Home / General / A New Standard In Brokered Convention Wankery

A New Standard In Brokered Convention Wankery


Indeed, I don’t think this one could ever be topped.

I should say, though, that I strongly endorse the idea of Clarence Thomas resigning from the bench to run for president.

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  • Oh, that is classic! C-Tho is the man, all right. He DOESN’T ask questions.
    I think that the only possibly more audacious candidate would be Dead Ronnie.

  • Brutusettu

    Clarence Thomas?

    The the guy who said something about 2 times in his entire SC career?
    The guy that enjoys discussing his love of large chest with co-workers (allegedly)?

    • Warren Terra

      The man who by his own depiction in extended interviews when promoting his memoir a few years back is absolutely seething with rage against everyone in this country who happens to be irreligious, well educated, or politically liberal?

      • The “seething with rage” part would seem to make him an excellent fit for today’s Republican party.

    • ema

      Yes, the man who’s not often mistaken for a Muslim.

    • It would be interesting if he used the same technique he employs during oral argument in the context of a presidential debate. Get a big chair, tilt it back to the point that he’s almost lying down, and say pretty much nothing….

      Or if he employs the same philosophy he is rumored to use while choosing clerks, when hiring campaign staff members or choosing appointees – don’t apply for the job if you plan to tell him something he doesn’t want to hear, instead find the ‘facts’ and legal arguments that support his desired conclusion and don’t waste his time by suggesting that any other position has merit or, horror of horrors, that his position does not.

      • mark f

        It would be interesting if he used the same technique he employs during oral argument in the context of a presidential debate. Get a big chair, tilt it back to the point that he’s almost lying down, and say pretty much nothing

        Didn’t Fred Thompson already try that?

        • firefall


  • ADM

    Well, republicans seem none too pleased with actual politicians running for political office, and business guys tend to flame out badly, so what’s left? Judges, generals, or that Time Magazine “YOU” gimmick?

    I bet “YOU” would get a lot of votes.

    • Warren Terra

      Who’s the veep nominee then?

      • rea


      • Bart


  • Warren Terra

    I had no idea who this Winkler guy was. According to the Wikipedia article he seems to have written about himself, he is a “nationally recognized expert on American constitutional law” and was the defense attorney in Michael Jackson’s Pedophile Trial. Okay, then.

    In any case, I’d by more likely to bet on Virginia Thomas taking the nomination than Clarence Thomas taking it. For all the obvious reasons, the latter is completely absurd; the former is at least conceivable.

    • You seems to have forgotten – Virginia Thomas has lady parts.

      • BigHank53

        Prove it.

  • Jeffrey Kramer

    Be fair, now. He has pre-empted all skepticism with the line, “Far-fetched? Maybe,” which by law means you cannot say he is a delusional crackpot.

  • c u n d gulag

    Clarence “Big-Butted, Busty Babes” Thomas?

    The man who, when he hands you a can of Coke, you look for the Pepsi, and don’t want to know what he means when he says 7-Up, Thomas?

    Clarence Thomas?
    Smell their panic – it ain’t just in Detroit – it’s also in DC.

    I think the Republicans need to go back to their roots.
    No, not back to “The Whig Party” – but to the “Know Nothings.”

  • The Tragically Flip

    I for one will not be shocked, if, upon the decision of a conservative justice to run for president, that justice does not resign from scotus. Unless some law requires it, I know of no mechanism to compel it. These people don’t even recuse themselves from cases where they have clear personal conflicts of interest. No, the game would be to run, win, resign the day he takes office as president then appoint his successor (someone younger but no less conservative). How many times are we going to be surprised when the right disregards some long held norm of politics when it is to their advantage?

    • Ha! Why resign if he wins? What are the dems going to do, take him to court?

      I’m sure that Scalia, Alito, etc. can come up with some superficially microscopically 14th amendment grounds that says that requiring Thomas to resign his USSC seat while being Preznit would violate his equal protection rights.

      This time only.

    • Davis X. Machina

      These people don’t even recuse themselves from cases where they have clear personal conflicts of interest.

      If you aren’t wired enough to have conflicts of interest, you’re not really a player, now are you?

    • Winkler, who is a con-law professor, says in his article that Thomas would have to resign.

      I would imagine he’d have to, if for no other reason than the SCOTUS term commences at the height of the Presidential campaign.

  • cpinva

    as do i!

    I strongly endorse the idea of Clarence Thomas resigning from the bench

    what he does afterwards is of absolutely no interest to me. i understand the coca cola company has a long-standing offer to justice thomas, to be a spokesperson for their fine wares.

    just ugly rumor.

  • Reminds me of an old New Yorker cartoon where a coach is chewing out his quarterback on the sidelines: “2,687 computer-generated plays to choose from, and you say, ‘Everybody run downfield and I’ll heave one.'”

    • mingo

      To be fair, ‘heaving one’ was my first reaction upon hearing the words ‘Clarence Thomas’ and ‘candidacy’ in the same sentence.

      • c u n d gulag


      • Furious Jorge


  • ploeg

    Clarence Thomas. Because Alan Keyes isn’t available.

    • Tcaalaw

      Republicans should run Alan Keyes on the Abraham Lincoln theory — Lincoln lost his Illinois senate race against Stephen Douglas, but beat Douglas for the presidency. Alan Keyes lost an Illinois senate race against Obama — ergo, history decrees that he is fated to win if he runs against Obama for the presidency!

      • Halloween Jack

        You jest, I’m sure, but you have to know that there are deep-pocketed GOP donors that will grasp for it; bonus points if you can include a bit about how Lincoln won because the Democrats split in 1860, therefore they should start throwing beaucoup bucks at Hillary to try to primary Obama.

    • This is Allen West’s moment. Far-fetched? Maybe. But Allen West is the glorfle shnick clabbalingo herrilindicus bleeeeeeeeeeeek game-changing candidate that might just shake up this campaign and energize the GOP.

      • William Burns

        You know, I think Dan Quayle isn’t doing anything right now.

        • Oh, no. Quayle is busy.

          He’s spending all day playing with that erectile-doll he picked up in Peru. One of these days he’ll figure out how it works, just you wait and see.

        • JoyfulA

          He must be preparing for a comeback because he was prominent in Anonymous’s release of Stratfor top-level clients.

      • mingo

        You know. This comment makes more sense than 99% of what comes out of Wingnutistan.

      • mark f

        The Republican primary is probably the only place where barely escaping a dishonorable discharge after firing a weapon at random Iraqis, and later claiming to have no real memory of the incident because he blacked out over all the stress, would be considered a good thing. It proves that the military has gone soft, yakno, just like the shameful way they treated those guys who pissed on dead Taliban.

      • Scott de B.

        Adam West, maybe…

        • Hogan

          He can do for the country what he’s done for Quahog.

      • mds

        Forced to resign from the Army for abusing a captive? Finally, a combat veteran the GOP won’t shower with shit.

  • Daragh McDowell

    Also, in continuation of the ‘Republicans don’t know what “consent” means and why it’s important’ there’s the rather flippant line that C-Tho’s history of sexual harrassment is a scandal on the same order of someone not inhaling a joint. The saddest part is that given the current US media climate, he’s probably right.

  • TT

    “Democrats will find plenty of potentially controversial things in Thomas’s judicial opinions, but even here Thomas has a trump card. Those were not statements of his personal political positions, he can say, but merely interpretations of the law. As a judge, he was obligated to reach certain decisions. As president, he can more freely pursue his own policy agenda.”

    Yep, conservatives judges never impose their own policy preferences when deciding cases. Nevernevernever. Never have, never will.

    A person capable of writing a paragraph like that about Clarence Thomas who did not require emergency surgery to repair a busted gut is a cinch for Hack Cooperstown. Looks like Winkler will be elected unanimously on the first ballot.

    • tucker

      can’t be, clearly used mind altering substances

  • DrDick

    I knew they were getting desperate, but this really takes the cake. I think they may have found the one man less electable than the current stew.

    • c u n d gulag

      But he’s “blah,” just like Obama!

      So if Independents voted for one “blah” guy, they’ll vote for another one.

    • firefall

      Well poppy Bush hasnt had his 2nd term yet …

      • JoyfulA

        He’d be the most electable in that field, but impossible to nominate.

  • charles pierce

    They’re going to nominate Clarence Thomas in the strip-club capital of America.
    I foresee unforeseen problems.

    • c u n d gulag

      Haven’t you got better things to do, young man?

      Where’s your first post of the day?
      Dog ate it?

      • timb

        Back off, he KILLED a few weeks back on Wait, Wait…” My wife kept asking me why I was so slavishly laughing at all his comments and was surprised I had become a fanboy.

        Still, listen to the podcast for more than Charlie’s wit: the story PJ O’Rourke tells about the last time he used drugs was the funniest thing I had heard in a loooonnnnnggg time

        • Halloween Jack

          Shit, he’s that Charles Pierce? I might have to start listening to that fuckin’ show.

          • timb

            Tis a fine show and Charlie is awesome on it

            • He beats Mo Rocca to a pulp.

              No, seriously! Peter Sagal posted twitpics of the match!

              • Hogan

                Somebody should beat Mo Rocca to a pulp every day.

                • c u n d gulag

                  Mo Rocca is an unfunny person’s idea of what a funny person sounds like.

                • DrDick

                  Mo Rocca is an unfunny person’s idea of what a funny person sounds like.

                  In fairness, he does look funny.

  • rea

    Because Charles Evans Hughes worked out so well for them . . .

  • Man, that would be the PERFECT Obama scenario. After wiping the floor with Thomas in the general (imagine how his prickly personality would play out when Obama gets his dudgeon up in a debate), he’d be able to appoint his successor in his second term!

    A Two-Fer!

  • Halloween Jack

    You’re seeing the influence of GOP types who are either employed in marketing or have swallowed the marketing mindset hook, line and sinker: they truly believe that the reason that a Reagan or a Clinton or an Obama gets elected is that the market (that nebulous Force that they believe surrounds and penetrates every living thing, like the Great River that the Ferengi of Star Trek believe in) is demanding a Reagan type or an Obama type at that point of time; therefore, it’s just a matter of figuring out a way of capturing some of that market with the product that they have on hand. They thought they might have it with Herman Cain–like Alan Keyes, an occasionally charismatic speaker who comes off well if you don’t listen too closely to what he’s saying–but they didn’t vet him carefully enough.

    So someone thinks of Thomas, whose problems with women are already well-known and can be hand-waved away, presumably, plus his “experience” can be touted, again if you don’t ask uncomfortable questions about whether he’s done much with the positions that he’s been given. I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if someone tries to shove J.C. Watts in front of a microphone at the convention.

    • c u n d gulag

      I actually wrote a comment somewhere awhile back about how Watts would be an ideal VP choice for the Republicans.
      I remember – it was at Steve M’s site.

      Watts is young, a former football star, a former Congressman, black, Conservative, and he’s been laying low for a few years.

      • IM

        Wasn’t Watts a moderate?

        You are pulling our leg.

        • mds

          Nope, he’s a right-wing corrupt theocratic shitstain. (You honestly think Oklahoma Republicans would elect someone who didn’t represent them?) He was cunning enough to suggest that his party moderate its language in the 2000 elections while continuing to endorse policies that put the boot to the unworthy filth. And now he’s a lobbyist, because there’s nothing quite like the taste of slops in the trough for a moderate man of principle.

  • joe from Lowell

    I should say, though, that I strongly endorse the idea of Clarence Thomas resigning from the bench to run for president.


    I must say as a liberal that such a development would make me very, very angry. Quite upset indeed.

    Really, I can’t think of anything that liberals would find more irritating that Clarence Thomas resigning from the bench to run against Barack Obama.

    • I would be very, very annoyed if Scalia also resigned to be Thomas’ running mate. That would make everything much more unsettling.

      • William Burns

        As a liberal, I would be terrified at the thought of running against a Thomas-Scalia ticket. Those guys would be unbeatable, and Obama could just pack up his campaign and start working on his concession speech.

      • efgoldman

        Parent to 2-1/2 year old: “Don’t you dare eat that broccoli!”

    • calling all toasters

      I very much doubt he would resign to run, and whether or not that’s illegal has no bearing at all– the Supreme Court will rule it legal.

  • I should say, though, that I strongly endorse the idea of Clarence Thomas resigning from the bench to run for president.

    And afterwards he punches Ahmedinejad right in the jaw: socko!.

    And then he lifts the IRS building and throws it beyond the atmosphere as a foundation for an American moonbase.

    And then he pushes Mexico 20 miles to the south so they have to swim through the shark-infested ocean to get to the LaserFence™.

  • This could be just a complicated maneuver to get Thomas and Obama on the same stage where Thomas seething rage would overcome him and he would jump and strangle the president.

    • Halloween Jack

      Do you remember what Obama did to the fly during that TV interview? Thomas would barely get within reach before the POTUS went Pai Mei on his ass.

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