Home / General / LGM Quick Quiz: What are the odds that Alan Dershowitz has a perfect, perfect sex life?

LGM Quick Quiz: What are the odds that Alan Dershowitz has a perfect, perfect sex life?

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“My Perfect Sex Life” sounds like a thankfully unreleased Smiths album, or maybe an early draft of a Dave Eggers novel.

What a time to be alive.

Two of Epstein’s victims have claimed they were forced by Epstein to have sex with Dershowitz, which he denies; one of those women, Virginia Roberts Giuffre, is now suing Dershowitz for defamation through her own lawyer, David Boies. The New Yorker is supposedly working on an extensive article on the accusations against him, and in possibly just a few days, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit will release 2,000 pages of documents related to the Giuffre case. According to the three-judge panel that ruled to unseal the documents, they contain the names of “numerous prominent American politicians, powerful business executives, foreign presidents, a well-known prime minister, and other world leaders.”

But Dershowitz insists he’s not worried. Why? Because of a set of very plausible excuses that are in no way overly defensive and laughably hyperbolic. “Look, I’ve had sex with one woman since the day I met Jeffrey Epstein,” Dershowitz said on Fox News last night, ostensibly referring to his wife, Carolyn Cohen. “I challenge David Boies to say under oath that he has only had sex with one woman during that period of time.”

“He couldn’t do it,” Dershowitz continued. “So he has an enormous amount of chutzpah to challenge me, and to challenge my perfect, perfect sex life during the relevant period of time.”


Yes, that’s two perfects. No corroboration yet from the wife in question.

LGM WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FOR THIS LAST ITEM. IT WAS DISGUSTING AND BAD AND THOROUGHLY DISOBEDIENT AND PLEASE DON’T BOTHER TO EMAIL BECAUSE WE KNOW IT WAS VERY TASTELESS, BUT THE FRONTPAGERS DIDN’T REALLY MEAN IT AND THEY DO ALL COME FROM BROKEN HOMES AND HAVE VERY UNHAPPY PERSONAL LIVES, ESPECIALLY ERIK. ANYWAY, THEY’RE REALLY VERY NICE PEOPLE UNDERNEATH AND VERY WARM IN THE TRADITIONAL CYBERSPACE WAY AND PLEASE DON’T WRITE IN EITHER BECAUSE LGM IS GOING THROUGH AN UNHAPPY PHASE AT THE MOMENT — WHAT WITH ITS FATHER DYING AND THE MORTGAGE AND ALICUBLOG GOING OUT WITH MEN.

. . . check out this extremely creepy and inappropriate exam question:

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