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Early Christmas Shopping


Who else was clamoring for a painting of Andrew Breitbart as a Nordic knight?

Yours for as little as $49.95!!

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  • DocAmazing

    Does it come with a brass plaque engraved “Stopped rapynge people!”?

    • firefall

      I was thinking more along the lines of Arbeit macht frei. Yeah, I had to go there.

    • wjts

      “Wanker is Coming.”

      • Left_Wing_Fox

        There are not enough plusses on the internet for this comment.

      • Barry Freed

        But those are Lannister colors he’s wearing.

        • Andy

          I saw the picture before I read the headline, so my first thought was “Damn, Jamie got fat.”

    • Oh, nice

      Can I get one on velvet?

      • Spud

        Its available in the gift section of Stormfront.org

  • DrDick
    • I love it!

    • Matt

      A million internets to the first person to shoop a similarly-attired head of Anders Breivik next to him – because that’s the closest thing to “truth” Breitbart has ever been involved in…

  • c u n d gulag

    Finally, FINALLY, something worth taking down my velvet fat-Elvis painting for!

    It’s NOT velvet?

    Elvis stays.
    Right next to the dogs playing poker.

    I want to meet the idiot’s who’ll pay $3,995 for the large version of this “painting.”
    No, on second thought, I’d rather not. I know too many paste-and-poop eaters already.

    • Jamie

      Actually, I’d donate significantly to the cause that installed one of these in the Instapundit bedroom.

      • Warren Terra

        What, another one?

  • Anonymous

    I know how this ends; Hulk rag-dolls him. Uh, spoiler warning.

    • I thought Alexander Nevsky’s army killed him on the frozen lake.

  • Deggjr

    Nordic or Aryan?

    • I didn’t remember Breitbart being quite so blonde either…

    • rea

      You know who else had his picture painted as a knight in armor?

  • Barry Freed

    The only way it could possibly be any better would be for it to turn out that Thomas Kinkade Painter of Light™ actually painted it.

    • Walt

      From beyond the grave, my friend. From beyond the grave.

  • It’ll go great next to my praying George Bush picture.

    • Oh my.

      • rea

        And note the following:

        This painting is in the private collection of President George W. Bush.

    • c u n d gulag

      It looks more like Lincoln and Washington are looking down and saying, “Hey moron, something stinks. I think you stepped in some Barney poop.”

    • joe from Lowell

      I don’t know what to write here.

      I just don’t think I can do the link credit.

      • I just started laughing when I saw that. Laughter is the only proper response I think.

      • Funny how they won’t tell you the price until you “inquire.” If you’re too smart to ask, you can’t afford it.

      • Jon H

        I’m reminded of the Shakespeare head that hid the switch to access the Bat-Poles on the old Batman show. Tilt the head back at the neck and the switch is revealed.

        Texas and Florida probably have something like that, with Bush busts, for their executions.

    • Davis X. Machina

      If you’re cash-strapped, these are a little cheaper. I don’t know if they’re still available.

    • Hurling Dervish

      I’m going to hang mine right next to my Tea Party butt-reaming Barney Frank glicee, by the same talented artist.

      • c u n d gulag

        Something tells me that if I go to this caricaturists actives, that there’s no “painting” of David Vitter in adult diapers, talking to, and begging for a prostitute to spank him.

        • Hurling Dervish

          No Vitter, but there’s one of Weiner. And a weird one of Michelle Backman poling John McCain.

          • Was that supposed to be McCain? I really couldn’t tell. Which is some pathetic manipulation.

      • Boy, do I ever wish I could go back to a time before I’d clicked on that link.

    • elm

      Next time you’re in College Station, check out the George H.W. Bush Library. Some really impressive artwork of the Bush’s, including some creepy ones of W.

      • Hogan

        Next time you’re in College Station

        Right there is where you lost me.

        • elm

          I thought about adding in a parenthetical joke after that phrase, but figured the jokes would write themselves.

          But, seriously, if you’re not there for academic reasons, the George H.W. Bush Library is the most interesting thing in College Station. Ponder that if you ever feel like where you live is crappy.

  • Aaron Baker

    Well, he was a Germanic race-baiter. That and a black dress uniform seem appropriate to me.

  • Nope. Not biting. Not clicking on any of the links.

    • timb

      You’re missing out. The link is to Wonkette, where the funny is made frequently

  • Barry Freed


  • Bryan

    Isn’t this the painting from Ghostbusters II?

    • Warren Terra

      Now that would be a hilarious Photoshop for Tbogg’s contest.

      You might have to ‘shop in small Ghostbusters around the edges so people would get the reference.

  • Jon H

    I like the stumpy T-Rex arm.

    • fasteddie9318

      With which to deliver very tiny smacks to the raping hippie hordes.

    • BigHank53

      Just big enough to get his wallet out for James O’Keefe.

  • Nice photo. Needs credits. Leibovitz?

    Props especially to hair & makeup persons.

    Costume fail though. Armor looks like a 44L. AB was a 42 regular.

    • Bill Murray

      there was nothing regular about AB

  • Eomer

    Ok this town ain’t big enough for two Nordic Knights – time to get my sister onto his undead case.

  • RepubAnon

    Aren’t those clouds from the pits of burning sulfur?

  • Derelict

    I’m amazed at the number of buckles under the shoulder pad. Never seen that before, but I guess he needs all those bondage devices to keep his undead spirit up.

    • I am not familiar with military traditions. Do the buckles represent the number of Occupiers he has pantsed?

  • LuckyJimJD

    This puts the S H I T in kitsch.

  • thebewilderness

    The impression of wings is a clever touch. Aryan death angels never go out of fashion.

    • Warren Terra

      Could use a bit more Camera Flare, though.

  • Davis X. Machina

    Somebody made their saving roll against taste…..

  • AlexDe

    No way. You put a fat, out of shape guy like Breitbart in heavy plate armor and he’s sure to have a heart attack.

    • bexley

      Well one of Henry VIII later suits of armour show that he had a 51 inch waist. The suit was made for a tournament so it seems he actually used the thing and survived.

      • thebewilderness

        Sure, cuz everyone tries to beat the king in a tournament, especially that particular king so well know for his patience and forbearance. You betcha.

        • bexley

          He still had to move about in the stuff even if nobody was trying very hard against him.

        • rea

          Henry VIII’s younger contemporary, Henri II of France, was killed while jousting in about 1559, so I wouldn’t assume that Henry VIII would have an easy time of it.

      • Alex

        Yeah, but Henry VIII got a lot of exercise hanging papists, beheading wives and the like sort of things.

        Breitcorpse just sat around eating donuts, drinking heavily and banging a keyboard.

    • timb


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  • herr doktor bimler

    Why is there a Hindenberg in the right-hand sky?
    Would it really have hurt to locate the sun so that it matched the reflected highlights?

    • bexley

      In the grand scheme of things wrong with that picture we can probably let that slide.

      From the length of his arms he’d have struggled to get his trousers on – presumably this is why it only shows his top half.

  • Maybe they should do one of him as Loki . . .

  • Just so S. McG. isn’t accused of web-log pimping, I give you GOATSE BB. (Possibly NSFW.)

  • Elric of Mediocrité, bearing his sword Slimebringer.

    • thebewilderness


  • bruce b

    So if I go to Valhalla I’ll lose the beer gut? Sign me up!

    Terribly ironic that the same site selling this sells “Christian” material as well. I guess now that the conservative Christians will be voting for a Mormon, the tent is big enough for Norse gods as well.

    Just don’t ask them to let a mosque in their neighborhood. That’s a bridge too far!

    • Loki

      the tent is big enough for Norse gods as well.

      “Many years ago, I convinced Breitbart of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant (he’s not very bright). And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child. I was disguised as a wandering physician. So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, painted his arse blue and shoved a cork in his bum-hole. I told him it was the cure for his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife. So Breitbart is lying face down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course. And now he’s got a pain in his gut like you wouldn’t believe, as the pressure continues to build. I’d told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy. Suddenly, into the room, through an open window, bounds Ratatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the world tree. Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel. And he climbs on top of Breitbart’s squirming, straining buttocks, and he—pulls out the cork. THRRRRRPPPPP! It’s an explosion—eight days’ worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the Lord of Slime. And the mighty Breitbart sits up, and looks around, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, gassed, and befouled. And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it. And then, with one ponderous motion, he clasps it to his bosom. You’re ugly, he says, you’re hairy, and you’re covered in shit. But you’re mine, and I love you!

      • Hogan

        Gaiman win.

        • The Sailor

          Well, it was by Loki.

          p.s. Yes, major win!

  • greylocks

    Is that a snake on the badge?

  • greylocks

    I knew I’d seen it before.

    Couldn’t possibly have been used without permission, could it? Nah. No way.

    • Fred_Wertham_Jr

      Great catch. So the problem isn’t that the arm is foreshortened incorrectly so much as Breitbart’s head is about twice as big as it should be. Appropriate.

    • herr doktor bimler

      Oh well done. Even on the plagiarised original, though, I am left to wonder why the dude is wearing a Agriculture-&-Pastoral Show First-Prize rosette as an off-centre belt buckle.

    • thebewilderness

      So they simply flipped it and photoshopped in the enormous mendacious disembodied head.
      I’m sure no one will notice until they have made enough money to pay for the lawsuit.

      • thebewilderness

        I sent it to photoshop disasters.

    • Greylocks, I wrote a piece on Wonkette about this, and I’m sorry to have mis-attributed the first sighting of the similarity to the wrong blog! As far as I can tell, you mentioned it here, then thebewilderness posted it in the comments at Passthedoucheys, and then DCMartin commented on it on Mock, Paper, Scissors, which is what I mistakenly thought was the first sighting of the similarity. Before I ask the Wonkette editors to post a correction, I just want to nail down the source–would I be correct in giving credit for the catch to you?

      Citing your sources on the internet: Not so easy!

  • Lee

    I think this picture is very good evidence about the connection between kitsch and fascism. Also, wasn’t Breibart Jewish? Isn’t depicting a Jew as a Nordic Knight rather high on the irony meter?

    • DrDick

      Conservatives have been sodomizing the mouldering, tortured corpse of irony for decades now.

  • West of the Cascades

    I don’t understand why there’s not an option available that includes a talking frame with selected audio clips from Sir Breitbart (“beHAVE yourselves!!”)

  • Brave Sir Breitbart, ran away.

  • DoktorZoom
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