Home / General / Anyone wanna pay me $1,000,000 to produce a video of Obama choking on a matzo ball?

Anyone wanna pay me $1,000,000 to produce a video of Obama choking on a matzo ball?


All I had to do was dither around the site to which I’d already linked to find evidence that my prediction about the next two months is correct. Because as it turns out I somehow missed this:

Breitbart News is doubling its reward—to $100,000—for one of the missing pieces of Barack Obama’s past, which may be the key to understanding his collapsing Middle East policy: the “Khalidi tape,” a video kept under wraps by the Los Angeles Times since April 2008.

The Khalidi tape shows Obama at a 2003 farewell party for radical Palestinian academic and activist Rashid Khalidi, and reportedly features vitriolic anti-Israel rhetoric …

The ties between Obama and Khalidi are deep, going back to the days when Obama served on the board of the Woods Fund with former terrorist Bill Ayers, and provided funds for Khalidi’s Arab American Action Network …

Given Obama’s muted response to the attacks on U.S. embassies and troops throughout the Middle East today; his refusal to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu next week; his eagerness to sacrifice Americans’ free speech rights in fruitless gestures of appeasement; and his belated but effusive support for the now-radicalized Arab Spring, it is worth examining the roots of his misguided foreign policy.

The Khalidi tape may provide the key.

I’m pleased to introduce you to The New New Stupid, son of The New Stupid, inevitable father to the host of Newer Stupids due to arrive in the next two months. When FOX decided to blanket itself in that 1998 video of Obama discussing taxation as an anodyne form of redistributing wealth, all I could think was that someone in management thought tit-for-tat the most effective strategy to counter the release of the Romney video.* If they have videos, I imagined management saying, we will too. Put aside the fact that FOX claims to be an independent news organization and focus on the fact that executives at FOX believe that “video” is a unit, and that the only way to counter one unit of “video” is with another.

Breitbart News, so named because it decided to call itself that, literally doubled-down today in an attempt to produce a unit of “video” that will damage Obama’s candidacy more than Romney’s did his. This video, if it exists, will do maximal damage because it’ll introduce Breitbart News readers and FOX viewers to shocking new ideas like “Obama has Muslim sympathies,” “Obama hates Israel” and “Obama pals around with terrorists.” As I noted in my previous post, the problem with this approach is that anyone who’s going to believe that already does, so finding a unit of “video” that can be edited to demonstrate Obama’s long-standing loathing of America and gefilte fish will have absolutely no impact on the election.

Yet it’s incredibly important to conservative “news” outlets to find and disseminate as many of these units as they can between now and November. I would say that I don’t know why, but I know that sucking at the conservative teat requires bona fides and that all these folks need them lest they be forced to leave the house and find a job that doesn’t consist of shaming people who already have one.

*I also thought that “blanket coverage” made for an apt metaphor: FOX management ducked under the covers because thunder had thundered or monsters had crept from beneath the bed or Romney had opened his mouth.

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  • herr doktor bimler

    his belated but effusive support for the now-radicalized Arab Spring

    Obama’s support for democracy in the Middle East: too little and too much!

    • Visitor

      Nice catch!

      And I’m not going to try the find the links again, but back in 2008, on a badly-typed search pass for Jews for Obama or some-such, I found out that several hate sites had already pegged Obama as the joint Manchurian candidate for race mixing (presumably among goyim) and Hebraic types anyhow. I didn’t read much further bc I was desperately reaching for the “back” button.

    • Incontinentia Buttocks

      Such bad food…and in such small portions!

  • NonyNony

    I distinctly remember being promised a “whitey tape” back in 2008. We never got one of those either, damn it.

    • James E. Powell

      The fact that it never appeared does nothing to shake the right-wingers’ belief in its existence. It actually works to the contrary. So long as nothing exists, one can imagine anything.

      I am sure it will be the same with this Khalidi tape. It will be ever better than if there were such a tape because the fevered imaginations who believe in it can write whatever they want for the script.

      • Schmogo

        Of course, this “logic” does NOT apply to invisible tax returns.

    • Warren Terra

      John Cole posted it in 2008. A suspicious “copyright” claim prevents you from seeing it now. This is obviously sign of a conspiracy.

      • Left_Wing_Fox

        That was the one where Michelle was never gonna give whitey up, never gonna let whitey down, never gonna run around and desert whitey?

  • Jim Lynch

    FOX “News” has gone the way of The Chair that The Great Clint Eastwood addressed.

    Seemingly on a dime, it’s as if America finally sized FOX up for what it is, and began to mock it.

    • Jim Lynch

      Addendum: I wasn’t being sarcastic about Eastwood himself. Rowdy and I have rode many a trail together, and I’ll always admire his good work

    • Major Kong

      Fox News – as fair as an Iranian election. As balanced as Lindsay Lohan on a 3-day bender.

  • “so finding a unit of “video” that can be edited to demonstrate Obama’s long-standing loathing of America and gefilte fish will have absolutely no impact on the election.”

    Nice try, but we all know this whole post is just part of the libtard prebuttal for when we find the tape and Obama says “abortion socialism for all” in Arabic!. He’ll be destroyed by it!

    – Breitbart News, Mgmt.

    • I’ve been trying to get Breitbart to pay out for the damning video I discovered.

      • Makes a bunny long for the Rick Rolls of yesterblog

    • mds

      and Obama says “abortion socialism for all”

      That’s “mandatory gay abortion socialism in accordance with Sharia.” Remember, he’s not just an extreme leftist, but a fundamentalist Muslim.

      • The two just naturally go together.

        • g

          Actually, he doesn’t have to say the words – the fact that he DOESN’T say is proof enough that he completely embraces radical Mexicamuslimfasciocommunism!

  • Aaron B.

    I’ll give you two dollars, a piece of string, and half a roll of Lifesavers.

    • firefall

      Dont tip, it just encourages them

  • Malaclypse

    Speaking as a Marxist, gefilte fish is an abomination.

    • DrDick


    • MAJeff

      How about lutefisk? It’s got that lovely Scandinavian social democracy thing.

      • James E. Powell

        It may be the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth other than cigarettes.

        • g

          Try salt licorice, another Scandinavian Socialist foodstuff.

          • ADHDJ

            Yeah, you know what has never happened in a free market economic system? Somebody sitting down and saying, “let’s create a candy flavored with ammonium chloride, as a way to make money.”

            The Japanese have a type of salted licorice candy. Totally bizarre, but at least the salt in question is the capitalist type of salt.

            • Lurker

              In fact, even if we Scandinavians are “socialists”, it is the free enterprise that is manufacturing salted liquorice, not the state.

              However, if you wish to find a state-manufactured salted liquorice product, I suggest “Salmiakkikossu”, which is a salted liquorice spirit (40%-vol alcohol) manufactured by the Altia Oy, a company fully owned by the Finnish state.

            • Kal

              Salted caramel is quite good and can be obtained at any Pinkberry, that being a franchise headquartered in LA, according to Wikipedia. Salted dark chocolate can also be good.

        • firefall

          Try Hakarl

          • sparks

            Or baccala.

  • mark f

    “Let’s take this evening to wish our colleague well in his new endeavors and JEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWSSSSSS I HATE HATE HATE JEWS!!!” seems like a very likely scenario.

  • Warren Terra

    RE Obama and the Jews, there’s a great anecdote in a recent issue of Harper’s – the next-to-most-recent issue, I think – about him handling a question on this topic. A quick Google failed me, but I know where the paper copy is (not with me right now), and will try to remember to find a pastable electronic copy of the paragraph-or-so, or maybe even copy it out.

    • mark f

      Was it from his 2008 interview with Jeff Goldberg, the one where he talks about being into Philip Roth and Leon Uris?

      • Warren Terra

        It was about, among other things, Ralph Ellison and Saul Bellow. But a lot of what I found affecting about it was the interpretation the writer put on it, the way they closed the anecdote, and I don’t want to spoil that until I can post the whole thing.

    • Warren Terra

      Here it is, from David Samuels’s “The Changeling”, in the September issue of Harper’s:

      Harvey Weinstein’s ex-flack, a whiz kid named Matthew Hiltzik, stands up to ask whether there is a particular anecdote the President might offer that would demonstrate his commitment to and understanding of the historical plight of the Israelis. “The history of the Jewish experience is so interwoven with the Afro-American experience,” he begins, tying together Bellow and Ralph Ellison in a single package, which both men would have gladly accepted, having been roommates together in upstate New York.
      “My best buddy was this camp counselor who was an Israeli.” Obama continues, digging deep. “I remember sitting around the campfire and him telling me stories about what the kibbutz was like.” There were the Jewish teachers he admired at college and in law school, and “the novelists who helped me think about the immigrant experience.” There was the trip he took with his good friend Elie Wiesel to Buchenwald, the German concentration camp that his great-uncle helped liberate as a soldier during WWII.
      He talks long enough that his writerly mind rebels against the question. “It’s like asking me if I have a particular story to tell about the African-American experience,” he says. “It’s part of most American lives. It’s not something separate and apart.” It’s an elegant answer, moving and true – an answer whose profoundest layer of meaning is that Matt Hiltzik can stuff it.

      • burritoboy

        It’s no joke. Obama was well known as being philo-Jewish as a prof at Chicago. His big early supporters back in Illinois politics were the Pritzkers, among others. I remember hearing mention of his name around the Chicago Jewish Federation as having good relations with the tribe as early as 2001 – and I’m not that much of a macher, so the word had gotten around considerably by then.

  • Warren Terra

    It must at least be possible to concoct an Annie Hall “Jew Eat Yet? moment.

    • calling all toasters

      If Obama ever says “why me” there’s your “Hymie” tape.

  • Matthew Stevens

    The problem with this approach is that anyone who’s going to believe that already does, so finding a unit of “video” that can be edited to demonstrate Obama’s long-standing loathing of America and gefilte fish will have absolutely no impact on the election.

    I don’t know, if there really IS a video where Obama threatens to violate Jewish corpses and bathe in their blood, it might effect his poll numbers. Maybe.

    • Malaclypse

      And if that video surfaced, we could count on Mittens to announce that he had already posthumously baptized all the Jews, so everything would be okay.

  • Jeffrey Kramer

    How much will someone give me for proof of a recent Republican Secretary of State declaring “Fuck the Jews; they don’t vote for us”?

    • firefall

      An SoS? I was thinking a recent VP

  • DrDick

    Oh my! The wheels have officially fallen off the clown car.

    • BigHank53

      Dude. These people believe Bill Ayers wrote Obama’s book. They believe that because he was adopted by a Muslim, he’s a Muslim by contagion. They believe he was born in Kenya. They believe his very conception and birth was a Communist plot. They have spent every minute since McCain conceded armor-plating and turbocharging the clown car. I fully expect that thing to be capable of sustained one hundred and sixty mph speeds, which is how fast it’ll be going on election day. If Obama wins, your Cat5 cable will vibrate from the wingnut screams.

      That’s when those wheels will fly into low earth orbit.

      • Bruce Baugh

        The armor-plating sentence made this whole post shine like a light-up nose on the lead clown. Thank you. :)

        • firefall


  • g

    So they’ve abandoned the search for the college transcripts, I guess?


    In related news, CERN is offering $100,000 video that shows Mitt stating the same position on an issue on two separate occasions, as it would it would fundamentally change our understanding of Quantum Romneydynamics.

    According to QRD, when a bozon and a Rand Hardon collide, a small media explosion is produced and two surrogate quacks are released, usually of the strange and bottom flavors. (In 2008, scientists discovered a charm-flavored quack, but it turned out to be extremely unstable outside of a low temperature environment. The only way to reliably produce the “charm” quack is a dangerous and nasty process known as the Van Susteren reaction.)

    In the process of this bozon/hardon collision, the fabric of space-time is changed in such a subtle manner such that the original bozon’s position can never be repeated again. So if a counterexample to QRD were to be found, among other things, it might lead one day to the possibility of a Republican candidate who wasn’t completely fucking mental.

  • Khalidi is not a radical. He is a very moderate American Christian of Palestinian heritage. He was also the PhD supervisor of Ben Fortna at University of Chicago who in turn was my PhD supervisor at SOAS. It appears that in the US context and Democrats have not been any better than Republicans on this issue that anybody who does not support the complete ethnic cleansing of the Palestinians is a radical.

    • Cody

      Certainly one of the more unfortunate things about politics here. The Democratic party’s shift to the right has been accompanied by allowing things to become “radical”.

      All the sudden they can’t talk about taxes because they’re “bad”, or about helping Palestine because it’s “radical”.

      The Right has framed all of these issues, and Democrats have been more than happy to accept it as a loss and embrace their views.

    • Lurker

      Otto, so you are confessing that you are the adopted grand-son of the Obama-sponsored communist muslim radical? I admire your honesty. ;-)

      • Rashid Khalidi is my Doktorgrossvater. So yes in a sense I am his intellectual descendant. I have only seen him speak once. But, he is surprisingly funny. His work on the development of Palestinian nationalism is pretty solid mainstream stuff. I really do not see where the radical comes in. Politically on issues relating to the Levant he comes across as a moderate Palestinian Christian. Which makes sense, a lot of the diaspora including Edward Said have been Christians rather than Muslims.

    • Heron

      You’re giving the Right too much credit here. Khalidi is a radical because he is of Palestinian heritage. To the Millenarian Evangelicals and the Israeli Chauvinists, to be Palestinian is to be radical.

      • DrDick

        To the Millenarian Evangelicals and the Israeli Chauvinists, to be Palestinian is to be Satanic radical.


        • Khalidi and his family like many other Palestinians both in the homeland and the diaspora are practicing Christians.

          • mds

            Though I know it’s hard to believe (I have trouble believing it, and I live here), American fundamentalist Christians don’t believe that any of “those people” are actual Christians. They’re either Muslims, or they’re phony-baloney heretics (Yes, from some of the oldest existing sects of Christianity, as opposed to invented by deranged illiterate bloodthirsty racist dumbshits 150 years ago). Good grief, they’ve been calling the Coptic Christian who supposedly produced that recent odious film a Muslim, and he’s on their side.

            • Interesting, so are other Orthodox Christians such as Greeks and Russians also considered Muslims or is it just Arabs? What about the English, Said was Anglican, are they Muslims too? Finally there are even Catholic Palestinians. So are the Italians and Irish Muslims? I know a lot of Americans seem to think that there are no similarities between Christianity and Islam and that Judaism is almost identical to Christianity. But, I had no idea that they thought that Jews were more Christian than actual Christians from the Holy Land.

    • Kal

      Glad somebody said this. Khalidi is a two-stater and as moderate as Palestinian intellectuals come. Not that there would be anything wrong with him being more ‘radical’ in the sense of advocating full equality for Jews, Arabs, and others in Palestine.

      Let’s remember that while this kind of bullshit won’t affect Obama, it can cause collateral damage to other people.

  • Thlayli

    … literally doubled-down today …

    One thing I am in complete agreement with Matt Yglesias: my annoyance at “double down” as political-speak for “when you’re in a hole, dig deeper”. In blackjack, doubling down is what you do when the odds are in your favor.

    • ajay

      Which I think is the point, no? Doubling down when you’re losing is a stupid thing to do.

    • mds

      It also seems an odd quibble to make when B.N. literally doubled the amount of money they’re offering. Granted, they aren’t actually gambling with the money, but still.

    • Heron

      The metaphor emphasizes their poor judgement. They double down thinking the odds are in their favor when in fact they are not as anyone can see. It’s a subtle way of saying either “these people are delusional” or “so prideful they’d rather ruin themselves than admit error”.

  • rea

    Well, now I’m upset. When you cast the darn thing, you told everyone it was a fantasy flick about ancient Egypt and a comet. Now the trailer is out, and you overdubbed everyone’s voices to make it sound like Obama choking on a Matzo ball?

  • Cody

    I reading some CNN article by their token conservative hack, and he stated something that bothered me.

    He was blathering on about Obama’s weak response to the Middle East riots. Saying Obama was blaming the murder of the Ambassador of the video.

    I’m pretty sure Obama blamed the RIOTS on the video, and the murder on extremist. Yet all Conservatives can rant about now is how Obama is sympathizing, but what is the proper response? Would Conservatives really come out and denounce all Muslims as hate-filled murderers, or they just expect Obama to?

  • chuck_taylor

    Khalidi and I were neighbors 15 years ago. He was assistant coach on my kid’s little league team–busy undermining our cherished institutions, I guess. He was the most reasonable influence in the league. And the times he spoke at my synagogue about the Middle East, he didn’t seem so radical or anti-Semitic. I agree with the previous comment that by U of C professor standards, he was a stand-up comic. I never knew he was a demon.

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