Massage at Epstein’s

No it’s not a draft of an early Philip Roth story: It’s our reality.

Thanks a lot God, or whatever deficient demiurge is actually in charge of things.

Yesterday, Axios’ Jonathan Swan was just floored when Dershowitz told them he did get a massage at Epstein’s residence but it was from a very “old, old Russian woman.”

Swan had the same reaction that we all did which is “What the hell is going on?” It’s insane.

Now Dershowitz is adding more details to his story and it’s not doing him a lick of good. I can never un-watch this or rinse out my brain, and neither can you.

Epstein’s butler testified under oath that Dershowitz was present when underage girls were around, according to court filings.

In an interview via Skype, Dershowitz insisted he never saw an underage girl at Epstein’s house, but was worked on by an older lady. Huh?

“Were there young women in another part of the house giving massages when I wasn’t around? I have no idea of that,” he said.

“I kept my underwear on during the massage,” Dershowitz went on to stammer. “I don’t like massages particularly.”

First of all, It’s not the massage that’s the issue but the sexual abuse and rape of underage girls that are at issue. Secondly, there’s no way he’s telling the truth. He’s hemming and hawing like a kid caught red-handed with stolen candy.

Dershowitz is approaching Trump-level creepiness. He should stop talking about it altogether, the way he’d tell a client to do.

I’m guessing that Trump’s particularly crazy tweeting this morning was motivated by equal parts NPD, early-onset Alzheimers, and a very rational desire to do anything possible to get Jeffrey Epstein’s name off the front page.

Jeffrey Epstein was a client of Deutsche Bank’s private-banking division up until earlier this year, when the bank ended its relationship with the noted “billionaire” who was facing the threat of federal charges. Sources told The New York Times the bank provided Epstein with loans, wealth-management accounts, and trading services. Compliance officers reportedly flagged the transactions of Epstein’s company at one point, but bank managers are said to have dismissed their concerns because nothing illegal happened and he was a “lucrative client.” The bank reportedly ended its relationship with him just a few months before he was arrested for sex trafficking of minors.

The Times also noted Epstein’s firm—Financial Trust Company—only had $88 million in shareholder contributions and 20 employees, per a 2002 disclosure form. It was reported at the time that 150 employees worked for the firm, and he only accepted investments over $1 billion, according to the report.

Is that the same Deutsche Bank that was the only place where Donald Trump could go for a loan after his early 1990s bankruptcies made him persona non grata with other big lenders? Or is it the Deutsche Bank where Anthony Kennedy’s kid led a division that loaned Trump over $1 billion for real estate projects when nobody else would give him a dime? Or maybe the same Deutsche Bank that’s on the hook for helping launder $20 billion for the very same Russian oligarchs and mobsters (but I repeat myself) who so desperately wanted Donald Trump to become president of the United States?

So very many coincidences!