Home / General / Irony joins Parody on the body pile

Irony joins Parody on the body pile


John Nolte at Brietbart.com is criticizing David Corn and Mother Jones for releasing “secretly recorded video” that has been “selectively edited.” Nolte even incoporates positive references to James O’Keefe into his criticism. Colonel Mustard goes one step further:

It is impossible for us to know if Romney said something which changed or put the remarks in context.  Romney doesn’t remember the event except for what exists on audio/video.  Maybe in the fullness of the answer, the answer was less “inelegant” than it appears.

It is impossible to know what Romney said during the two minutes the recorder didn’t record. It is possible that in those two minutes he contradicted every word he spoke in all the other ones—that he begged forgiveness for the awful things he said about Americans in all the other ones. That could be the case. It is, of course, highly improbable that Romney shifted tone and content and ideological orientation during these mysterious two minutes, but given we’re talking about Romney, it’s not impossible that he did exactly that.

Honestly, when your best defense is two missing minutes in which, to the best of your speculation, your candidate said the opposite of what he said in the rest of them (and in press conferences since), you might want to put down the bucket and inflate your life jacket, because your little boat is sinking.

UPDATE: The #missingtwominutes hashtag provides some details as to what must have gone on.

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  • DocAmazing

    Maybe Mother Jones needs to organize a Rape Boat Cruise for donors.

    • I’d forgotten about that episode, so I had to google it. What a creep.

      Also creepy: this law firm

      Claims involving sexual assault and rape of a mega yacht guest or passenger by a yacht owner, fellow crew member or yacht guest can and do happen with alarming frequency. Having previously represented the mega yacht owners and their insurance carries for 19 years, the board certified maritime attorneys at the law firm of Brais & Brais are in a unique position to help guests, passengers or crew who have been sexually assaulted and raped aboard a mega yacht. The lawyers at the law firm of Brais & Brais with offices in Miami, Florida, Boston, Massachusetts and Houston, Texas are here to help.

      • ajay

        At least they’re offering to represent the victims. Creepy would be their counterparts on the other side.

  • commie atheist

    Dear John Nolte:



    c. atheist

    • firefall

      my first thought, also, closely followed by ACORN

      • avoidswork

        You have to admire the gumption to positively use PimpO’Keefe and his “journalism” as a counterpoint to 120 seconds missing out of 3600 seconds.

        That said, it is from a Breitbart site, uttered within Teh Bubbel and for a target audience that eats crayons and lead paint chips.

        Why doesn’t the RomneyShambles campaign enlist James O’Keefe as its resident journalist/videographer.

        • firefall

          Even they dont trust the little slimelizard not to sell them out

        • Lancelot Link

          O’Keefe’s on probation and can’t leave the state.

  • Warren Terra

    When Romney first demanded the unedited video, I said that it was just a transparently phony attempt to claim that he had been misleadingly edited, and taken out of context. Now that we have the event in two long, if admittedly discontinuous, chunks,this is even more obviously the case.

    But there was, and remains, a corollary: does this mean that the Romney campaign doesn’t have their own ecording of the event? How incompetent would they have to be, not to keep their own recordings of every public appearance Romney makes, if only to work with him to improve is performances and hone his answers?

    I mean, if you call your damn cable company they “record the call for training purposes”, so they can make sure the underpaid schmoe you talk to is sticking to the script and pushing that channel package you don’t want. But Romney’s small army of campaign staffers have him flying solo?

    • Malaclypse

      How incompetent would they have to be, not to keep their own recordings of every public appearance Romney makes, if only to work with him to improve is performances and hone his answers?

      How can Mittens improve? He was chosen by God for this job.

      • DrDick

        It is his birth right!

        • Woodrowfan

          he’s paid good money for it dagnabit!

    • ploeg

      How incompetent would they have to be, not to keep their own recordings of every public appearance Romney makes, if only to work with him to improve is performances and hone his answers?

      Not to say that it’s a bad idea, but there are definitely issues with keeping your own recordings, as Nixon learned.

      • Warren Terra

        Eh. Nixon’s recordings were made using public funds, recorded a public official engaging in public duties on publicly owned property, and were subpoena’d by Congress. There are real concerns about theft and loss and the like, but the Nixon doesn’t seem relevant.

        • ploeg

          It’s not a one-to-one correspondence, but the point is that, if you keep recordings, you assume the risk that the recordings will eventually get out. And the only reason why we know about the Nixon tapes is that Dean and Butterfield told the Watergate committee about it.

    • Sherm

      Might be legal complications because Florida is one of the few mutual consent states for recordings, unless the law has changed in the past few years.

      • herr doktor bimler

        Tape-recording people is SO MUCH WORSE than shooting them.

      • That only applies to private conversations. This was clearly not one of those, and there was a reasonable expectation that they could be overheard by people outside the domain of the invitees (the waitstaff for one thing)

        I would imagine there could be some civil liability, assuming they could figure out who brought the recorder in, but then that would involve a trial and then Romney would have to answer questions under oath about what he said there and why it was so confidential that it could be deemed private.

        • Sherm

          You’re probably right on the private conversation issue (I hadn’t considered the wait staff, etc). But I was referring to the comment questioning why romney’s campaign wouldn’t record such an event. I was suggesting that they might be concerned about the consent issue and would not want to offend donors by requesting their consent.

    • Jon H

      Demanding the whole, unedited video would have been far more effective if he hadn’t also doubled down on what he said in the recording.

      Especially if people are going to claim that some key bit was in the missing 2 minutes. “Mitt stands by everything he said in the released footage, but the missing footage would change the meaning of it all completely!”

      • Incontinentia Buttocks

        There’s no rule that their responses to the controversy have to be consistent with one another.

        • Cody

          If Mitt has been consistent about anything, it’s his total lack of consistency.

          I’m sure tomorrow he will remind us all how he fixed healthcare in Massachusetts, then Saturday tell us how Romneycare was a bad idea.

  • g

    I’m totally sure that the missing two minutes show Romney telling his audience, “Let’s just pretend to be a bunch of entitled jerks, it’s opposite day!”

    • Warren Terra

      Or maybe “the previous twenty minutes, and the twenty minutes to come, are what a flaming a$$hole would say, as a sort of performance art”

      • Njorl

        “And if I ever publicly embrace these statements months later, it’s all part of the joke. I have such a dedicated sense of humor that I won’t abandon this joke even to be president.” – M. “M.” Romney.

    • Incontinentia Buttocks
  • wengler

    In the missing two minutes, Romney and his audience discussed the aspirations of lizard people worldwide before molting their skins and eating live mice.

    • Warren Terra

      eating live mice members of the wait staff

      Which is why the person who took the video can’t come forward.

  • MT_in_WI

    I find this Breitbart article best when read aloud in a poor impersonation of John Nick Nolte’s voice.

  • Rose Mary Woods

    I never understood why that nice Mr. Nixon got in trouble over 18 minutes, and I don’t see what this fuss is now.

    • MattT

      True story, he actually spent most of that gap talking about how he hoped no one took all his kidding around about break-ins seriously and actually went out and did anything illegal. The rest was spent planning a seder.

    • ploeg

      Arlo Guthrie learned after Nixon’s death that Nixon had a copy of Alice’s Restaurant, and Arlo instantly deduced how Nixon spent those eighteen minutes.

      • Warren Terra

        Not after Nixon’s death, iirc – when Jimmy Carter got inaugurated, Arlo learned from Chip Carter that the Nixons had an opened copy of Alice’s Restaurant. It’s on The Massacree Revisited

  • herr doktor bimler

    Romney doesn’t remember the event except for what exists on audio/video.

    I know there’s the nostalgia for Reagan, but surely it is going too far when people list “Alzheimer’s Syndrome” as a positive for their candidate.

  • herr doktor bimler

    Would it be wrong to make a video of Mittfail moments over Gabriel’s “I Can’t Remember”?

  • Scott, are you begrudging wingnuts their little moment of kerning nostalgia? The poor dears — it was the high water-mark of the right-wing blogosphere. I mean, c’mon, by the time that episode was over the press was reporting that W. had won the war in Vietnam all by himself. Now they’re reduced to whining about the missing two minutes in which Romney no doubt talked darkly about Barry Soetero’s plans to destroy America by 2016. Let them flail around in their grief for a few days, I say.

  • thebewilderness

    So then are they actually complaining that the two minutes where he talked about the fact that while those people will never vote for him every effort will be made to prevent them from voting at all is a bad thing? Srsly?

    • Warren Terra

      The comparison I especially like is to the 18 minutes on the Nixon tapes. Because, you see, basically no-one has ever argued that the missing 18 minutes were somehow magically exculpatory – they’ve argued that they must have contained something even worse than the recordings we had. And yet, here are the wingers, making that comparison, imagining that if only we could see the missing two minutes of hot Mitt-on-Mitt action we’d forgive him for being a monumental dick on the rest of the tapes.

  • Jay B.

    Unless it was, “About those other 58 minutes before and after I’m about to say right now, they were all leading up to this moment (and will continue in 120 seconds) when I’m going to tell you exactly the opposite thing I’ve been droning on and on about all night — you, we, are the lucky ones, really. Those “victims”? I’m totally all Opposite Day about this shit. I mean, really, why the fuck would I WANT to be Latino? All those other Latino presidents? This will be a totally good gag when this is over. OK, OK, let’s become the soulless assholes everyone thinks were are now. And we’e live in three…two…

    “Kick the can down the road…”

  • Richard

    Right before the RNC, I was thinking that this election was going to be extremely close and that I was going to dread everything leading up to it because so much was at stake and there was a chance of Romney as president with a Republican House and Senate. But right now, I’m having such a great time reading and watching the news each day. The gymnastics the right is going through trying to get around the 47% quote are just priceless.

    • It’s like he’s a Howard Stern staffer, or Borat, and keeps trying to top the last stunt.

      “When you give a speech, you don’t run through a laundry list; you talk about the things you think are important.”

      No way you can top that Mitt, LOL!

      Oh, yeah? Check this out…

  • mark f

    “Walruses can be fucked, my friends.” #missingtwominutes

    • Keaaukane

      So THAT’S what they were doing in the pool.

    • Woodrowfan

      but the hedgehog can not be buggered at all…

  • anniecat45

    Funny, the Romney campaign has not suggested the video was “selectively edited.”

    • sparks

      If Romney’s gonna play “I don’t recall” like someone questioned at the Iran-Contra hearings, he sorta loses that selectively edited defense in the bargain. “I don’t remember what I said, but I didn’t say that” really doesn’t fly.

      • chris

        “I don’t remember what I said, but I didn’t say that” really doesn’t fly.

        Especially coming from a man who has *already* said “I don’t remember what I said, but I stand by it, whatever it was”.

    • AwesomeSauce

      Well partly because they’re running around in circles figuring out what to do. Mittens already learned a few days prior the problems of his “react now/think later” approach.

      Obviously they can’t deny it, and the rules of American Exceptionalism dictates that he cannot admit to ever being at fault, so the only option they have is to embrace and run with it. That’s why Faux is the only major news network who didn’t touch it when it went down and is now trying to spin it as a good thing — the exact same approach to Mitt. And as we know, several prominent Faux employees / contributors / windbags are both on the network’s payroll in addition to the payroll of Mittens’ campaign. I mean think about it, if they were an actual news network, they’d cover the story. Their resistance speak up, combined with their mirror-image response, combined with the fact the double-employment conflict of interest stuff should tell you that they are in fact the same entity.

      So again, the only option now is to embrace and run with it and essentially transform the campaign into a level of douchiness, factlessness, hostility, and out and out sub humanism that would make even Limbaugh blush. His chances of appearing human are gone, so appealing to subhuman interests will be his next move. And you know what? It might still work.

  • keta

    The last decade of GOP goopery and its attendant semen-stained water carriers is the best free entertainment EVER!

    Just when I thought nothing could top the Republican nomination process…it.keeps. getting. better.

    Bog bless them, every one!

    • You know what made Mitt’s disastrous comments about Libya, and the subsequent pummeling he took for them, so awesome?

      The arguments and rhetoric he got beaten up for were exactly the same ones that the Republicans were making about liberals from 9/12/01, right through the Iraq War, and right up until election night in 2006. Weak liberals sympathizing with Islamic terrorists, blah blah blah. All the things that worked so well for them in 2002 and 2004, Mitt rolls out, and they blow up right in his face.

      It was good to watch that finally happen to someone.

  • Scott Lemieux

    Col. Mustard has long specialized in the “IT’S OUT OF CONTEXT!!!!!!” line of non-reasoning. If there hadn’t been that gap he would be complaining because Corn didn’t release the video of everything Romney had done for the last week.

  • burritoboy

    I think you’re underestimating what happened to Irony and Parody. Lavrenty Beria and Reyhard Heydrich are staring at the pitiful remnants of Irony and Parody’s corpses (now reduced to random small scraps of bloodied biological matter) and saying to each other: “Holy flying f-ck, I want to get whoever did THAT to them on my payroll ASAP”.

    • Bill Murray

      I thought Parody, Czechoslovakia was the town destroyed after Heydrich’s murder.

  • Jon H

    Our campaign theme: THE ARISTOCRATS! #missingtwominutes

  • dexitroboper

    On the other hand, travesty must be responsible for this.

    • Jewel is truly one of the worst Americans who has ever lived.

      • She’s Alaskan. Does that count as ‘merkin?

    • mds

      Bah. As if a Palainian could ever understand the wonder that is Jewel.

      • dexitroboper

        Small, cowardly and feeble as they are, Palainians are still aware of certain internet traditions.

  • wjts

    I’ll just point out that two minutes is enough time for Mittens to deliver a slightly abbreviated, point-missingly tone-deaf performance of Desmond Dekker and the Aces’ “007 (Shanty Town)”.

    • He does seem to think people are ready to “a-loot and a-shoot and a-wail,” and even “burn up the town,” on account of “rude boy cannot fail.” But I don’t think he has the Desmond Dekker-esque chops, frankly.

  • synykyl

    I think that the gap is probably there because the person who took the video was unable to tape at that time, or because the missing 2 minutes of video would expose their identity.

    Of course these are only guesses, but they seem astronomically more likely than the notion that Mitt said something during the gap that would make him look any better.

    Think about it. In all the countless hours of video of Mitt available, has he ever said anything that made him look any better?

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  • DrDick

    Damn! I leave the internets for a few hours and Breitfart’s mouldering corpse implodes. I need to leave them a bit more often, as it might cause the entire rightwing blogosphere to achieve critical mass.

  • calling all toasters

    Celibacy for the 47%, polygamy for the 53%! #missingtwominutes

    • burritoboy

      Which is a more specific policy plan than the rest of Romney’s “platform”.

  • #missingtwominutes “I hope you’re all enjoying my new stand up comedy act, and when I take it on the road, you’ll recommend it to all your friends”

    Seriously, if those two minutes contradicted or even mitigated what he said the other 40, then why in the hell did he double down on the tape?

  • gocart mozart

    The true story of the missing 18 minutes and why Nixon was wise to delete it.


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