Home / General / Platform of the Texas Republican Party

Platform of the Texas Republican Party

Comments
/
/
/
113 Views

The Texas Republican Party announced its 2012 platform. This is otherwise known as the standard Republican policy narrative circa 2015. It is very special. So special that no one can really explore the whole thing without losing their mind. Here’s 11 brilliant moments. But there are so many more. See Misty.

11. Gestational Contracts – We believe rental of a woman’s womb makes child bearing a mere commodity to the highest bidder and petition the Legislature to rescind House Bill 724 of the 78th Legislature. We support the adoption of human embryos and the banning of human embryo trafficking.

10. Protection from Extreme Environmentalists – We strongly oppose all efforts of the extreme environmental groups that stymie legitimate business interests. We strongly oppose those efforts that attempt to use the environmental causes to purposefully disrupt and stop those interests within the oil and gas industry. We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act. We strongly oppose the listing of the dune sage brush lizard either as a threatened or an endangered species. We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished.

9. Rights Versus Products — We oppose calling welfare and other income and product redistribution schemes “rights” or “entitlements”. We know that fundamental human rights are inherent to individuals and are granted by God and are protected by the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution. They are not products of others labor. Unalienable rights, such as life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, property rights, free speech, religious freedom, self-defense, etc. do not impose on others rights whereas income and product redistribution invariably do so.

8. Homosexuality ― We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans. Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable “alternative” lifestyle, in public policy, nor should “family” be redefined to include homosexual “couples.” We believe there should be no granting of special legal entitlements or creation of special status for homosexual behavior, regardless of state of origin. Additionally, we oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction or belief in traditional values.

7. UN Treaty on the Rights of the Child ― We unequivocally oppose the United States Senate’s ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

6. Health Care and Nutritional Supplements ― We deplore any efforts to mandate that vitamins and other natural supplements be on a prescription–only basis, and we oppose any efforts to remove vitamins and other nutritional supplements from public sale. We support the rights of all adults to their choice of nutritional products, and alternative health care choices.

5. American Identity Patriotism and Loyalty – We believe the current teaching of a multicultural curriculum is divisive. We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups. Students should pledge allegiance to the American and Texas flags daily to instill patriotism.

4. We support the principles regarding the public economy as stated in the Republican Party Platform of 1932 to wit:
Resolution Regarding the Public Economy
Whereas, constructive plans for financial stabilization cannot be completely organized until our national, State and municipal governments not only balance their budgets but curtail their current expenses as well to a level which can be steadily and economically maintained for some years to come.
We urge prompt and drastic reduction of public expenditure and resistance to every appropriation not demonstrably necessary to the performance of government, national or local.
The Republican Party established and will continue to uphold the gold standard and will oppose any measure which will undermine the government’s credit or impair the integrity of our national currency. Relief by currency inflation is unsound in principle and dishonest in results. The dollar is impregnable in the marts of the world today and must remain so. An ailing body cannot be cured by quack remedies. This is no time to experiment upon the body politic or financial.
Source: Republican Party Platform of 1932
June 14, 1932

3. United Nations Agenda 21 -The Republican Party of Texas should expose all United Nations Agenda 21 treaty policies and its supporting organizations, agreements and contracts. We oppose implementation of the UN Agenda 21 Program which was adopted at the Earth Summit Conference in 1992 purporting to promote a comprehensive program of sustainable development projects, nationally, regionally and locally. We oppose the influence, promotion and implementation of nongovernmental organizations, metropolitan and/or regional planning organizations, Councils of Government, and International Council for Local Environmental initiatives and the use of American (Texas) citizen’s taxes to promote these programs.

2. Israel – We believe that the United States and Israel share a special long-standing relationship based on shared values, a mutual commitment to a republican form of government, and a strategic alliance that benefits both nations. Our foreign policy with Israel should reflect the special nature of this relationship through continued military and economic assistance and recognition that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel and should remain an undivided city accessible to people of all faiths. We believe that the US Embassy should be located in Jerusalem. In our diplomatic dealings with Israel, we encourage the continuation of peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians, but oppose pressuring Israel to make concessions it believes would jeopardize its security, including the trading of land for the recognition of its right to exist. We call on the U.S. to cease strong arming Israel through prior agreements with the understanding of delivering Palestinians on the West Bank. We support the continuation of non-recognition of terrorist nations and organizations. Our policy is based on God’s biblical promise to bless those who bless Israel and curse those who curse Israel and we further invite other nations and organizations to enjoy the benefits of that promise.

And No. 1:

Voter [sic] Rights Act – We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized.

I mean, what’s the Texas Republican Party without misspellings and white supremacy?

FacebookTwitterGoogle+Share
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • Linkedin
  • Pinterest
  • Amanda in the South Bay

    Is there a left wing conspiracy to make vitamins prescription only?

    • There are lots of weird conspiracy theory planks in there. I just chose two–that and the Agenda 21 stuff.

    • russiannavyblog

      Health Care and Nutritional Supplements ― We deplore any efforts to mandate that vitamins and other natural supplements be on a prescription–only basis, and we oppose any efforts to remove vitamins and other nutritional supplements from public sale. We support the rights of all adults to their choice of nutritional products, and alternative health care choices.

      Dr. Hubert T. Quackery’s Health Tonic and Gout Cure is in. On the other hand, they do support the sale of raw milk and raw milk products, so there is that.

      • Anonymous

        In California, the raw milk lobby is a “strange bedfellows” mix of far right and far left.

      • sharculese

        I originally read that as Dr. Hibbert and was gonna protest your slander of a great fictional-American.

    • This is just basic business scammology. They don’t want regulations on crap that “supplement” companies can sell. This is a big thing for Orrin Hatch- and why there are a massive number of “nutrition” companies in Utah. “Don’t regulate supplements” is phase 1 of “Get rid of the FDA”

      • Steve LaBonne

        Because, you know, the Pure Food and Drug Act was just passed in order to load more government on the backs of the people, not for any real reason.

    • Informant

      Not necessarily leftwing, but there are states where ordinarly saline solution (a.k.a. salt water) is treated as a prescription medication.

      • mkings01

        Which states?

  • DrDick

    That is an impressive list of crazy. Ranks right up there with the Montana Republican Party.

    Elsewhere in Republicans being assholes, Rand Paul has given us this. Just when you though the Pauls, Republicans, and libertarians could not get any more loathsome.

    • dp

      I saw today that you provoked your very own wingnut tornado of hurt fee-fees. Congratulations.

      • DrDick

        I just found out about it. I may have to put that in my resume.

        • efgoldman

          Link?

          • Malaclypse
            • “LGM fever swamps.” I like that a lot.

              • DrDick

                I wear it as a badge of honor!

              • “Fever swamps” is an Internet Tradition — Dennis Prager (I think) back in the day called the Kos & Eschaton comments “fever swamps.”

                • I look forward to someone writing the history of the blogosphere.

                • JohnR

                  When that history is written, I look forward to the comments thread.

  • snurp

    I went to the page and was surprised to find that’s really all the detail available on their unequivocal opposition to signing the CRC. Are they just assuming that anyone reading was already nodding in agreement by the time they hit the second “N” in “United Nations”?

    • PSP

      Without even looking, my guess is that it would:

      1) ban spanking with a stick no thicker than one’s thumb;
      2) require that the government feed poor children; and/or
      3) prohibit the Great State of Texas executing the kids on their lawn.

      • “ban spanking with a stick no thicker than one’s thumb”

        You can’t do much damage with that, now can you? Maybe it should be the Rule of Wrist.

        • Heron

          Never under-estimate the damage a thin, supple, willow branch can do.

          • I’m guessing you never saw The Boondock Saints, then?

            • mkings01

              Nobody cares about your movie references.

      • Njorl

        The fear is that it would interfere with parents inculcating derangement in their kids once the kids reach a point of development where they might object via rational argument.

        The idea is that if a 16 year-old makes a good case that he doesn’t want to go to white-supremacist lessons, he shouldn’t have to. The broader appeal for rejection comes from the fear that 12-year-olds can do the same for resisting going to church.

  • Joshua

    I seriously, truly, and completely thought that some of the items listed in Loomis’ post were a parody. Until I looked at it. Now I am just sad.

    • I was surprised that he didn’t include the Texas GOP’s opposition to teaching children critical thinking skills, personally.

      • dave

        Texas has very good public schools. especially considering that they have a very large ESL student population.

        Their scores on the NEPT (the national “gold standard” in testing) are among the best in the nation.

        Texas sucks at a lot of things, there’s no need to make up additional examples.

        • Malaclypse
        • NonyNony

          Take a look at what Prodigal wrote:

          I was surprised that he didn’t include the Texas GOP’s opposition to teaching children critical thinking skills, personally.

          Now take a look at the Texas GOP’s platform linked to above. Specifically page 12 (or just search for “critical thinking”):

          We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.

          No matter what you think of the Texas public school system, it’s actually now a fact – in black and white print – that the Texas GOP opposes critical thinking. And any kind of education that would challenge student’s fixed beliefs.

          Sadly nobody is making anything up here.

          • Malaclypse

            it’s actually now a fact – in black and white print

            Only for heathens that accept book learnin’. It doesn’t say it in the Bible, so it must not be true.

        • Heron

          Given that our schools are widely underfunded, under-staffed, over-crowded, and generally hamstrung by our state government, I seriously doubt that, though given how much time Texas schools are legally required to put into teaching how to pass standardized tests instead of nurturing general competence I wouldn’t say it’s entirely impossible you’re right. I’ve never heard of the NEPT and google doesn’t return anything that looks like an educational assessment test; do you have a link to back up your statement?

          • Spuddie

            The “Gold Standard in teaching” sounds a lot like how the Cooley Law Law School somehow manages to rank itself among the top schools despite being one of the worst schools in the nation

            • SamR

              Library square footage FTW! (That’s one of the biggest factors in TC’s “rankings”).

          • Njorl

            The NEPT is the gold standard for discerning how well South Korean students speak English.

    • tedra

      I had exactly the same reaction. Only now I’m not sad; I’m gobsmacked.

    • dl

      hard to believe that singling out the dune sage brush lizard would not be parody…same with the wildly incoherent point # 11.

      dl
      LIZARD LIPS, ARKANSAS

    • Cody

      I’m glad you said this, because for some reason the link is blocked at my work.

      I was definitely writing this off as a parody!

  • Rick Venema

    I wonder what problem Mr. Loomis has with following the Constitution and the principles of limited government? It seems to me that this is what made our country strong and prosperous, before it was undermined by big government largess in the 1930s and cultural revolution in the 1960s. Things haven’t been going well in this country recently. Perhaps it is time to get back to basics: the principles of the Founding Fathers.

    Rick Venema
    COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA

    • Malaclypse

      Loomis is a well-known Juche advocate.

      • fasteddie9318

        I’m sure Rick already knows that, being such a long-time reader of the site and all.

        • STH

          The principles of the founding fathers!

          VITAMINS FOR ALL!

        • I wonder if he is, in fact, aware of all internet traditions

    • Warren Terra

      What’s with the allcaps hometown?

      And which of the founders’ principles do we need? Slavery? The Property Requirement? No standing army? No national bank?

      But at least we’ll put paid to the menace of Quartering.

      • Rick Venema

        The principles of limited government, hard work, faith, charity, and taking charge of your own destiny with out the government either holding you back or cultivating dependence. A whole generation has been infantilized by the welfare state.

        The solution now is the same as it was then: Liberty.

        Rick Venema
        COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA

        • JMP

          Liberty – you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.

        • MAJeff

          cracker, please.

          • DrDick

            In this case, I think it is properly either, Cracker, please don’t,” or “Cracker, please do this somewhere else.”

        • wengler

          I’ll get the hammer, you get the sickle. We are going to liberate ourselves from the corporate state.

          Wengler
          CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

          Oh you meant ‘Liberty’. Use quotation marks next time so I know you are using codewords that make you feel fuzzy rather than words that actually mean something.

        • Nigel

          But… what do any of THOSE have to do with any of THAT?

        • Voice of Reason

          We’ll meet again,
          Don’t know where,don’t know when.
          But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.

          • Malaclypse

            Socialism requires that everyone buy in and if you don’t, then it’s necessary to coerce those who resist.

            And that is why Somalia is a paradise. Because without government, coercion is unpossible!

            • “Socialism requires that everyone buy in and if you don’t, then it’s necessary to coerce those who resist.”

              Sounds like what corporate America does to me

        • cpinva

          oh crap, someone left the damn back door unlocked again!

          sorry about that guys. we try to keep these people kept away from decent, intelligent folk (it’s embarrassing to the commonwealth!), but every so often, someone slips up and, well………….

        • Heron

          What does Liberty, the medieval right to travel, have to do with anything the Texas GOP is talking about?

          And how exactly has a “generation” been infantilized by the state? Not having to chop firewood everyday to cook our food and heat our homes because Rayburn, LBJ, and FDR pushed through rural electrification programs makes us infants? Not having to worry about catching polio because of federally mandated public water quality and sanitation standards makes us swaddling babes? Being able to drive from East Texas to California in two days because of Federally-funded highways -instead of such a trip taking months- makes us infants? Federally-funded science scholarships and programs that helped kids born into poverty in Hill Country villages and Pennsylvania mining towns become the physicists and engineers who designed and launched our massive satellite network, designed fiber-optic cable, and reduced the transistor to atomic scales locked them in an eternal nativity? Head Start summer school programs that helped hundreds of thousands of poor children -and their mothers- become literate and numerate reduced them to newborns incapable of caring for themselves? Exactly how does that process work, Jim from Colonial Heights? I’m really interested in your answer, because the fact that America was at its most successful during the period of highest governmental investment in social programs -like the fact that those parts of the US which saw the heaviest Affirmative Action spending and litigation in the 70s and 80s (the South) are now home to the most dynamic and successful minority entrepreneurial communities- seems to indicate to me that you’re just spouting a bunch of nonsense that you heard on Fox News or read in an email, and that you don’t actually know a goddamn thing about what you’re talking about.

          Oh, and our founding fathers -who you think were so against government social programs- how do you think they paid for all those turnpikes, harbors, canals, dams, ships, libraries, museums, and bridges that made the US by the 1800s an impressive economic force in the world? Maybe you should read up on public improvements and Henry Clay.

          • Fighting Words

            This is such a fantastic response, I hope you don’t mind if I borrow it.

        • DrDick

          The principles of limited government, hard work, faith, charity, and taking charge of your own destiny

          About that whole “faith” thingee, the Founders would like a word with you:

          Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law. -Thomas Jefferson

          During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution. – James Madison

          As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion – The Treaty of Tripoli, ratified by the 5th Congress and signed by Pres. John Adams

          • MAJeff

            But David Barton has made-up quotes that show those guys were 20th Century fundamentalists.

    • Anonymous

      One conservative who doesn’t want to go back to the 1950’s!

    • JMP

      Where does anyone have a problem with following the Constitution here? Aside from the Texas Republicans being criticized here, who want to violate the Constitution to tell women what they can do with their own uteri, and tell people who we can and can’t fuck.

      Considering that this country is much better off today than it was in the 1920s, after the great successes of the government programs of the 1930s and cultural improvements of the 60s and beyond, yes we shouldn’t go back to the bad old days. Really, can anyone who is not a giant bigoted moron want to go back to the pre-60s days of legalized discrimination against minorities and women, and medieval attitudes towards sex?

      • But what about Leave It to Beaver? That was so nice. Let’s do that again.

        • firefall

          That lost all its charms for Republicans when people started talking about Eisenhower-level tax rates

      • Spud

        Really, can anyone who is not a giant bigoted moron want to go back to the pre-60s days of legalized discrimination against minorities and women, and medieval attitudes towards sex?

        See there’s your problem, you forget the GOP (especially the virulent Texas strain) is mostly populated by giant bigoted morons.

        • Davis X. Machina

          It’s a only subspecies. DNA testing indicates it’s not really that different from the Bigoted Moron whose range covers most of North America.

          The Dwarf Bigoted Moron, alas, appears to be extinct. Once common in the NE, it seems to have been a victim of habitat destruction.

          • JohnR

            Unconfirmed sightings are still periodically reported in the Great Swamp (New Jersey), but most people regard these as simply misidentifications of the rare but regular Jersey Devil. If the Dwarf B. M. still exists, most knowledgeable observers expect it to be found in the same Arkansas swamps that may host remnant populations of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker, Sasquatch, Nessie and the Behemoth.

            • Njorl

              Sasquatch Isreal!

              • Jersey Devil

                I take great offense to being misidentified with the rare but universally despised dwarf bigot. At best I resemble the Arkansas land squid

    • Jay B.

      I wonder what Rick Venema (Seriously? I’m supposed to let “Rick Venema” just slide by? Is this a test?) has against women, black people and the Hoover Dam.

      • I Googled him! He’s a REAL PERSON!

        • Ken

          That was obvious. The question in my mind is whether the person posting is actually Rick Venema of COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA, or whether it’s someone who really dislikes Rick Venema of COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA and is hoping to provoke one of those Internet campaigns where the phrase “Rick Venema of COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA” gets pushed to the top of the Google search results with a link to some nasty page, ultimately resulting in Rick Venema of COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA losing his job.

          Because that kind of thing has been done before, to some guy in South Carolina and Rick Santorum (except Rick didn’t lose his job).

          • firefall

            Rickie had a job to lose?

      • Rick Venema

        I have nothing against either group. I judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, or their sex.

        I understand that was Rev. Dr. King’s dream, after all.

        Rick Venema
        COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA

        • You understand nothing about King.

          • DrDick

            Or anything else.

        • JMP

          Rev. King was a big mover in “cultural revolution in the 1960s” that you somehow think was undermined America even though its effects were completely positive, and yet you dare try to invoke his name?

          J—– P——
          PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA, UNITED STATES, NORTH AMERICA, EARTH, SOL SYSTEM, MILKY WAY GALAXY, LOCAL GROUP, VIRGO SUPERCLUSTER

          • Warren Terra

            Shoulda gone the Whole Thornton Wilder on ‘im: (YOUR HOUSE); PHILADELPHIA; PHILADELPHIA COUNTY; PENNSYLVANIA; UNITED STATES OF AMERICA; CONTINENT OF NORTH AMERICA; THE EARTH; THE SOLAR SYSTEM; THE UNIVERSE; THE MIND OF GOD

          • Nigel

            Oooh, are we in the Virgo Supercluster? I’m a Virgo! Nice neighbourhood.

        • Spud

          I judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin, or their sex.

          Unless they are black, gay, women or poor. Then they are royally fucked.

    • Sly

      Anyone who sincerely believes that the United States was a freer society in 1790 than it is in 2012 knows (a) extraordinarily little about the United States of 2012 and (b) absolutely nothing about the United States of 1790.

    • Anonymous

      Richard, you prefer the government that couldn’t end slavery until it collapsed into civil war to the government that won World War 2 and put a man on the moon? Under the limited government of the 19th century, the US was a pipsqueak. Under the big government of the 20th century, the US became the most powerful nation in history. I don’t know what you call your support for limited government, but it sure isn’t patriotism.

      • The Washington Generals

        I SURE HOPE YOU GET AN ANSWER (CROSSES FINGERS, BITES LIP)

    • SamR

      Things were going quite well in this country prior to the W school of “govt does too much, make it stop!” Going further down a failed road doesn’t seem like a solution to me.

  • Charlie Sweatpants

    There are some quality juxtapositions in it as well:

    “AFFIRMATIVE ACTION – Inasmuch as the Civil Rights Movement argued against using race as a factor in American life, affirmative action reintroduces race as a divisive force in American life. The Republican Party of Texas believes in equal opportunity for all citizens without regard to race or gender. To that end, we oppose affirmative action.

    REPARATIONS – We oppose any form of reparation.”

    The real fun is right at the bottom of the home page though, where they thank their sponsors. AT&T gets the headline spot, but don’t miss Verizon, Time Warner, Anheuser-Busch, and the American Insurance Association, which must at the very least have mixed feelings about Roberts and company’s big announcement on Thursday.

    • Incontinentia Buttocks

      I’m sure the Texas Republican Party would be able explain that Martin Luther King, Jr., was actually opposed to the “Voter Rights Act.”

    • Do they think “reparations” is a synonym for “proofreading”?

  • JMP

    “We support the principles regarding the public economy as stated in the Republican Party Platform of 1932 to wit:”

    Someone needs to crack a history book. The Republicans lost in 1932, and it was by the exact opposite of those ideas, through ending the gold standard and increasing government spending, that FDR ended the Great Depression.

    But no, they want to bring back discredited economic policies that proved to be abject failures nearly a century ago and caused the Great Depression in the first place.

    • commie atheist

      Apparently you missed Rick Venema of COLONIAL HEIGHTS, VIRGINIA, above: the damn country was “undermined by big government largess in the 1930s.” Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.

      • JMP

        He wasn’t up yet when I typed this! But yeah, there is someone who really needs to learn his history.

        And interesting that a guy who was whining that he thinks liberals say “racist” too much thinks America “undermined by … cultural revolution in the 1960s”. Gee, it almost seems like he misses segregation, which would kind of make him a racist.

        J—– P——-
        PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
        (And hey, being from the place where the US was invented makes me more of a real American than anyone from a traitor state!)

        • efgoldman

          This Bostonian might disagree.
          Although, in the 1770s, my families lived in shtetls in Poland, Russia and Ukraine. So what do I know.

    • John

      I suspect, though, that the Democratic platform of 1932 also called for maintaining the gold standard.

      • Warren Terra

        Well, no, as you could have found out through Teh Gazoogle.

        The relevant text appears to be:

        We advocate a sound currency to be preserved at all hazards and an international monetary conference called on the invitation of our government to consider the rehabilitation of silver and related questions.

        They’re not exactly Keynesian, nor embracing a floating currency; the preceding line called for a balanced budget, and this one explicitly calls for the end of the Gold Standard by suggesting a retreat to Silver, or a “related” approach. But they’re definitely not defending the Gold Standard.

        Indeed, you really ought to have recalled that a mere thirty-odd years before the abolition of the Gold Standard had been the rallying cry of the Democratic Party (again, in favor of Silver). “You shall not crucify us on a cross of gold” and all that.

        • wengler

          Silver versus Gold.

          This really doesn’t need to be a relative conversation again. I’m looking at you, Paulites.

          • JohnR

            “Gold is for the mistress; silver for the maid .. but iron – cold iron – is the master of them all.”

            I’m advocating that we immediately go on the Iron Standard.

            • SamR

              Pay the iron price!

    • chris

      I think Obama could make big gains comparing the Republican platform to Hoover (since the current crisis is so often compared to the GD, what’s better than comparing your opponent to the guy who failed to fix the GD?), but if they want to compare *themselves* to Hoover *for* him, that’s even better.

      Obama himself should probably not make the Romney:Hoover::Obama:FDR analogy explicit, but that’s what Super PACs are for.

  • Malaclypse

    I’m thrilled to the the AFL-CIO listed as a convention sponsor.

    • Charlie Sweatpants

      It’s just a local Houston firefighters union, but it does look bizarrely out of place.

  • dome doofus

    “We support eliminating bureaucratic prohibitions on corporal discipline and home schooling in foster homes.” Jesus.

    • russiannavyblog

      Thus the principled opposition to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which has been ratified or accepted by every single country in the UN except for the United States, Somalia and South Sudan. In the last case, only because they haven’t gotten around to it.

      • John

        And in the second case presumably because they don’t have a government at all.

        • firefall

          Well neither does Sth Sudan really .. or, apparently, America

    • Warren Terra

      See this 2011 Mother Jones article for context. Not for the remotely faint of heart.

      And I won’t go looking for them just now, but Molly Ivins (in her first book or two of collected essays) described some of the doings of the abusive Christian fostercare provider Lester Roloff, mentioned in the Mother Jones article.

      • Auguste

        Argh. You warned me.

      • Auguste

        Also, I note with bitter irony that they oppose critical thinking skills, in part because they promote “behavior modification” which, after a decade spent observing the power of Republicans to project their darkest habits and psyches onto the other side, still manages to surprise me at its baldfacedness.

    • JohnR

      Which book of the NT is that quote from? It sounds accurate, given what Jesus has apparently also said to His loving followers in Texas, but my version appears to be missing some chapters.

      • Malaclypse

        The Epistle To Westboro Baptist, I believe.

        • JohnR

          I thought that was Paul. I think I found the reference I was looking for, though – it’s the one where Jesus says “Bring the little children to me that I may make them suffer.”

          • Jay C

            I thought that was Paul

            Ron or Rand?

  • We believe rental of a woman’s womb makes child bearing a mere commodity to the highest bidder and petition the Legislature to rescind House Bill 724 of the 78th Legislature

    Let’s see… House Bill 724….

    Relating to civil liability of alcoholic beverage providers for providing alcoholic beverages to certain individuals.

    I expect that they meant HB 729, but… come on.

    • What about converting wombs to condos? AFAF.

    • Malaclypse

      I thought conservatives opposed rent control?

      • Spuddie

        At least they are not going co-op, I heard those boards are a royal pain to deal with.

  • Quincy

    Disappointed you left off the prohibition against teaching critical thinking in schools so as not to undermine parental authority.

    • elm

      Wow. That really is special. The Republican Party of one of the largest states in the U.S. just said they oppose critical thinking skills. I think they said the silent parts out loud here.

      • BigHank53

        HULK SMASH FUTURE!

  • Davis X. Machina

    50 laboratories of democracy — and this one is Plum Island.

  • Warren Terra

    These eleven points, translated:

    11 (“human embryo trafficking”): they are conjuring up boogeymen, or pandering to those who are terrified of boogeymen.
    10 (“extreme environmentalist”): The only good environment is a dead environment. Ladybird Johnson was a Democrat; this’ll show ‘er.
    9 (no right to the safety net): Life Begins At Conception And Ends At Birth
    8 (Teh Ghey): This is a Christian Nation, just ask the Founders, as interpreted by Glenn Beck. Being Gay is sick, wrong, and sinful. Bashing Gays is the Lord’s work and shall not be impeded.
    7 (UN Treaty On The Rights Of The Child): Black Helicopters. Also, Loving Chastisement.
    6 (Nutritional Supplements): Multi-level marketing schemes must also not be impeded.
    5 (multiculturalism): Remember The Alamo, and teach people only about the glories of Das Volk.
    4 (Bring Back Hoover’s 1932 Economic Plan): Gold! Also Austerity!
    (Special side note: point 4 is against “quack remedies”, and really ought to have a word with point 6)
    3 (The UN and Global Warming): sustainability: we’re agin’ it. Also, more Black Helicopters. And note that for the second time in this list, secessionist impulses are indicated, as equal status is implied for American and Texan citizenship.
    2 (Israel): Jesus Is Coming.
    1 (Voting Rights Act): “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever”

  • Quail Runner

    We’ll meet again,
    Don’t know where,don’t know when.
    But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.

    • efgoldman

      My company, a large, well-known brokerage and mutual fund, has built a new campus in the Dallas ‘burbs. They have encouraged people (with good incentives, and truly voluntary) to move from New England. I didn’t even read the first orientation e-mail. I’d move to freakin’ Moose Jaw before I’d move to Texas.

      • Karen

        Move here. We need the help.

      • Scott Lemieux

        I’d move to freakin’ Moose Jaw

        If you diss my dad’s hometown again I shall have to ask you to step outside!

        • Warren Terra

          Step outside the internet?

          • Nigel

            You can fight, bestriding the Virgo Supercluster like Cosmic Internet Supergods, hurling black holes and supernovae at each other.

        • efgoldman

          I shall have to ask you to step outside! Fine, as long as we can do it here, and not in Moose Jaw.

    • wengler

      It’s almost like gas is 4 bucks a gallon, therefore helping and enriching those involved in said industry.

      • Cody

        Gas is $3.29 here… oh wait you don’t live in the Midwest? The tornadoes are definitely worth the cheap gas! Should try it out!

        • firefall

          The tornadoes are, but the Xtianity ain’t

        • wengler

          Chicago area. Gas is expensive here.

          We get tornadoes too.

  • Warren Terra

    Oh. My. Tapdancing. God. Do follow the link in the post to Shakesville. There’s more, ever so much more, and it’s ever so much worse. They want to throw out friggin’ Lawrence V Texas, for gawd’s sake. Didn’t they learn from when Molly Ivins called them out on that nonsense?

    • efgoldman

      Day-umn. Every election cycle I miss Molly more and more.

  • dilbert dogbert

    When a Texas rethuglican visits Israel does he/she spit or swallow?

    • c u n d gulag

      The answer’s gotta be ‘swallow.’

      Spitting is rude – unless you spit on a Liberal.

      And, from what I’ve seen lately, ain’t too of them in Israel.

  • Icarus Wright

    I mean, what’s the Texas Republican Party without misspellings and white supremacy?

    The Texas Democratic Party?

  • melior

    We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished.

    Ain’t no gubmint bureaucrat gonna tell my kid how much cadmium he’s allowed to eat!

  • Christopher

    We know that fundamental human rights are inherent to individuals and are granted by God and are protected by the Declaration of Independence and U.S. Constitution. They are not products of others labor.

    Okay, suppose I want to spend all my time sitting on my ass and eating Oreos, leaving me a doughy lump with no ability to defend myself. I can do this, because my rights to life, liberty, property, etc. are guaranteed by the work, or “labor” of the police, fire department, military, public defenders, and many more who will still labor to defend my rights even if I’m too poor to pay taxes. And conversely, if I do pay taxes, some of them go to the fire department, even if I never have a fire. They go to the military, even if I don’t support their actions and would be perfectly happy to live with the consequences of not invading Iraq.

    Leaving aside that I disagree with a lot of this stuff, it’s all just fucking advertising slogans instead of actual ideas.

    • JohnR

      ..it’s all just fucking advertising slogans instead of actual ideas.

      Well, thinking is hard work. Repeating ad slogans is both easier and more effective. It’s all stuff Orwell was writing about ages ago: “Freedom is slavery” etc., etc. As someone far smarter than me wrote a while back: for the GOP, Animal Farm (or 1984) is an instruction manual.

  • bruce b

    I don’t suppose we should construe that #6 is a statement in support of medical marijuana.

  • wengler

    Is there actually a pledge to the flag of Texas?

    • Nik

      Honor the Texas Flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible.

    • it is the worst. They trot it out at our yearly homeowners association meeting. I do NOT pledge to the flag of TWO-TIME SECESSIONISTS for SLAVERY. JESUS H. Christ on a triscuit.

      • mds

        We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups.

        And what better way to establish a common American identity and avoid alienation among racial groups than mandatory loyalty oaths to a particular state flag, one which stood for treason in defense of slavery?

  • dl

    on what planet is it a good idea for AT&T, Verizon and TWC to sponsor this? Do they have a policy of sponsoring all state conventions of both parties, or they thought the Texas GOP message was uniquely worth endorsing?

    Relatedly, the A-B sponsorship makes me feel even better about sticking to Miller’s “union made” beers (low rent though they may be).

  • c u n d gulag

    Obviously you’ve never met some of the feckin’ idjit’s in upper management at TWC.

    I can’t speak for the rest of the companies, but I suspect that their upper management’s knuckles drag along when they amble along – same as the clowns at TWC.

  • cpinva

    I mean, what’s the Texas Republican Party without misspellings and white supremacy?

    the KKK.

  • mds

    Unalienable rights, such as life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, property rights, free speech, religious freedom, self-defense, etc. do not impose on others rights whereas income and product redistribution invariably do so.

    Wow, now I know how Wolfgang Pauli felt when he called something “not even wrong.” And that’s even before it gets combined ith all the other GOP boilerplate restricting liberty, pursuit of happiness, property rights, free speech, and religious freedom.

    Meanwhile, as to the relevance of 1932:

    The dollar is impregnable in the marts of the world today

    Looking at current interest rates on US Treasury bonds right now, I’d say this statement is basically correct.

    and must remain so.

    I agree, Texas GOP! Now, if you just make sure you inform your fellow halfwitted seditious shitbags in Congress of this the next time they try to block increasing the debt limit.

    An ailing body cannot be cured by quack remedies.

    Paging Dr. Paul and “Dr.” Paul. Would Dr. Paul and “Dr.” Paul please pick up a lily-white courtesy phone and deposit a doubloon for the first five minutes.

    This is no time to experiment upon the body politic or financial.

    Quoted without apparent irony by a party actively sabotaging the economy for short-term political gain.

  • past contingent

    Needs moar LIZARD MEN.

  • past contingent

    I am no longer aware of all Minnesota traditions. I of course meant “needs moar LIZARD PEOPLE“.

  • Benjamin

    Let it be noted that even the Texas GOP has stopped calling for (re)criminalizing gay sex. (Not too long ago that was still a plank.)

    • Uncle Kvetch

      Let it be noted that even the Texas GOP has stopped calling for (re)criminalizing gay sex.

      Sadly, no.

      Texas Sodomy Statutes – We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.

      • Njorl

        Can’t really blame him. That’s old-crazy. The new-crazy is where it’s at.

  • Pingback: The 2012 Texas GOP Platform Is The Craziest F’ing Thing You Will Ever Read « The Wretched of the Snark()

  • Pingback: Links with breakfast | Fraser Sherman's Blog()

It is main inner container footer text