Who is GAERF for?
By 
My first thought when I saw the topless, barefoot picture of HHS Secretary RK Death Pimp and Kid Rock striking Try Hard poses: Someone leaked a picture of these creeps being dorks. (A moue of disgust does not count as a thought.)
My first thought when I understood the picture was from an official HHS video: Who the hell is this for?
If the HHS created the Get Active + Eat Real Food video to encourage Americans to exercise and eat (or drink) healthy food, this is a massive failure. If HHS created the video solely for people who still think Kid Rock is cool, still a massive failure.
Warning: This link will take you to the video. You do not have to click the link.
I can’t say that no one who sees two older men exercising in a home hastily decorated by a foreign spy who was trying to infiltrate the US as a Real Muricun before he was arrested would want to emulate them. But I feel confident that the appeal of such a video is very limited. First by the aesthetics. Second by the personalities. Third: RFK Jr.’s weird exercise attire. For much of the video it is no shirt, no shoes, no socks. Just jeans.
Kennedy dips himself in the cold plunge, in the jeans which you have to imagine are sodden with sweat from the Assault bike session he just did in the sauna. The hygienic ramifications are too hideous to consider, so you focus your attention on the decor of Kid Rock’s home fitness center, which is identical to what you’d see in one of those Hammer & Nails salons for men, where they surround you with rough-hewn wood and tables made out of wagon wheels so you can get a pedicure and it won’t make you gay.
Kennedy gets out of the cold plunge and walks his wet ass through a sitting area, dripping his Kennedy juice all over the Navajo rug.
RFK Jr’s Jean Juice Soup is not just weird and gross, it’s a weird, gross, 100% avoidable distraction from the government’s official GAERF message. It adds to the fakeness of Kennedy’s artificially enhanced physique.
As an aside, putting him and various taxidermied animals in the same shot invites unfavorable comparisons.
But again, who is this for? Not women, obviously. Even women attracted to what Dave Holmes describes as:
The lead in a Chuck Lorre sitcom adaptation of The Wrestler and the guy they cast as the early-sobriety house elf who gets him into outrageous adventures. Two minor characters in a movie that’s like Toy Story but instead of action figures coming to life, it’s the tub of cow-tendon dog chews by the register at PetSmart. The answer ChatGPT gives you to the prompt “Show me two distinct ways to be the opposite of George Clooney.”
Remember, the HHS released this thing to encourage people to exercise. But This video has a distinct NO GIRLZ vibe.
As a result, I’m sure the Rapid Homophobic “Humor” Response Team has made the usual comments because two men hur hur hur. In reality, the only people who might think this was gay are the type of 100% hetero, masculinity-poisoned duds who think touching the color pink, a box of menstrual products or their own butts will make them gay.
Back to Holmes, describing the hot tub milk scene.
As aspirationally old-guy jacked as Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is, this video in which he drinks milk shirtless in a hot tub with another dude is not remotely sexy. It will play well on the conversion-therapy circuit. It is homo-eNOTic.
Mainly I wanted to spread the word “homo-eNOTic,” because it is cromulent. But also, it emphasizes how not for gay or bi or even queer curious men this video is.
In my opinion, the video is for: Junior, Kid, and certain right wing men who are Kid Rock fans. They are old enough to look at Not Dead Yet Kennedy and Richie Rock and think “I want to look like that.” They want to try this “broing out” thing they’ve heard about and this video is a how-to guide.
Unfortunately, none of those other eight men have heard of Instagram and they didn’t catch the Fox News spot.
But perhaps I’m missing something and this thing has a much wider appeal?
People who post off-topic comments drink KRock’s hot tub water after he and Junior soaked in it.
