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Were You Wondering about Ben Shapiro’s Boner’s Opinion on Stuff?

[ 137 ] May 15, 2013 |

Too bad.

Hoda Kotb is 48. Forty-eight. Now, I’m 4o. And, sure, I can attest to the fact that every woman over the age of 39 is a withered old crone. I’m hideous.

But, sheesh, Ben, do you really have to tell us what your boner thinks? Because I doubt anyone cares…and anyone who does is a straight-up freak.

Also, thanks, Maxim for the valuable service you do humanity. Sometimes I get all confused and wonder if some bikini-clad actress or model is 56 or 57 hot…but you–you’re there! You’re there with a number, with a ranking! And then I know that one chick on that one show is 56… and suddenly the world makes sense. Also, thanks for the no fatties.

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Comments (137)

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  1. sharculese says:

    Beyond being creepy and inappropriate, does Benjy get how lame adjusting his spectacles for a point by point critique of the Maxim Hot 100 is?

  2. Derelict says:

    Rank sexism from someone who toted around the internet nickname of “Virgin Ben” is at once offensive and laughable.

    On the other hand, I have no idea what Ben and his wife see in one another. But I certainly am glad they don’t see it in anyone else.

  3. JKTHs says:

    I just saw the first four comments over there and…yeah…

  4. Watusie says:

    He best not ever go to England. Finding out that every man there would happily become Helen Mirren’s boy toy if only she would ask would destroy him.

  5. sharculese says:

    The confusing part for me is that I assumed the target audience for Big Hollywood was like a billion years old anyway.

  6. Bill in Section 147 says:

    I have to fight the urge to visit either or any sites that house such. I’ll take your word that they are idiots. I am sure that I would just end up yelling at my monitor anyway. Rarely do I see one of these lists where I am not reminded how few celebrities I have heard of and how far from normal my tastes are. Get off my lawn!

    Mr. Shapiro’s porn is probably boring lumps of Surface Blur.

  7. Andy says:

    I got out of the boat, I must confess. Normally I don’t critique lists like this, because all (straight) men have different tastes in women, who I find attractive (or don’t) is of no concern to anyone but me, etc. But still…Miley Cyrus is #1??? Seriously?

  8. for making me think of Ben’s Boner, you deserve to be forced to watch Poultrygeist.

    C’mon, it’s lunchtime here.

  9. Matt Stevens says:

    When I checked the link, the pop-up ad was “How to Boost Your Free Testosterone. You’re not 20 any more…” Those advertisers know their audience.

    (And I love the “free” testosterone. I don’t have to pay for testosterone? Holy shit!)

  10. Aaron Baker says:

    Ben Shapiro, Schmuck AND dumbass.

  11. rea says:

    [Singing]:

    I used to wake up in the morning
    I used to feel so bad
    I got so sick of having sleepless nights
    I went and told my dad

    He said, “Son now here’s some little something”
    And stuck them on my wall
    And now my nights ain’t quite so lonely
    In fact I, I don’t feel bad at all

    Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful
    Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night
    Pitcures of Lily solved my childhood problems
    Pictures of Lily helped me feel alright

    Pictures of Lily
    Lily, oh Lily
    Lily, oh Lily
    Pictures of Lily

    And then one day things weren’t quite so fine
    I fell in love with Lily
    I asked my dad where Lily I could find
    He said, “Son, now don’t be silly”

    “She’s been dead since 1929″
    Oh, how I cried that night
    If only I’d been born in Lily’s time
    It would have been alright

  12. wjts says:

    I DO NOT WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF HODA KOTB. IT IS REPREHENSIBLE FOR MAXIM TO INFORM ME THAT I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF HODA KOTB BY FIVE MORE INTERNATIONAL BONER UNITS (IBUS) THAN I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF ALICE EVE. THIS ENTIRE AFFAIR MAKES A MOCKERY OF THE SACRED INSTITUTION OF A LIST OF WOMEN RANKED BY HOW MUCH I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF THEM, THE SCIENTISTS WHO FIRST QUANTIFIED THE INTERNATIONAL BONER UNIT, AND MY PENIS.

  13. OK, I read that ‘article’. Sheesh the resentment fairly splatters off the page. And oh-so-obviously, The Virgin Ben does not understand where intelligence can be part of what contributes to being ‘hot’. And the weak, snippy attempted slice at Clinton at the end was just too Mean Girl.

    No way I’m reading the fucking comments though.

  14. Bill Murray says:

    What’s really sad is that the Virgin Ben’s Boner, despite all the misogyny and ressenitment, is still a much better thinker than his brain

  15. Ageless Male says:

    We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
    Your website provided us with valuable information to work on.
    You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

  16. commie atheist says:

    Omigod, they’re OLD! And LIBERAL! Ewwww, gross.

  17. CJColucci says:

    Sarah Palin, anyone?

  18. Quiddity says:

    Hoda Kotb was Miss Friends of Hamas in 2009.

  19. Halloween Jack says:

    These are basically the same people who did “glamour” photos of female wingnut pundits and bloggers, right?

    Also for the lulz: when I clicked on the article (because I had no idea who Hoda Kotb was), I got a pop-up ad titled “How to Boost Your Free Testosterone – You’re Not 20 Any More…” Oh, Ben, we really, really didn’t need to know.

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