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“We start with authentic, letter-graded meat, and process the hell out of it.”

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Seems about right.

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  • LKS

    Whew. For a moment there, I thought you were talking about Arby’s.

    • I used to think of Arby’s as a sort of urban survival thing like drinking guano in the desert; but their new deli sandwiches aren’t bad. Last week I enjoyed one of their little roast beef sandwiches with the Arby’s sauce. My eyes were too big for my stomach, though, I had to take the onion rings home and reheat them later. Still they weren’t bad.

      • Jeremy

        I’d kill for some onion rings right now.

      • Murc

        So one could say that you were so hungry, you could eat at Arby’s?

        Ahem. Anyway.

        As someone who considers himself something of a connoisseur of fast food, I can say that Arby’s has the best fries, hands down, and that their various sandwiches and chicken products are actually really damn tasty. They have pretty boss condiments, too.

        Oddly enough, for a chain founded on their roast beef, I find it appalling. I will happily eat just about anything else on their menu and find it superior to similar items at other fast food places. Their roast beef is just rank and not worthy of the name.

        • Arby’s potato cakes are the best greasy, over processed, and mass produced spud product I have ever eaten. Add some Arby Sauce (“a boss condiment”) and you have some first class junk food. I am sure, however, my Ghanaian doctor would be horrified if I ever tried to eat something like that again.

          • Murc

            Otto, whatever our other differences, I am proud, proud I say, to come together with you in agreement over the awesomeness of Arby’s potato cakes.

            Let us celebrate our new accord with the adding of chocolate to milk.

            • In Ghana we add cocoa to hot water. You can then add evaporated milk if you want. Some people also add sugar.

              • LKS

                They also have the best damned milkshakes.

                Personally, I like their roast beef, perhaps because I actually do NOT like beef in most forms.

                • Hogan

                  “Beef for people who don’t like beef”

  • Think smaller, and more legs.

  • UserGoogol

    To be fair, azodicarbonamide is an accepted food additive, (a flour treating agent, apparently) it just happens to also be used to make gym mats. That’s not to say that the McRib is in any remote sense healthy, but playing the gym mat card is a bit unfair.

    It annoys me in general that people consider food being unnatural as bad in of itself. You can make great food out of elaborate chemical engineering and you can make shitty food. McDonalds goes for the latter route, and leaves the former for fancy-pants molecular gastronomy types.

    • Njorl

      Diet Coke is an industrial product. Botulism toxin is all natural. I’ll take the Diet Coke.

  • LeeEsq

    McRib fandom is really the strangest form of fandom. Other forms of fandom are a bit more understandable because they revolve around art, entertainment, athletics, a game, or a hobby. That is something that done or watched and discussed with other. McRib fandom revolves around a periodically appearing fast food sandwich that is typically devoured fast. It doesn’t taste that good. Why do people obsess about it?

    • Malaclypse

      Why do people obsess about it?

      Because McRibs are seem as somehow annoying liberals. “Michelle Obama thinks we should eat more healthy food?!?! Well, I’ll show her!” These same people was upset about transfat limits.

      If you remember, when McRibs came back recently, Normy showed up here as “McRibFan” and made a big point of how many McRibs he was going to have for lunch.

      My advice to these people – the government also bans arsenic in food. Please show the liberals you won’t take that either. Freedom!

      • Murc

        I think you’re reaching, Mal. No offense. I was a giant McRib-head for years and I’m not precisely what you’d call conservative.

        The mindset that inculcates fannishness in people cross-cuts partisan lines. It’s a human thin, not a political thing.

      • Tybalt

        Self-centered much?

      • UserGoogol

        My experience has been almost the exact opposite, the McRib is most popular among hipsters who enjoy the sandwich semi-ironically. And hipsters tend to skew liberal.

    • It’s pork, only more so!

    • Margarita

      McRib fandom revolves around a periodically appearing fast food sandwich that is typically devoured fast. It doesn’t taste that good. Why do people obsess about it?

      If you ever find out, you will have also solved the mystery that is Girl Scout cookies.

      • Holden Pattern

        Find me a Samoa replacement that isn’t as, um… let’s say “artificial” as the Girl Scout version, and I will be there.

        Yes, I could bake it myself, but I am time-constrained.

        • Hogan

          You still call them Samoas too? I thought I was the only one.

          • Holden Pattern

            Well, I used to call them “the big wogs” but I was told that was inappropriate.

            I’m sure I’ve seen the new name on the box, but can’t remember it to save my life.

          • UserGoogol

            Wikipedia says the difference between Samoas and Caramel DeLites is regional: the Girl Scouts contract out to two different bakeries, and even though they make basically the same cookies there are slight differences in branding.

            • Holden Pattern

              Useful! Well, in a limited sort of bar-bet way.

      • But, but, Thin Mints. MMMMM. I can’t resist them.

        • Scott Lemieux

          Canadian girl scout cookies are better. I love the vanilla creams…

    • Halloween Jack

      Artificial scarcity plus affordability.

  • c u n d gulag

    MickeyD’s genius is that they don’t sell it all the time, and this creates anticipation and desire for what essentially is BBQ sauce-slathered road kill, with onions, on what we now know to be a gym mat inspired bread.

    That makes ‘two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame-seed bun’ sound like haute cuisine.

    • As I recall Am PM Minimarket sold a version of the McRib all year round for 99 cents back in the mid-1990s. I used to love them. In addition to the onions, pickles, and bbq sauce you could add jalapenos and mayo. They were a great after bar snack.

      • c u n d gulag

        After drinking all night, onions, pickles, bbq sauce, jalapenos, and mayo, sound good even if you put them on a gym mat. :-)

        Back in the early 80’s, there was a dive in the East Village in Manhattan that had the worlds greasiest burgers. I mean, if you squeezed a dozen of them, you could probably have enough oil to retire on.

        You couldn’t eat them sober on a bet. They were sickening.

        But, after a night of clubbing, dancing, drinking beer, all aided and abetted by Columbian Marching Powder, you were starved at 5am, and those were the best damn things to eat ever made on the planet!

        That’s when I realized that if you want to be a minor league food critic, it’s best to do so sober, and before the eventually and inevitable midnight munchies – that arrive with our without a single beer or the smoking of a bone.

  • SEK

    The last vestige of the asshole vegan I was/assholish vegetarian I became would like to inform everyone that with a little Sriracha sauce and one of these, you’re some pickles and sautéd onions away from a McRib. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

    • elm

      I’ve not had their riblets, but I’m a fan of most other Morningstar products. Are they any good?

      • Malaclypse
        • elm

          So, that’s a yes?

      • Walt

        God their fake breakfast sausage is so good. I think I like it better than the real thing.

        • Tyto

          Word.

      • SEK

        Lots of protein, lots of sodium, very little fat, and once modified, they taste like a McRib … so yes, I think they qualify as “good.”

  • Mike

    There’s very little meat in these gym mats.

    • Chilly

      Beat me to the punch.

  • arthur

    I boycotted my neighborhood organic bakery when I found out they use the stuff the town puts on roads to melt snow in their products. I’ve seen what that stuff does to the grass near the road. No thanks. It’s not even organic! Sodium chloride, I think they call it.

    • I heard they use Dihydrogen Monoxide, too.
      That stuff kills more than 300,000 people every year!

    • Njorl

      Why does your bakery have snow in their products? Given that, why are they using calcium chloride instead of sodium chloride to melt it? CaCl will ulcerate your mouth and throat. Good thing you boycotted them.

  • rea

    There were not enough mats for the wrestling match at my kids’ school, so they sent an assistant coach down the street to McDonald’s . . .

  • If they sell “Crunchy Frog” as a side dish…

  • Halloween Jack

    I cooked a pork tenderloin last night; goddamn is it good. I may go out to the grocery store tonight to get some barbecue sauce and pickles (I already have the onions).

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