nvm

We got him!

We don’t got him.
Third time’s the charm?
But at least Director Patel doesn’t have to worry that this administration’s ardent supporters will suspect he is fucking up on purpose because something something DEI woke mooslim bin laden something. So he can continue to stick to his real job: Performing for his boss, even if it means fucking up the investigation by repeatedly confusing everyone about the status of the investigation.

Fortunately for Patel he only has to feign zeal, which is the right wing substitute for competence, until his boss forgets the whole thing. Or wants it forgotten because people talking about Kirk means people aren’t talking about him.
Update: According to the latest from the BBC, the suspect is a werewolf.

Next up to speak is FBI special agent in charge Robert Bohls.

He says investigators this morning have recovered “what we believe to be the weapon that was used in yesterday’s shooting” – a high-powered bolt-action rifle – in a wooded area where authorities believe the shooter fled.

They have also found and are analysing a “footwear impression, a paw print and a forearm imprint”.