Home / General / Every Jonah Goldberg Column Should End with: “The Aristocrats!”

Every Jonah Goldberg Column Should End with: “The Aristocrats!”


Holy effing crap.

Oh, what the hell? Here’s a little teaser…

Pajama Boy is a Low-T liberal who wears a “this is what a feminist looks like” T-shirt and flinches whenever his girlfriend makes a sudden movement…


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  • Clearly he’s pissed he didn’t make Pareene’s 2013 list, and he is not going to let that happen again.

    • I guess this means he won’t say that Nazi persecution of homosexuals was a product of the left. He wouldn’t want to give the left the credit.

      • sharculese

        You’re saying that like Jonah doesn’t have an autographed copy of The Pink Swastika.

        • MAJeff

          It’s Lively’s platform in his campaign for Governor of MA.

          • Atomic Karl

            If you wish to criticize a columnist, then why do you link to some BOZO that didn’t write the column?

            It’s just “me too” when you do that

            • Smarmy concern troll is smarmy, concerned, a troll.

            • KmCO


            • sharculese

              Jenny, if you were capable of reading you’d be aware that this from the Pantload’s e-mail newsletter, which Roy subscribes to so he can gawk at it.

              • Anonymous

                i submit that from now on, instead of actually rising to jenny’s bait, no matter the pseudonym, we just reply with “8-6-7-5-3-oh-ni-ee-ine!”

                • woah sorry, new ipad didn’t keep my user info from before, that last comment was from me, skippy

            • MAJeff


            • Rigby Reardon

              Well, see, the thing is, IT WASN’T IN A COLUMN. It was in an email newsletter thingy that Goldberg sends out.

              Which, if you’d followed the link, you’d know.

              Jeebus, you’re a fucking moron.

            • Loud Liberal


    • ASV

      He’ll never get on there unless his mom has some pull with Pareene.

  • Tom Servo

    So…Jonah is JenBob?

    • somethingblue

      They are more alike than two things that have a few things in common but are actually quite different, such as the Heritage Foundation healthcare plan and the Affordable Care Act.

      • sharculese

        For one thing Jonah is infinitely self-satisfied while Jenny is demonstrably insecure about his social status.

    • Jonah is what JenKnob wants to be when he grows up, complete with unpaid interns and a chance to swap Scary Mooslim Theories with Pam Cellar.

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        “Jonah is what JenKnob wants to be when he grows up”

        ..and by “grows up”, one does not mean “attain mental/emotional maturity”, but rather “eats their way through several dumpster-loads of Cheetos”.

  • Anna in PDX

    This weird hostility displayed by Master Jonah and the weirdos linked here yesterday just makes me want to give that poor kid a big hug. I thought he was very cute. And the pajamas were cute too. What the heck is wrong with these people?

    • I think he’s cute as a button. Don’t like the pj’s. The picture’s just so damn innocuous. Only a true psychotic would see what they see.

      • Ronan

        yes, nice lad, ridiculous pjs

        • Tristan

          PJs are supposed to be ridiculous. What sort of freak would wear serious pajamas? See, look how wrong it feels to even see those words together: “serious pajamas”

          • Ronan

            perhaps in deepest Canada, when youre one bad evening away from hypothermia, this is the way its done.
            In the civilised world though, not so much ; )

            • Origami Isopod

              At the risk of getting flamed to a crisp… Ireland is “the civilised world”? :)

              • Ronan

                If we’re accepting a very iconoclastic and controversial definition, then I’d argue that Ireland is the very embodiment of civilization

                • Hogan

                  Ireland definitely saved civilization. It’s been proven.

                • Tristan

                  Good a place as any to put this: when I was a criminology student, one of the guest speakers we had was a paroled murderer (not joking when I say he seemed like a lovely guy), and when answering a question about gangs in prisons, he listed a few organized by ethnicity, and then said that there was an attempt to form a prison gang for people of Irish descent, but it fell apart because nearly everyone in Canada qualified. I’m still not sure if he was joking or not.

            • Tristan

              deepest Canada

              This is a misnomer. One thing we are not in Canada is particularly deep.

    • Royko

      He’s got comfy pajamas and cocoa. As far as I’m concerned, he’s living the dream.

      • Anna in PDX


      • Pat

        My cocoa would be spiked with something alcoholic, but yeah.

        • ChrisTS

          Ummm. Hot cocoa with Spanish brandy.

          • Origami Isopod


            • Wasabi and vodka.

              Trust me on this.

            • BruceJ

              Vandermint??!! You know where to get some Vandermint?? It vanished from the face of the earth a few years ago, and I’ve been unable to find it again.

              • Loud Liberal

                I’d settle for some Sen-Sen.

      • Joel

        And isn’t the point of the ad that it’s Christmas morning with his family? Should he be wearing a tuxedo and drinking a martini?

        • Sure. He could also be wearing an Imperial stormtrooper costume and drinking a Harvey Wallbanger. Different strokes.

          • Now we have frightening insight into Christmas with the Zombie family.

            • N__B

              Do not – I REPEAT, DO NOT – google “imperial storm trooper porn”

              • I’m just seeing a typical Wednesday evening.

            • Hooker boots and bathtub absinth. Lots of different ways to go.

            • MAJeff

              All of these sound better than hanging out with a bunch of Iowa Dutch Calvinists.

    • laura

      The guy looks totally normal. The reactions are absolutely baffling (or would be if one didn’t have prior exposure to US conservatives.)

      • mark f

        I thought he looked that guy from The Big Bang Theory — a little dorky, sure to catch some guff. Then some guy named Kurt Schlichter took it a little too personally and of course Charles C.C.W.W.W.C.C.W.W.C.W.C.W.W. Cooke wrote his deep thoughts and, yeah. They went past LOLDeanscreamGreekcolumnsArugula to Sandra Fluke levels of crazy in like 2 hours. Didn’t even need Rush to spur it on.

        • laura

          the link to the Kurt Schlichter thing is dead :(

        • laura

          I would say he looks like a guy who lives most of the time in a city and probably is visiting his parents.

  • OMFG, HE’S JUST A DUDE IN DUMB PAJAMAS! Why are these fuckwits freaking out so hard over this?

    • KC45s

      I think they’re down on anyone not wearing a gown and nightcap.

    • zombie rotten mcdonald

      Projection so hard that each one of them could go into service as a multiplex.

      • snarkout

        Jonah went to a women’s college, so you know he’s a street-fighting hard man.

        • You deserve your nym, snarkout.

      • oldster

        “Projection so hard that each one of them could go into service as a multiplex.”

        I’d steal that.

    • calling all toasters

      No Cheeto dust.

    • Walt

      If you meditate on this question long enough, you’ll achieve a state of satori or Zen enlightenment. Try it! It worked for me.

    • MAJeff

      Real Men wear wife beaters and tighty whities, and anyone who doesn’t just isn’t a man.

  • LeftWingFox

    More “wisdom” from the walking whoopee cushion.

    • walking whoopee cushion


    • whenever I read a Jonah Goldberg….ummm, effluenza, I guess… I feel it should be illustrated with this.

  • Whenever I feel sorry for Jonah Goldberg–and really, who wouldn’t feel sorry for that sack of unattractive, pustule laden, windbag of nepotistic crap–then I just go off and read one of his columns and I am reminded that the unattractive pustule laden windbag doesn’t fall far from the tree. His columns reveal himself to be a mean spirited, homophobic, bootlicking, asshole with no redeeming features.

    • Don’t forget misogynistic. Plus, he’s making light of domestic violence.

    • zombie rotten mcdonald

      a mean spirited, homophobic, bootlicking, asshole with no redeeming features.

      …and those are his good points.

      • My favorite line is, “…the construction worker from the Village People would kick his ass.”

        Jonah, doughy-dude, the construction worker in the Village People would easily kick your sorry fat ass, until you begged for mercy!!!
        And then I hope that maybe from working in construction, that he suffered from some hearing damage.

        • sharculese

          Jonah’s sorry ass is not going to fight the construction worker from the Village People because he has a kid, dammit.

          • mark f

            Heh. The other day I noted Rich Lowry’s pathetic boasting about how he would totally beat the snot out of Al Franken if he, Lowry, were not such a gentleman and Franken knows it too! I remember a few years ago Jonah wrote “why hasn’t the CIA killed Julian Asssange?” It was a dumb column, but John Cook’s Gawker post, “Why Hasn’t Jonah Goldberg Been Punched in the Face Yet Today?” managed to out-dumb it by missing the dumb point (which wasn’t that Assange should be killed, but that the CIA must be super responsible, magnanimous even, for not killing him). Anyhow, someone wrote a challenge to a charity boxing match, which Goldberg declined. I unfortunately can’t find a link to Jonah’s response, which naturally included the requisite bragging that while he wouldn’t be stepping up, he would beat that guy silly, believe you me, if he wanted to.

            BTW, in searching for it, I found this:

            Now that gay people are on the cusp of winning a decades-long struggle for the right to serve openly and honestly in the military, Goldberg has taken the time to reflect on what he calls the “rise of the HoBos – the homosexual bourgeoisie.” These new creatures that Goldberg has discovered—normal gay people, the kind that want to serve in the military—are drastically different from the gays of yore, who “wanted to smash the bourgeois prisons of monogamy, capitalistic enterprise, and patriotic values and bask in the warm sun of bohemian ‘free love’ and avant-garde values.”

            Ending DADT is now a widely agreed-upon Good Thing so it must be downright conservative! Just like mom’s lasagna! The tastiest, conservativest lasagna Jonah ever ate.

            • The tastiest, conservativest lasagna Jonah ever ate.

              Now I’m confused. Shouldn’t that be pancakes?

              Unless it’s catsupy lasagna a la vodka.

          • keta

            That made me snort. Ah, memories…

          • Jonah can serve his country better by concocting bad faith arguments, making homophobic (and racist – see Katrina) slurs and missing the goddamn point EVERY SINGLE TIME than by fighting imaginary construction workers from thirty-five years ago.

        • herr doktor bimler

          Would one fictitious character would kick another fictitious character’s ass? This is an argument into which I do not really want to enter.

    • DrDick

      And those are just his good qualities!

      • Woodrowfan

        well, they’re certainly his selling points for the Right/

  • Helmut Monotreme

    The pajama person knows he isn’t winning any fashion prizes. He knows what he likes, and what feels good and he does it. If that means wearing pajamas and drinking hot chocolate, he’s cool with that. Think about the self confidence he must have to let all of America see him in his pajamas. If he doesn’t care about being seen in pajamas, what else doesn’t he care about? Laws? Morality? The sanctity of life itself? This my friends is a man who is capable of anything, because he doesn’t give one single fuck about what anyone else thinks. He is a dangerous, dangerous man.

    (I also posted this on Balloon Juice)

    • Anna in PDX

      We need to start one of those kind of memes to overcome the flying monkey nastiness.

    • Pajama boy! He’ll slit your throat just to watch you choke on your own blood!! And have himself a cup of tea!

      Do that enough and the RWingers will start squishing their feces into little PB figurines and housing them in the toilet paper tube shrine they originally created for St. Ronaldus Magnanimous.

      • Origami Isopod

        Do that enough and the RWingers will start squishing their feces into little PB figurines and housing them in the toilet paper tube shrine they originally created for St. Ronaldus Magnanimous.

        Sssh, you’re not supposed to make such funny jokes! You’re “humorless,” remember?

      • The last thing these guys need is any milk of magnanimous loosening them up.

    • herr doktor bimler

      A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he’s not afraid of anything.

      • There’s a dissertation in media studies waiting for someone who wants to document and analyze every hat reference in Firefly.

  • JMP

    “I mean that there are plenty of gay dudes — and women! — who are vastly more masculine than Pajama Boy. Pajama Boy doesn’t exude homosexuality; he gives off the anodyne scent of emasculation.”

    So see, he’s not being homophobic, he’s just making fun of the guy for not being stereotypically “manly”. (As if that hasn’t always been tied in with homophobia). Which is a bad because – well apparently, according to Jonah, it just is.

    • sharculese

      Also, he’s letting us know what came up on his word of the day toilet paper!

      • Anna in PDX

        I used the word “anodyne” in a staff meeting once and everybody made fun of me for weeks. It even became a nickname since my name is Anna. *sigh*

        However, I won’t use the word “emasculation” pretty much ever. Can’t really think of a situation where I would want to.

        • Anna Dyne would be a great drag name.

          • Warren Terra

            Or maybe it could be used to refer to the year of energy, Anno Dyne?

            • Colin Day

              To be pedantic, a dyne is a unit of force.

              • Snarki, child of Loki

                Okay, so Porn Name?

                • personally, i always thought a great transvestite porn name would be marcia gay hard-on.

              • dominatrix name then?

        • N__B

          It’s a description of using a moving stair while wearing Halloween face-gear.

        • Linnaeus

          A similar thing happened to me when I used the word “anathema”.

          • Did anyone offer you an inhaler?

            • Lee Rudolph

              They told him, “Sit!”

            • oldster

              I always get offered an inhaler when I complain about miasma.

      • Gus

        And he misuses it.

        • Hogan

          I can usually make a pretty good guess at what people are reaching for when they misuse a word, but this one has me stumped.

          • Anna in PDX

            I read it as “harmless” because REAL men are supposed to be harmFUL. Maybe he meant something else, though – who really knows?

            • Malaclypse

              I read “inoffensive” since real men – men like Jonah – are offensive. There’s a reason his name is synonymous with “fart.”

              • elm

                Well, yes, it would seem he’s using anodyne to mean inoffensive, but then he goes on being offended for a few hundred words, so I don’t really get it.

          • sharculese

            Pretty sure a lot of people think ‘anodyne’ is a synonym for ‘sterile’.

          • mark f

            I think it means don’t look in Jonah’s neti pot.

            • Hogan

              Hic sunt Dracones indeed.

      • mark f

        the anodyne scent of emasculation

        so fragrance

        very castrate


        much sooth

    • Yeah, he’s not being homophobic. (though he is) He’s just being misogynistic. Yay!

      • JMP

        Misogynistic, and homophobic, and hateful to men who don’t conform to outdated gender stereotypes (too bad there’s no good simple word for this). He’s got a lot of hate to go around.

        • Phil Bayless

          Dude went to a formerly all girls college, gave the most ridiculously “low T” “beta male” excuses for not fighting in Iraq, and clearly has more mommy issues than a parenting magazine. The laddie doth protest too much.

          This is the guy who always got picked last for dodgeball making fun of the guy who got picked next to last.

          • Charlie

            Phil, you’re falling into the same trap by jibing Goldberg over potentially effeminate traits. Look, let’s say this loud and clear: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ANDROGYNOUS OR EFFEMINATE. No matter what your gender. You can tease Goldberg for being unable to accept this basic fact without resorting to implying that he too is effeminate and thus self-loathing.

            • Phil Bayless

              I agree. Sorry if it didn’t come off that way.

          • Tristan

            gave the most ridiculously “low T” “beta male” excuses for not fighting in Iraq

            I had an online acquaintance with a Gulf War 2 cheerleader whose stated reason for not enlisting was ‘frequent fainting spells’, so I’m not sure Jonah gets that trophy.

            • Snarki, child of Loki

              Yeah, Goldberg should have tried out the “frequent farting spells” excuse, along with “but chemical weapons are BANNED!”

              Totally believable.

              As for harping on Jonah for “self loathing”, in Jonah’s case it would be synonymous with “self awareness”; both seem to be sadly lacking.

      • Atomic Karl

        Every post and every comment comes down to “misogynistic”.

        You’re a one trick pony.

        I like you, but you’re becoming tiresome.

        • Every post and every comment comes down to “pancakes”.

          You’re a one trick pancake.

          I like you, but you’re becoming pancakes.

          • Lee Rudolph

            I like you, but you’re becoming pancakes.

            Well, you wouldn’t want any conduct unbecoming a pancake, would you?

            • conduct unbecoming a pancake

              Three-dimensionality? You’re going to start quoting Flatland, aren’t you.

        • KmCO

          I like you…

          Oh, well thank god for that.

    • What does emasculation smell like anyway?

      • jobless sharculese

        Ask your husband

        • Why? Have I been emasculated?

          • Walt

            It’s the fact that he fucked up the joke that makes it funny.

            • Karate Bearfighter

              “You, madam, will still be drunk when … I wake up … no let me try that again: [thinking out loud] I may be ugly …. “

              • postmodulator

                “And when I woke up, my pillow was gone. Wait. Shit.”

                • Theodor Seuss Geisel

                  and the Grinch’s heart had grown 3 sizes resulting in his dying from congestive heart fail… err, that’s not quite good

                • “The Aristocrats!…who are, by god’s grace, our natural superiors….wait…”

          • ChrisTS

            I really don’t think you should be asking others to check on that, Dear.

      • Katya

        Hot cocoa and new flannel, apparently.

        • Bill Murray

          I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste
          A flannel for my face
          Pajamas, a hairbrush
          New shoes and a case

      • sharculese

        Angry dead-enders trying to burn people who are funnier than they are, I guess?

      • MAJeff

        broccoli quiche?

        • sharculese

          Only if the government forces you to eat it.

      • Captain Bringdown


      • Golgaronok

        Lord Varys always whiffed of lavender — maybe that’s a lesser-known side effect of double orchidectomy?

        • wjts

          I’ve cut off a few testicles in my time and never noticed any lavender scent.

          • herr doktor bimler

            I lost one a while ago,* and the Frau Doktorin will vouch for the fact that I still make the same bad smells as before.

            * The worst part was that I didn’t even get to bring it home in a jar of alcohol and keep it on the mantelpiece, because the doctors insisted on keeping it for biopsy.

            • On the plus side, in my case at least, I did already consider myself a “lefty” anyway.

              Also, too: something something “leftier than thou” something.

    • Brien Jackson

      I’d put dollars to dimes on Pajama Boy beating Doughy to a bloody, wheezing pulp.

      • KmCO

        Especially because Doughy has a good twenty-plus years on Pajama Boy.

  • sharculese

    Posted it at Roy’s place too, but Jonah is no Aziz Ansari

  • wengler

    There are so many ways to make ‘Pajama Boy’ funny, and he tried to go for the meanest ones. Unsuccessfully.

    Jeff Dunham and Dennis Miller have nothing to worry about.

  • MAJeff

    They hate us! They really hate us!
    /Drag Queen Sally Field

  • Royko

    How seriously warped and fragile must your sense of masculinity, hell, your sense of humanity, be if you get this much sheer glee out of hating a fairly unremarkable image of a person in a web ad?

    Now I’m starting to see who the target audience for those silly Ford truck commercials is. I guess Obama should have use a photo of a pickup pulling an entire hospital up a dusty mountain.

    • efgoldman

      …if you get this much sheer glee out of hating a fairly unremarkable image of a person in a web ad?

      It’s a hired model or a stock picture. If that same picture of the same guy was in a department store sales circular, would all these wingnuts be going after Macy’s or Kohls or whoever? Would they even notice?
      As I said the other, they (individually and collectively) have traveled all the way through insanity and come out into whatever is on the other side.

      • Vance Maverick

        I certainly would have thought it was stock. But no: an actual human, with Obamacare connections.

  • zombie rotten mcdonald

    Tengrain made a compelling case that this is just the Obama Admin straight-up trolling the wingnuts.

  • sharculese

    Dear wingnuts,

    The editor of the flagship magazine of American conservatism and several of its most prominent writers are are now on day two of talking about a fucking picture of dude in footie pajamas. And not just talking about it, but trying to motherfucking analyze the cultural significance of this single off-hand image.

    You are either on the cutting edge of artistic exploration or you are straight up, balls to the walls, nuts.


    • Malaclypse

      They are indeed the Party of Ideas.

      • Warren Terra

        But they’re at the point in the Party Of Ideas where all the decent stuff has been drunk, the food is gone except for some wilted celery sticks and some dip that may have gone off, someone no-one recognizes is passed out in the middle of the floor, the sofa’s a write-off, and there’s a puddle in the corner that no one wants to investigate closely.

      • Lee Rudolph

        The Party of the Idée Fixe, you mean.

        • Granted, my visual acuity is poor, but how did anyone discern [in an earlier thread] that these are onesies?

          And it seems his feet are actually out of the frame.

          Somebody help this poor man.

          • KmCO

            Truly. I wouldn’t be surprised if this poor kid has already started receiving death threats from the criminally unhinged segment of the 27%.

            • Tybalt

              As the young lady once featured on the front page of healthcare.gov did.

            • Lee Rudolph

              Speaking of which.

          • elm

            It’s the giant zipper down the front that gives it away. If it’s not a onesie, it’s a hipster-ironic imitation of a onesie.

          • Ronan

            “Granted, my visual acuity is poor, but how did anyone discern [in an earlier thread] that these are onesies”

            I think I made that comment. Or at least was one of many who noticed it was a onesie.
            Its clearly a onesie, by any reasonable standard

            • Ronan

              being serious though, the campaign is a little odd though, isnt it.
              as a slogan ‘ wear pajamas. drink hot chocolate. talk about getting health insurance’ doesnt really make a huge amount of sense.
              i would have read it as a parody, initially.

              • Hogan

                One ad is not a campaign.

                • Ronan

                  yeah fine, swap ad for campaign

              • Hogan is right: one ad is not a campaign. But if it were, its not a bad one. The overall campaign is related to a lot of Democratic ideals and themes especially that the Democrats will help the voter with “kitchen table” issues and that “help is on the way” (Kerry and Edwards slogan) specifically to people who are at home, isolated, facing bills and fears. Ordinarily you wouldn’t even really need much of an ad campaign to get people to sign up for free (if its medicaid) or subsidized health care but given the massive anti-ACA push the Obama people had to come up with a way to help people get over the fear of the entire thing. They choose a “friends tell friends” and a “kids tell parents” and “parents tell kids” model. Two of the three models are home based and appeal to notions of home/hearth/family and (specifically) comfort. So the pajamas and hot cocoa are quite on target for a special, christmas themed, commercial. You’d expect there to be other images selected for later in the year.

                • Ronan

                  Well we’ll have to agree to disagree I guess. It doesnt really say isolation, fear, financial troubles to me. Certainly doesnt say help is on the way. Doesnt say anything really.
                  Maybe it works well in the larger campaign, or makes sense in the demohraphics who arent signing up (young yada yada)

                • Ronan

                  the whole ‘talk about healthcare’ slogan as well..who talks about healthcare? (as in the specifics, of whether to get it. Its a personal decision,not collective.. Certainly for my generation i would think – id prob fall into his demographics – the idea that this is something you would decide by talking amongst friends, seems odd)

                • Yeah. The point is that they are seeing an opening where something scary, humiliating, and therefore secret can be normalized and stripped of its fear quotient. There have been lots of ad campaigns like this–friends dont let friends drive drunk is one. Many campaigns ate modeled on the idea of a conversation. Also this is modeled on the family coming home for the holidays. Iconographically and historically kids are supposed to bring home new experiences and even roomates from college and everyone cosies up in an extended family.

                • Ronan

                  Thats interesting. In Ireland drink driving campaigns have tended to be built around guilting/scaring peole out of drink driving.
                  Theyve concentrated on the words of survivors, or people who have killed others in accidents.
                  Im not saying its better neessarily (I guess over there this campaign would run with someone in a doctors surgery looking distraught with the message ‘ shoulda got health insurance’ )

                • Ronan

                  Thats half a joke, by the way.
                  I just dont understand this idea of health insurance being scary, humiliating etc
                  Poor health, sure. I can understand the idea of normalising (and starting a conversation about) certain diseases etc. But the act of buying insurance..?
                  Anyway, Ive probably got sidetracked on this.

                • Hogan

                  I just dont understand this idea of health insurance being scary, humiliating etc

                  Not health insurance–free or subsidized health insurance. IOW, welfare.

                • Ronan

                  Ah yeah, of course. I am a dumbass. That makes sense

                • Hogan

                  We’re exceptional in our crazy. It’s to your credit that you find it hard to keep track of.

            • I didn’t notice the zipper until after I asked the question.

              Yeah, though.

  • Because when I think “masculine” Jonah Goldberg is the first person that comes to mind…..

    • Royko

      It’s an old school-toadie trick, isn’t it? Find the kid that’s a bigger target yourself and attack him mercilessly to keep the more popular kids from picking on you.

      Cuz in a list of bloggers likely to be found in footie pajamas with cocoa, Jonah has to be up near the top. (Not that there’s anything wrong with it, says the blog commenter who has his own special holiday mug set for cocoa.)

      • I think he’d be more of a union suit man. That back flap would allow the gasses to escape before the pressure got too high.

      • Tybalt

        On your first day in intellectual prison, find a strawman and beat his ass so everyone knows you’re not to be messed with.

  • Joshua

    I don’t even think bspencer picked out the worst of the excerpts.

    It seems to me this is a pretty desperate attempt by the MSNBC fanboy set to compensate for the fact that so many people find Pajama Boy pathetic.

    Why would I find him pathetic? Dude, Jonah – he’s an actor in a web ad. Do you build pretend lives around every single stock photo you see online?

    • Malaclypse

      Do you build pretend lives around every single stock photo you see online?

      Don’t ask him about the Snorg T-shirt woman. He’s still bitter over how that ended.

      • No, I’m pretty sure the ending was happy.

        • BigHank53

          Not for the keyboard, monitor, mousepad, mouse, desk blotter, and carpeting.

        • NonyNony

          You are an evil, evil woman.

          And now if you’ll excuse me I need to go bleach my brain.

        • That wins the Internets for the day

    • Don’t anyone show them this picture–they’ll freak the fuck out.

    • sharculese

      It’s actually not a stock photo, an OFA staffer posed for that picture, which just seems to make them angrier.

      • DrS

        “Why’d they have to make it political?”

  • After the Graeme Frost incident, nothing these shart stains do has really surprised me. Any surprise comes from the extreme lengths they’ll go to when selecting a target.

    Once it was an ill 10 year old who testified before Congress. Yesterday it was a guy who posed for an Obamacare ad. Tomorrow … The photographer who took the picture? His parents? A shadow that looks like Obama’s silhouette?

    • sharculese

      The reminder that Julia was a thing that happened reveals that they are already good and worked up about silhouettes.

      • Anna in PDX

        I still find that hard to believe. I was wondering if I had hallucinated it until I read Roy’s article today. God. There are no words for how weird they are.

        • But remember it is completely unfair to mention it when the police discover piles of conservative literature (FLABW) in the home of some freakazoid who gets picked up for stalking the the Obama girls.

    • That shadow was wearing MOM JEANS. That shadow’s getting everything it deserves.

  • laura

    Shorter Jonah: Nothing is more emasculated and communistic than a man who describes himself as a feminist. I mean, what does *he* get out of it?

    The thing that is enraging about Jonah isn’t that he’s dumb, it’s that he is such a fucking hack. Such a fucking, impossibly huge, field-clearing hack. You can just see him perusing the right wing blogs in the morning to see what’s got the rabble raised, and then running off a column designed for maximum cultural-reactionary erogenous-zone-stroking, leavened of course with his brand of smirking irony the sole purpose of which is to faintly signal that he’s just a bit more sophisticated than your average right wing mouth breeder. Which may be true, but since he will never say anything that challenges his readership at all, it’s moot: even though he clearly *likes* much of modern culture and might were he not constantly eyeing the dollar sign have something useful to say about it. He is a truly gutless wonder.

    • Atomic Karl

      Shorter Jonah: Nothing is more emasculated and communistic than a man who describes himself as a feminist.


      • Anonymous

        Equivocation and using “mmm” is unmanly, you nuclear limpdick.

  • Aaron Baker

    “That’s some act. What do you call it?”

    “A chimp with a monocle . . . imitating AN ARISTOCRAT!”

  • Aaron Baker

    Pajama Boy doesn’t exude homosexuality; he gives off the anodyne scent of emasculation.

    The root meaning of “anodyne” is “not painful.” Goldberg, I would hope, has never been present at the making of a castrato . . . so what exactly can he mean by the painless scent–or even the insipid scent–of emasculation? Oh wait–it’s Goldberg, who tosses big words around ’cause it’s even easier than farting.

    • Well, maybe he likes the smell of emasculated dudes. Perhaps that’s why they’re so wild still about whatever metrosexuals are. I don’t know much about top-shelf men’s fragrances, but I imagine a cat that put that much thought into looking sharp would do something better than the usual bathe in Axe Body Whatever that I see Jonah and his pals doing every morning. Jonah isn’t hating on the smell of an emasculated man, he’s encouraging its spread.

      I don’t know, makes as much sense as anything else Jonah or wing nuts in general yammer about.

    • Royko

      Everyone knows true machismo comes with a pungent stank.

  • KmCO

    HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT SON OF GOD, they are still talking about this??!!

    I’m glad I’m not a conservative, because I really do value such things as my physical health and maintaining healthy blood pressure levels. If these idiots are still utterly and inexplicably angry about a completely innocuous, nondescript photo of a cute young guy in pajamas, they have thoroughly lost perspective and can’t differentiate between something that’s a big fucking deal and something that’s a harmless photo of a guy drinking cocoa. Keee-rist.

    • Aaron Baker

      Nothing is harmless for these morons–nothing at all.

  • The Sheriff’s A Ni-

    So for the past couple of days, we’ve seen the right wing freak out over a guy in pajamas and someone from Duck Dynasty.

    I think the bridge scandal may be the least of Chris Christie’s worries. He might lose the election to the dug-up corpse of Orval Faubus at this point.

  • Daragh McDowell

    Decided to check in on Doughy Pantsloads Twitter feed. His main reaction to the newsletter is a retweet of Ben Domenech’s glowing praise. I think that just about sums up the intellectual state of conservatism in the US today.

    • rea

      a retweet of Ben Domenech’s glowing praise.

      I wonder who originally wrote it?

      • Thanks for that.

        Seriously, few things bug me more about otherwise good journalists like Greg Sergeant than when they quote/cite/retweet Ben Domenech. I’m not absolutist about many things, but on plagiarism I am. He should not be treated as a legitimate voice in public discourse.

      • Daragh McDowell

        Probably Jonah himself. The next tweet was some form of lamentation about the large number of assholes in the world. Apparently he accidentally wandered into the house of mirrors…

      • i wish this blog comments had a ‘like’ button specifically for comments like that one

      • I hope he never lives that down.

  • flinches whenever his girlfriend makes a sudden movement

    Go to hell, Jonah Goldberg, you lazy half-assed smarmy nepotistic pile of human excrement. Fuck you and your entire waste of a career and your toilet paper magazine. The most significant effect your life will ever have is depriving the maggots and the vultures of a good meal.

    • Aaron Baker

      Stop tiptoeing around it and tell him what you really think!

  • joe from Lowell

    Oh, my. The wingnuts seem to have talked themselves into something stupid again, like “Liberals are panicked about Sarah Palin” or “Mitt Romney is surging.”

    The next step is to start accusing people who give them confused looks of being liberal activists who are only pretending to be confused.

  • joe from Lowell

    Funny, I just happened to begin rereading “On the Road” tonight. Ahem:

    And he said, “Yes, of course, I know exactly what you mean and in fact all those problems have occurred to me, but the thing that I want is the realization of those factors that should one depend on Schopenhauer’s dichotomy for any inwardly realized…” and so on in that way, thing I understood not a bit and he himself didn’t. In those days he really didn’t know what he was talking about; that is to say, he was a young jailkid all hung-up on the wonderful possibilities of becoming a real intellectual, and he liked to talk in the tone and using the words, but in a jumbled way, the he had heard from “real intellectuals”

  • Reactionaries, pretty much always the same. From Rick Perlstein’s Nixonland, discussing Kent State:

    “Anyone who appears on the streets of a city like Kent with long hair, dirty clothes, or barefooted deserves to be shot,” a Kent resident told a researcher.

    “Have I your permission to quote that?”

    “You sure do. It would have been better if the Guard had shot the whole lot of them that morning.”

    “But you had three sons there.”

    “If they didn’t do what the Guards told them, they should have been mowed down.”

    He documents several other examples of this sort of vitriol directed towards young people who so much as look like hippies. Policing other people’s appearance seems to be a pretty deep-seated need for those with an authoritarian mindset. Mitt Romney’s high school days come to mind as well.

    • Does that interchange appear in Bob Altemeyer’s The Authoritarians? Because it looks very familiar–of course at one point I did a ton of research on Kent State so maybe I’m remembering that. But its a classic, either way. People are amazing in their ability to suspend reality and say and feel stupid things which, if they had any empathy or heart or imagination they would cut their tongues out before they said or thought. This is why authoritarians and republicans are always shocked at the inhumanity of their former friends who continue to hew a hard line when they suddenly discover that they have a gay child, or a disabled child, or a crisis that doesn’t track with their community’s definition of a crisis. They end up saying “I know I agreed to these punishing rules when I didn’t really think they would apply to me and mine, but now that I know its my kid, my crisis, can’t we have a little more wiggle room?”

      • Lee Rudolph

        Does that interchange appear in Bob Altemeyer’s The Authoritarians? Because it looks very familiar–of course at one point I did a ton of research on Kent State so maybe I’m remembering that. But its a classic, either way.

        My last conversation with my father, back in Ohio, was from a pay phone on Mass Ave (I deliberately had no phone in my Green St. apartment then) the day after the murders at Kent State and Jackson State. He said more or less the same thing. (And the papers reported that that was the prevailing opinion in Ohio, in the next day or two.) That was the moment I consciously decided I would never live there again.

      • KmCO

        The exchange is truly shocking, and I say that as someone who generally doesn’t find anything authoritarian assholes say shocking anymore. To claim that you wouldn’t mind if your own children were “mowed down” is spine-chilling.

      • As far as I can tell, and the notes for some reason are unclear about that particular passage, it looks to be from James A. Michener’s Kent State: What Happened and Why.

        Lee, are you referring to Mass Ave and Green Street in Cambridge? I used to live over on Western Ave myself. Great neighborhood.

  • Lurker

    The funny thing is that looks can be deceiving. In Finland, where there is conscription, the Reserve Officer School gets some of the brightest guys in the country. Not all of them, of course, but even in the infantry officer course, the people are bright, and in the technical branches, nerds are more a rule than an exception. In my course, the best students looked very much like this guy, although most were more blonde, Finnish people being that way.

    I remember one guy, a good friend of mine joking: “The Army really needs us, innocent nerdy guys from the countryside. It’s so easy to make us cold-blooded killers.” I looked at him, saw a friendly computer nerd who wouldn’t hurt a fly and my heart grew cold with chill, when I understood that this was not really a joke.

  • I was told that there would be Harvey Wallbangers and Stormtrooper uniforms here?

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