Because nobody has any other reason to read.
LITTLE KID comes to SEK’s door to retrieve the basketball he launched onto SEK’s porch.
LITTLE KID: Hi. My basketball landed on your—WOW. You have so many books!
SEK: I know, I’m a tea—
LITTLE KID: ARE YOU A WIZARD?
SEK: Why else would I have so many books?
LITTLE KID: (turning around) MOM HE’S A WIZARD! I MET A WIZARD!
SEK: Let me get you your—
LITTLE KID: WIIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD!
So if we throw you in water, that means you’ll float, right?
Well, that might be problematic. If he’s lighter than a duck, he’s hosed. (It’s a fair court.)
(He turned me into a newt. Of course, I got better…)
Kinda makes the whole thing worthwhile, dunnit?
Not really. Though maybe now they’ll stop launching things onto my porch.
being a wizzard means you can make those things disappear
Awesome.
Is this the same kid who yelled I’m Lebron or whatever it is that kids tell these days?
No, this wasn’t “RAY ALLEN!”
“There” [points to SEK].
“You sure”?
“Yeah, man, I’m sure. That’s him”.
“That’s the fucker who stole your ball and claimed to be a wizard”?
“Yeah, man, I’m telling you, that’s him”.
“OK, then. Let’s fuck him up. We ain’t no little kids no more”.
Hey, no spoilers!
Little did he know you’re just a squib.
Are you pitching an update on The Once And Future King?
Because I’m listening.
It was probably the owl perched on his shoulder that gave the whole show away. That, or the corkadill suspended from the rafters.
Or the cloak embroidered all over with cabalistic symbols.
I took this as kind of adorable.
But maybe I shouldn’t have…..
YOU’RE A TEA PARTIER?!?
Only reasonable. Wizarding schools and universities are the only places depicting as having lot of books in todays media. And if you would have said you worked at a university, he would just have assumed Hogwarts or UU or the school of Roke.
Probably he has just seen the Hobbit – although I don’t remember any books there.
Although Gandalf does some heavy reading in the big library at Gondor in LOTR
What they don’t tell you, though, is that less than half of graduating wizards get jobs doing actual magic.
They actually do, though–we know canonically that there are 5 wizards, we see three in the books (Saruman, Gandalf and Radaghast) and Radaghast doesn’t actually do any magic . . . so, less than 50%.
Gandalf double-dips though, coming back after the Balrog and all, when his job could have gone to a young underemployed wizard.
And that’s counting hedge wizards setting up in private practice themselves.
There has to be a twist.
An angry mob with pitchforks and torches.
Or the modern equivalent, a visit by the police after “concerned” parents call them about the guy who’s telling the kids he’s a wizard. Goes without saying, but never let any of them further into your home than the porch.
Nah, this would have happend during the D&D scare in the early and mid-1980s but not now.
Nerds today have it easy.
Is SEK a mod or a rocker?
He votes “neither.”
ho about a combination — mocker!
You’re in good company.
Wow another substantive SEK post.
I bet people enjoyed the five seconds it took to read my post more than they did the two seconds it took to read your comment, though. In short, VICTORY FOR SEK.
I think I know that “kid.”
[...] Are you a WIZARD? [...]
Have you considered building a fence?
This story made me think of this.
It would explain a lot, you must admit.
SEK: “I know, I’m a tea—…pot, short and stout.”
Hey! I’m tall and lanky. Wait, is that any better? Crap…
Reminds me of a joke by the last great Bill Hicks:
Waitress: “What are you readin’ for?”
Hicks: “What am I reading FOR? I’m reading so I don’t end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.”
Sadly, the more reading you do now, the more likely you are to end up working in a diner at 3 a.m.
You can get a lot of reading done working at a diner at 3 a.m.
Not a joke to make before you get your food.
My grad students in Translation are doing a project translating an anthology of Chinese children’s poems into English:
Teacher, you are a wizard
Were I a falling cloud
You are the goose that lifts me up
Were I a fish out of school
You are the wave that pushes back
Were I a delicate bud
You are the leaf that holds me up
Were I the grass in winter
You are the gorgeous spring awakening me
A little blackboard
Depicts colorful scenes
A tiny chalk
Shows ten thousand things
Eraser move round and round
Disperse the mist that covers our dream
Makes them bright and clear
Teacher
Truly an amazing magician-oh
Cast your spell on our wonderful childhood
Teaching at a Chinese University I have high wages*, paid insurance, subsidized housing, paid vacation and support and recognition from the government, the university administration, and the parents. And I really feel the love from my students.
*With the exchange rate – maybe not so great, but high for China.
You are making me feel very sad.