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Mmmm . . . donuts

[ 91 ] September 24, 2013 |

krispy kreme

Needing a Seasoned Lawyer who’s familiar with civil suits filed at the Chatsworth courthouse. Will agree to a modest cash donation and for your time will also deliver 2 Dozen Krispy Kremes to your firm each Friday for 2 months if you can help me negotiate a settlement with Mandarich and make this Go Away! Please email phone number will call you back quickly Thanks a lot!

Compensation: Krispy Kremes plus Cash for Services Rendered
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Posting ID: 4081080825

Posted: 2013-09-20, 8:37PM PDT

Updated: 2013-09-20, 8:47PM PDT


Comments (91)

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  1. Linnaeus says:

    Now if the offer was for Top Pot doughnuts, that’d be worth considering…

  2. Warren Terra says:

    If only the poster didn’t specify a seasoned attorney, this could help slightly with some law school’s “employed as a lawyer” statistic.

  3. Krispy Kremes with or without catsup?

  4. njorl says:

    Krispy Kremes? Blech! I would nearly hesitate to eat the whole box.

    • Hogan says:

      If they’re chocolate frosted cake Krispy Kremes, I’d be willing to risk jail time by faking legal credentials.

    • efgoldman says:

      I would nearly hesitate to eat the whole box.

      Krispy Kreme tried to roll into Dunkin’ territory in New England. I don’t know that I ever had one before they rolled right back out again. My son-in-law is from NC, and swears they are the ambrosia of fried pastry.

      When it invaded Dunkin’ Donuts’ home turf of Massachusetts three years ago, there were sweet predictions for Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc.
      TV news cameras recorded the frenzy as its first store in the state opened in Medford in 2003, drawing hordes of devotees who say the doughnuts melt in your mouth.
      “People were waiting in line for three hours,” Mayor Michael J. McGlynn recalled.
      Today that store is closed, the hype and hoopla are history, and Krispy Kreme’s bottom line is glazed with red ink.
      (May be paywalled)

      • anthrofred says:

        When they opened their first Milwaukee location, they had a news helicopter out taking crowd shots at 6 a.m. Hard to forget that damn copter, since I lived a block away at the time. And yet I can’t hate KK, because those glazed donuts are just so damn delicious…

        • trollhattan says:

          They made a giant media splash when descending on my part of Kalifornee–giant lines, traffic jams, etc. Tried some, enough to figure out their “secret” is neglecting to actually cook them.

          “Enjoy your warmed dough.”

          And now they’re all closed.

      • Lee Rudolph says:

        Many years ago, a junior faculty member newly arrived at my place of employment in Worcester, MA, confided that he had never seen so many doughnut shops. Different doughnut shops. That got me and my carpool buddy thinking, so one day we counted the doughnut shops between home (admitted, a long way from Worcester) and work. We got into double digits before stopping counting, though if you collapsed all Dunkin’ Donutses into one, and Honeydews into another, it went back to single digits.

        Krispy Kreme tried to roll into Dunkin’ territory in New England. Yeah. So did Tim Horton’s (Canuckistani brand), though by buying out Rhode Island based Bess Eaton (get it? get it? “Best Eatin'”, get it???) after the younger generation combined getting evangelical Protestantism (it was a good Catholic family) with losing accounting scruples. But Tim got rolled back out, too. Not that DD is actually any good.

        • Origami Isopod says:

          Nobody goes to Dunkin’s for the donuts. It’s for the coffee. Which isn’t even that good, either, IMO, but that’s what they’re used to.

          • MAJeff says:

            It’s for the coffee. Which isn’t even that good, either

            Thank you.

            • Origami Isopod says:

              To be fair, before the age of readily available good coffee everywhere, DD’s was one of the better brews. Now, it’s more of a statement that you’re not into “pretentious yuppie coffee,” or that you drink coffee for entirely utilitarian reasons. If it’s 6 a.m. and you can’t fully wake up and the nearest coffee shop is a Dunkin’s, it’ll do the trick.

              • anthrofred says:

                Jokes aside, I actually rather like their iced coffee. Their normal stuff varies wildly from location to location, and the one closest to me while I was in grad school made me consistently sick to my stomach. Still, it was right in the metro station, and if you had to teach at 8:00, it was worth the risk…

              • nixnutz says:

                I’ve warmed up to them, I used to be really acclimated to crazy-strong west coast coffee but after living back in the east for a while I got used to wildy variable, mostly terrible corner-store coffee and Dunkin’ Donuts is basically the most palatable version of that.

                There used to be a chain in S.F. called Pasqua that Starbucks bought out that made a very nice, mild brew that I would drink sometimes for variety, and while I’m still hoping Starbucks will revive their roast someday, as of now DD kind of fills that niche for me.

                I like their donuts too but really the only other donuts I have much experience with are from Chinese food & donuts places; compared to that they’re fine. I do like one variety of Krispy Kreme but for anything cakey or jelly-filled I’m sticking with Dunkin’.

          • anthrofred says:

            America Gets the Runs on Dunkin’s.

            …least I think that’s what the slogan is.

        • Linnaeus says:

          I realize this may not be a popular stance here, but I actually like Tim Hortons.

        • cpinva says:

          I don’t get the big deal about tim Horton’s. I’ve been to them in Canada and the U.S., not impressed. hell they don’t even reach DD status, which isn’t a particularly high bar to hurdle.

      • Halloween Jack says:

        They opened a location in my town; I’m not sure that it lasted two years. My impression of their donuts is that they’re like a sponge soaked in warm syrup–not at all very good when they’re not warm.

      • PSP says:

        Warm Krispy Kreme off the conveyer belt beats Dunkin like the proverbial one legged man in an ass kicking contest. It doesn’t help their cause that Dunkin doesn’t sell maple frosted outside New England.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Why didn’t they just hire the lawyer from Legal Grind coffee house in Venice?

  6. djw says:

    “Look, kid. It’s time to give up on this crazy dream of being a lawyer. Time to face reality and sign up for a water sommelier training course.”

  7. LeftWingFox says:

    It’s time for america’s favourite gameshow!

    “Cheap or Desperate!”

    Tonight, 2 dozen Krispy Kremes and a “small donation” to make an unspecified legal problem “Go Away”. Is this a struggling franchisee desperate for help, or a greedy businessman continuing a pattern of non-payment for services rendered? Find out tonight, on “Cheap or Desperate?”!

  8. zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists says:

    What kind of lawyer can you attract with crappy donuts?

    A cop, sure. But a lawyer?

  9. UberMitch says:


    Law Schools Are Falsely Reporting the Number of Donuts Their Graduates Are Paid

  10. ruviana says:

    Southern California? Winchell’s! Really good coffee too!

  11. M. Bouffant says:

    At least the lister got “Chatsworth” right once.


  12. NewishLawyer says:

    Is this a sign of a desperate legal market and people taking advantage or just an idiot? There are always people out there who want top-notch product or service for rock bottom prices. Considering this is on craigslist, I am going for the idiot box.

    Now more seriously, the SF Superior Court is considering a rule change to get rid of volunteer lawyers. The DA and PD office has apparently been using free lawyers and these volunteer lawyers are taking up a lot of time with their mistakes and clogging the system.

    The new rule would be:

    “16.19 Supervision of Loaner/Volunteer Attorneys. All non-employee volunteer/loaner attorneys appearing in San Francisco Superior Court on behalf of the San Francisco District Attorney or Public Defender’s Offices shall be supervised in person at all times while in court by a full-time, staff attorney from those respective offices. The supervision shall be continuous throughout the trial, including any pre-trial appearances, motions, settlement conferences, and post-trial hearings (such as sentencing).”

    • LeeEsq says:

      I agree, I think this is just a moron and that no lawyer is going to take this offer ever. Whenever clients propose paying me in services, my general rule is that the service price is twice the dollar price. So 500 dollars for 1000 dollars worth of services or something like that.

      • NewishLawyer says:

        To further clarify the moron argument. It seems like every lawyer I know especially old-timers who graduated years or decades before the crisis have stories involving characters like the guy above. People who waited until the last minute to consult a lawyer or who came in but balked at prices and then waited until the last minute to get a lawyer.

        • LeeEsq says:

          It happens in immigration all the time. To an extent, many immigrants do have genuine problems paying for lawyers because they are poor but some seem to get the idea that a temporary hit to the wallet is better than getting removed.

        • AR says:

          I am not an old timer by any means and I can attest that everybody has that story if they take on clients (so exclude prosecutors). I think the worst I had was someone driving 4 hours to see me (everyone in their smaller town decided to pass on the case) 3 days before their answer was due, to defend double digit fraud cases (I think it was something like 10 or 12). They walked when before I gave them a full quote, because they did not want to pay anything upfront.

          • NewishLawyer says:

            Also plaintiff lawyers if the work on contingency fees.

            But yeah, this does not really seem like a story about the recession or the law school crisis but a clueless person trying to get something for very little.

          • NewishLawyer says:

            Though I do have a friend who does a lot of Wills and Trusts work. My friend tells me that a lot of people on very fixed incomes do try to pay with food.

            That is kind of sad though.

    • sparks says:

      I see this sort of thing on Craigslist all the time in various forms. I’m most familiar with it in reference to advertising for musicians (they can get downright comical), but it’s not rare to see ads for (example) unpaid intern positions even though Craigslist has banned them, and they often ask for experience that would be ludicrous to expect an intern to have.

  13. jon says:

    Genuine GLAZED donuts? Why, oh why, did I crush my parents dreams, and not turn into a lawyer?

  14. rm says:

    If you want the best lawyers, you don’t just load the back of your pick-up down at the Wal-Mart parking lot. You have to offer extra incentives.

  15. N__B says:

    “Will litigate for food.”

  16. Roger That says:

    I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that someone will take him up on this.

  17. Desert Rat says:

    Way off topic, but here’s a Kickstarter for your fun and pleasure.

    Yep, Atlas Shrugged Part 3 has been reduced to a bleg.

  18. James E. Powell says:

    I once did a DUI case for a black Les Paul Custom. Years later I sold it, because I am a stupid idiot. From time to time I have dreams about that guitar. I did another DUI for a Mesa Boogie 50 caliber+ and I also sold that. It was a very nice amp, but nothing like that Les Paul.

  19. Francis says:

    Until last week I was employed only part-time and I’ve just hit 50. If I hadn’t just got hired full-time (dance of joy / dance of joy / dance of joy) and if Chatsworth weren’t such a godawful drive from Long Beach, I’d have taken the gig just for giggles. After 20 + years of practice, sometimes you just gotta say “what the fuck”.

    (Actually, I wouldn’t. Just based on the ad alone, you know he’s going to sue / report to the State Bar / post nasty comments about whoever shows up to help.)

  20. LosGatosCA says:

    Donuts? Are you freaking kidding me?

    Gold bars are the ticket.

    And wouldn’t you know it, that gets Lanny Davis’ respect.

  21. jon says:

    And he also files Pop Torts like nobody’s business.

  22. Roger Ailes says:

    The discrimination against diabetics is unconscionable.

  23. TribalistMeathead says:

    Funny, I have a fried on FB who’s a musician and constantly complaining about venue owners who expect him to play for free because they think it’s an opportunity for him to rehearse in front of an audience for free.

    This sounds like the exact same thing.

  24. ChrisTS says:

    Donuts seems an oddly peculiar choice. Perhaps he works in a donut shop?

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