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The Best Reason to Vote Democratic You’ve Ever Heard

[ 110 ] October 2, 2013 |

I can’t see how this isn’t the greatest endorsement of the Democratic Party ever:

“Saturday Night Live” alumnus and “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” actor Rob Schneider appeared in a short video (embedded below) with California Assemblyman — and Republican gubernatorial hopeful — Tim Donnelly and Politichicks reporter Ann-Marie Murrell on Monday. In the video, Schneider declared that he hasn’t worked on a film in California in seven years because of the recent rise of Democrats in state elections.

“The state of California is a mess,” Schneider declared, “and the supermajority of Democrats is not working. I’ve been a lifelong Democrat and I have to switch over because it no longer serves the people of this great state. We need to have a new voice. We need to have a new direction, and we need to break the supermajority. It isn’t helping with jobs.”

“The last time I made a movie in California was seven years ago,” he said. “And that’s because we’re not being competitive. I own a vitamin company with my friend and we moved out of state because of overregulation. It isn’t helping businesses.”

If what Schneider is really saying is that I should give my life savings to the California Democratic Party, to whom do I give my back account number and password?

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  1. aimai says:

    That’s some fine sense of timing this guy has. Hasn’t the “supermajority” rule been broken, thus enabling California to actually function?

    • MattT says:

      No, you still need a supermajority to actually run California, it’s just that the Democrats now have one. Totally coincidentally, governance has drastically improved. But it’s still a dangerous situation in that they don’t have to lose that many seats to revert to the “large majority but still can’t actually do anything” status quo.

    • Specifically, you no longer need a supermajority to pass a budget, but you still need one to pass revenue increases.

  2. Butch Dawson says:

    “The last time I made a movie in California was seven years ago.”

    In other words, the first five years of his unemployment was during the Schwarzenegger administration.

    • Halloween Jack says:

      I resent the implication that Der Gropinator has actually done some good.

      • Butch Dawson says:

        Oh, sorry, certainly did not mean that. Merely pointing out Schneider’s self-contradiction, blaming a political environment that has not been in place a full two years yet for a situation that he himself admits began much further back

    • gedde says:

      In even other words:

      “the last shitty movie I made was seven years ago and it sucked so bad I had to start an Internet vitamin company with a buddy to scam old people through auto-billing and unordered shipments, because some things suck too much even for California.”

    • SamR says:

      I didn’t realize the Democratic Party was to blame for his falling out with Adam Sandler.

  3. NonyNony says:

    I read that last night and thought exactly the same thing! This is easily one of the best endorsements of the Democratic Party I’ve seen yet – “For no more Rob Schneider movies, Vote for Democrats!”

  4. snarkout says:

    Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: “Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind … Maybe you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who’s Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers.” … But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” while passing on the opportunity to participate in “Million Dollar Baby,” “Ray,” “The Aviator,” “Sideways” and “Finding Neverland.” As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

  5. witless chum says:

    I can only imagine what kind of vitamin company Rob Schnieder owns with his friend. I’m sure it’s a first class operation run according to the principles of good science and concern for public health.

    And I wonder what sort of tyrannical regulations are pressing down upon it? The ‘you’re not allowed to poison people’ thumbscrews, or the ‘keep the fake claims for your snake oil fairly non-specific’ face-boots?

  6. JKTHs says:

    “The last time I made a movie in California was seven years ago,” he said. “And that’s because we’re not being competitive.

    I’m SURE that’s the reason.

  7. Shakezula says:

    Schneider declared that he hasn’t worked on a film in California in seven years because of the recent rise of Democrats in state elections.

    Has this unfunny prick been in any movie in the past seven years?

    • snarkout says:

      Comedy genius Adam Sandler keeps tossing him work.

      • Shakezula says:

        So Schneider is getting sloppy seconds off another unfunny prick. Cute.

      • LeeEsq says:

        The thing that gets me really angry about Adam Sandler is that he actually can act, for evidence see Punch Drunk Love, but made a deliberate choice to do unfunny and immature comedy. If Adam Sandler wanted to, he could have been a good actor in quality movies.

        I have the same feelings about Will Ferril. Stranger than Fiction is one of my favorite movies and Will Ferril was very good in it. So good that its hard for me to imagine another actor playing Harold Crick. Yet, if Will Ferril can act than why does he keep doing movies like Anchorman?

        • SatanicPanic says:

          Everything Must Go came out in 2010, I thought he did a good job with that.

          • NonyNony says:

            Needs to be paired with:

            http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies?id=strangerthanfiction.htm

            The answer to the questions “why does actor X do lazy hackwork when I know that he can do better” is always “market forces reward the lazy hackwork more than the better work”.

            • BigHank53 says:

              Yeah, like all the gripes about Kristen Stewart. Listen, if you got paid what she got paid for those movies, you’d be happy to be skinny and pout. Screw character development. What kind of car can you lease with character development?

              • snarkout says:

                Like the probably apocryphal story about Christopher Reeve’s conversation with Gene Hackman. “Listen, this character is literally cartoonish, and I can’t get a handle on how to play him. What are you using as Lex Luthor’s motivation?” “A half-million dollars and a point of the gross.”

                • Warren Terra says:

                  My favorite of this sort of tale is the Michael Caine, talking about his role in Jaws IV:

                  I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.

        • witless chum says:

          Actually, I’d argue that Sandler’s biggest sin was choosing to be middlebrow within the stupid comedy genre. Billy Madison, I mean tastes vary, but I find it pretty funny. Also, in the moment where most comedies have an annoyingly serious bit, it undercut it with a musical number. And it has humor around the edges like Chris Farley felating the beak of someone in a penguin suit. After that though, he made stuff like Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore where he actually took those kind of emotional beats seriously and toned down the weirdness.

          • LeeEsq says:

            Yeah, I hate that we can’t get any pure comedies and that nearly all of them have at least some seriousness in them. Even at its most serious, Airplane was a deeply ridiculous and silly movie. Thats why its the funniest movie of all time.

            • efgoldman says:

              Thats why its the funniest movie of all time.

              I love Airplane, and it always cracks me up, but the funniest movie of all time was Mel Brooks Young Frankenstein, or maybe Monty Python Holy Grail.

        • calling all toasters says:

          I thought Sandler did a fine job portraying a schozophrenic in Reign Over Me. Unfortunately, his character was supposed to have PTSD.

        • Yet, if Will Ferril can act than why does he keep doing movies like Anchorman?

          I’m not sure what’s worse: the diss of one of the most brilliant and beloved comedies of the last fifteen years, or the idea that performing comedy somehow takes less skill than… ACTING! (dramatic gesture)

          • NonyNony says:

            MGK, I love you, but the Will Ferrell’s performance in Anchorman was incredibly lazy independent of whether or not the movie is funny. His performance in Stranger Than Fiction, on the other hand, was brilliant.

            • brad says:

              I have to submit that if you’re watching Anchorman for quality thespian work, you’re watching for the wrong reasons.
              It’s a saturday afternoon farce, effort actually shouldn’t be involved.

              • brad says:

                Additionally, Will Ferrell movies are extended sketch comedy premises, quite consciously and intentionally. The idea that much more heavily scripted and gag oriented stuff such as Airplane is by definition better comedy than the improv based freer-flowing style of Ferrell stuff is a bit snobbish, really. Airplane is kind of boring, to me, with premises that have grown stale, to me.

          • GeoX says:

            Anchorman has funny moments, but I don’t even know what to say to someone who thinks it’s a “good movie.”

          • LeeEsq says:

            Where did I say that acting takes less skill than doing comedy? Comedic acting is still acting and I love comedy. There is a difference between the type of comedic acting in Anchorman than the comedic acting in Airplane or a Marx Brothers movies. The former is withour effort, just going through the motions. In Airplane, the people were actual working.

        • efgoldman says:

          Yet, if Will Ferril can act than why does he keep doing movies like Anchorman?

          Can we draw a dollar sign, kids? Yes, yes we can.

      • Izzy says:

        Well, the rumor is he wasn’t in the latest Sandler disaster because he couldn’t agree to the same contract as the rest of the ensemble leads. You know, guys who are much more sought-after by the studio than he is.

        But, yeah, over-regulation is the problem.

    • Hunky Jimpjorps says:

      As far as movies go, he hasn’t been in anything major since Deuce Bigalow, just bit parts in Happy Madison Productions cruft that exists because Adam Sandler wanted to go on vacation in front of a camera. However, he was the lead in the execrable sitcom “Rob”, based on the premise that Mexican people are inherently wacky goofballs. It lasted eight episodes.

  8. rea says:

    Deuce Bigalow, Republican gigolo

    • Quixote says:

      Imagine Deuce having to deal with slightly-fictionalized versions of Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, and Larry Craig, all at the behest of a Republican party whip who’s decided that the way to combat the scandal is to simply keep it in-house by hiring a party prostitute.

      It writes itself.

  9. David Hunt says:

    Jeez. That pitch makes me want to become a Republican just so I can switch to being a Democrat in protest over it.

    • Snarki, child of Loki says:

      No one is stopping you.

      But when you switch back, make sure to write an outraged letter to the editor explaining why, as a Lifelong Republican™ the (whatever the current clownish GOP antics are) are the straw that broke the camels back.

  10. LeftWingFox says:

    Victoria Jackson and Rob Schneider. Who’s next? David Spade or Joe Piscapo?

  11. Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb says:

    He and Victoria Jackson should get together.

    And by “get together,” I mean, “build a home-made rocket and try to go to the moon.”

  12. Joey Maloney says:

    I’m not going to repeat the research, but last night when this “story” “broke” somebody went to IMDB and easily found out that at least two of the movies Schneider has been in since 2006 were filmed in, wait for it, California.

    Always remember, kids: they lie. They lie about the big stuff. They lie about the little stuff. They lie about the stuff that’s impossible to check. They lie about the stuff that’s trivial to check. They lie.

    • Jim says:

      Yeah – according to IMDb, he was in InAPPropriate Comedy that was filmed in California sometime between 2010 and 2013.

      Given that it grossed somewhere around $600 per screen (or less) in its opening weekend, I can understand discounting it. Still, there it is, it exists.

      Similarly, American Crude (2008) and Big Stan (2007) were filmed in whole or in part in California, and The Chosen One (2010) – which he directed, wrote, produced and starred in – was also filmed largely in California. As was his TV show, “¡Rob!” and the Betty White geriatric punk’d show that he apparently appeared in.

    • osceola says:

      Also, other states offer TV and film productions tax breaks to shoot there. That’s why Revolution moved production to Austin, and Breaking Bad went to New Mexico (Gilligan originally set the pilot in Riverside, Cal. but was told it was more economical to go to Albuquerque). And then there’s the economics of shooting in Canada. Vancouver has substituted for just about every US city.

  13. sharculese says:

    Politichicks reporter Ann-Marie Murrell

    So there’s like a couple websites with names like this and I’ve never understood why Republicans don’t get that saying ‘chicks’ makes you sound super fucking lame.

  14. witless chum says:

    My apologism for “Fifty First Dates” as being a legitimately cute and sweet romantic comedy would be slightly less difficult if the movie didn’t feature Rob Schneider in Hawaiian Face. Seriously, Sandler and Drew Barrymore are really good at playing cute together, though. And Sean Astin and Dan Ackroyd are funny in it. And it’s generally not as insulting to people as most romantic comedies.

    • ralphdibny says:

      I must respectfully disagree. That movie’s creepy. It does explicitly what most Hollywood romances do implicitly–fetishize the beginning of a relationship as the “best” or only important part. It’s a curse, but it’s also a blessing, you see, ’cause she gets to fall in love every day! Forget about the trauma of waking up every morning with a stranger in your bed, or the lack of agency that it implies.

      • witless chum says:

        I respectfully disagree with your disagreement. I think it takes Barrymore’s feelings about that comparatively seriously(again, in the context of oft-creepy romantic comedy). They have the scene where they’re falling asleep together and Sandler’s clearly thinking love is going to conquer all and she’ll remember him and she ends up hitting him with a lacrosse stick. It’s played somewhat for laughs, but she’s pretty legitimately scared and freaked out. And the movie treats that as understandable. Even in the final scene on the boat where it’s all lovey-dovey, Barrymore still plays the confusion pretty deep and scared-looking.

        I think they earn it by taking her choices seriously, first by having her choose to forget Sandler and have him go away, too.

        I see what you mean about fetishizing the beginning of a relationship though, but I’m not sure it’s as big a part of the movies appeal. To me, the sweetness is the lengths they go to work around her problem. After being married for 11 years, I think that more so.

        • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists says:

          As a re-writing of a sci-fi story, “Just Another Perfect Day”, I kind of liked the movie, Sandler and all. I am a sucker for a Drew Barrymore movie, though. except for ET.

          Schneicer brought nothing to the flick, though. It would have been better without him. Not even changing the dialog, just dropping the character, with the other actors saying things to a blank space where Schneider would have been. In fact, let’s see if we can get ILM on this right away.

          Now that I think of that, I’ll bet EVERY Rob Schneider movie could be improved by that treatment.

        • Sherm says:

          I’m with witless. “fifty First Dates” was a fine movie. But I also liked “Billy Madison” and “Happy Gilmore.” If I had a dollar for every time I said back in 2000 that “Bush should have to go back to kindergarten and start all over like Billy Madison before he can become president”, I would have blown a fortune by now.

  15. Cols714 says:

    Adam Carolla also pitches this nonsense in his podcasts. He claims the entire solution to our country’s problems is focusing on the family and education, but gives no ideas about how to actually do that.

    Of course Carolla is also convinced that the entire traffic problem around Los Angeles can be solved by turning right on red and moving accidents off the freeway.

    • sparks says:

      Wait. Turning right on red is allowed in CA unless explicitly denied. Is L.A. different?

      • Cols714 says:

        I have no idea, but Carolla bitches about it nonstop and really acts like it’s the reason traffic sucks in L.A.

        • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists says:

          what the hell, if Glenn Beck can bitch endlessly about non-existent death panels, Carolla can probably go ahead and bitch about laws that don’t exist.

      • Cody says:

        A lot of cities around here don’t allow turning right on red…

        Usually it’s only sporadically marked though.

        • aimai says:

          Here in Boston people seem to think you can turn LEFT on red, whenever you want. Extra points for doing it across a driver waiting demurely in the left hand lane.

          • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists says:

            learned how to drive from playing Grand Theft Auto.

          • Yama says:

            I always thought Boston drivers were charmingly reliable. If they look in a certain direction, you can count on them going there, no matter what is in the way.

            • Alan in SF says:

              One redeeming thing is they generally scream at you jsut before hitting you, giving you one last tiny shred of a chance.

              • Malaclypse says:

                I will always remember the driver who make a left right in front of me on Brattle Street, who, while I was laying down my bike, and feeling the skin of my right leg rip away, took the time to flip me off. It’s little things like that that make Massachusetts drivers special.

            • Warren Terra says:

              I learned to drive in oh-so-polite Seattle (where it was at least at the time customary to stop your car in the middle of the block if a pedestrian looks like they might be open to the notion of jaywalking) but got my more useful experience driving in Boston. I’m glad I learned elsewhere (I use turn signals! I check mirrors!), but getting experience someplace where you have no option but to drive aggressively is useful in some ways.

          • MAJeff says:

            Pittsburghers do that too.

          • rm says:

            Boston traffic laws are simple:

            All drivers have the right of way in all situations.

      • Bob Loblaw says:

        Years ago when I listened to LoveLine w/Dr. Drew and Adam Carola (sp?), I seem to recall him bitching not about turning right on red, but rather not being able to turn left on red.

        His thing was that there are these really long streets in LA with really long light sequences, and if you get that red left turn arrow, especially at night, you can’t turn left even if there is no oncoming traffic. So you just sit there and sit there – his argument was that there should be some way to just turn left on red anyway since it wasn’t going to cause any real problem trafficwise.

        Here in Colorado, in recent years we have more ‘flashing yellow’ left arrows now, so that even if you missed the green left arrow, you still have a way of turning left if you decide you can do it safely.

  16. sharculese says:

    Hollywood is suffering so much that Disney definitely isn’t trying to spin off the line of popular superhero movies they certainly don’t have into a tv show that absolutely no one is watching

  17. Alan in SF says:

    It’s nice to see that all the trouble we go to has finally had some good effect.

  18. Fighting Words says:

    As a California voter, and as someone who actually seen Deuce Bigalow: European Giggolo, I am glad to see that my votes are being put to good use.

  19. Anonymous says:

    “You know what California really needs more of? Has-been actors fucking around in politics.”

  20. Bitter Scribe says:

    I’m trying to think of the difference between Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler. Sandler is the one who is, or was, occasionally funny, right?

  21. Ryan says:

    Yea… Some democrat… Ignoring science and believing that vaccines cause autism.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S1-LgYyjQg

    Good riddance.

  22. Kit says:

    Tim Donnelly, the man with whom Schneider appears in the video, isn’t just any Republican gubernatorial hopeful. He rose to prominence (or such prominence as he enjoys) as a Minuteman leader. I guess nothing says “good business climate” like racist paramilitary vigilantism.

  23. brad says:

    It’s almost like SNL alum of that vintage are trying to make it seem like a good thing Phil Hartman left us far too early.

  24. herr doktor bimler says:

    I own a vitamin company with my friend
    So Schneider, noted anti-vaccine campaigner, relies for his income on quackery fueled by alt-health ignorance and alarmism?, Didn’t see that coming.

  25. Hank says:

    I live in Rob Schneider’s hometown. For years he paid for the city’s middle school music program. So I appreciate his generosity.

    It’s disappointing to learn that he’s loony.

  26. Patricia Kayden says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all week! Thank you Monsieur Bigalow for the laugh!

    P.S. I found him funny in “The Hot Chick”.

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