Home / General / “Dismember the Corpse and Send the Widow a Corsage.”

“Dismember the Corpse and Send the Widow a Corsage.”


It’s the strangest thing. Taking a team that had zero quality offensive players not on their offensive line and adding nothing of interest but a shitty backup QB who would also be an immense distraction seemed like a great idea, but apparently it’s not working. Odd.

I must, say though, that as a Seahawks fan I was just terrified by the prospect of seeing Tim Tebow in the game Sunday, just like I was terrified by the possibility that the Republicans would run Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich for president. I mean, you never knew what would happen — a 3-yard run up the middle? A sidearm screen pass? A timeout because nobody knew who was supposed to be behind center on a given play? It was a very tense experience. And noted offensive supergenius Tony Sparano didn’t even haul out the most frightening artillery of all — Mark Sanchez lining up as a wide receiver.

The punchline is that Jets owner Woody Johnson, having pulled himself up by his bootsraps by inheriting the Johnson & Johnson fortune, was a major Mittens fundraiser:

“One of the reasons Coach Ryan was successful is that he believed in his defense. He said, ‘You are a great defense.’ And he said that day one, we’ve got the best defense in the league. We were 25th in the league and he said, ‘I’ve got the best guys here’ and you know what? It turned out that way. And I think when Mitt Romney is president it will be the same thing, because he knows how to do this.”

And when Mr. Romney went looking for a local finance chairman, Mr. Johnson was, according to Mr. Lazio, “the number one draft pick—a franchise player.”

If Johnson ran his fundraising the way he runs his football team, Karl Rove must have gotten some really juicy profit margins out of the deal.

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  • Scott, please note: this was the BEST move the Jets made all off-season

    I;m going to cry.

    • They did smack the Patriots around in a playoff game a couple of years ago, so my instinct to point and laugh is tempered.

      • Scott Lemieux

        And Tebow proved against the Patriots that he JUST. WINS. FOOTBALL. GAMES. Wait, what?

        • I just meant at the Jets’ continuing general futility.

      • Oh, for an offensive line!

        • c u n d gulag

          AND a defensive one, too!

          • It’s amazing how Revis covered so many shortcomings.

            • c u n d gulag

              He’s better than Dion Sanders.

              He a great Cover-Corner, and Revis can tackle – he isn’t afrain to, unlike Dion who ran away from any guy with the football like a child squealing and freaking out when someone says “BOO!”

              I hope he comes back from that injury at 95-100% – and I’m a Giants fan!
              I just hate to see great players lose their greatness to something other than aging naturally.

        • Anonymous

          3 Pro Bowlers 30 or younger just isn’t enough

          • Not based on the number of times over the past two and a half seasons Sanchez has picked grass out of his teeth, no

            • Bill Murray

              according to pro football reference, Sanchez’ sack rate has been close to league average (3-5 % worse than) every year but 2010 (when it was better than league average) including this year

  • The punchline is that Jets owner Woody Johnson, having pulled himself

    Heh heh. Heh.

    That’s a pretty good punch line.

    • ploeg

      OK, smart guy, let’s see you inherit the Johnson & Johnson fortune.

    • Dick Peters

      I don’t get it.

      • Sherm

        Seriously? Woody Johnson. Pulling. Himself.

        • (Look at who you’re responding to)

          • Sherm

            Im an idiot

            • Rod LaRocque

              I was going to draw you a map.

              • Left_Wing_Fox

                “That’s not ink!”

  • Sherm
  • Anderson

    Hey, I’m just glad Mitt picked Paul Ryan instead.

  • Oh, it’s the Jets. Exploring every possible combinations of ways to lose since 1970.

    Look at the upside – they may be 3/4 of a century behind the Cubs. But once the Cubs win they will be immediate contenders along with the Cardinals and Lions.

    It’s a proud tradition of futility.

    • Murc

      Oh, it’s the Jets. Exploring every possible combinations of ways to lose since 1970.

      I remember being in high school in the late ’90s when they went 1-11.

      I almost started following them just because of that. Almost.

      • My favorite moment had to be The Spike, in 1993.

        That pretty much shot any faith I had in this team, even if I had pretty much stopped following the game per se long before that.

  • mpowell

    Rex Ryan will probably get another chance somewhere else, but it is kind of pathetic that he’s going to be fired eventually because Mark Sanchez sucks and Ryan set expectations too high with a lucky first two seasons.

    • Scott Lemieux

      Thing is, I don’t think he’d a bad coach. Even this year, I don’t think they’re underachieving, really; I think they don’t have any talent. Ryan deserves blame primarily to the extent that he has a role in choosing personnel.

      • thusbloggedanderson

        As a Dolphins fan I of course rejoice in the Jets’ adversity, but I still think Sanchez is a good QB. He’s got shit to work with, and the Tebow thing could not have been better calculated to mess with his head.

        Best thing the Jets can do right now is (1) fire Sparano and (2) tell Tebow he’s either a running back or he’s a permanent benchwarmer. Sanchez + Tebow on the field could do the team some good: both/and, not either/or.

        • L2P

          Sanchez is the very, very worst sort of quarterback for a team to have: he’s just good enough to lose.

          He’s Trent Dilfer, minus leadership and a feel for the game, plus some Ed Hardy-style douchebaggery. I can kind-of-sort-of see why the Jets were thinking Tebow might be worth looking at.

          • thusbloggedanderson

            How’d they get to 2 AFC championships with him, then?

            • L2P

              The best defense in the league?

          • Sharon

            The Ravens D and Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl.


            • L2P

              Yeah, but nobody says “Trent Dilfer! I need one for my team!” Dilfer’s a smart quarterback who can lead a team and uses all of his (somewhat limited) abilities.

              If Sanchez had half of Dilfer’s feel for football, he’d be fine. But he doesn’t. He’s a knucklehead with below-average touch and arm strength and not much running ability.

      • mpowell

        I agree completely. That’s why it’s kind of pathetic. This happens to a lot of coaches, though. It does make me wonder how a guy like Alex Smith compares to Sanchez. Is Smith really much better than Sanchez or is JH just that much of a coaching genius?

        • Alex Smith has a lot more talent around him these days than does “Sanchise.”

          Let’s not forget that 2-3 years ago, Alex Smith was on top of people’s Greatest Draft Busts lists.

          • thusbloggedanderson

            True dat.

        • Fighting Words

          Well, Alex Smith did have something like 6 offensive coordinators in 7 years, so there was never really any consistency to his development. He also had a head coach (Mike Singletary) who openly criticized him. Plus, before last season, his best year was the one year he had Norv Turner as his offensive coordinator.

          Alex Smith was drafted in the same year as Aaron Rogers (who grew up a 49er fan). I am sure that most people can agree that Aaron Rogers is probably the better QB. However, I am pretty sure that if Aaron Rogers was drafted by the 49ers and had to endure their seasons from 2004-2010, he would not be as good as he is now.

          I like Alex Smith. He is not a great quarterback like Peyton Manning or Tom Brady, but he is improving. He is making far less bad decisions under Jim Harbaugh. Now he just needs to start making more good decisions.

        • L2P

          Neither of them are very good. Sanchez has a career passer rating just around 70, less than Smith’s 76 or so. (Stafford, for comparison, is in the mid-80’s for his career.)

          Sanchez had the good luck of playing with the best defense in the league for 2 years while Smith was playing for crappy San Francisco teams. The tide has turned; now Sanchez is playing with crappy players, and his true abilities are shining through.

          • Anonymous

            Smith is about 20% better than average this year, not quite 10% better than average last year. Basically he has had two very poor years, 3 years a little below average and 1.5 years better than average

      • Anonymous

        It seems like a lot of previously good, mostly young players have decided to not be good this year. Casey Mulligan would probably think they all developed a preference for greater leisure time this past summer, but it could be that the coaching staff has not been very good at finishing the development of talent

        • Saber This

          Yes, but have you compared those young players to other young players who don’t exist? You really can’t determine if a player who exists can compare to a player who doesn’t exist unless you compare two players who…um…well, forget about all that shit. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, right, awful quarterbacks. My television tells me that both Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow suck, even if you compare them to Luke Skywalker and Randall McMurphy. So there’s that.

  • rea

    I give it one more week before Johnson fires the head coach and orders that Tebow be the starter.

    • Sherm

      Johnson loves Ryan. I suspect Tannenbaum will be gone this offseason and the new GM will inherit Ryan for a year or two.

  • Sherm

    You’re one day late for an Odd Couple reference by the way.

    • Hogan

      Should have gone with Bloodsucking Monkeys from West Mifflin, Pennsylvania.

  • c u n d gulag

    Anyone with a half a brain and/or wasn’t a Jesus-freak could tell that Bobby Douglas Tim Teabow with the Jets was going to be a disaster.
    You CAN’T run two different offenses at the same time in a season!
    Denver and Fox went ‘all in’ with him, and built their offense around him for the 2nd half.

    Rex, the self-proclaimed ‘Titan of Defense,’ who thinks he’s the best defensive coach in the NFL (he really said that he was the best) thought, after they conned him into agreeing with the deal, “Hey, you know what would confuse a good defense? Facing two different styles of Quarterbacks!?
    Forgetting how difficult it was to actually RUN two GOOD offenses.
    And so, the [email protected]$$ Jets have no offense at all!

    What also made me laugh was Rex in pre-season talking about how great this team is. The best he’s ever had!
    Outside of the great Darelle Revis, who even frightens anyone even a little bit – on EITHER offense or defense.

    Sanchez has a slow running back, and no one to throw to, now that Dustin Kelleher seems to have regressed. And the Jets have, despite giving him a contract extention, spent the entire season undermining him, and ruining any confidence he might still have had left.
    Add to that, that he can’t ever get in a rhythm. If gets a 1st down, they bring in “Jesus in the Meadowlands.” And then, no matter what he does, bring Sanchez back in.

    Pick one of them, and play him. PERIOD!

    But it was SOOOO much fun listening to Jets fans who got their itty-bitty little hopes up when the Jets traded for “St. Timmeh of Secaucus.”
    They’re not Jesus-freaks for the most part – just that when it comes to football, they have less than half a brain. The Jets ate the other half over the years.

    • daveNYC

      Were there a lot of fans that were actually hopeful about football Jeebus? Most of the Jets fans I know weren’t psyched about Teabow so much as they didn’t think Sanchez had the stuff and were willing to give him a shot. Which was also pretty stupid given that Teabow just ain’t that good.

      • I wouldn’t even go that far. The sense I got about the general opinion, and it admittedly was my first instinct, was that Tebow was at best another running back, at worst a Wildcat specialist. We all sort of knew it was a publicity stunt first and foremost.

        Me, I’m hoping there’s some quid pro quo for clearing him off the Denver roster ahead of the Annointed One’s return to football.

      • Sherm

        Agreed. I do not know a single Jet fan who was excited about getting Tebow.

        • c u n d gulag

          I got that from listening to NY sports radio, where there was, at least in right after the trade, a lot of pro-Teabow hysteria.

          Sure, there were nay-sayers. But a lot of the callers were very hopeful about that trade.
          The negative stuff came later. Especially when they flew Teabow in on a private jet.
          How many 2nd String QB’s get flown in on a private jet, to a packer press conference.

          THAT’S, I think, when Jets fans realized how much of a distraction he would be. Until then, they had “faith.”

          • “Hopeful” in this case the same way Republicans were “hopeful” about Romney on November 1 (e.g. in complete denial and about to get a wake up call from a ballpeen hammer)

  • Uncle Ebeneezer

    Has anyone looked into Dick Lebeau’s bank statements to see if there were any suspicious wire transfers from Denver last winter?

    • Scott Lemieux

      I wonder if it’s just that LeBeau is washed up. The Steeler defense hasn’t been good this year either. He’s had a very distinguished career, but I wonder if he’s still on top of his game.

      • CaptBackslap

        It’s certainly a possibility, but keep in mind that Polamalu and Harrison have been either out or hampered all year. Also, Aaron Smith’s retirement hurts, in part because he was awesome, and in part because Ziggy Hood really isn’t.

        • Uncle Ebeneezer

          Even with Harrison and Polamalu healthy it seems like the blitz has been really lacking the past few years. I don’t know if it’s an issue of lack of talented players or out-of-date schemes.

          Lebeau’s defenses have always been dominant in yardage allowed but they’ve often been plagued by crucial weaknesses like 3rd down conversions or big plays (especially against upper echelon QBs.) At least that’s always the way it’s felt to this nervous Steeler fan when watching.

          • I think LeBeau has been taking advantage of the (mostly inapt) label “Blitzburgh” to screw with other teams’ heads. His defense has stayed in coverage when the opposition’s offensive has expected blitz.

  • CaptBackslap

    I’ve occasionally wondered if Woody Johnson [Beavis laugh] brought on Tebow as step one in a demented plot to help the GOP by making him some sort of national spokesman. I mean, it wouldn’t make a bit of sense, but neither would getting him so he could play football.

  • Colin

    I’m pretty sure there were multiple punchlines in that piece. Exhibit A:

    Romney has that midwestern honesty thing about him.

  • I know schadenfreude is bad for the soul, but I couldn’t keep myself from fist-pumping when Tihmee threw that red zone INT.

    I also hope that really happened and I wasn’t drunk or dreaming.


    • thusbloggedanderson

      I think that was Sanchez.

      Tho luckily I was watching the 007 movie on Sunday and not seeing the Dolphins’ collapse vs. Tennessee, much less the Jets’ meltdown.

    • Thlayli

      It was Sanchez who threw the red-zone INT.

      Timmeh has not thrown a pick this season.

      • Karate Bearfighter

        Neither has Greg McElroy.

  • Joe

    The article where players are bashing Tebow is inane. Like HE is the problem! After a game where Mark Sanchez stunk up the joint. Tebow’s hiring was a gimmick but a back-up QB (sic) is not why they are losing. They are losing because of a lack of talent. When they had talent, Sanchez was good enough for the team to win. W/o talent, the guy is not going to carry the team. The team is going to drag him down.

    I don’t know if the rumors that the Jags wanted Tebow were serious, but if they actually were willing to take him, it was really stupid not to do it. As is, there already is Greg McElroy talk.

  • howard

    sooner or later, some coach is going to try a tebow or vince young at halfback scheme aligned with a traditional dropback quarterback who has an accurate arm.

    but given that football head coaching, like so many other professions, is the kind of arena where you’d rather be part of the herd than try something different, it may take longer than i expect.

    • Karate Bearfighter

      I’ll bite; where’s the advantage? Any direct snap to Tebow at fullback is just a shotgun play, minus one blocker or eligible receiver. You’re relying on surprise to make up for the fact that you’re playing 10 against 11.

      If you pass to him outside the pocket, it’s a halfback option. The fact that this halfback has a better arm than usual has to be offset against the fact that there’s no reason to think Tebow’s a running threat at the NFL level. How is this any better than having a decent quarterback in a broken play, throwing on the run?

      Either way, it seems like you’re saying that the only reason NFL offenses don’t rely on trick plays is that they don’t have the right personnel. That seems unlikely; it seems a lot more likely (to me at least) that NFL offenses don’t rely heavily on trick plays because lining up an extra blocker or receiver is a more valuable use of your 11th player than whatever benefit you get from the uncertainty created by having multiple “threats” to throw in the backfield.

      • howard

        I’m in an airport typing on a phone, so a longer answer later, but in short, i’m not talking about trick play, i’m talking about a passing-oriented wishbone offense, so to speak.

        More later on the actual argument.

      • How is this any better than having a decent quarterback in a broken play, throwing on the run?

        The receivers are expecting it and running routes designed to work with it, and the passer knows where they’ll be.

        • Karate Bearfighter

          Point taken. I’m skeptical that this is enough to compensate for the basic fact that you’re designing an out-of-the-pocket passing play for a mediocre QB, instead of the guy in the pocket who beat him out for the starting job.

          But I will await Howard’s argument.

          • howard

            3 hour plane flight and then getting home and back to the discussion!

            so karate bearfighter, let me stipulate up front that i completely accept that championship nfl teams begin with an accurate dropback passer and a strong pass defense. that passer may be a scrambler (joe montana) or a runner (steve young) or not (the mannings), but first and foremost, he’s an accurate passer.

            but what i’m looking for is how to employ talents the likes of young or tebow, guys who are not complete palookas, they simply aren’t up to today’s standards of nfl quarterbacking (my memory is that joe kapp was a worse passer than either of them, and bill kilmer not much better, and they both got to championship games and were winning qbs in a different era), and how to do that in a way that enhance your basic modern passing offense.

            in that regard, i start with two beliefs: my first is that young and tebow are at least nfl average running back quality (and that all we’re asking of them is an nfl average running back career for a few years), and the second is that both of them (young especially) are actually pretty decent throwers on the move, much better than their dreadful dropback passing.

            and i think the creative offensive solution is fundamentally to treat them as a running back but to install enough halfback option plays to make them a realistic threat to throw on the move every time they are handed the ball.

            the goal here offensively is to freeze linebackers just long enough to open up 10-15 yard throws to relatively open receivers on the move; you get there essentially by designing your running plays for this halfback to always have an option to break outside.

            in the best of all worlds, you’re getting 12-15 carries a game at 4 yards a carry and 5-8 throws a game with a high qb rating and limited interceptions; if i’m wrong, you’re getting 2.7 yards a carry and an unacceptable rate of interception.

            but sooner or later, someone is going to try something like this, because as football player types, young and tebow aren’t so unique that we won’t see more like them in the years to come.

            (in my further version of this offense, this young/tebow character is replaced by a 4th receiver on obvious passing downs and accompanied by a hellacious blocking fullback who loves to get out in front and knock the lead defender down.)

            p.s. i’m old enough to remember frank gifford as what was then called a flanker back, but i remember that he was well regarded as an option passer, and when i looked him up, in his years as a halfback, he was 27-60 for 788 yards with an astonishing 14 touchdowns against 6 interceptions and a qb rating of 92.5 (he played 95 games).

            i suspect, but couldn’t find any data, that at least from the ’50s on, he may be the high water mark of halfback option passers, but it shows you what is possible even if it’s not a perfect parallel.

            • Karate Bearfighter

              Interesting. I’m still skeptical, largely because I think you reach a point of diminishing returns pretty quickly with option plays. But it would be fun to see someone try it. Especially someone with *cough*Jets*cough* nothing to lose.

  • Kurzleg

    But isn’t this typical of a CEO and the cult that surrounds him? They act as if they alone harbor the magic elixir that fuels their current enterprise. I even see it in the egos of those on non-profit boards. They thing they’re the ones to identify “The One” who possesses that certain something to turn things around. Management skill has gone out the window.

  • As a Bills fan (God help me) I’m going to adhere to the purportedly Napoleonic maxim of not getting in the way of your opponent when he is screwing up.

    • thusbloggedanderson

      You may get the chance to apply that maxim tonight. I’m debating between heading down to the sports bar to watch this one, vs. staying home, burying my nose in a book, and letting the iPhone tell me tomorrow how much the Dolphins lost by.

  • Sports post, so I’ll just throw this out there: The Ducks dropped to 0-2 overall with the loss, while PSU improved to 2-0.

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