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Crime scene

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Knoxville police announced this afternoon that a badly beaten rhetorical device, believed to be that of Irony, was found in a dumpster behind the University of Tennessee Law School. Police Commissioner Eric Blair described the scene as “one of the worst cases of its kind I’ve ever seen,” and promised that “heads would roll” once the responsible parties were identified.

Members of the public with any relevant information are encouraged to call a special tip line set up by authorities.

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  • They need to focus like a laser beam on the perpetrator. (DISCLAIMER: not a literal laser beam).

  • Rob

    Well then you should really put up this

    • Rob

      Or you know, this:
      http://youtu.be/8uaaF83eVig

      • Kurzleg

        This is ok, but I think they left out “Big Bottom”.

        • Bill Murray

          talk about mud flaps my girl’s got ’em

          • Joseph Slater

            How could I leave her behind?

  • Bitter Scribe

    “What is the gun community going to do about this tragedy?”/”I dunno. What is the gay community going to do about Penn State?”

    I’m not gay, but I can guess: Call you a fucking idiotic asshole for conflating child abuse with homosexuality.

    • The Fool

      I think that’s the point: the gun community doesn’t have anything to do with the tragedy.

      Linking people who like guns with mass murderers because they used guns to commit the murder is as ‘obviously’ stupid as linking the gay community to pedophiles because the children those pedophiles targeted were male (ignoring that many people did/do exactly that).

      At least, that’s the only way I can understand it that allows Althouse/Instapundit to smugly proclaim that those who get offended just don’t understand their subtle brilliance.

      • Bitter Scribe

        You’re right, although something tells me Althouse and Instaputz have not been in the forefront of protesting the “pedophiles = gays” trope.

  • Wow.

    Wow.

    What a cunt.

  • xxy

    Why would Glenn Reynolds fake outrage to defend the NRA, the perpetrators of a policy that massacred 20 American schoolchildren? Does Glenn Reynolds love guns more than the 20 American schoolchildren massacred by NRA policy? Or does he enjoy hearing news of 20 American schoolchildren being massacred by a system of firearms law practically written by the NRA? Does Glenn Reynolds just enjoy massacres of schoolchildren in general? Does he hate America?

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

    • Rob

      Reynolds is objectively pro child killer.

  • Tehanu

    Police Commissioner Eric Blair described the scene as “one of the worst cases of its kind I’ve ever seen,” and promised that “heads would roll” and be stuck on sticks.

    FTFY

    • wengler

      State fair rules: It isn’t a thing until it’s stuck on a stick.

      • RedSquareBear

        At least here in Wisconsin we have a corollary (or is that “coronary”?) that it has to be deep fried and on a stick to be covered.

        I think this is what they mean when they call states “laboratories of democracy”?

  • John Protevi

    Police Commissioner Eric Blair

    I see what you did there

    • c u n d gulag

      Yes, very “Blairian.”

    • To which the only possible response is “Oh, well!”

  • I witnessed the whole thing. The perp kept repeating “heh” and “indeed” and something about being affiliated with the Amazon.

  • mark f

    Hahahahahahah, what a piece of shit.

  • herr doktor bimler

    call a special tip line set up by authorities.

    I hope the case will someday come to a Trial.

    • somethingblue

      Certainly not. This is Amerika!

    • K

      So do I

  • arguingwithsignposts

    Maybe the tip line is run out of this airport.

  • Irony not only is dead, the body was run through an industrial wood-chipper Fargo style.

    • Some guy killed his wife here in MI a few Winters back and did exactly that, spewing her remains all over a frozen lake.

      The wood chipper, alas, retained mucho quantities of DNA evidence.

      • Bill Murray

        That’s how Paul Rudd wants to kill Judd Apatow’s wife in Apatow’s new film.

  • Malaclypse

    Further sodomizing Irony’s corpse, White Nationalist McCain is now saying everybody who signed the CT thread has “sign[ed] their own death warrants.”

    • herr doktor bimler

      Damn. I really should pay more attention to my paperwork.

  • Some might wish to join the party at the Providence Journal

    • swoof

      There’s a lot of unhinged stupid in that comment thread.

      • Steve LaBonne

        As in pretty much every online newspaper comment thread I’ve ever seen. Perhaps some sociologist should look into that phenomenon.

    • Brutusettu

      Now he wants to make us all blind!!!11 Why haven’t they fired the man yet!!1

      • herr doktor bimler

        And as a visually-impaired one-eyed man, I will then be king! Bwah-hah-hah!!

        • SEK

          Good lord, this is Onion quality prose:

          PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) – A state police spokesman says authorities determined a University of Rhode Island history professor committed no criminal act when he wrote on Twitter that he wanted to see the National Rifle Association president’s head “on a stick.”

          Lt. Brian Casilli tells The Associated Press that police met with Erik Loomis on Monday night about a tweet that said he wanted to see NRA President Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick. Loomis made the comment following the school shooting in Connecticut.

          Loomis says he was using a metaphor.

  • Jon H

    I hate to spoil the fun (partially), but the “heads rolling” post was by Michael Totten.

    If Totten’s also gotten in on the head-sticking two-minutes hate, then nevermind.

  • caesaigh

    Geez, thanks. Rickrolled me over to InstaSmegma. 30 minutes of may life, wallowing in pinworms, that I’ll never get back.

  • caesaigh

    may, dammit, MY. Fuckity.

  • The perpetrators will be caught, tried and summarily executed….with votes.

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