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Mmmm . . . donuts


krispy kreme

Needing a Seasoned Lawyer who’s familiar with civil suits filed at the Chatsworth courthouse. Will agree to a modest cash donation and for your time will also deliver 2 Dozen Krispy Kremes to your firm each Friday for 2 months if you can help me negotiate a settlement with Mandarich and make this Go Away! Please email phone number will call you back quickly Thanks a lot!

Compensation: Krispy Kremes plus Cash for Services Rendered
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Posting ID: 4081080825

Posted: 2013-09-20, 8:37PM PDT

Updated: 2013-09-20, 8:47PM PDT

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  • Linnaeus

    Now if the offer was for Top Pot doughnuts, that’d be worth considering…

    • MacCheerful

      You know I live right across from a Top Pot doughnut shop and thought I was sitting pretty until I tried a doughnut from Dynamite Doughnuts in SF which blew Top Pot out of the water.

      Now I can no longer really enjoy a Top Pot doughnut. Travel destroys happiness.

      • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

        I don’t even remember the donut shop in SF Pinko Punko took us to after a night of drinking. I remember it was in the Tenderloin.

        The donuts were awesome though.

        I recall transvestites, also. And chocolate skittles.

        It was a helluva night.

        • MAJeff

          I recall transvestites, also. And chocolate skittles.

          Just don’t get them on ice cream.

          • Captain C

            Which, the skittles or the transvestites?

        • efgoldman

          I recall transvestites, also.

          Transvestite donuts? Are they really crullers in drag?

          • Lee Rudolph

            You just don’t ever want to know too many details about Fried Treats Dysphoria, that’s all I’m saying.

          • DocAmazing

            Ich bin ein berliner…

      • NewishLawyer

        Dyanamo is indeed awesome. I’m glad it is far from my place and parking there is not great to very difficult or I’d be in line for a heart attack.

        How does each compare to Voodoo in Portland?

        • DN

          I just don’t get the Voodoo doughnut love. Way, way overrated. When i lived in Portland I would see the line and wonder what’s up, gotta be great. Stood through the line a couple times and was seriously disappointed. I would rather have fresh, hot Krispy Kreme. Dynamo is in just a different league.

          Don N.

        • Voodoo Doughnut is for tourists and drunk people. There are much better doughnuts in the Portland area.

      • Linnaeus

        I’m sure Dynamite is excellent. But sometimes you have to take what you’re given, and Top Pot is both close to me and pretty good.

        • MacCheerful

          Well proximity is a virtue. And I was on the Top Pot bandwagon for a long time and just a little cocky as I walked into that SF doughnut shop that the SF hipsters were so touchingly proud of.

          And slunk out later, ashamed but with a mouthful of happiness.

  • Warren Terra

    If only the poster didn’t specify a seasoned attorney, this could help slightly with some law school’s “employed as a lawyer” statistic.

    • DocAmazing

      Not sure what kind of seasoning would be appropriate. I think a glazed lawyer might be the better bet.

      • Warren Terra

        Not sure what kind of seasoning would be appropriate

        ZRM may want to weigh in. And anyone responding to the ad may want to look out.

        • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

          well, of course, it depends on what kind of cuisine you are going for.

          • MAJeff

            Exactly. But, I’ve got to think lawyer is going to be tougher than goat, so a long time soaking in milk may be in order first.

            • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

              simmer them in a beer/butter/onion brine for a couple hours.

          • cpinva

            any donut shop that tops their product with transvestites and chocolate skittles, is probably not going to be too picky about lawyer cuisine.

      • Desert Rat

        I actually think one that is dry-rubbed and slow-smoked over mesquite would be preferable to glazed.

        • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

          be vigorous with the tenderizing mallet.

      • James E. Powell

        This being Los Angeles, I would have expected a request for a gluten-free attorney.

  • Krispy Kremes with or without catsup?

  • I am becoming a lawyer.

  • njorl

    Krispy Kremes? Blech! I would nearly hesitate to eat the whole box.

    • Hogan

      If they’re chocolate frosted cake Krispy Kremes, I’d be willing to risk jail time by faking legal credentials.

    • efgoldman

      I would nearly hesitate to eat the whole box.

      Krispy Kreme tried to roll into Dunkin’ territory in New England. I don’t know that I ever had one before they rolled right back out again. My son-in-law is from NC, and swears they are the ambrosia of fried pastry.

      When it invaded Dunkin’ Donuts’ home turf of Massachusetts three years ago, there were sweet predictions for Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc.
      TV news cameras recorded the frenzy as its first store in the state opened in Medford in 2003, drawing hordes of devotees who say the doughnuts melt in your mouth.
      “People were waiting in line for three hours,” Mayor Michael J. McGlynn recalled.
      Today that store is closed, the hype and hoopla are history, and Krispy Kreme’s bottom line is glazed with red ink.

      (May be paywalled)

      • anthrofred

        When they opened their first Milwaukee location, they had a news helicopter out taking crowd shots at 6 a.m. Hard to forget that damn copter, since I lived a block away at the time. And yet I can’t hate KK, because those glazed donuts are just so damn delicious…

        • trollhattan

          They made a giant media splash when descending on my part of Kalifornee–giant lines, traffic jams, etc. Tried some, enough to figure out their “secret” is neglecting to actually cook them.

          “Enjoy your warmed dough.”

          And now they’re all closed.

          • anthrofred

            I’m not going to disagree with you: that’s the secret. And what a secret it is.

      • Lee Rudolph

        Many years ago, a junior faculty member newly arrived at my place of employment in Worcester, MA, confided that he had never seen so many doughnut shops. Different doughnut shops. That got me and my carpool buddy thinking, so one day we counted the doughnut shops between home (admitted, a long way from Worcester) and work. We got into double digits before stopping counting, though if you collapsed all Dunkin’ Donutses into one, and Honeydews into another, it went back to single digits.

        Krispy Kreme tried to roll into Dunkin’ territory in New England. Yeah. So did Tim Horton’s (Canuckistani brand), though by buying out Rhode Island based Bess Eaton (get it? get it? “Best Eatin'”, get it???) after the younger generation combined getting evangelical Protestantism (it was a good Catholic family) with losing accounting scruples. But Tim got rolled back out, too. Not that DD is actually any good.

        • Origami Isopod

          Nobody goes to Dunkin’s for the donuts. It’s for the coffee. Which isn’t even that good, either, IMO, but that’s what they’re used to.

          • MAJeff

            It’s for the coffee. Which isn’t even that good, either

            Thank you.

            • Origami Isopod

              To be fair, before the age of readily available good coffee everywhere, DD’s was one of the better brews. Now, it’s more of a statement that you’re not into “pretentious yuppie coffee,” or that you drink coffee for entirely utilitarian reasons. If it’s 6 a.m. and you can’t fully wake up and the nearest coffee shop is a Dunkin’s, it’ll do the trick.

              • anthrofred

                Jokes aside, I actually rather like their iced coffee. Their normal stuff varies wildly from location to location, and the one closest to me while I was in grad school made me consistently sick to my stomach. Still, it was right in the metro station, and if you had to teach at 8:00, it was worth the risk…

              • nixnutz

                I’ve warmed up to them, I used to be really acclimated to crazy-strong west coast coffee but after living back in the east for a while I got used to wildy variable, mostly terrible corner-store coffee and Dunkin’ Donuts is basically the most palatable version of that.

                There used to be a chain in S.F. called Pasqua that Starbucks bought out that made a very nice, mild brew that I would drink sometimes for variety, and while I’m still hoping Starbucks will revive their roast someday, as of now DD kind of fills that niche for me.

                I like their donuts too but really the only other donuts I have much experience with are from Chinese food & donuts places; compared to that they’re fine. I do like one variety of Krispy Kreme but for anything cakey or jelly-filled I’m sticking with Dunkin’.

          • anthrofred

            America Gets the Runs on Dunkin’s.

            …least I think that’s what the slogan is.

        • Linnaeus

          I realize this may not be a popular stance here, but I actually like Tim Hortons.

          • anthrofred

            Timmy’s is the greatest, and I became addicted to double-doubles during a stint in Canadastan. I don’t know if I could ever drink their coffee straight up, though.

            • Linnaeus

              I’ve had the various combinations of Tim Hortons coffee, including straight-up black.

          • Lee Rudolph

            I have nothing, except raw S.E. N.E. territoriality, against Mr. Horton and his wares, though I’ve only ever had them in Canadian airports.

        • cpinva

          I don’t get the big deal about tim Horton’s. I’ve been to them in Canada and the U.S., not impressed. hell they don’t even reach DD status, which isn’t a particularly high bar to hurdle.

          • Bartleby

            I’m in the same boat. I just don’t get it.

            • Quixote

              Canadians have a strong nostalgia for Timmys. To truly appreciate it, you need to be hauling your kids to hockey practice at five in the morning on a weekend when it’s twenty below. The coffee and doughnuts then attach to assorted feeling of family and Canadian-ness.

      • Halloween Jack

        They opened a location in my town; I’m not sure that it lasted two years. My impression of their donuts is that they’re like a sponge soaked in warm syrup–not at all very good when they’re not warm.

        • njorl

          I’ve described them as Wonderbread soaked in sugar water. They’re bad donuts, but the operative word is donuts.

      • PSP

        Warm Krispy Kreme off the conveyer belt beats Dunkin like the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest. It doesn’t help their cause that Dunkin doesn’t sell maple frosted outside New England.

  • Anonymous

    Why didn’t they just hire the lawyer from Legal Grind coffee house in Venice?

  • djw

    “Look, kid. It’s time to give up on this crazy dream of being a lawyer. Time to face reality and sign up for a water sommelier training course.”

    • efgoldman


  • LeftWingFox

    It’s time for america’s favourite gameshow!

    “Cheap or Desperate!”

    Tonight, 2 dozen Krispy Kremes and a “small donation” to make an unspecified legal problem “Go Away”. Is this a struggling franchisee desperate for help, or a greedy businessman continuing a pattern of non-payment for services rendered? Find out tonight, on “Cheap or Desperate?”!

    • LeftWingFox

      My money’s on cheap, by the way.

      • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

        based on my experience with clients for professional services, I have little doubt it is “pattern of non-payment for services rendered”.

    • anthrofred

      Side bets on “Papa John’s Owner”, anyone?

      • Aaron B.

        Over/under on the number of donuts that are actually in the boxes?

        • Paul Campos

          It’s Hollywood. Everybody lies — and everybody steals donuts.

      • Awesome.

        And the doughnuts are in fact clumsily assembled from pizza dough and covered in syrup.

  • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

    What kind of lawyer can you attract with crappy donuts?

    A cop, sure. But a lawyer?

  • UberMitch


    Law Schools Are Falsely Reporting the Number of Donuts Their Graduates Are Paid

    • sparks

      What university will be the first to open a Homer Simpson School Of Law?

  • ruviana

    Southern California? Winchell’s! Really good coffee too!

    • Linnaeus

      We have Winchell’s here in Seattle, too.

  • At least the lister got “Chatsworth” right once.


  • NewishLawyer

    Is this a sign of a desperate legal market and people taking advantage or just an idiot? There are always people out there who want top-notch product or service for rock bottom prices. Considering this is on craigslist, I am going for the idiot box.

    Now more seriously, the SF Superior Court is considering a rule change to get rid of volunteer lawyers. The DA and PD office has apparently been using free lawyers and these volunteer lawyers are taking up a lot of time with their mistakes and clogging the system.

    The new rule would be:

    “16.19 Supervision of Loaner/Volunteer Attorneys. All non-employee volunteer/loaner attorneys appearing in San Francisco Superior Court on behalf of the San Francisco District Attorney or Public Defender’s Offices shall be supervised in person at all times while in court by a full-time, staff attorney from those respective offices. The supervision shall be continuous throughout the trial, including any pre-trial appearances, motions, settlement conferences, and post-trial hearings (such as sentencing).”


    • LeeEsq

      I agree, I think this is just a moron and that no lawyer is going to take this offer ever. Whenever clients propose paying me in services, my general rule is that the service price is twice the dollar price. So 500 dollars for 1000 dollars worth of services or something like that.

      • NewishLawyer

        To further clarify the moron argument. It seems like every lawyer I know especially old-timers who graduated years or decades before the crisis have stories involving characters like the guy above. People who waited until the last minute to consult a lawyer or who came in but balked at prices and then waited until the last minute to get a lawyer.

        • LeeEsq

          It happens in immigration all the time. To an extent, many immigrants do have genuine problems paying for lawyers because they are poor but some seem to get the idea that a temporary hit to the wallet is better than getting removed.

        • AR

          I am not an old timer by any means and I can attest that everybody has that story if they take on clients (so exclude prosecutors). I think the worst I had was someone driving 4 hours to see me (everyone in their smaller town decided to pass on the case) 3 days before their answer was due, to defend double digit fraud cases (I think it was something like 10 or 12). They walked when before I gave them a full quote, because they did not want to pay anything upfront.

          • NewishLawyer

            Also plaintiff lawyers if the work on contingency fees.

            But yeah, this does not really seem like a story about the recession or the law school crisis but a clueless person trying to get something for very little.

          • NewishLawyer

            Though I do have a friend who does a lot of Wills and Trusts work. My friend tells me that a lot of people on very fixed incomes do try to pay with food.

            That is kind of sad though.

    • sparks

      I see this sort of thing on Craigslist all the time in various forms. I’m most familiar with it in reference to advertising for musicians (they can get downright comical), but it’s not rare to see ads for (example) unpaid intern positions even though Craigslist has banned them, and they often ask for experience that would be ludicrous to expect an intern to have.

      • NewishLawyer

        I’ve seen those as well. Often contradictory experience.

  • jon

    Genuine GLAZED donuts? Why, oh why, did I crush my parents dreams, and not turn into a lawyer?

  • rm

    If you want the best lawyers, you don’t just load the back of your pick-up down at the Wal-Mart parking lot. You have to offer extra incentives.

  • “Will litigate for food.”

  • Roger That

    I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that someone will take him up on this.

    • Linnaeus

      I see what you did there.

  • Desert Rat

    Way off topic, but here’s a Kickstarter for your fun and pleasure.

    Yep, Atlas Shrugged Part 3 has been reduced to a bleg.

    • cpinva

      with a goal of $250,000. yep, that’s going to be one high class movie! a monster, I tells ya!

  • James E. Powell

    I once did a DUI case for a black Les Paul Custom. Years later I sold it, because I am a stupid idiot. From time to time I have dreams about that guitar. I did another DUI for a Mesa Boogie 50 caliber+ and I also sold that. It was a very nice amp, but nothing like that Les Paul.

    • postmodulator

      What year Les Paul? The way musicians, um, comport their personal lives, I can see that being a self-perpetuating thing for a long time.

  • Francis

    Until last week I was employed only part-time and I’ve just hit 50. If I hadn’t just got hired full-time (dance of joy / dance of joy / dance of joy) and if Chatsworth weren’t such a godawful drive from Long Beach, I’d have taken the gig just for giggles. After 20 + years of practice, sometimes you just gotta say “what the fuck”.

    (Actually, I wouldn’t. Just based on the ad alone, you know he’s going to sue / report to the State Bar / post nasty comments about whoever shows up to help.)

  • LosGatosCA

    Donuts? Are you freaking kidding me?

    Gold bars are the ticket.

    And wouldn’t you know it, that gets Lanny Davis’ respect.

  • jon

    And he also files Pop Torts like nobody’s business.

  • Roger Ailes

    The discrimination against diabetics is unconscionable.

  • TribalistMeathead

    Funny, I have a fried on FB who’s a musician and constantly complaining about venue owners who expect him to play for free because they think it’s an opportunity for him to rehearse in front of an audience for free.

    This sounds like the exact same thing.

  • ChrisTS

    Donuts seems an oddly peculiar choice. Perhaps he works in a donut shop?

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