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Townhall Sez “Feminists, YA BURNT!”

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Conservative stand-up comedian, Robert Knight, reports that a wingnut Bible school teacher has spoken to both homeschooled women and feminists and decided that homeschooled girls rule and feminists drool. The matter is settled, feminists. Pack it in and move out.

That said, let me present the best and most interesting excerpts from Knight’s cromulant reportage.

“The gays and feminists run the New York publishers, so you have to take out that stuff,” the agent told me, adding that my chances of publication would improve if I backed the idea of “gay families.”

Ah, yes. This sounds like exactly like something a professional literary agent would say. Go on.

Dr. Markos begins by noting that “academic feminism rests on the fiercely-held belief that there are no essential differences between the sexes,” the shibboleth amply exposed by post-feminist authors Christina Hoff Sommers, Jennifer Roback Morse and others, not to mention modern conservatism’s founding mother, Phyllis Schlafly, and Concerned Women for America’s founder Beverly LaHaye.

We’re off to a great start here, as I can’t think of anyone who has a more even-keeled, clear-eyed take on feminism than Phyllis Schlafly.

Having taught home-schooled girls in his classes over the past 30 years, Dr. Markos observes that they are head and shoulders above feminists in every way imaginable:

“They possess a razor-sharp wit with which they can cut pretentious people (especially males) down to size, but they rarely use this skill, and only when they are sorely provoked.”

Dr. Markos has also learned that feminists have cooties and are teh suck. Plus, they’re ugly and they smell bad.

The second observation is appreciated. I hate it when women express an opinion before being sorely provoked. Comes across as bitchy, ya know?

There’s more. Home-schooled girls “have wonderfully synthetic and creative minds that make connections across disciplines … they are gifted in the arts; almost all of them can sing and most play instruments and draw. … They have not bought in to the lies of our modern consumerist state: that is to say, they do not judge their value and worth on the basis of power, wealth, or job status.”

I thought this was interesting, because until today I had no idea that feminists could not sing or draw. Feminists must excrete some sort of anti-artistic-talent enzyme that prevents them from dabbling in the creative arts, which is a shame, really.

And how nice for homeschoolees that they do not judge peoples’ value based upon their power, wealth or job status; I had no idea they were Obama voters.

All of them plan on being wives and mothers – whatever else they do.

What more do they need to do? Besides, won’t they be too busy wifing, mothering and singing gay carols at the piano to pursue other passions?

There’s a reason that anything by Jane Austen is a still a hit and why “Downton Abbey” attracts millions of viewers. Feminine strengths are on full display, largely unfiltered by politically correct feminist lenses.

This is one of the reasons I love this article–it’s not bogged down with details. What are feminine strengths? The author doesn’t tell us. What, outside of marriage and child-rearing, would these homeschooled girls do? When did a wingnut Bible school teacher have the opportunity to meet so many feminists? Here, again, author doesn’t bother to tell us, which I like, because it lends a sense of mystery to his writing!

They also take issue with feminists’ role in promoting promiscuity and the decline of marriage, which is the real “war on women.”

Well, this is disturbing. Promiscuity is already an upper-level manager; I don’t want promiscuity to be CEO of America, Feminists!

“Re-establishing the walls of morality, faith, and marriage is no longer something that would be merely nice; it is a vital necessity for the well-being of the nation’s girls and women.”

Yes, I agree with this. There should be more walls around women. That doesn’t sound confining or limiting or prison-like at all.

“They have the wit and discernment to perceive that the feminist is finally a greater threat than the male chauvinist: for whereas the chauvinist demeans femininity, the feminist dismisses it altogether as a social construct that has no essential grounding in our God-created soul.” It’s no wonder feminists hate the feminine Sarah Palin with white-hot intensity.

I’m afraid he’s got us there, feminists. Let’s be honest: we hate Sarah Palin because she’s feminine. Not because she’s a tacky, smarmy, hateful derp factory.

When I was at the Hoover Institution doing research for The Age of Consent, I was amazed at the amount of material in Stanford’s library and courses that exalts gender confusion. Androgyny was the wave of the future, and feminism the underlying creed.

That’s right. And dressing up for David Bowie Day is mandatory!

I feel sorry for girls who are marinated in feminist ideology via government schools and our predatory popular culture.

Oh, shit! I’ve been marinating in feminism? I thought I was just soaking in Palmolive! Well, I know one thing for certain: feminism  hasn’t made my hands any softer.

Increasingly, they are given the false choice of misusing their sexuality, like Miley Cyrus, or keeping a chip the size of an anvil on their shoulders.

I want to snark on this, but I literally have no idea what it means.

A third way is to seek God’s wisdom in how to live life fully, like the accomplished woman in Proverbs 31: 25-26: “Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”

OK.

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  • KeithOK

    Don’t you just hate going to a high school football game and watching the band stare sadly at their instruments, unable to play them for the lack of home-schooling.

    • The band is all male, naturally.

      • LeeEsq

        At my high school, the band played their instruments better than the athletes played sports.

        • DrDick

          Mine as well.

      • efgoldman

        The band is all male, naturally

        True story: My junior year in college/music school (’65-’66) at a large urban university which might be on Commonwealth Avenue in Boston but shall remain nameless, we hired a new band director, who shall also remain nameless. He started he year by announcing “only the men will be in marching band, because women can’t march.”
        So we marched 48 guys, and looked and sounded like crap.
        He only lasted the one year.
        Meanwhile, from ’99-’03, my daughter marched in the prize-winning UMass band, which was roughly half women, with two women as drum majors(out of three) in some years.

        • Another Holocene Human

          So what you’re saying is that Silber fit right in there, is what you’re saying.

    • TribalistMeathead

      And the last time the drama department tried to put on a musical, 3 people were killed.

      • KeithOK

        Now that’s Drama.

      • cpinva

        “And the last time the drama department tried to put on a musical, 3 people were killed.”

        sounds like the pilot for a new reality show. I like it!

        • john not mccain

          Would it be GLEE:Survivor or SURVIVOR:Glee?

    • GoDeep

      Guess they didn’t learn much at band camp…

      • LittlePig

        I always loved how the camp director would make a speech every night about “no PDA (Public display of affection)”. Every night. At each of the seven times I attended band camp.
        With no observable effect.

        • GoDeep

          They prolly though he was talking abt their Palm Pilots. They used to be popular back in the day.

  • joe from Lowell

    Dr. Markos begins by noting that “academic feminism rests on the fiercely-held belief that there are no essential differences between the sexes,”

    Did he then fill the tank of his Plymouth with 45 cent gasoline and drive to a Peter Frampton concert?

    • Hey back in the day Frampton was the man and he had beautiful hair. Let us remember the good old days.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=y7rFYbMhcG8

    • Miss Adelaide

      Yeah, let’s not pick on Peter F.

      • joe from Lowell

        Unless pointing out that Peter Frampton, like the “no differences” brand of feminism, went out of style in the 70s, counts as picking on him, I don’t think I have.

      • Anonymous
        • Lee Rudolph

          Good Jesus, was that necessary?

          • Jesus Christ

            Yes.

            • jim, some guy in iowa

              he asked Good Jesus

  • Surely there must be some radical lesbian feminist communes left somewhere in the US that still home school their daughters? What about them are they also not okay because they exit beyond the absolute control of the state? ;-)

    • Not enough marinating in Christ.

      • DrS

        I recall some sort of kerfuffle regarding Christ marinades some years back.

        Although I guess that was more of a brine.

        • TribalistMeathead

          Don’t trust anyone who tries to cheat and use a 30-minute Christ marinade.

        • Bill Murray

          Didn’t that leftist-artist Rembrandt paint a picture of the brine kerfuffle?

          • What this post needs is a nice big picture of Robert Knight.

            • Whoopsies, was going to make some kind of Serrano pee joke here, but I’m not THAT far off.

              • Lee Rudolph

                This is not the chile pepper thread.

            • herr doktor bimler

              I will just steal a comment from Mr McGravitas’ own post on the topic, and point out that too much straining at gnats and swallowing camels has distorted Mr Knight’s mouthparts to the point where he could probably swallow a banana sideways.

              • ExpatChad

                He probably practices swallowing them…..,uh, never mind….

              • rea

                A sideways banana ain’t nothing if you can swallow a whole camel.

        • Col Bat Guano

          You sure it wasn’t a rub?

        • LittlePig

          The frankencense and myrhh give it a delightful rosin note.

        • Mr. Woo Woo

          Good on you DrS! That shit was funny – I don’t care who you are.

    • Abby Spice

      A bit late, but, hi! I was homeschooled until high school by parents who are not radical but are lefties and both (mother and father, to be clear) identify as feminists. There are quite a few of us out there, the homeschooled-but-not-for-religious-reasons. I can’t speak for the others, but as a homeschooled feminist I’m now in quite a tizzy, since apparently the two are contradictory.

  • prufrock

    When I was at the Hoover Institution doing research for The Age of Consent, I was amazed at the amount of material in Stanford’s library and courses that exalts gender confusion. Androgyny was the wave of the future, and feminism the underlying creed.

    That’s right. And dressing up for David Bowie Day is mandatory!

    This is five kinds of awesome!

    • Tom Servo

      Fun fact: when I was in law school, my roommate and I were watching an episode of The West Wing. Josh Lyman or someone asked Ainsley Hayes (the hot blonde woman) “How’s the Hoover Institute?” And my roommate laughed hysterically. I looked at him, puzzled, he looked at me, his smile simmering down. And I asked him what the hell was so funny. He had never heard of the Hoover Institute. He thought Lyman was making a sexist blowjob joke to an attractive woman.

      And then I laughed, hysterically.

      • Tom Servo

        Well excuse the fuck out of me, it’s apparently Hoover Institution. But I think we can agree Institute sounds better.

  • UG!
    I clicked on the link, and it was Clownhall!
    I’M UNCLEAN!
    Back away!!
    UNCLEAN!!!

    The reason I clicked, was that I wanted to know more about this Conservative sit-down comedian, Robert Knight.

    And now I know he’s a great wit!
    The question is, is he a half, nit, dim, or fuck, wit?
    Maybe all of the above.

    • allium

      He is large. He contains shmuckitudes.

    • Bill Murray

      please change your nym to Thomas Covenant until you can spend a week in the de-clowning hut

      • Malaclypse

        God those books aged badly.

  • FLRealist

    I don’t think this guy has ever even met a feminist, let alone talked to one.

    • efgoldman

      I don’t think this guy has ever even met a feminist, let alone talked to one

      Sure he has, and they turned him down eah and every damned time.

      • SamR

        “Major Major’s father…was a longlimbed farmer, a God-fearing, freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged individualist who held that federal aid to anyone but farmers was creeping socialism. He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down.” Catch-22.

  • I’d like to give a fuck. Truly I would. But I’m too much of a lady.

    • LittlePig

      Your fellows at the Country Club would certainly disapprove. :)

      • Well, someone’s aware of all internet traditions!

  • Houston Baptist English Professor and Scholar in Residence Louis Markos also emphasized that his respect for home-schooled girls is so great that they could coat themselves in warm suet and sit naked on his lap and and wiggle around he wouldn’t even think of getting an erection.

    One thing I didn’t realize is all non-homeschooled girls turned into feminists. Quick! Better start shaming more women into staying home and teaching their daughters!

    • efgoldman

      Quick! Better start shaming more women into staying home and teaching their daughters!

      mrs efgoldman stayed home and taught our daughter…
      To be a feminist.

      • FLRealist

        Mr. FLRealist stayed home and taught our sons to be feminists.

    • Hogan

      It’s the mandatory feminist marinade in our government school lunch rooms.

      • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq

        That reminds me, what is Loomis stance on marinades and brines.

        • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq

          . s/b ?

  • SNF

    “I want to snark on this, but I literally have no idea what it means.”

    He’s saying that he’s mad about women being slutty but he’s also mad about women not being slutty enough. He’s saying feminism either makes you a slut or it makes you hate men and hate sex.

    • I am pretty sure it is the second one. At least that is what I remember from college. Something about Andrea Dworkin being big in the late 1980s.

    • cpinva

      “He’s saying that he’s mad about women being slutty but he’s also mad about women not being slutty enough.”

      I think he’s upset, because they refuse to be slutty with him. the hussies!

      • tejanarusa

        That is the correct conclusion in my experience.

    • saucyturtles

      He’s just mad about fourteen.

  • Lee Rudolph

    Wait, is that the law of kindness, or a tongue piercing?

    • Uncle Ebeneezer

      Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but one night at a slumber party, the other home-schooled girls introduced me to the Law of Kindness game.

  • wengler

    There are plenty of feminists that like Jane Austen and Downton Abbey. Jane Austen didn’t exactly use snarky wit only when ‘sorely provoked’. She didn’t even wife or mother.

    • Sly

      Otter: “Jane Austen?”

      Boon: “Forget it, he’s rolling.”

    • basement cat

      “It is amazing to me,” said Bingley, “how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are. . . . They all paint tables, cover screens, and net purses. I scarcely know any one who cannot do all this, and I am sure I never heard a young lady spoken of for the first time, without being informed that she was very accomplished.”

      • delurking

        +1

      • Oh, well done.

  • I come to LGM for pictures of cute children. What’s this “feminism” doing here?

    • I like to mix things up, keep the people guessing.

      • Hey, you removed the comment accusing me of kissing your ass. How will I know if I’m toadying?

  • Woodrowfan

    wow, there was an entire legion of strawmen in there. It was like a Cecil B. DeMille strawman movie.

    • I think thats the burning of atlanta scene from Gone With The Wind.

      • efgoldman

        I think thats the burning of atlanta scene from Gone With The Wind.

        Almost nothing burns as well as straw.

    • KeithOK

      I was thinking more George A. Romero.

      • LittlePig

        “Night Of The Pathetic Loser”

  • Shorthand is the argumentation form of conservatives. Their basic structure is ‘Obama Sucks’ or Liberals Suck or Feminists Suck, yuck yuck yuck.

    Then the “buttress” their statements with words whose meanings they don’t understand or have conflated amongst their right-wing dupes.

    ‘Freedom. 9/11. Capitalism. jesus. traditional family.’ = good

    ‘Marxist! spread the wealth! gays!!!!’ = bad

    Then their erudite prose is cross-linked and referenced in incestuous amplification until it becomes internet fact amongst conservatives.

  • Randy

    Besides, won’t they be too busy wifing, mothering and singing gay carols at the piano to pursue other passions?

    I have this image of modestly-dressed women looking at keyboards and singing selections from “A Chorus Line.” That’s just me, though.

    • Bill Murray

      has the modestly-dressed woman donned her gay apparel?

      • efgoldman

        has the modestly-dressed woman donned her gay apparel?

        Only at Yuletide.

        • njorl

          Or on David Bowie day.

    • Howlin Wolfe

      A song from “A Chorus Line”? Like, “Tits and Ass”?

      • Howlin Wolfe

        D’OH! Meant to reply to Randy.

      • Randy

        Kind of fits the attitude of Townhall towards women, doesn’t it? It seems like every Sarah Palin fanboy ends his comment with the line “She pisses off the libtards, and she’s smokin’ hot!”

  • NonyNony

    There’s a reason that anything by Jane Austen is a still a hit and why “Downton Abbey” attracts millions of viewers. Feminine strengths are on full display, largely unfiltered by politically correct feminist lenses.

    [Nods sagely]. I’m sure that this is the case.

    Also the reason why Doctor Who attracts millions of viewers is because feminine strengths are on full display there as well. Such as the ownership of a shiny blue box that lets you travel through time and space at your leisure.

    And the reason why The Hobbit was the number one film this past weekend is because the Hobbit Revolution is right around the corner.

    I swear to Grod – these guys really, really, really do not understand how to separate “fantasy” and “reality”, do they?

    • Well, he’s right about the feminist strengths on display. First: everyone in the upper class gets to wear these gorgeous dresses. Then the upper class daughters are so bored they have affairs with random Turks, and run off with chauffeurs. The lower class girls get seduced and abandoned, or abandoned and then commit suicide. And lastly, feminine strength is depicted when what’s ‘er name dies of pre-ecclampsia.

      • delurking

        Plus the servant girl who sleeps with the upper class guy, gets pregnant with his child, and is summarily fired, as well as wholly ignored by upper class guy, and thus ends up having to work as a prostitute in London to feed her child.

        Though I suppose this Knight would count that as a Conservative Approved Message, come to think of it: Slut-Shaming Teaches An Important Lesson!

        • That’s my seduced and abandoned. Seduced and commits suicide is the “evil” woman who was originally married to Bates.

          • witless chum

            It’d be a better show if Bates offed her, true or false?

            • The show was so slow, especially the bates part, that we used to amuse ourselves debating which changes would have made it more interesting. The answer is: all of them. They veered close to something interesting, for example, when they implied that arrogance and male chauvinism as well as the old boy’s network caused the death of whats her name from pre-eclampsia, but then instead of having Lord whatever’s wife kick him in the nuts and defenestrate him they back way, way, off and demand that the wife and viewers forgive him. They really couldn’t face up to the awfulness and horror of the caste/class system or what it did to people–fuck, they even somehow try to soften the blow of the woman who is forced into prostitution for the viewers.

              • Lige

                True – the whole show is a Tory wet dream and even worse everything is totally predictable.

                • There was a very interesting discussion when the show was first running about the role of the officer’s batman in covert homosexual relationships in the trenches. In that reading Bates and his Lordship make a whole lot of sense–this would explain why his lordship went to such lengths to find Bates and to employ him, as well as why Bates’ marriage didn’t work out. I found most scenes between Bates and Lord whatever (honestly, the series was so dull that I didn’t even learn the names of most of the characters despite watching the entire thing) much more interesting viewed through that lens.

                  Another thing which I think was weird about the entire story is just how devoid of period interest it has. I was re-reading The Guns of August a few years ago and political and country people in those days, the kind of family we are supposedly being shown, were damned idiosyncratic and interesting. But this family was neither social nor political–they are pretty much completely null. This makes the run up to the war and the war coming on not merely a surprise (which it was) but a complete waste of an entire interesting set up–and then they pretty much punt on the war itself.

                • delurking

                  God, I would like this show *so* *much* better if Bates and Lord whatever had been lovers in the war.

            • catclub

              Norman Bates? Likely.

              • Lee Rudolph

                Ooh! Ooh! A remake of “The Grass is Greener” merged with “Psycho”!

                So, who gets the Earl of Rhyall/Norman Bates role?

    • Bill Murray

      not since Herve Villechaize died

    • thebewilderness

      Yet another d00d who completely misses the point of Jane Austen’s enduring popularity. Here’s a hint, Mansfield Park is about hypocrisy.

  • Cheap Wino

    They have not bought in to the lies of our modern consumerist state: that is to say, they do not judge their value and worth on the basis of power, wealth, or job status.

    I’m not sure exactly what he’s trying to say here but, for too many of them, their whole worth is tied up in the power relationship with their parents and especially their father. I’m speaking of the fundie-types, of course.

    The very next statement is how they on plan on being wives and mothers which, for one, doesn’t differentiate them from the vast majority of young women. And, secondly, subtextually gives away the whole power issue. Who do you think is making that decision for them? Of course you will be a wife and mother, that’s the way it’s done! There is no other option.

    • bekabot

      I suspect that the no-lies version of that statement is: “They’re never going to have any power or wealth or social status to worry about, so there.”

      And how nice for homeschoolees that they do not judge peoples’ value based upon their power, wealth or job status; I had no idea they were Obama voters.

      I wouldn’t be surprised to find that this is literally true (though I admit I don’t know whether it’s true or not). The Joshua generation are millenials and when it comes to the way they vote, demographics may win out over indoctrination. One can always hope. (See: “Hope, the audacity of.”)

    • Lurker

      I really don’t understand the dualism here. My wife is a “wife and mother”, but she is also has a master’s degree in a scientific field and is a mid-level manager in a private industrial company. I think it would be very difficult for me to respect her as my peer, however much I love her, if she had little education and no professional skills to speak of.

      And I do not think that her education reduces her “femininity” at all.

  • Elly

    Gee, I wonder what he’d say about homeschooled girls who become feminists?

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/homeschooling

    • GoDeep

      Probably that that home needed an exorcism…

  • Bitter Scribe

    …they are gifted in the arts; almost all of them can sing and most play instruments and draw.

    Do any of them play sports, or would that interfere with the kindness on their tongues?

    • She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

      I don’t know about sports, but according to this, they all go into porn.

      • She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

        But does anybody listen? No.

        • thebewilderness

          Rachel Held Evans: A Woman’s Year of Living Biblically
          put that verse in the proper context. This d00d was one of those who had a mantrum over her book.

    • rea

      Actually, that woman in Proverbs 31 sounds pretty feminist to me:

      She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

  • keta

    This clown is the director of cultural studies at the Family Research Council. Yep, the homo-hatin’, wimmen-bashin’, porn-hatin’, cervical cancer lovin’, gamblin’ hatin’, traditional family values lovin’, marriage protectin’, circle jerkin’, dildo hatin’ gang that shivers when anyone, anywhere touches themselves in their Bog Spot.

    Of course he prefers home-schooled wimmen-folk. You can’t sell the above laundry list of Bog’s spooged sheets to a a lady-type that has the gall to think for herself.

    • GoDeep

      Oh, well then if he’s a researcher we know whatever he says must be true.

    • Hogan

      Even in the wingnut welfare world, that must be the easiest job ever. I could do it without getting out of bed, although I’d probably drink myself to death in the first three days.

  • ChristTS

    I hardly have anything to add, here. This is just so flamingly awful and, yet, delicious.

    They are accomplished! (In the arts.)
    They have razor sharp wits! (Which they restrain in a proper manner.)
    They know their Bible! (But, they don’t engage in careful analysis.)

    Oh, just GACK.

    • SV

      I love this one – “They are totally as smart as, even smarter than, any man. SO SMART, in fact, as to never say anything smart to demonstrate their smartness, which is EXTRA smart.”

      • Well, its more like “Our bitchez are smarter than your bitchez and if we let them out they would eat your liberal men and your feminist women to bitty bit bits–but they are too ladylike to just attack willy nilly.”

        • And since “Our wimmin are hotter than your wimmin!” made us laugh until we choked so angry we nearly died, Lookit ur Smart Wimminz is sure to kill us off.

      • ChristTS

        It’s the only ladylike thing to do.

    • Another Holocene Human

      I took sing and draw to mean they can’t play an instrument well enough to gig and they can’t make art on a computer, only with a pencil. So in other words it’s an attempt to dress up an utter lack of skill and/or accomplishment, thanks to getting their only training from skool of Mommy, homechurch, and A Beka.

  • Mudge

    My current intellectual exercise is how Miley Cyrus misuses her sexuality, what proper usage actually is, and putting oil in my lamp to wander the streets to find a feminist who champions Ms. Cyrus’ behavior.

    On another issue, the Atkins boys, Dante and David of Daily Kos and Hullabaloo respectively were home-schooled. Maybe they will weigh in about their musical advantages.

  • His mention of Austen makes me wonder if he’s read Austen or perhaps just knows of her perhaps intentionally sarcastic epitaph:

    “She openeth her mouth with wisdom and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

    • Malaclypse

      Look, he knows she’s Victorian, when women were either virtuous or whores. Why muddy the waters with details?

      • Katya

        Or accuracy?

        Regency, Victorian Age–same thing, basically, right?

        Right?

        And he clearly hasn’t read Austen. That lady had a sharp tongue and did not suffer fools.

        • Maybe Jane didn’t but Regency ladies damped their muslins somethin’ awful.

          • Moistening the Muslin shall be the title of my first album. Once I learn to play an instrument.

            Curse my mother for failing to homeschool me that I might delight the likes of Dr. of English Markos!

          • efgoldman

            Maybe Jane didn’t but Regency ladies damped their muslins somethin’ awful.

            Wait! Austen wrote about bathing with Muslims? Was she a terrist, or sumpin’? [/Emily Litella]

        • wengler

          It’s a common mistake for people to place Austen in Victorian times.

          • Thats because people mistakenly think that Austen/women/england only came into being under Victoria. But Victoria was a reaction to the sexy, wild, Regency period that Austen viewed askance from the rising middle class.

            • Lurker

              At public level, Victoria’s disdain of matters sexual was a reaction to the previous king whose many lovers were a public scandal for a long time. It was also a form of power: by being the embodiment of sexual purity (first as a virgin, then as a mother, then as a grandmother), she could control the court and her personal surroundings. Otherwise, she would have been easily overwhelmed by the male officials and politicians she was surrounded by. (She could not really go the other route and be badmouthed as a fish-wife to dominate men by unsurmountable sharpness of tongue.)

              On personal level, as her diaries make clear, Victoria had nothing against sex, as long as it was within marriage, and her sex life, again based on her diaries, seems to have been quite enjoyable. The contemporary public did not see this however, so the royal public prudishness set the norm for the nation.

        • Hogan

          Regency, Victorian Age–same thing, basically, right?

          This may in fact be central to Mal’s point. I mean seriously this time.

    • GoDeep

      This guy is from Texas. He means the Jane Austin who was the wife of Stephen F. Austin…. Is there another?

  • The prophet Nostradumbass

    Conservative stand-up comedian

    A what now?

  • Karen

    I will make a donation to the charity of choice of the first conservative who actually cites evidence in an editorial. I intend to use this piece of crap to demonstrate to my sons what an argument without any support looks like.

    • Malaclypse

      I will make a donation to the charity of choice of the first conservative who actually cites evidence in an editorial.

      Unless we invoke No True Conservative, Bruce Bartlett counts.

  • Let the record show Karen is no fun and doesn’t like mystery.

    • Karen

      Hey, Nancy Drew was my favorite when I was a strip of a girl! Of course, she made me into an Evil Feminist, so I suppose that’s a problem.

      If this editorial was a game of Find The Supporting Research — like CLUE, but with academic articles — I would love it.

      • You were a stripper when you were a girl? Where were your parents?

  • Roger Ailes

    Home-schooled girls you make the rockin’ world go ’round.

    Let’s see:

    “Jan LaRue, Sandy Rios, Charmaine Yoest, Cathy Cleaver Ruse, Wendy Wright, Elaine Donnelly, Linda Harvey, Kristi Stone Hamrick, Diane Gramley, Penny Young Nance, Susan Carleson and many other confident, accomplished Christian women….”

    What do all these woman have in common?

    Well, if they were homeschooled or they homeschool their own children, they don’t include that fact in their self-promotion.

    I believe the only woman named in Knight’s article who was homeschooled was Jane Austen.

    • Anonymous

      Not exclusively. Austen attended boarding schools for part of her youth. She hated them, though.

  • Grifting in the Wind

    Future’s so bright, gotta wear shades.

  • The Invisible Hand

    Home-schooled girls “have wonderfully synthetic and creative minds that make connections across disciplines … they are gifted in the arts; almost all of them can sing and most play instruments and draw. … They have not bought in to the lies of our modern consumerist state: that is to say, they do not judge their value and worth on the basis of power, wealth, or job status.”

    Fuck You!!!

  • I knew a homeschooled girl once! In undergrad.

    She’s a bisexual liberal married to a Jewish dude now.

    I don’t think this is what homeschooling was supposed to accomplish.

    • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.

      You can hardly call that a bad outcome.

      • Depends on the home the school was in.

        • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.

          Who cares it? This is not about parents wishes, as unhappy as they may be about something like this. Granted, I make the assumption that the former homeschooled girl is happy about her choices.

          • I think, if that was a response to me, that you misunderstood. If I’d been homeschooling my daughter she might well have turned out bisexual and married to a nice Jewish boy, because thats the kind of home our homeschool would be in.

            • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq

              Yup, I’ve misunderstood you. Sorry.

              • Sorry, its the threading. I was snarkily replying directly to this comment:

                I knew a homeschooled girl once! In undergrad.

                She’s a bisexual liberal married to a Jewish dude now.

                I don’t think this is what homeschooling was supposed to accomplish.

  • grouchomarxist

    I feel sorry for girls who are marinated in feminist ideology via government schools and our predatory popular culture.

    And I feel especially bad for them, when they’re next placed in the shallow pan of gay marriage — along with the new potatoes, sliced carrots, onions, and a bay leaf of permissive parenting — covered with the aluminum foil of abortion-on-demand, and then cooked for 45 minutes in a pre-heated oven of Satanism at 350 degrees.

    • Another Holocene Human

      heresy! it’s coated with the au gratin shreds of a free government aborshunz!

  • The prophet Nostradumbass

    At the risk of opening myself up to much ridicule, where did this horrible “YA BURNT” expression come from?

    • Pompeii.

    • I’ve heard the youths saying it on the television. And I’ve seen the youths using it at Wonkette.

  • Another Holocene Human

    That’s right, Jane Austen, anti-feminist Christianist hero.

  • Anonymous

    They have not bought in to the lies of our modern consumerist state: that is to say, they do not judge their value and worth on the basis of power, wealth, or job status.

    Wait, doesn’t that (by the standard wingnut logic) make them COMMIES?

    • Lee Rudolph

      Not at all. The sentence quoted should be amended (by, simply, bringing into view what is indubitably written between the lines):
      “they do not judge their value and worth on the basis of their own power, wealth, or job status, but on that of whichever male—father, husband, uncle or brother in a pinch—they belong to.”

      • Well, even that isn’t quite it. The Christian community is riven, top to bottom, by a divide between triumphalism and resignation when it comes to social and economic status. And women’s role in this is to egg her husband on to heights of calvinist glory, or to hold his hand and keep her mouth shut when he fails. Either way she should pretend to be humble and submissive. But inside every paen to these idealized Christian woman is an unspoken demand that they both civilize/control their husbands and that they never, ever, let on that this is the case in public lest it undermine the patriarchy in the church at large. Thats why you get these dominant, hyperactive, women helpmeets who make their family’s fortunes selling texts about being submissive.

        • Another Holocene Human

          Too true.

  • Patricia Kayden

    I almost stopped reading this post after the first sentence. Never knew that Conservative stand-up comedians existed.

    Are they any good?

    • No. (And he’s not really a stand-up comedian; he’s just unintentionally funny.)

  • MaxUtil

    “Increasingly, they are given the false choice of misusing their sexuality, like Miley Cyrus, or keeping a chip the size of an anvil on their shoulders.”

    My translator’s not up to 100%, but I’m pretty sure this means “feminists are sluts or uptight bitches who won’t put out. Two equally horrific results.”

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