She links to entries by other bloggers (an act heretofore unheard of in the blogging world”

    Good! This is how I find other Bloggers that I like to read.

    “She posts pictures of her kid”

    Most Mom’s and Dad’s do; got a problem with cute kids?

    “She sometimes writes in all caps”

    YEAH, DON’T YA HATE THAT! :P

    “She sometimes writes silly entries that are not like the silly entries by her co-authors”

    Must conform … must not have a original thought … I see the Troll was brainwashed at an early age.

    “She sometimes blogs about her interests (INTERESTS I DON’T SHARE”

    Damn, there are the CAPS! Yes we all are soooooo interested in what you have to say Troll … NOT!

    Peace :-)

    Don

    • Desperately Sad Fuckface

      It’s all about Ms. Spencer because I’m obsessed with her.

  • bspencer makes an already good place a really really awesome place.

    Nuff said.

  • e.a.f.

    If this is your blog and you don’t like what she is writing on a continual basis, do something about it. You can simply “block” her. No need to publish her comments. Some blogs even insist comenters stay on topic. Don’t complain, take action.

  • Big Bad Bald Bastard

    What part of “bspencer is terrible” do you not understand?

    BSpencer made me aware of “New Clopping Republic“, which is pretty terrible. I think the “B” stands for “brony”.

    • I have three words for you: Dragons. Fucking. Cars. We’re more than even, dude.

      • Big Bad Bald Bastard

        I… er… um… uh… think I left a cake in the oven…

        Gotta go!

  • Aaron B.

    Oh bspencer, you are so big
    So… Unbelievably huge
    We’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.

    • Aaron B.

      I feel compelled to add that my iPhone attempts to autocorrect “bspencer” to “nap emcee.”

      So I know what I’m calling you from now on, nap emcee.

  • I well remember standing on the loading docks at Al’s Slurpatorium with bspencer, back before she was bhitler and she said “Fookin’ Jaysus sorr, there’s a fookin’ ice berg going to kill us all. Sure and begorrah!”
    Oh wait that was on the yellow pills. What she really said was ‘I’m off to see the world, Pee wee”
    “Oh” says I, tapping out a smouldering Cormorant on me boot heel. “The world is it?”
    “Yes” she says with the light of mad ambition striking sparks from her Hugo Boss epaulets “I’m going to blog”
    “Blogging is it?” I said spraying my boot with what I thought was CO2.
    “You crazy old bastard!” she shouted backing away from my flaming leg.
    “Old is it?” I said as the paramedics attempted to cut me out of the waste plastic bin in to which I had toppled
    I never saw her again.