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The Greatest Thing Anyone’s Ever Written About Me

[ 203 ] December 17, 2012 |

A wannabe David Horowitz has written this about me calling the NRA a terrorist organization on Twitter. It is entitled, “Professor calls for assassination of NRA CEO.”

The only downside is crazy people flooding my e-mail in box during finals week. But so be it.

…..You will all be happy to know that one of these lunatics called the Rhode Island state police accusing me of calling for the assassination of Wayne LaPierre. 2 officers came to the house. I was in a meeting on campus. I now have to meet these police officers at a gas station in the middle. Yes, this sounds a bit suspicious to me too. If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

…..Not dead yet. Do have a meeting with the dean tomorrow though. Yay!

Comments (203)

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  1. Uncle Kvetch says:

    Just don’t let the lure of celebrity go to your head.

    (OTOH, it would be kind of cool to be able to say “Hey, I was reading Loomis years before you hipsters got into him.”)

    • Colin says:

      If given the opportunity, I will take it as a point of pride to say, “I was writing alongside Loomis years before you kids had heard of him. [Now get off my lawn.]“

    • jon says:

      Why, we knew him when he was only calling for the beheading of one person, long before he moved on to the genocide that always throbbed in his dark heart. And look at him now, so pleased with himself, sitting on top of his pyramid of skulls.

    • herr doktor bimler says:

      Hey, man, you don’t talk to Erik Loomis. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say “hello” to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you. He won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, “Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you”… I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s… he’s a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas…

  2. brad says:

    “The professor could not be reached for comment at the time of publication and URI was did not provide a spokesperson for comment to Campus Reform in time for publication.” [very sic]

    I want to tease about EL hiding from the truth, but stupidity like this can make it difficult to distinguish sarcasm when in close proximity.

  3. You know what would go well with a head on a stick? A vodka martini.

      • Manju says:

        I swear to freakin’ god, last Wednesday afternoon:

        Manju: I’ll have a gin martini.

        Bartender: Do you want a regular martini, or a gin one?

        And I wasn’t even raised to posses the skill of knowing wine.

        • Uncle Kvetch says:

          I’ll have a gin martini.

          See, there’s your trouble right there. You gotta call your brand.

          I order a “Beefeater martini, up with a twist” (or if I’m feeling like a change of pace, a “Bombay Sapphire etc.”). That way I don’t even have to acknowledge the ridiculous notion that there’s something called a “martini” that’s made with vodka.

          (Mind you, vodka does have its place: a friend had a party over the weekend where the drink of choice was Absolut Ruby Red mixed with additional ruby red grapefruit juice and a shot of lime. I’ve always poo-pooed the whole flavored vodka thing but this was deee-lishus.)

          • Murc says:

            That way I don’t even have to acknowledge the ridiculous notion that there’s something called a “martini” that’s made with vodka.

            Why the scare quotes?

            For that matter, what have you got against a vodka martini? Vodka goes great with vermouth and an olive, and it’s no less a legitimate martini than one with gin.

            Now, drinks that are just vodka with a sweetener, those aren’t martinis. Neither is ordering an ‘extra dry’ vodka martini, because the bartender can and will simply pour you a big glass of vodka.

            But the traditional vodka martini is a perfectly cromulent martini.

            • Richard says:

              And there are some flavored vodkas that make very fine mixed drinks.

            • jmack says:

              Neither is ordering an ‘extra dry’ vodka martini, because the bartender can and will simply pour you a big glass of vodka.

              And he/she might wave the vermouth bottle over the drink (without adding any) for effect.

          • Manju says:

            You gotta call your brand. I order a “Beefeater martini, up with a twist”

            I order Omakase.

          • Scott Lemieux says:

            Beefeater is really underrated. It ranks with Rittenhouse Rye as one of the great values in booze.

    • Sherm says:

      With a side dish of dried ears, of course.

  4. Malaclypse says:

    I’m almost tempted to point this guy in the direction of Alterdestiny, with the masthead of dairy products, the white race, and the survival thereof, just to watch his wingnutty head explode.

  5. Murc says:

    I can’t help but wonder, does this guy think terms like “head on a stick” are usually meant to be taken literally?

    Because he must think our political and social discourse is just… awfully violent in general.

    The kindest scenario I can think of is that this is snark. Someone thinking “Wait, they’re blaming Wayne LaPierre for this shit because of what he says? That’s bullshit. I mean, this guy called for LaPierre’s head on a stick; by that standard if someone actually did that, we should blame him. I will make an article highly the ridiculous standard.”

    But I don’t think he’s that smart.

    Also, LaPierre isn’t CEO of the NRA, which I believe isn’t incorporated.

    • Erik Loomis says:

      I mean really, if I was going to call for the assassination of LaPierre, wouldn’t I have said to use the same gun the asshole in Connecticut used? Killing and the NRA does not exactly need to be obscured through language.

    • John says:

      Don’t you remember when Obama literally threw Reverend Wright under a passing CTA bus, resulting not only in serious injuries to the reverend, but significant damage to the bus?

    • DrDick says:

      He really does seem unaware of the concept of metaphor, and this is a very common one. You would think that a “writer” might be familiar with things like this.

      • Matt says:

        He thinks Liberty University is a great place, so his command of metaphor may be slightly impaired – a pretty common affliction among people who’ve convinced themselves that a book of fairy tales by Iron Age shepherds is literal truth.

        • Malaclypse says:

          Pedant: the fables are mainly Bronze Age, not Iron Age.

          • scepticus says:

            My understanding, or misunderstanding, as the case may be, is that the writers were of the Iron Age, which is too bad, because Bronze Age comes across as bigger, and funnier, insult. I also prefer to refer to them as goatherders, rather than shepherds, for the same reason. [Way off the main point of the Loomis post]

            • DrDick says:

              Many of the fables were around long before they were written down. The Pentateuch is most certainly Bronze Age.

            • Andrae says:

              Whatever you think of its reliability, the books themselves claim their authorship was late-bronze through to early-iron age; depending on the specific tales to which you refer.

              (There are references within the histories to the philistines of Gaza having a technological advantage over the hebrews due to their having access to iron weapons).

          • Timb says:

            You don’t have to write “Pedant.” I mean, you already signed it with “malaclypse”

      • Rarely Posts says:

        The only rational solution to this is: “a war on metaphor!”

        Unfortunately, I’m only able to wage it from my home computer because a detachment of heroin syringes has got me pinned down in my apartment – my location fell behind enemy lines in the War on Drugs back in the 1950s.

        I’m also not sure how I’m supposed to violently defeat symbolic language, but maybe an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) is the place to start?

    • actor212 says:

      Here’s the thing, Murc. There are many on the right…and some on the left…who go out of their way to exaggerate and sensationalize comments and statements, sucking the underlying truth out of them (that LaPierre ought to be publicly made ot account for his sins in this) and turning them into some attack, so they can beat back the straw man.

      I, along with SEK, have been on the receiving end of this treatment on at least one occasion. It’s not pretty, but there are ways to fight it.

    • herr doktor bimler says:

      Next you will tell me that the angry mob from which Obama defended those bankers was not in fact wielding pitchforks.

  6. Speak Truth says:

    …me calling the NRA a terrorist organization…

    Yeah, well, when you make crazy statements, you get crazy critics. Go figure. That was out there.

  7. Manta says:

    Since the US policy is to imprison without trial or murder (people the government decides are) terrorists, by saying that the head of NRA is a terrorist you were calling for his assassination (or imprisonment without trial).

  8. Thers says:

    I liked this comment:

    “Erik Loomis is why more and more parents home school and then send their kids to Liberty or some other Christian college.”

    Secular humanists like yerself just completely suppress the Christian message of plentiful assault rifles. Typical.

  9. Joseph Slater says:

    Guns don’t kill people. Blogs kill people.

    • Erik Loomis says:

      Really, if I’m going to go old school and put LaPierre’s head on a stick, I am going to contact my medievalist historian friends and get some advice on how to do it right.

      • Fake Irishman says:

        I’m sure SEK could put up another Game of Thrones post to show you how to display your heads on sticks in the most visually meaningful way.

      • rea says:

        When was the last time anyone ever used an assault rifle to put someone’s head on a stick, anyway?

      • actor212 says:

        Well, first, you have to call it a “pike,” not a stick.

      • PSP says:

        Doesn’t he have to drawn and quartered first?

      • jon says:

        The separate subject of first removing head from body will be covered in an upcoming post-graduate colloquium. In the meantime, feel free to improvise with a rusty catfood can lid.

      • Speak Truth says:

        Really, if I’m going to go old school and put LaPierre’s head on a stick, I am going to contact my medievalist historian friends and get some advice on how to do it right.

        Ya’ know, I’m not too worried about guns. Obama railed against it a couple of years ago when Gabby Gifford was shot and, as he always does, takes whatever position is to his political advantage. And gun control has never been a winning issue.

        And in a couple of months after his supporters have calmed down and go back to work, school, etc., Obama won’t give a rat’s ass about guns. It’s a losing position. For most people it would be like getting rid of prescription medicines because 20,000 people die a year from misuse.

        Rail as much as you wish. Doubtful anything will happen.

      • If you want to do it Japanese-style, you pickle the head first: pack it in salt, or salted rice. That’s what “sushi” was, originally: pickled fish that was fermented in salted rice. Eventually they figured out that fresher fish and vinegar’d rice worked better for most people. But the “su” in sushi is the root for pickled/preserved (ignore anyone who says that the character doesn’t say that; it’s a modern homophone to hide the origin) and it was done for enemy heads taken in combat, so they could be shipped back to the capitol for accounting purposes and display.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Just think: we all knew Erik way back when he was a nobody…

  11. Anonymous says:

    “[I] want Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick,” Erik Loomis, a professor at the University of Rhode Island (URI), tweeted.

    Worst. Carvel. Ever.

  12. actor212 says:

    Grrrr, those last two Anons were mine. Sorry.

  13. xxy says:

    I’d like to see a screening of Les Miserables at the Leadership Institute. I hear their projection is top-notch!

  14. mark f says:

    I just don’t know where else to share this, so I’ll add it here.

    Jonah Goldberg, John Podhoretz and somebody named Rob Long have solved the problem of mass shootings.

    1. Gun control is stupid and useless.
    2. People with mental illness should be institutionalized by force.
    3. Barack Obama should lecture black fathers more.
    4. Repeal the New Deal.
    5. Charles Murray is great.

    I am not kidding.

  15. Davis says:

    Putting his head on a pike would imply that he be charged, convicted, and executed, rather than assassinated.

  16. SEK says:

    You will all be happy to know that one of these lunatics called the Rhode Island state police accusing me of calling for the assassination of Wayne LaPierre. 2 officers came to the house. I was in a meeting on campus. I now have to meet these police officers at a gas station in the middle. Yes, this sounds a bit suspicious to me too. If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

    You’ve been hanging around me too long. Clearly, I’m a terrible influence.

  17. Randy says:

    Favorite comment:

    “how bout we get rid of all inteligentsia that would solve the problem what a dumbass!”

    Here’s a man who’s willing to walk the walk. No one is ever going to accuse HIM of being part of the “inteligentsia.”

  18. Brian says:

    This guy is doing his part:

    Rick Ellington · James F. Byrnes High School
    how bout we get rid of all inteligentsia that would solve the problem what a dumbass!
    Reply · Like · Follow Post · 51 minutes ago

  19. Try not to make of the Rhode Island State Police’s silly-assed uniforms.

  20. WOOF says:

    Don’t go.
    It’s so much more efficient if
    you come to them.
    I suspect you will be arrested.

    • GFW says:

      Yeah, since when can the police tell you to meet them at a gas station?

      There are serious differences in law between your property and elsewhere. Basically they can arrest you for darn near anything (claim you were disturbing the peace or whatever they want) at the gas station, while they’d be much more constrained if you’re on your own property (preferably inside your house).

      So, make them come to you, and stand on your stoop while you talk to them through the doorway. Or get someone around here with real expertise (not me – this is based on watching L&O a few times) to explain in more details.

      • arguingwithsignposts says:

        Or take his lawyer with him to the gas station.

        • GFW says:

          That’ll work too, but costs the hourly rate of the lawyer including travel time. Seriously, if you have a lawyer and plenty of money, the best place to discuss anything with the police, is at the offices of said lawyer. If you don’t have a lawyer and just plan to point out that “head on a stick” is an expression used figuratively in the modern world like “thrown to the lions”, “crucified”, “pilloried”, etc. then I’d say the doorway of your home is a good bet. Don’t come out, don’t invite them in. (This could seem like I’m anti-cop. I’m not, except when there’s reason to suspect motive. If I was reporting a crime, I’d invite them in and offer an appropriate beverage.)

      • rea says:

        stand on your stoop while you talk to them through the doorway.

        Oh, don’t do that, unless you want to give them a pretext to search your house.

        • GFW says:

          From that link “A consent to search must be unequivocal and specific. It must be given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly”

          • Bill Murray says:

            so that leaves out Rick Ellington from ever giving consent to a search

          • Craigo says:

            In practice, those conditions are easily met. The point is that you don’t ever want to be in the position where you’re arguing after the fact that the search wasn’t consensual.

            It’s hard to understand the amount of pressure being put on you by two serious men in uniforms carrying guns and handcuffs and telling you that they need to see inside your house.

          • rea says:

            “A consent to search must be unequivocal and specific. It must be given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly”

            Or more accurately, the police must say that consent to search was unequivocal and specific, given voluntarily, intelligently, and knowingly, etc.

    • Murc says:

      I honestly don’t know if Erik wouldn’t welcome that.

      On the one hand, nobody likes being arrested. On the other hand, Erik is an honest to god labor radical, where being arrested is a mark of honor, and if he had the time he could make life all sorts of difficult for both the cops arresting him and the idiot who filed a false report.

      • Richard says:

        The guy who called the cops is not guilty of filing a false report if all he did was bring to the attention what Erik wrote. And filing a charge against the cops for wanting to talk to him wont get him anywhere. He is not going to be able to make things difficult for anyone unless he wants to spend thousands of dollars in legal fees with no expectation of getting anything back. The best thing to do is talk with the cops, preferably at the police station and preferably with a lawyer, and explain that no threat of violence was made.

        • Craigo says:

          That’s not quite right. We don’t know exactly what the report said, but if it actually repeated Erik’s exact words, then no cop in his right mind would want to waste time speaking with him. If it said that Erik threatened or incited the assassination of LaPierre, then that is obviously not true.

          There will be absolutely no legal fees from pursuing the false report, because that’s a criminal matter and victims aren’t made to bear those costs. And lawyers suing a police department for false arrest and wrongful imprisonment will be happy to work on contingency, trust me.

          • Richard says:

            You’re assuming he gets arrested and charged. Thats not what is happening now. They only want to talk with him as far as we know. The cops cant be successfully sued for wanting to talk to someone.

            I agree that if the report to the police said that Erik threatened to kill LaPierre, its a false report but I highly suspect that these clowns gave Erik’s on line statements to the police (or the police asked for them) before they made a decision to talk to him. If Erik files an action against these guys or the cops, it will cost Erik thousands in legal fees and, unless the cops actually have pursued an action against him for making threats and Erik prevailed, he wont be able to recover monies he spent on counsel (unless there is something special in the laws of Rhode Island I am not aware of)

        • Murc says:

          And filing a charge against the cops for wanting to talk to him wont get him anywhere.

          Which is why my comment specifically pertains to Erik being arrested.

          • Richard says:

            You are right if he is arrested. But its not at that stage now. And Erik should not put himself in a position to increase the chance of being arrested, even if the arrest is unwarranted.

      • jhe says:

        Anyone know where I can get a “Free Loomis” t-shirt? Or am I being premature?

  21. Steve says:

    Shorter Erik: Send lawyers, guns, and money.

  22. Murc says:

    Oh, and chalk me up as another in the ‘don’t meet the cops at a gas station.’

    I mean, really, Erik. You should know better than to trust the cops. You want to meet them on your own property, outside your home, preferably with your attorney present and as large an audience as possible.

    Barring that, make them come to you on-campus and make sure colleagues are present.

  23. Richard says:

    Erik

    A little bit of legal advice. When and where you do meet the police, be civil and don’t be a jerk. Explain that what you said was not a threat, that putting one’s head on a pike doesn’t mean you are literally going to behead him – dont go on and on about LaPierre being a terrorist. You really don’t want even frivolous charges being brought.

    • Murc says:

      Explain that what you said was not a threat, that putting one’s head on a pike doesn’t mean you are literally going to behead him

      I would actually say even that’s saying too much.

      Never, ever, ever volunteer information in a police investigation that involves you as a suspect. Answer their questions factually, only answer what was asked, and stick to facts, not inference.

      If the cops ask Erik to confirm if certain words are his or not, his answer should be “yes” or “no” followed by closing his mouth and waiting politely for the next question.

      • Richard says:

        We disagree a little on this. My best guess is that the cops want to ask him if he wrote it and then ask him what he meant. At that point, he has a chance to explain that it was not a threat. I highly doubt they are going to ask him if he wrote it and not say anything else.

        My other best guess is that they will lecture him, tell him we are living in tense times after what happened in Newtown and warn him to not inflame passions and not say anything which could be interpreted to suggest a violent response. Its up to Erik how to respond. My advise is to keep it low key, whatever he says, and dont champion himself as a firebrand. If I were him, I would downplay the First Amendment defense and attacks on the NRA.

        • RhZ says:

          They may be obligated to look into this complaint, by law or by department practice.

          I agree that friendly or at least amiable is the best way to go.

          You could try W’s dismissive, ‘you’ve covered you ass, now’ tactic…umm on second thought, probably not the best idea.

      • Sherm says:

        No reason to talk to them at all.

  24. duck-billed placelot says:

    Yeah, this gas station nonsense is…nonsense. In the BEST light, it’s two cops who are bored with this whole affair already wanting to get things over with. But since when do we assume the best motivations for cops? At the very least, bring a witness with you; more reasonably, I’d suggest you call and ‘reschedule’ through the main precinct, because there is also the possibility that these cops are not actually cops but instead lunatics hoping to punish EL for his intemperate (and wholly correct) speech. A little confirmation wouldn’t go amiss.

    When I was in high school, there was a rash of killings; someone bought a flashing light and affixed it to his murder-car then proceeded to pull women over on deserted country highways. Always confirm with the precinct, people.

  25. somethingblue says:

    You know, this is Rhode Island. They may just want to ask Erik what it’s worth to him.

  26. laura says:

    Be careful Erik.

  27. Yosemite Semite says:

    Assassination is a bit extreme. Let’s just send Wayne LaPierre to Guantánamo with the rest of the terrorists.

  28. Anonymous says:

    My office is pretty close to the NRA building in Fairfax, Virginia, and there were multiple occupied police cruisers parked directly across the road when I drove by at midday.

    I think you touched a nerve there.

    • Woodrowfan says:

      the big bad “real men are armed to the teeth” NRA called on the cops for protection? What happened to self-defense and real manhood???? Wussies

    • Cody says:

      Yes, this seems highly ironic. I assume everyone at the NRA HQ has a gun, and they preach having a gun would stop any kind of violence.

      Thus, it would be rather clear they need no protection from law enforcement or other civil services.

  29. Uncle Ebeneezer says:

    If this is a trap and I get shot tonight, let it be known that someone had to say these things.

    I wanted to make a joke but I’m having trouble figuring out what they would have to pry from Erik’s cold, dead hand? Any ideas?

  30. Richard says:

    Erik

    Did you meet with them or refuse or did they call it off? Inquiring minds want to know

  31. Poicephalus says:

    Best of luck with the Dean, tomorrow.
    Hope he ain’t like Wormer.
    Double secret probation and all.

  32. mch says:

    Haven’t read all the comments here, by a long shot.

    My advice. Unless your dean has called you in only pro forma and to commiserate. This is the moment to concede. Not your principles, your soul. Save those. Concede, “Yes, I might have phrased things better.”

    With power (ain’t it fun to have a rightly noticed blog?) comes responsibility, as they say. Responsibility to do right in the future, too.

  33. Cody says:

    I googled “Head on a stick” and “Republican”. Loomis can up first.

    WINNING!

    • Cody says:

      Also,
      Don’t Google this. Holy Hell are there some stupid websites that come up. I was looking for examples of prominent Republicans calling for someone’s head on a stick, but instead I found a bunch of posts about Loomis and Game of Thrones.

  34. [...] that someone had informed the FBI that Loomis had threatened LaPierre’s life. Loomis also has been hauled into a meeting with his dean.  And now the president of the University of Rhode Island, where Loomis teaches, has issued [...]

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