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NFL Open Thread: the Microsoft Surface Awards Edition

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Kalyn Kahler does a useful service in introducing us to the NFL’s backup QBs. Some of them are real players, but the most fun are those we fulfill the American dream of getting the most they can possibly get for the least they can possibly do:

New York Giants: Mike Glennon
Age: 31
Known for: Glennon threw two interceptions in relief of Daniel Jones in the Giants’ 20-44 loss to Dallas in Week 5. Also the guy the Bears paid an ungodly amount of money to start just four games. However, he’ll always be the guy with the long neck. 
Career earnings: $31,967,539

New England Patriots: Brian Hoyer
Age: 36
Known for: It feels like Hoyer has been in the NFL for the last 20 years, but really it’s only been 13. I associate Hoyer the most with being Brady’s backup, and this Hard Knocks scene (back when the show was still good) where Bill O’Brien names him the starter (he was then benched in the fourth quarter of the first game for Ryan Mallett).
Career earnings: $30,971,545

Los Angeles Chargers: Chase Daniel
Age: 35
Known for: You didn’t really think you would get through this list without seeing Chase Daniel’s name, did you? Daniel is the current poster boy of backups, a career clipboard holder, collecting that cash and “guiding” the youth, though I’m willing to bet Justin Herbert does not need his help. 
Career earnings: $38,903,471

All salute Prince Daniel. Meanwhile, meet the new King of Hip-Hop:

Denver Broncos: Drew Lock 
Age: 24
Known for: Being the latest in a long line of John Elway’s bad quarterback picks. Also, his rapping and dancing. 
Career earnings: $5,787,902

It has to gall Elway that two Very Tall White Guys With Strong Arms have materially (Herbert) or massively (Allen) overperformed expectations and he didn’t get either of them. Admittedly, Allen’s rapping might be even worse.

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