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On Our Knees for America


The Family Research Council has called for a day of action on June 30 against same-sex marriage. They designed a really great logo for it.

These people are so ready to come out of the closet, they can’t help themselves.

….Once again, it’s worth noting that it is in fact impossible to parody conservatives. Impossible.

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  • Ronan
    • That grasshopper is hot.

      • ChrisTS

        Eeewww. Have some standards: dog/fox, cat, deer and duck = fine.

        • I don’t know. The grasshopper is the only one embracing, plus the others are using WAY too much tongue…unto practically inserting their heads in the person’s mouth. Grassy looks considerate, yet chitinous, with lots of manibolic action on the cheeks.

          Ok…now I’m worried.

          • Ronan

            Jesus, Bijan. Though I think you’re right

            • Jesus, Bijan.

              That’s what Grassy said!

              Though I think you’re right

              That’s what the duck said!

          • Malaclypse

            I feel grasshopper will have the dude’s head in her mouth soon enough. She may look considerate, but that’s just because she’s tricky.

            • ajay

              Now, if it was a praying mantis, I’d agree. MAN AND WIFE not MAN AND MANTIS.

              • Now, if it was a praying mantis, I’d agree. MAN AND WIFE not MAN SNACK AND MANTIS.

                Please to accept suggestion?

          • ChrisTS

            Oh, a Mieville fan, eh?

            • Not hugely. I did read Perdito Station and the early bits, esp. the cross species sensuality and affection, was the best part.

              This is just random me running with a joke, I’m afraid :)

              • CM is great, but that is a billion times more awesome.

          • considerate, yet chitinous

            I’m athrob.

            • herr doktor bimler

              Stridulating, even.

          • Jiminy Cricket, you’re right!

          • Bill Murray

            way to insectsplain

            • cpinva

              I don’t know, they all sort of look to me like they’re giving mouth-to-mouth/beak/mandible resuscitation. maybe I just need more drugs, or alcohol, or something.

              • Less Popular Tim

                Totally. Not just you. Needs some 70’s pR0n music, &| maybe a silk pillow in the background. Or leather as one’s proclivities may dictate

            • Lee Rudolph

              I think “bugsplain” trips more lightly off the lipwhatevers.

          • ChrisTS

            Seriously, too much China Mieville. Or, just lack of boundaries?

          • Halloween Jack

            The term “bugfuck crazy” was never more apropos.

      • sparks

        Mmmmm, mandible action.

        • anthrofred

          Good band name.

        • weirdnoise

          For a moment I thought you wrote man/bible action. But they’d probably support that.

        • LeftWingFox


      • Hanspeter

        When I first saw that picture, I only glanced at the man-fox picture, realized it was an awesome parody, barely glanced over the others and then started reading the comments. My mind registered the grasshopper as a motorcycle engine block. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad for the group that made the image that my interpretation makes just as much sense as their idea.

        • Anonymous

          Gee, I’m glad someone else saw something other than what it is! I saw it as an airplane engine complete with a propeller… Reading the comments and wondering WTH, where was there a grasshopper? Argle bargle….

        • DrS

          Yeah, I first saw some sort of android robot.

        • ChrisTS

          This is what happens when we abandon ‘traditional’ morality: people cannot distinguish between insects and machinery.

          • delurking


          • CD

            Or decide which to hump first.

            • ChrisTS

              At last, Sir, have you no shame?

          • Origami Isopod

            Not safe for work. Or sanity. Or breakfast.

      • bspencer

        We were all thinking it.

    • I love the…deer and duck? I mean, gay marriage and EVEN THE ANIMALS GET CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR LOVE?!?!

      I hope someone sends them to one of those “cute animal couples” tumblrs.

      • dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!

    • Malaclypse

      The idea that EVERYONE IS THINKING BUT THEY’RE AFRAID TO SAY that leaves me literally speechless. Giggling, but speechless.

      Also, the duck is way hotter than the grasshopper.

      • somethingblue

        Ducks! Sex with ducks! We’ll do it in the rain …

        • Malaclypse

          Mini-Mal got that exact ducky towel when she was a toddler, and still has it. I’m not sure what I will do when she, inevitably, someday sees this video.

        • Aaron B.

          We’ll doe it in the rain…

        • DrS

          I was just listening to a podcast about the movie “Howard the Duck”

          Ducks have nipples in that world, gang. It’s confusing.

          • The entire podcast was about Howard the Duck?

          • anthrofred

            I’m not sure what’s worse, that there’s a podcast that devoted an entire episode to Howard the Duck, or that I’d probably listen to it.

              • DrS

                On the referenced podcast, they did note that there were several things that required viewing to truly appreciate.

                Hmm. Anyone else thinking LGM movie viewing night: Howard the Duck?

                • bspencer

                  I do love thr idea of a movie club.

                • DrS

                  And really, SEK spends way too much time breaking down excellent tv shows.

                  When you gonna give garbage a chance?

              • anthrofred

                And yet that’s still more realistic than any of the CGI in The Phantom Menace.

              • Origami Isopod

                I’ve never seen Howard the Duck. Did it achieve, uh, scientific accuracy?

                • Bill Murray

                  Only Lea Thompson knows for sure

          • ChrisTS

            Not to quibble, but where are these nipples located?

            • Mike Nilsen

              Duck breasts.

        • MAJeff

          Definitely superior to penguin lust.

          • DrS

            Amen. Penguin lust is nothing but urges from hell.

            • brad

              It’s real, I tell you.
              Opus was just grooming us all.

          • catclub

            How about muskrat love?

            • Bill Murray

              And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy
              Rubbin’ her toes
              Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
              As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

              so it’s clearly wrong

      • This reminds me of an old Buddy Hacket routine. After telling a string of amazingly vulgar jokes, he picks out a proper-looking lady in the audience and says “could you tell that joke?” She says no, so he says “OK, I’ll give you a joke you can tell. He goes on to tell a joke, before the punchline you’re expecting him to say a particular line that’s vulgar, but he comes up with something that’s still amusing and kind of cute. He asks her if she could tell that joke, and she says yes. Then he goes through the whole thing a second time. She says yes, she could tell that joke. Then he starts the third one with “two guys from Cleveland are fucking an owl…”

        • GotOutofLA

          Right, and then, when it gets an “Eeeeew!” reaction from her, he says, “What, you don’t like bird jokes?”

          • Lee Rudolph

            “Not at all. It’s just that I’m from Parma.”

    • dp

      Hot duck-on-deer action!

    • dp

      Just, wow.

    • Aaron B.

      I, for one, will welcome mandibular makeouts with our human-sized grasshopper overlords.

      • BigHank53

        I won’t. I once observed a carnivorous grasshopper eating a bumblebee. It started by biting the bee’s head off.

        • mds

          “That’s very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee.” Which brings us full circle, or something.

    • NBarnes

      I appreciate the though, but tsk on the execution. Has this artist never seen anybody kiss? Even those engaged in some serious makeouts don’t have their uvulas that intimate with each other.

    • Karen

      Am I the only one who saw that and thought “Run!!! Giant grasshoppers!!!” Apparently gay marriage will cause the oxygen levels to rise to what they were in the Mississippian Period and thus create giant bugs.

      • Gay marriage + climate change = giant interspecie loving insects.

      • this is truly the beginning of the end

        • anthrofred

          “Are you trying to tell me you bred these things?”
          “Yes, and then a deep fry ’em!”

    • Tiny Hermphrodite, Esq.

      Conservatives can’t get anything right, it should have been the duck and the rabbit.

      • ChrisTS

        I raise you a Wittgenstein.

      • Hot Daffy on Bugs action!

    • anthrofred

      Think about it: that’s no cheap photoshop. Someone sat down and lovingly hand-illustrated that, stroke by stroke.

      • sibusisodan

        This was my thought too.

      • The expression I imagine on the artist’s face as he sharpened his pencil haunts me.

        • sibusisodan

          It’s the idea of redrafting that bothers me. “No, no. It doesn’t look like the duck is sufficiently lascivious in that version. I will have to revise it so that the wrongness of the duck’s passion is more easily understood.”

          • “Show us your pinfeathers!”

      • Marek

        I see what you did there.

    • Captain C

      I call projection.

  • TT

    Though I can’t find a link to the original post, James Wolcott made the definitive case years ago that all Republicans are gay. Here he is on the occasion of (now Sen.) Bob Corker’s legendary “Harold, call me!” ad in the 2006 Tennessee U.S. Senate race:

    Bob Corker is gay. He may not know it yet, he may never know it, he may go to his sarcophagus wrapped in denial, but his fascination with Ford’s prowess and good looks gives him away, as does his political affiliation. All Republicans political figures are gay, especially the men. When President Bush insists on kissing one bald head after another, the psychosexual symbolism speaks for itself. He’s planting his lips on big uncircumcised Kojak peckers. When Rush Limbaugh packs his Viagra and jets off on a tropical jaunt with the guys, it’s assumed there are saucy wenches awaiting him under the sultry palms, but I wonder–I wonder if it’s cabana boys making the hammock sway under the moonlight. Republican women–those masochistic saints–are more like Joan Allen playing Pat Nixon under layers of frosting, their rigid smiles forged by years of living a lie with a man infatuated with other men and too timid to take out a subscription to Details magazine, lest he be exposed. The closet in which he dwells doubles as a panic room with a convenient minibar, so that if he ever stumbles or strays, he can blame it on the creme de menthe, not the burning yearning of his heart. Perhaps Corker has a special thing for black men, and can’t get enough of that smooth and creamy Blair Underwood. There’s no shame in that. Many a significant look has been exchanged in the locker room at half-time.

    The only shame is that Harold Ford can’t run for office without his Republican opponent, Karl Rove, and Ken Mehlman leching on him and taking turns at the keyhole. The South has made such progress, yet in affairs of the groin, it still has so far to go.

    • Linnaeus

      Wolcott rocks.

    • Spokane Moderate

      Ken Mehlman

      That name’s familiar. I’m having trouble putting my finger on why it’s relevant…

      • He used to hold the job, sometime during the years of C+ Augustus, that The Anagram Named Reince Priebus does now.

      • LittlePig

        For years the formulation for ‘obvious’ was

        sky blue,
        water wet,
        Mehlman gay

  • mumbly_joe

    “I’m in.”

    You… you don’t say.

  • sparks

    Who was/is first to Photoshop this? All it takes is a seated figure!

    • boing


  • Candy’s Dog

    It really is a sad day when I can’t even gain any pleasure by shooping such a sad graphic. It would be like photo-bombing a crime scene.

    • Anonymous


  • comptr0ller

    it moved

  • Ubu Imperator

    As God is my witness, I was sure that the title was “call 2 fail.” Talk about closing the barn door after the horse has escaped!

  • Duke

    No, no, no, that’s got to be an Onion or Daily Currant hoax. Are they that unaware?

    • Shalimar

      They initially called themselves teabaggers. I don’t think it is possible to exaggerate how unaware they are.

  • Uncle Ebeneezer

    Maybe this is just their way of surrendering.

  • brad

    Sssssshhh. If we’re quiet maybe they’ll even make tshirts.

    • Reobserver

      T-shirts, hats and coffee mugs.


      • Malaclypse

        I’m confused. They’re seeking God’s facial?

        • MAJeff


          • delurking

            Stop. You’re hurting me.

          • LittlePig

            Just when you think you’ll never see anything new on the Internet…

      • brad

        All the shirts appear to be only available in white.
        That is just awesome.

        How I’d love to see some dumbass bro wearing one of those hats with a special kind of…. pride.

    • herr doktor bimler

      I will answer God’s call to fall on my knees in humility and seek His face

      Other way around, shirley.

      • ChrisTS


      • Helmut Monotreme

        Fall on my face and seek his knees? How does that work?

        • herr doktor bimler

          Beer helps.

  • Matt

    I’ll see your vaguely sexual stick figure and raise you Tammy Faye look-alike invisible bukkake:


    “Get under the ‘spout’ where the glory comes out!”

    Again, impossible to parody. :)

    • sparks

      Well, glory has gotta come out of one hole or another.

    • herr doktor bimler

      The Oral Roberts Ministry at its best.

      • Captain C

        Do you believe in Oral Roberts between consenting adults?

    • cpinva

      ok, so oral Roberts provides health care services now?

    • Origami Isopod

      “I am washed in the spunk of the Lamb…”

    • Halloween Jack

      The best (or worst, or both) part of that picture is the receding hairline of the head in the background, which for a second looks like a head without a face.

  • laura

    People, stop mocking. They are on their knees for … America.

    • America is hot and willing.

      • laura

        America is ready to receive the blessing.

        • dexitroboper

          “America is free, cheap and easy.”

      • Malaclypse

        America is kind of tired, and hopes God can just hurry and finish up. It’s late, and we need to get up early to get all God’s children to the bus on time. And God never packs their lunch, and always expects us to do it.

        • MAJeff

          America is shoving a quick finger up the ass for a prostate massage to get things over quicker.

        • ChrisTS

          Cripes; isn’t this true for all of us?

        • Halloween Jack

          America sighs, knows that she’s going to regret this but does it anyway: “Imagine I’m the babysitter.”

        • Bill Murray

          but Jesus rides beside me
          He never buys any smokes

    • laura

      Whoops, apologies to the author. I read the post without reading the title and the same (obvious) joke occurred to me.

      Here are some of my favorite song lyrics instead:

      “And that is why I stumble to my knees
      And why, underneath the heavens
      With the stars burning and exploding
      I know why I could never let you down”

      “And when we meet again,
      I will fall to my knees
      And rise to your needs”

  • Holy crap.

    • That about sums it up.

    • I believe you mean Holy Cleveland Steamer!

  • MAJeff

    The NOMbies and their associated bigots are all babbling about some kind of “resistance” to this. Other than the FRC dumbasses falling on their knees in the closest public restroom, what are they going to come up with for “massive resistance” this time?

    • BigHank53

      Moving to Saudi Arabia?

      • mds

        I just got an idea for a Kickstarter campaign.

      • cpinva

        “Moving to Saudi Arabia?”

        we should be so lucky.

    • I’ve come up with two possibilities so far:

      1. Try to break up gay marriages by starting affairs with the married gay dudes.

      2. Destroy the institution of same-sex marriage by legalizing opposite-sex marriage.

    • Divorcing and remarrying each other, opposite sexily, over and over and over again.

    • NonyNony

      what are they going to come up with for “massive resistance” this time?

      To answer semi-seriously – small business owners will destroy their own businesses by refusing to pay for health care for legally married gay couples.

      Also churches and church-run non-profits (such as Catholic schools and Catholic hospitals) will start setting up claims that they don’t need to provide healthcare for gay married couples because freedom of religion. Some Catholic hospitals may take that extra special step of saying that they won’t honor gay marriage licenses in terms of who the family members are and who gets to make decisions in a gay marriage (everyone should avoid Catholic hospitals if they can anyway – and I say this as a born-and-raised Catholic turned ex-Catholic. This is especially true if you’re a woman or gay, but it’s just a good principle to avoid them in general because you never know when some Bishop is going to decide to make hay about your medical problems because your decisions do not comport with his interpretation of Catholic dogma).

      Other than that, there isn’t much they can do. I welcome the first group lighting fire to their businesses because if they want to stupidly spend all their money on lawsuits that’s just Darwinian Capitalism in action. The second group though will do some real harm because people seem to buy into the idea that all kinds of stupid evil shit can be perpetrated by public service companies/organizations if they claim “freedom of religion” about it.

      • MAJeff

        Aren’t they more likely to cancel family plans altogether? (I think that’s what happened in DC with Catholic Charities or the RCC or one of their many holdings.)

        The fun part is how, when they do this, they just show themselves to be petty little anti-gay bigots, like those cake folks in WA who would do a pagan wedding (not a violation of their beliefs, apparently), but nothing for the sick, dirty homos.

  • You have to be kidding me!

  • Steve S.

    Uh, you realize that “falling on our knees” is a common Christian trope used by, amongst millions of others, Barack Obama?

    • Malaclypse

      Does Obama also draw doodles of a stick figure giving a blow job to God? Because that would be pretty cool, and as a side effect would make your concern-trolling relevant.

    • DrS

      No shit?

    • brad

      Wait, there are sexual undertones to that graphic?
      I though we were all laughing at the font.

      Next you’ll say there are sexual undertones to the idea of submitting to Jebus that imply he likes leather and toys.
      All of which is fine in the proper context, no judging his kinky self, nuns do consent.

      • BigHank53

        Y’all know the cheesy illuminated signboards so beloved of independent sandwich shops and peckerwood churches? A couple years ago, in the lovely hamlet of Pearisburg, Virginia, I drove past one that posed the question: “Are you handcuffed to Jesus?”

        I hadn’t known Jesus was a top.

        • Lee Rudolph

          He’s not. You and He are handcuffed to each other…and only Daddy has the key!

          • brad

            Now we know why the Holy Ghost never seems to speak.
            But is it a ball gag or a gimp mask?

        • MAJeff

          I hadn’t known Jesus was a top.

          That queen?! Total cannibalism bottom. “This is my body. Take. Eat.”

        • ajay

          “Are you handcuffed to Jesus?”

          (quick check) No, still just Sidney Poitier.

    • sparks

      Yeah, yeah, I saw the ChristianMingle ad and heard the awful song which verbally depicts this. Now, do you realize the sexual iconography of that pose in popular culture? Who wouldn’t Go There? Really, it’s just such a juicy target.

    • MAJeff

      A musical dedication to all the folks “falling on their knees” over this decision: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QCxyns1lrg

    • laura

      Yes, and such a beautiful expression of faithful submissiveness repurposed as a bullying act of heteronormative cultural dominance deserves every bit of ridicule we’re giving it.

      • Another Halocene Human


        The weepy prayer piety honestly freaks me right the fuck out. It’s all like “wooooo! I’m in a controlling cult! Watch me infantalize myself and embarrass my own offspring, if they could be embarrassed considering how much they’re freaking out right now and shitting themselves realizing CPS won’t intervene until they’re half-dead from some “re-birthing” ceremony or other religiously sanctioned child abuse because this is AMERICA bitches and children are basically like little slaves until the community’s extremely low standards are breached”

      • The Wrath of Oliver Kahn

        So well put.

    • I’m feeling Outshined.

    • sibusisodan

      Uh, you realize that “falling on our knees” is a common Christian trope used by, amongst millions of others, Barack Obama?

      Yes. And ‘shoving this gay legislation down our throats’ is a common rhetorical trope used by, at the last count, many Republican congresscritters.

      Both tropes can and should be laughed at when deployed stupidly. This encourages a little bit of humility, which is a Good Thing.

      Besides, unintentionally funny stuff is still funny. My youth group at church growing up once had a talk from a wonderful older couple – seriously: lovely, generous, compassionate, and everso slightly unselfaware – about what they’d experienced in their lives as christians.

      Unfortunately, they had this habit of describing various difficulties as ‘being in bondage’ to them. They did not get why we collapsed into laughter.

      • VCarlson

        I was at a kind of organizational meeting for Quakers when I had occasion to turn to my neighbor and ask “Did that Friend just refer to ‘Friendly Adult Presence,’ and its initials?”

      • Steve S.

        This will be a reply to many of the above.

        Didn’t follow the links back to the source, did you?

        First, call2fall is not an action specifically against same-sex marriage, nor by implication against the recent DOMA ruling, it is a generalized call for humility and supplication to a Deity and has existed for years. A few seconds of googling reveals that both this post and the linked Americablog post are simply wrong about this.

        Second, falling on one’s knees in supplication to a deity is an image that goes back thousands of years. Forget Google, I would hope that a basic education would suffice to make everybody aware of this. The notion that the FRC made an inadvertent blow-job joke is therefore also wrong, the blow-job joke was applied by other parties who wished to see it there. Mind you, I have no problem with blow-job jokes, but they lose a little of their power when arising from faulty premises.

        Third, impossible-to-parody conservative Barack Obama has used the fall-on-our-knees trope. It was used by the civil rights movement. I’m trying to think of a good blow-job joke to insert here but not having much success.

        • Jordan

          Direct quote from their website

          “Today’s High Court decisions only magnify the desperate need for God’s people to embrace His Call2Fall in 2 Chr 7:14. May our repentance be sincere as we seek God’s face across America this Sunday, June 30th!”

          You see, they make the blow job jokes *for you*.

        • DrS

          Uh, no. The FRC, a hate group that specifically targets the human rights of homosexuals, made a logo that sure looks like a guy giving someone a guy performing fellatio.

          The fact that “falling on your knees” is a standard trope among Christians, including those who are pro-gay rights, is beside the point.

          • DrS


            Sorry about the argle-bargle there. “a guy performing fellatio”

        • sibusisodan

          You’re repeating your earlier argument in the hope that you can ignore the responses to it? Seriously, you said this before, and you’re ignoring all the responses.

          Why is that?

  • anthrofred

    I had completely forgotten about 2M4M. Ah, you’d think they would have learned by now.

    • Manny Kant

      I can kind of see how “On Our Knees for America” and teabagging were unfortunate mistakes, but 2M4M is too much. That must have been an act of conscious sabotage, right?

  • Married, straight white guy

    This is the land of the free, even if you don’t approve; as a matter of fact, especially if you don’t approve. Don’t be the last one to admit that all Americans have the same rights and freedoms as we do. Wasting effort on hateful campaigns is not the legacy I wish to leave, especially when we have so many real challenges that are, so far, unmet. Instead let us focus on how truly blessed we are to live in a country as great and varied as America.

    • LittlePig

      This married, straight white guy recommends you lighten up, Francis.

      • LittlePig

        Or did I read this the wrong way? Freakin’ Poe’s Law.

  • I am contractually obligated to quote Eric Cartman:

    I wanna get down on my knees/and start pleasing Jesus/
    I wanna feel his salvation/all over my face


    (clip in question at 2:28)

    • I am surprised it took that long for someone to post that, it was the first thing that popped into my head when I read this post.

      • Jordan


  • Pingback: “The Most Unfortunate Anti-Gay Logo and Slogan in the History of Politics?” Really? | The Tree of Mamre()

  • ChrisTS

    Can anyone explain the odd quasi-circular, antique cell phone thingy around the ………..oh hell, I’ve forgotten.

    • One is meant to call in to the ministry to express support, hence a phone. Whether one is meant to do so after showering, gargling, and brushing one’s teeth or before is left unstated.

      • Origami Isopod

        Don’t forget flossing.

        • Thongs are optional, I believe.

          • LittlePig

            or not, depending on what is being flossed.

  • Dave

    I would say something about the tastelessness of turning the time-honoured rituals of prayer into a knob-joke, but then these folks have turned the timeless rituals of prayer into a joke that is so much more tasteless…

    Unless they’ve been eating garlic, of course.

  • I am stuck in an endless loop of LOL.

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  • brendon

    The best thing about prayer offensives is that they are guaranteed to never, ever work. Not once in history has a prayer offensive worked!

    • sibusisodan

      They don’t have a prayer!

    • DrS

      If I thought that these Fundamentalist clowns actually read the bible or cared about what it said, outside of the parts that let them feel superior to everyone else, I’d ask them how they can square the idea of a “prayer offensive” with Matthew chapter 6, verses 5-6.

      • Lee Rudolph

        That’s the verse that tells them to go into the closet, right?
        (Double-checks handy copy of KJV. Right.)

        • DrS

          Heh…actually, wasn’t thinking of that exactly.

          “Fundamentalists”, though, as always and ever, across all manner of human endeavor, fail to grasp the fundamentals.

  • LittlePig

    Ring-a-ling! (engage Newhart)

    “What’s that? A mistranslation? No way….seriously, oldest copy found…that can’t be right…no no no, it’s got to be blood, bread flesh, wine blood…you’re saying it’s not blood, the word was something else…you saying it’s what?…Excuse me, WHAT?…So the wine is really the…yeah….No, there’s no way we’ll ever get the publishers to put THAT in there…

  • Big Bad Bald Bastard

    Their next campaign slogan will be “Reach around the Supreme Court to defend marriage”.

    • DrS

      “Play the Rusty Trombone of Liberty”

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  • Woodrowfan

    so, what’s the difference between a zit and a priest?

  • J R

    You can pop a zit, but you have to pope a priest ? just a guess…

  • herr doktor bimler

    I’ve found the original for the FRC artwork:

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