He Is Risen

Donald Trump is going to make a Very Special Announcement from the Oval Office this afternoon, after much totally baseless speculation that he was totally dead. This just shows you how far Trump Derangement Syndrome has gone, as Trump is obviously the very picture of health, at least for a nearly 80-year-old man with terrible health habits, which is to say he’s probably sick as hell from various aliments.

Here’s CNN’s description of the state of affairs of state:

President Donald Trump’s announcement scheduled for 2 p.m. ET today — his first public comments in a week — will be related to the Department of Defense, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt told CNN.

“The president will be making an exciting announcement related to the Department of Defense,” Leavitt said.

The last time Trump spoke publicly was last Tuesday, when he addressed his Cabinet for roughly three hours.

While he has posted repeatedly on Truth Social and golfed at his Virginia club over the holiday weekend, the president has largely remained behind closed doors in a rare absence.

Following up on Scott’s post about our lapdog media, the level of credulity on display here is really something. There is zero evidence that Donald Trump played golf this weekend, beyond the White House saying he did, which is exactly the same as no evidence. You would think our intrepid investigative journalists would have noticed that not a single photograph of the Leader engaging in this activity was supplied to a nation rife with speculation about Dear Leader’s actual physical state.

Instead what Trump did on Sunday was post a photo of himself playing golf with disgraced former NFL coach Jon Gruden eight days earlier, while implying that the photo was from this weekend. I mean that by itself would have been sufficient to get Joe Biden 25thed, but it’s not even a story in the eyes of CNN et al.

Donald Trump is fully two and half years older than Ronald Reagan was on the very last day of Reagan’s dementia-riddled second term. He’s half a year older than Joe Biden was at the same point in Biden’s presidency. He’s OLD OLD OLD, and having extremely old men in the presidency is stupid in general, before we even get to the fact that Trump is radically under-qualified in every possible way to be president, without even referencing the fact that he’a doddering old coot, like the rest of these fucking gerontocrats who will never ever go away.

Which brings us to what today’s Very Special Episode of America What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Exactly? is going to reveal. My guess is that Trump will announce that he’s unilaterally and therefore illegally if anybody still cares changing the name of the Department of Defense to the War Department, because it sounds all manly and Roman. We’ll be lucky if he doesn’t also announce he’a adding an umlaut to the first letter in United States, to toughen up our national image a little more, in the manner of shitty German heavy metal band.