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Steven Crowder and his “funny” rape “jokes”

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CPAC supporters are very upset that The Huffington Post lied” about  “comedian” Steven Crowder’s criticisms of Ashley Judd. Here’s the “funny” rape “joke” that caused the fuss:

As you know, Ashley Judd has recently been heard equating both mining and purchasing Apple Products to “rape.” So my commentary at CPAC on her stupid, and insensitive comparisons was exactly this “This just in, Ashley Judd just tweeted that purchasing apple products is akin to rape … from her iPhone.”

Crowder was, according to himself, “Clearly taking aim at Ashley Judd for her stupid rape comments.” Which is all well and good, had the comments Judd made remotely resembled the ones Crowder attributed to her. Before getting to Crowder, let’s look at our favorite Confederate’s defense of him:

By tagging Crowder as a “Fox News contributor,” the writer of the HuffPo item signaled to liberal readers that the young comic is a hate-object.

It’s wrong to call Crowder a “Fox News contributor,” according to McCain, because it “signal[s]” something to liberal readers. You know who that criticism should be aimed at? The person who runs “stevencrowder.net” and identifies him “FoxNew’s brightest, funniest young Conservative mind.” Doesn’t that person know what he’s signalling?

His affiliation with Fox notwithstanding, Crowder’s comment is clueless for the simple reason that Judd never claimed that purchasing an Apple product was “akin,” metaphorically, to rape. She said, according to that bastion of liberal propaganda, The Daily Caller:

I am financing mass rape as I enjoy these ridiculously Global North ultra-efficiencies and conveniences, for large scale rape is the preferred predation mining interests use to humiliate and terrify local populations, in order to control resource areas.

The relationship she describes there isn’t one in which purchasing an Apple product is “akin” to committing rape, but one in which purchasing material something built with “conflict minerals” makes one complicit in the brutal tactics of the regimes who mine them. The difference between Crowder’s summary and Judd’s actual statement couldn’t be more stark: he thinks she equates all evils with “rape,” you know, like liberals do; whereas she’s specifically identifying how rape is used in a particular cultural context to “convince” people to work for slave-wages.

I’m not saying that Judd hasn’t made outlandish statements in the past, but this strikes me as Crowder doing what John Nolte and Jeff Goldstein and every other anti-political correctness crusader loves to do: telling jokes that white men are forbidden to tell by the dark and womanly multicultural establishment. Because it’s just as bleeding edge now as it was in ’77.

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    Crowder, Kentucky – now I am thinking of Justified all the time. Has Judd ever starred in justified? if not, why not?

    • mxyzptlk

      She could play Mags estranged sister.

  • mds

    To me, Ms. Judd is patently much too liberal and eggheady to win a senate election in a state that picked Rand “Reactionary Civil-Rights-Shredding Dumbshit” Paul over Attorney General Conway, himself not exactly known for his left-wing tendencies. But I must be missing something, because the lunatic wingnut asswipes are apparently absolutely terrified of her candidacy. You’d think it would be like liberals going all in to discourage Alan Keyes from running again in Illinois.

    • spencer

      It’s because they think voters will be swayed by her star power and good looks, and thus completely forget all about their own staunch conservative principles and vote for her anyway.

      In other words, the GOP thinks its base are idiots. They oughta know, I guess.

    • Timb

      They think McConnell might lose a primary to an even less serious person (which forgets that McConnell is a cartoonish super-villain and cartoonish super-villains do no lose procedural type votes), which would pit Ms. Out of touch with the State she is running in against Todd Akin II. Her star power MIGHT carry the state.

      In the end, Ms. Judd is way too smart and classy to win a statewide electin in Ky

  • I never “get” conservative “jokes.” When they’re not just name-calling (“Check my satire — Sandra Fluke is a slut!”) it’s usually just a smirking reference to some shibboleth people who don’t read Twitchy all day would give a fuck about if they knew what it meant. I guess the Crowder thing makes sense now that I know the context (still not funny), but really how much of a lifeless shithead does one have to be to obsess over Ashley Judd’s opinion of Apple products?

    • zombie gert frobe

      I never “get” conservative “jokes.”

      Pay attention, humorless librul! Dennis Miller, Limbaugh and Andrew Dice Clay are the funniest things this side of late stage AIDS and/or ebola. Crowder is a rising star.

    • The Kenosha Kid

      Smirking reference to a shibboleth? Where did you get that reference – off your TelePrompter? The one Tony Rezko gave you? In front of the greek columns?

    • mxyzptlk

      Conservative humor has a lot in common with bad humor, in that both tend towards simplistic equations and are either really lacking in irony, or seem to just miss the point of irony. Because there’s nothing funnier than re-establishing received notions that don’t mess with your view of things at all, amiright? Both can still be plenty popular, though, because they’re easy to consume without much effort. I’m not saying liberal humor can’t be bad humor as well, but there’s a kind of critical, questioning edge in progressivism that lends itself towards using irony as a tool. But liberal humor isn’t immune to just reiterating received notions that make similarly simple equations. (The Simpsons falls into that rut at times.)

  • Marek

    I can’t wait to donate to her Senate campaign.

    • Timb

      Just go burn some money in your backyard and SAY you donated

  • Richard

    You’re only quoting her on mining. This, allegedly, is her quote on Apple products:

    “Apple is known for the clean lines of their products, the alluring simplicity of their designs,” Judd wrote in the article. “Dare I….go so far….as to suggest…this signature cleanness is stained by the shit and urine of raped women’s leaking fistulas”

    I still dont think its akin to claiming that purchase of Apple products is akin to rape but if you’re going to criticize Crowder, whoever the hell he is, get all the quotes he’s referring to.

    • Crowder was the guy who was trying really hard, with an assist from Fox and talk radio, to publicize the video of himself getting a well-deserved slug in the mouth after shoving a protesting union member twice his age to the ground.

      • Richard

        I remember him then. Total jerk. But if you’re going to criticize him, which seems to be totally justified, it seems you should refer to both of the quotes he is referring to, not just one.

    • SEK

      That’s still her talking about the mining — from the same linked article — and it’s still not her equating the purchase of an Apple product with rape. She’s saying that the minerals used to create these sleek designs are “stained” by the mass rapes used to intimidate miners into procuring them. That’s the same sort of complicity she describes in the other quote.

      • Richard

        I agree. But Crowder is clearly referring to both quotes and if you want to criticize him for his interpretation of her quotes, you should have included both quotes

        • I fail to see how another quote from the same article that’s an extension of her thoughts on the wages paid to Chinese miners can make it anymore relevant to the dissection of Crowder’s lunacy, but thanks for developing the story further.

          • Richard

            Only reason is that the quote SEK provided said nothing about Apple products (unless you interpret Global North ultra-efficiencies as being Apple products)and you really need to know what she said about Apple in order to conclude that what Crowder said is inaccurate.

            • I think in the context we got it. :-)

            • DrDick

              However, it provides the actual context for the Apple quote, which is exactly what is missing from Crowder’s version.

              • John F

                Plus the Apple quote makes sense standing alone, the other quote is incoherent by itself

  • By tagging Crowder as a “Fox News contributor,” the writer of the HuffPo item signaled to liberal readers that the young comic is a hate-object.

    And by labeling him as a comic of any age, FOX News signaled to its viewers that they should pay as strict attention to his opinions and outrages as they do to Rush Limbaugh, and give him equal weight. Which he likely will have shortly.

  • Did Steve Crowder ever apologize to those union “thugs” who allegedly attacked him in self-defense?

  • Chatham

    I’m not really sure why Apple products are singled out. You may as well say that when you buy canned food to donate to needy families you’re complicit.

    • It’s emblematic. Apple is to Chinese slave labor what BP is to oil spills.

      Never mind that since the BP spill there have been far worse ones committed by nearly every single oil producer (including BP) around the world. When you think “oil spill,” you think BP now.

  • SamInMpls

    “This just in, Ashley Judd just tweeted that purchasing Apple products is akin to rape — from her iPhone.”

    How is this a joke about rape? Yes, the joke is based on a dishonest summary of Judd’s words. Yes, the joke is lame and unfunny.

    The joke is essentially: Lookie at the stoopid librul being stoopid! She used an iphone after criticizing people for buying iphones!

    Or no?

    I just can’t see how this is anything like what Daniel Tosh said.

    If Judd had compared predation mining to murder or another heinous crime then Crowder could have written the same joke. The joke is comprehensible only because it is about Judd criticizing people for buying a thing and then using thing herself.

    What am I missing here? Is a rape joke literally any joke that mentions the word rape no matter how tangentially?

    • Apparently, Crowder is such a savagely immature little man that, yes, that’s precisely what transpired. He heard “rape” and figured he could make a joke about it, relying on the stone ignorance of his audience.

    • I basically agree with this, but it’s part of a larger attitude that turns “rape” into some abstract horrible of antiquity that we really don’t need to worry about anymore. Sound familiar? Here’s Crowder today:

      Only a one letter change. Leftists go from screaming “RACIST!!” to “RAPIST!!”

      • Timb

        He is frighteningly stupid

      • So when Breitbart was screaming “STOP RAPING PEOPLE!” he really meant to say “STOP RACING PEOPLE!”? Or is he now liberal too?

    • LeftWingFox

      The problem is that he’s misrepresenting her in a way that minimizes both her charges, and rape.

      “equating both mining and purchasing Apple Products to “rape.”” makes it sound like she’s using rape as nothing more than a negative term, the way a gamer might say “I got raped on that last match”.

      That’s different that what she actually did, which was pointing out actual rape as a tactic in the procurement of conflict metals, as a means of pointing out problems with unaccountable corporate activities; something that’s a political issue that could actually be dealt with.

      The charge of hypocrisy might be somewhat valid, but only if you accept that personal action is the best/only method of systemic economic change.

      • SamInMpls

        Okay, that is a good point. I can certainly agree that the misrepresentation is large enough that it does minimize both her charges and rape.

  • I don’t know if that really classifies as a joke about rape, but it sure does illustrate why absolutely no one thinks that “conservative humor” is, ya know, humorous, dunnit?

    • John F

      No it really wasn’t a rape joke, it was a really lame attempt at a standard Apple/Blackberry joke- i,e., someone using a product to complain about the very same product.

      I.e., when a non-vegetarian complains about how pigs/cattle are treated, someone will think it’s humorous to claim that person is a hypocrite…

      • spencer

        Al Gore is fat! And he uses air conditioning! And travels by airplane!

        Therefore, global warming IS NOT HAPPENING!

  • Joshua

    If “Apple users are hypocrites” is considering the cutting edge of right wing hilarity, then right wing comedy has somehow regressed since Half Hour News Hour. What’s next, Ovaltine jokes?

    • The Kenosha Kid

      That’s gold, Joshua, gold!

  • Lego My Eggo

    Does Crowder rhyme with chowder or Broder?

    Either way, I feel a limeric coming on.

    • commie atheist

      It rhymes with “douchebag.”

    • mxyzptlk

      There once was a tool named Crowder,
      Who thought being funny meant being louder.
      He tried to impress a woman,
      By getting decked by a foreman,
      And still thought he totally wowed her.

      …or something like that…

  • Anon.

    Ignoring the boring argument about the “joke”, the original argument, that purchasing iphones finances rape, rather ridiculous. Well, technically the wording makes it a pointless argument because of course somewhere in the production chain there’s going to be a rapist and hence you’re financing him or her no matter what.

    Is this an argument against the purchase of iphones? Of course not. What matters is the counterfactual: does Judd’s purchase or non-purchase of iphones change the incidence of rape? I say no, because the single iphone Judd would’ve bought represents an infinitesimal part of production. Since Judd’s purchasing habits have zero effect on the state of the world vis-à-vis rape, I don’t see how any moral argument can be made on these grounds.

  • cpinva

    if you have to be described as a “conservative” comic, you’ve lost right there. you’re either funny or you aren’t. while your political ideology is going to inform your comedy, it shouldn’t, by itself, determine whether or not you are funny.

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