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Were You Wondering about Ben Shapiro’s Boner’s Opinion on Stuff?

[ 137 ] May 15, 2013 |

Too bad.

Hoda Kotb is 48. Forty-eight. Now, I’m 4o. And, sure, I can attest to the fact that every woman over the age of 39 is a withered old crone. I’m hideous.

But, sheesh, Ben, do you really have to tell us what your boner thinks? Because I doubt anyone cares…and anyone who does is a straight-up freak.

Also, thanks, Maxim for the valuable service you do humanity. Sometimes I get all confused and wonder if some bikini-clad actress or model is 56 or 57 hot…but you–you’re there! You’re there with a number, with a ranking! And then I know that one chick on that one show is 56… and suddenly the world makes sense. Also, thanks for the no fatties.

Comments (137)

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  1. sharculese says:

    Beyond being creepy and inappropriate, does Benjy get how lame adjusting his spectacles for a point by point critique of the Maxim Hot 100 is?

    • N__B says:

      If it were not for lame, creepy, and inappropriate, would Sparkly Ben even exist?

    • Joshua says:

      It almost seems like he is trying a bit too hard…

    • DrDick says:

      More to the point, who the hell cares what Virgin Ben finds “hot”?

    • nixnutz says:

      I think he’s trying to say that Hoda and Kamala Harris were only included because they’re leftists. Which, well no less idiotic, but it sort of hints at an angle, being as charitable as possible.

      I mean that there are n>x actresses and models hotter than any public servant is probably “true” from some angles but you have to be a moron to wade into these waters with any kind of serious take.

      Although any kind of list makes good comment bait so from a professional blogging POV maybe it’s a good piece.

      • Hogan says:

        I think he’s trying to say that Hoda and Kamala Harris were only included because they’re leftists.

        Yeah, didn’t Maxim used to be called the Daily Worker?

      • mpowell says:

        That’s the absurdity. That maxim has a leftist bent.

        • sharculese says:

          If I had to guess, Maxim probably thought picking Harris would stir up controversy and piss off feminists (which is a benefit in it’s own right to the professional glue-huffers who compile this list, I would imagine).

  2. Derelict says:

    Rank sexism from someone who toted around the internet nickname of “Virgin Ben” is at once offensive and laughable.

    On the other hand, I have no idea what Ben and his wife see in one another. But I certainly am glad they don’t see it in anyone else.

    • herr doktor bimler says:

      Shirley his cognomen has now been changed to “Payola Ben”. The most charitable interpretation is that one of Maxim’s competitors paid him for a negative article.

    • LoriK says:

      My grandmother used to say of couples like Ben & the Mrs, “Well, at least they didn’t ruin two other families.”

  3. JKTHs says:

    I just saw the first four comments over there and…yeah…

  4. Watusie says:

    He best not ever go to England. Finding out that every man there would happily become Helen Mirren’s boy toy if only she would ask would destroy him.

  5. sharculese says:

    The confusing part for me is that I assumed the target audience for Big Hollywood was like a billion years old anyway.

    • Vance Maverick says:

      The older the dirty old man, the more rigorous his age and weight requirements for ogle-fodder.

    • Supplying fogies with skin on-line is a consistent, if relatively unremarked upon, part of winger media. Check out the “Pic of the Day” archive at FOX Nation sometime. The Daily Caller also runs “Slideshows” which are frequently little more jerk off lists. This week they had pictures of Maxim’s top 10, you know, because journalism.

      • Joshua says:

        Or, you know, Fox News hostesses.

        How many times have we seen Fox News run a segment like, “Is Spring Break Out of Control” that just loops drunk girls dancing in bikinis for 5 minutes?

        • BigHank53 says:

          …and how many times have you seen them do this?

          • Keaaukane says:

            It’s sort of weird. If Fox really does devote this much time to eye candy (I’m not going to look), why did Rich Lowry get such a thundering hard on for Sarah Palin?

            • joel hanes says:

              Because conservative and guns

              Not even Fox viewers are dim enough to really believe that bikini-clad dancing spring-break girls are motivated by a desire for low taxation an limited government.

        • Warren Terra says:

          I’ve never seen the sort of segment Joshua describes (I don’t see a lot of TV, let alone Fox News), but it is a constant source of amusement for me that to present their “news” Fox News uses an on-camera staff that consists of male schlubs in bland suits or in business casual, and female presenters who are consistently younger, more attractive, more toned, and dressed to the nines, frequently in short cocktail dresses. The only way it could be more Stepford is if the female presenters didn’t get to speak at all; as it is, they are more constrained in what they get to say.

        • DrS says:

          The showcasing of Megyn Kelly’s legs is insane.

      • Chet Manly says:

        This. A lot of the people I work with are wingnut men over the age of 40 and most of them are religious about checking the “Femail Today” section of the The Daily Mail website, which is pretty much the UK version of People magazine with more bikini pictures.

        I’m not sure if there’s some weird thing that it’s is a wingnut-approved site or if it’s just that the Daily Mail claims to be a newspaper so the no-fun filter at work never blocks it.

  6. Bill in Section 147 says:

    I have to fight the urge to visit either or any sites that house such. I’ll take your word that they are idiots. I am sure that I would just end up yelling at my monitor anyway. Rarely do I see one of these lists where I am not reminded how few celebrities I have heard of and how far from normal my tastes are. Get off my lawn!

    Mr. Shapiro’s porn is probably boring lumps of Surface Blur.

  7. Andy says:

    I got out of the boat, I must confess. Normally I don’t critique lists like this, because all (straight) men have different tastes in women, who I find attractive (or don’t) is of no concern to anyone but me, etc. But still…Miley Cyrus is #1??? Seriously?

  8. for making me think of Ben’s Boner, you deserve to be forced to watch Poultrygeist.

    C’mon, it’s lunchtime here.

  9. Matt Stevens says:

    When I checked the link, the pop-up ad was “How to Boost Your Free Testosterone. You’re not 20 any more…” Those advertisers know their audience.

    (And I love the “free” testosterone. I don’t have to pay for testosterone? Holy shit!)

  10. Aaron Baker says:

    Ben Shapiro, Schmuck AND dumbass.

  11. rea says:

    [Singing]:

    I used to wake up in the morning
    I used to feel so bad
    I got so sick of having sleepless nights
    I went and told my dad

    He said, “Son now here’s some little something”
    And stuck them on my wall
    And now my nights ain’t quite so lonely
    In fact I, I don’t feel bad at all

    Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful
    Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night
    Pitcures of Lily solved my childhood problems
    Pictures of Lily helped me feel alright

    Pictures of Lily
    Lily, oh Lily
    Lily, oh Lily
    Pictures of Lily

    And then one day things weren’t quite so fine
    I fell in love with Lily
    I asked my dad where Lily I could find
    He said, “Son, now don’t be silly”

    “She’s been dead since 1929″
    Oh, how I cried that night
    If only I’d been born in Lily’s time
    It would have been alright

  12. wjts says:

    I DO NOT WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF HODA KOTB. IT IS REPREHENSIBLE FOR MAXIM TO INFORM ME THAT I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF HODA KOTB BY FIVE MORE INTERNATIONAL BONER UNITS (IBUS) THAN I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF ALICE EVE. THIS ENTIRE AFFAIR MAKES A MOCKERY OF THE SACRED INSTITUTION OF A LIST OF WOMEN RANKED BY HOW MUCH I WISH TO STICK MY PENIS INSIDE OF THEM, THE SCIENTISTS WHO FIRST QUANTIFIED THE INTERNATIONAL BONER UNIT, AND MY PENIS.

  13. OK, I read that ‘article’. Sheesh the resentment fairly splatters off the page. And oh-so-obviously, The Virgin Ben does not understand where intelligence can be part of what contributes to being ‘hot’. And the weak, snippy attempted slice at Clinton at the end was just too Mean Girl.

    No way I’m reading the fucking comments though.

    • bspencer says:

      I mean, you’re a dumb, self-loathing zombie, not a MASOCHIST.

      • firefall says:

        Well no clearly he’s a masochist too*, but not with inherently self-destructive tendencies

        *else why would he be taunting the mighty power of the VS?

  14. Bill Murray says:

    What’s really sad is that the Virgin Ben’s Boner, despite all the misogyny and ressenitment, is still a much better thinker than his brain

  15. Ageless Male says:

    We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
    Your website provided us with valuable information to work on.
    You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

  16. commie atheist says:

    Omigod, they’re OLD! And LIBERAL! Ewwww, gross.

  17. CJColucci says:

    Sarah Palin, anyone?

  18. Quiddity says:

    Hoda Kotb was Miss Friends of Hamas in 2009.

  19. Halloween Jack says:

    These are basically the same people who did “glamour” photos of female wingnut pundits and bloggers, right?

    Also for the lulz: when I clicked on the article (because I had no idea who Hoda Kotb was), I got a pop-up ad titled “How to Boost Your Free Testosterone – You’re Not 20 Any More…” Oh, Ben, we really, really didn’t need to know.

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