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Call The Authorities!!!!!

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OMG, someone alert the authorities. Dr. Erik Loomis of the University of Rhode Island has Buster Keaton’s head on a stick. He is responsible for the murder of said actor. Nevermind the fact that Keaton died in 1966, nearly a decade before Loomis was born. His heads on sticks metaphor has gone too far. Not only has he killed some of Hollywood’s leading actors, but he has literally put their heads on sticks and flashed them before cameras. Has he no shame? How can taxpayer dollars support the employment of such a scoundrel. Even worse, he makes his students watch silent films, an outrage which knows no boundaries.

I call for a witch hunt against Loomis. Since in this case there is no metaphor, I won’t be accused of being an disingenuous lying moron by pretending like I take this threat seriously. See–it’s right there in front of you!!

I’ll heat up the tar if you provide the feathers!!!

In all seriousness, I can’t believe I forgot about this picture until now. I took it at a showing of Steamboat Bill Jr. in Seattle last summer. They provided audience members with pictures of Buster Keaton on sticks. Clearly my life has led to this moment.

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  • Barry Freed

    I was just about to post this to the CT thread (the meta thread on academic and workplace freedom one): The CT solidarity statement post has over a thousand signatories (and I’m proud to count myself among them) so has there been any follow-up statement from URI and its administration? Any acknowledgement from them that they dropped the ball on this one and got it all wrong?

  • Icarus Wright

    I call for a witch hunt against Loomis.

    So do I. 1966?!? More like 1990 amirite?

  • c u n d gulag

    ZOMG!
    NOT BUSTER, YOU DIVIANT PSHYCOPATH!!!
    Not Harold Lloyd’s head, either!

    Have you no taste?

    Put Fatty Arbuckle’s head on a stick – or, on a coke bottle.
    But leave the great Keaton alone!!!

    • c u n d gulag

      OH NOH’S!!!
      You got me so upset, I spelled “DEVIANT” wrong!

      Now, for making me look like an idiot, I want YOUR head on a stick, Loomis!

      Of course, if I had to put the heads on sticks of everyone who made me look like an idiot, this country would soon run out of sticks, and have to import them…

      • expatchad

        Can I get compensation for looking like an idiot, then?

  • It’s all good fun until someone ends up with their head on a stick.

  • Barry Freed

    I call for a witch hunt against Loomis.

    Answer me this, Loomis: Do you float?

  • John Theibault

    I was watching Pardon the Interruption on ESPN the other day and they had a whole segment they called “Heads on Sticks.” Surely everyone was incensed at the idea that you wanted Tony Kornheiser to hold a picture of Wayne LaPierre in front of his face while Mike Wilbon asked him questions. Very cruel!

    • Clearly everyone who works for PTI should be arrested for threatening murder against the various people represented with heads on sticks.

      • Speak Truth

        You got spanked.

        Spanked by you boss. Spanked by the press.

        Spanked in public.

        It’s time you got over it.

        Time to “MoveOn”.

        • Woodrowfan

          you clearly enjoy spanking. perhaps you should try butterworthing…

          http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/2012-12-12-Thats-Thrall-Fol.png

          • Speak Truth

            You seem to know a lot about this. Are you one of the queers on this board?

            • Malaclypse

              Subtext again text, Jennie dearest.

              • Speak Truth

                Candy came from out on the Island
                In the back room she was everybody’s darling

              • Speak Truth

                Candy came from out on the Island
                In the back room she was everybody’s darling.

  • Icarus Wright
  • I’m telling Twitchy.

    • Is “Twitchy” a Peter Lorre character?

      Because the picture could easily be him, not Buster.

  • manta

    “he makes his students watch silent films”:
    I was thinking that maybe you were too harsh against this Loomis guy, until I read this sentece.

    Off with his head!

  • At Wonkette, we thought LaPierre’s head should be on a pike.

    • There’s no question I failed in the specifics of the metaphor, as both you and medieval historian friends have pointed out.

      • Well, heck, I went and replied here, and then I scrolled down and saw you had done a whole post about my piece! Thanks!

      • And like I said elsewheres, the “pike” photoshops are far better, too… (…though since reading Wengler’s state fair rules comment, I am diggin’ the “…on a stick” version that you went with a bit more than I was initially.)

      • expatchad

        But, isn’t there some kind of lawsuit against Halberdon for contamination?

  • arguingwithsignposts

    Erik, assuming this is you on Google image search, I have your head on a stick

    • arguingwithsignposts
      • arguingwithsignposts

        And now I’m imaging someone going around with a popsicle stick, placing it in front of their face, squinting their eyes and saying “I have your head on a steek!”

        Damn you, KITH!

    • That is slightly disturbing.

      • arguingwithsignposts

        Photoshop is a helluva drug. :)

  • AlexD

    In retrospect you should have said, “head on a pike.” The juxtaposed image of a severed head and a fish would have stunned these morons and rendered them incapable of response.

    The Rude Pundit could have beaten them to death.

  • AlexD

    I’ve never told anyone this before, but Erik Loomis turned me into a newt!

    • Me too!!! I eventually got better, but it took, like, the whole Bush II administration. When I woke up I didn’t know what the hell had happened.

  • Donald Trumps
  • Uncle Ebeneezer

    Thinking back, conservatives have some very disturbing fantasies, if taken literally:

    Reagan has become a conservative icon. His defenders have lobbied to add his face to Mt. Rushmore and to put it on the front of the dime, replacing Franklin Roosevelt.

    That’s some serious Silence of the Lambs shit, right there. From an aesthetic standpoint I think Ronnie’s severed face would look strange stapled to Mt. Rushmore. You would hardly see it from a distance. And a dime would be far too small. Besides aren’t there laws against corpse mutilation? Oh well, we can’t be too safe…calling FBI

  • commie atheist

    Putting his head on a dildo would have been even better.

  • Those eyes follow me around the room Internet.

  • I say you enrage people EVEN MORE by putting A WHOLE JESUS on a stick.

    • Skim Jesus is less fatty.

    • BigHank53

      I’m pretty sure someone already put Jesus on a stick. Two, actually.

  • Kurzleg

    “Pass.”

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